What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
What's in the gallery?
We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.
We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**
* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.
** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.
Desperately Seeking Shift (Small, Medium, Large)
Reflecting on how sunrise and sunset are shifts in time and light and mood and aesthetic, and how sometimes forcing myself to be outside for twenty minutes helps me not miss these transitions…
A breath for these tough times
Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the hard things, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling, for compassion, strength, courage, swift and steady miracles.
Announcement on Emergency Calming Down Techniques
I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.
Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.
I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️
Desperately Seeking Shift
Starting at the starting point
For the past few weeks, I have been experiencing extraordinary levels of anger, I am not sure that level is the right word. Units of anger?
Volumes? I like that, there is something of heft in that which feels relevant. Volumes like a stack of big hardcover books, volume like noise, volume like amounts.
Anyway, regardless of the correct word for a unit of anger, I have really been in the deep end of anger.
Okay, the deep end of anger. What is the anger about?
Answer: The anger is about everything.
I am experiencing anger over the news, anger over all the fascism, anger over the horrors.
Anger over violations and harm that have befallen me personally, both in the past month and twenty years ago and more years ago than that, and everything in between.
Anger over the way one memory stirs up twenty more. Anger over the wrongs not righted. Anger over times someone else made my choices for me or stole my ability to choose.
And so on.
What do we know about anger? At least three things.
The first thing I know about anger
Anger is legitimate. It just is. I learned this first from my therapist Meirav and then my spiritual teacher Orna in Tel Aviv.
In fact, whatever I am feeling has a reason, or many reasons, and I don’t necessarily have to know what exactly those reasons are, though often naming them does help…
My anger is a normal and reasonable reaction to whatever situations, experiences, memories and so on are showing up for me right now.
It is okay for me to be feeling this uncomfortable feeling, and also I don’t have to like it. Both of these can be true at the same time, and they often are.
We practice acknowledgement & legitimacy as a way of making space for the big, uncomfortable feelings to exist, so that they can reveal what they have to reveal…
The second thing I know about anger
I learned this from Karla McClaren, and am forever grateful:
Anger is a messenger, and it is a messenger whose message is always the same: A boundary has been crossed, and it is time to re-establish boundaries.
This is very useful, because I have wasted a lot of time in life wondering why I was angry, when it turns out the reason is always the same.
A boundary has been crossed. A boundary needs to be established or re-instated or reconfigured or come into being in some way. This isn’t necessarily easy work, but also: the work is cut out for me. The path is clear.
I begin with naming the boundary that has been crossed, and brainstorming how to make sure I am beautifully boundaried from now on.
The third thing I know about anger
Anger, like any other big uncomfortable feeling, is energy or can take the form of energy…
Which means that it can move through my body and my life in the way that it needs to in order to exit or transform.
I can work with anger through writing my anger, dancing my anger, running with my anger, taking my anger to the mountains or to a body of water, I can do yoga with my anger…
Somatic wisdom is a language, and I can ask questions, and I can listen…
I can shake out my body and tremor and rage and flail and yell and cry and roll and soothe and stim and comfort and let it move through me.
And I can pay attention to where it is in my body, what feels constricted, what feels disharmonious, what is tightening, what is contracting, what is aching, what does my body know about this energy and about letting it move?
And so on.
Anyway…
Anyway, those are some of the things I have been blessed to learn and come to know about anger over the past nearly fifty years…
And as I move through this period in which I am processing a lot of anger and considering fortifications, these are the themes on my mind.
But I am also thinking about SHIFT and what constitutes a shift.
What is a shift / what brings about shift / what constitutes a shift
Sometimes this shift is a shift in perspective, sometimes it is a shift in circumstances, sometimes it is a shift in aesthetics, sometimes it is a shift in mood.
Sometimes I joke to myself about “giving a shift”, as in I don’t really give a shift but what if I could get excited about shift…
So here we are. I am investigating everything that contributes to good/useful/fun shift, and learning about the sizes shift might come in, and when I want a big shift and when I want a tiny shift or many tiny shifts…
And while I don’t necessarily wish to say that I am grateful to the traumatic situations that have brought up or revived all this extra anger, it has been useful to be focused on and towards shift.
A large shift
Here is an example of a large shift.
As many of you know, since 2020 I have been living in a teeny tiny house, aka a small metal box on wheels, in rural New Mexico. And this small box situation doesn’t come with a lot of amenities.
There is no shower, there is no laundry, and until quite recently, there was no heat. Which is to say, I could use electricity to heat my little home with space heaters, but there was no way to keep it warm when I wasn’t there, or keep it warm at night.
This meant that I spend an inordinate amount of time just trying to get warm and stay warm.
Or figuring out how to cook when my olive oil and coconut oil were frozen, which was most of winter.
Or jogging in circles in the kitchen while wearing all my clothes, and wiping down the walls as the indoor icicles on my windows melted…
And then this winter, I got indoor heating.
What a transformation
I cannot even tell you how wonderful and transformative this has been for my life.
It is such a joy to not have to wear a hat to sleep, or to not wake up miserable. My pipes haven’t frozen once. I haven’t had to turn off electricity to the well pump on cold nights.
I love that I can go visit my aunt in Tucson and when I come back, I don’t have to make sure enough hours of daylight are left to heat up the house so that I safely can unpack the car before bed.
Right now I am sitting to write, and I don’t have to do it from bed, or take breaks to make tea or put on five pairs of socks, because the kitchen is warm enough to just sit in. A delight. Who knew.
Who knew
I mean, everyone knew, but the problem was that everyone had a different opinion on what the right answer was to my heating problems. And some people said this solution would work and some said it wouldn’t.
And also it involved being A SQUEAKY WHEEL to make it happen, and I hate being a squeaky wheel, so luckily a friend of mine did that part for me.
Then it happened, and everything got better. My biggest problem of the last six years, solved by someone making a bunch of phone calls for me, and someone else kindly paying for it.
Ultimately it wasn’t that expensive, and it wasn’t time-consuming, and everything in my life is noticeably, markedly better in every single way, and I am full of gratitude all day every day.
What does this tell me
So for one thing, this is something I would put in the category of a Big Shift. Size L.
Something changed in my life, and that change made every single moment of each day and night better for me.
A big shift. Blessings upon the big shift.
What else is in this category? What else is like suddenly having climate control in my home?
And obviously I am wishing for big shifts in the world and our world, in American politics, in the many nightmares and the many mysteries, but right now in this moment I am looking for examples in my tiny life.
Naming and renaming, and doing a little divide and conquer
What wishes, projects, plans and dreams can I place in this category of A Big Shift?
There are obvious ones that are a little complicated (like getting onsite laundry and a shower), and maybe there are other ones.
And maybe some of these big shifts can be broken down into smaller projects and steps.
For example, there is a really obvious place to build a shower, but there is a pole in the obvious place that would need to be moved, and everyone has conflicting opinions on whether the pole can be moved.
But maybe the next step is just to find out who knows, and how complicated it might be…
Small shifts
If there are big shifts, there are also small shifts. Lighting a candle does wonders for my mental health.
Or for me, cleaning the bathroom, or changing sheets on the bed. These are examples in the category of a seemingly small but meaningful shift that changes the energy and improves my mood.
Going for a walk in the pasture even though I don’t want to because it is good for my mental health is a small shift.
Re-ordering the salt I like, even though I have been fighting this for three weeks for reasons that remain mysterious to me, would be a small but meaningful shift. Or maybe even a bigger shift than I think.
Giving myself a mini DIY pedicure is a small shift. A nap is a good small shift.
Let’s talk medium!
A haircut is a good medium shift. For me. Your mileage may vary. I don’t do this very often.
What else is a medium shift?
What about XS and XL, and maybe sizes beyond these in terms of shifts
What can I name, invoke, wish for, identify that is a type of shift in a new category, and how can I move towards it with curiosity and excitement?
There is also something in here about a balm for anger, because focusing on SHIFTS is just that: focusing.
It is another way to focus my attention, my energy, my passion, my desire for things to move and change.
Desperately seeking shift
Every time I pause and enjoy my new life as someone who has indoor heating and isn’t constantly keeping tabs on three different space heaters and what times of day I can run them, I feel the benefits of SHIFT.
This is partly gratitude in my thank-you heart, and partly relief, and partly appreciation, and partly noticing the contrast between what is and what was.
Shift is palpable, noticeable, tangible, meaningful, delightful, and I am craving more of it.
Not everything can be a big shift, but there can be cumulative tiny shifts, or a couple good medium shifts.
Or like we said, we can break down a bigger shift into smaller elements, and see how many of those we can make progress on, while putting the bigger wish into the wishing cauldron…
What do I know about shift
If anger is a messenger, then shift is a balm.
It is both soothing and invigorating. It reminds me that hope is possible, that things can change, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot, for the better.
Miracles are possible and simple elegant solutions are possible and good things are possible.
Shift can be internal and external. It can be a shift in thoughts or in mindset or in luck or in a situation; it can be a literal shift in the temperature of the room that leads to a difference in how I feel.
A shift in intensity
I know that the intensity of the anger I am feeling now at [current situations in my life] will not always be this intense; that too will shift.
I know that meeting my anger with love, attentiveness, spaciousness, generosity, understanding, patience, curiosity and a sense of play will also help shift both it and the situations. The work of boundary repair is also a form of shifting, right?
And prioritizing those boundaries is also a shift.
I am hoping that as my anger cools, my intensity will find other forms. Motivation, determination, fiery power, playfulness, hope, intention, commitment, a desire to thrive and to be a source of thriving…
And so I keep learning, about shift and about boundaries, about priorities and containers and fortifications and ritual and the ongoing experiments…
Welcoming shifts
A shift is also a period of time. Like a work shift.
Which means that a shift is a container in which something can happen. A shift as a catalyst for change in addition to the change itself.
And a shift can be a dress.
And a shift can be a small movement, like shifting your weight from one foot to another. That kind of slow, conscious, intentional transfer of weight is how we communicate in dance.
Shifting weight in order to clarify. Shifting ourselves into the new and more grounded reality.
That’s beautiful, right? I think so. I love the idea of slow-shifting slow-dancing our way into something new and better, with clear boundaries and a lot of care and self-treasuring.
Let’s welcome some good shifts. Let’s see what happens from there.
May it be so, or something even better
Here’s to choosing life and aliveness, and being here, even when it is so fucking hard (and often it is), and to learning about ourselves, and finding some sparks if we can, or staying receptive to future sparks if we can.
I love you, I love that you read my thoughts here, thank you for that. It means a lot to me.
Let’s source some wild joy, some loving clarity, or whatever is needed most, let’s play.
Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company
Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.
Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.
You are invited to share any related situations or musings, or name any wishes in process.
And of course you are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped, clues received, or anything on your mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…
I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.
Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.
Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!
If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.
This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.
I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!
Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!
I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.
A request!
If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.
I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.
And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️
108 Days of Fortification & Fortifications
Reflecting on bountiful green agaves hanging out in their spiky little clumping-clusters along the hiking path, and the relationship between sanctuary and spikiness…
A breath for these tough times
Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the hard things, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling, for compassion, strength, courage, swift and steady miracles.
Also apologies that the comments were closed on last week’s post, thanks to everyone who alerted me and it’s all fixed now!
Announcement on Emergency Calming Down Techniques
I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.
Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.
I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️
108 Days of Fortification & Fortifications
A breath and a pause for acknowledgment of the scary scary times
Goodness. The scary, scary times keep getting scarier.
I am going to quote the always-excellent Sarah Weinman, because I was agonizing over not knowing what to say or how to start, and she just said everything on my mind that didn’t have words yet:
”We’re in the midst of it, upheaval and resistance and murders of ordinary citizens by the federal government and the demolishing of whatever was “normal” before, because there’s no going back. Hope, community, and the belief in the profundity of art? That’s all still there, more than ever.”
Yes to all of that. And, as always, acknowledging and breathing is the starting point; a starting point.
The power of the collective…
The power of the collective is such a big deal, and focusing on that gets me to stop spiraling over how nothing is ever enough.
Thanks to Amanda for sending me a good piece about exactly that called not in the streets still in the fight.
The way it landed in my brain is basically: someone has money to donate and someone can be in the streets and someone is the person they come home to who hugs them and makes them a hot beverage and someone listens and someone cooks and someone hexes, and we are all doing something even if that something feels inadequate.
It’s very easy for me to panic-spiral over all the ways I am not helping, and yet, life is life-ing and we are doing our small somethings and holding hope and listening and caring, and everyone doing a something adds up to a great whole.
Sourcing inspiration
I was glad to hear about a favorite spice company in Maine striking in solidarity.
And I was reassured when my old Portland (Oregon) yoga studio offered free classes, asked for food and clothing donations to local families impacted by ICE, and sent out an announcement that said WE KEEP US SAFE WE KEEP US STRONG:
”Come. Breathe, move, practice noticing and being together.
Let the medicine of movement and breath help you notice where you are so you can make clear choices about how to participate, what to do next.”
Another beautiful place to start.
An abundance of beautiful places to start
Here is a piece about Moon Palace Books in Minneapolis that gave me some oomph of something hope-adjacent.
And I also cried from both sadness and hope while reading this piece about the grandmothers in Argentina who tirelessly fought to find the missing children taken by the military there.
In times of horrific wrongs and tragedy, there are brave tough people helping and organizing, and it matters.
And speaking of the many places, options, paths and doors, opportunities to start and restart, to RESET RESTART and begin again…
If you have been reading and hanging out here for any period of time, you know that the 2nd of February is one of my favorite holidays.
A beautiful sparkling True New Years to anyone who celebrates
I love Groundhog Day for being a holiday of do-overs forever, which is really about POSSIBILITY and SHIFT and WHAT IS AVAILABLE TO US IN THIS NEW MOMENT, with a new breath..
And so I view the first six weeks of the new year as a sort of trial run or reconnaissance period for True New Years on February 2nd. A scouting expedition about my goals, wishes and intentions.
And just this week I learned that February 2nd is also the French holiday La Chandeleur where the return of brighter days is celebrated with crepes representing the sun. I am into any holiday that involves crepes.
And I am really into celebrating sunshine and golden light and a return of hope sparks, or if not hope sparks if they are not available, then maybe some grounded and glowing determination to bring some good into this world. Together.
Fortification
I was texting with my friend Kathryn about how, due to the last six weeks being eaten by a trauma I went through, I have not been doing my usual And Three Months Later experiment that usually begins at Solstice.
What about a 108 day adventure, I suggested. But it needs a theme.
And the theme that came up in this discussion was FORTIFICATION, which I love because it contains so many things at once.
Let’s fortify. Let’s layer on protections. Let’s gain in powers. Let’s regain our strength, our confidence, our motivation and sense of self. Let’s take good care.
The many-layered meanings of Fortification
Fortification like a fortress, like a buffer zone, like good boundaries and self-preservation, and coming back into your powers.
Fortification like nutrients and well-nourished.
Fortification like a blanket fort: calming, stabilizing, a place to hide out and be in a state of cozy comfort.
Fortification like extra layers of protection.
It’s all connected of course
Fortification is connected to my desire for all of us to stay warm, to keep vigilant, to help out in community and be part of the force of good warding off the horrors, together.
Fortification is related to my own personal recovery process after a trauma.
Fortification is connected to my wishes to spend more time in analog life, more time volunteering locally with the organizations I am a part of, more time in nature, more time focused on getting shit done.
Fortification is connected to my desire to return to being well-rested, motivated, clear, grounded and focused to the best of my ability.
Well-boundaried, well-fortified, well-cared for and able to care well and do my part.
Reset restart
I have not yet made crepes though I did bookmark some gluten-free dairy-free recipes.
In honor of my own personal New Years, I closed all the open tabs on my phone and tablet, baked a triple ginger apple cake, went to bed ridiculously early and slept for nearly ten hours.
I cleaned the bathroom in a symbolic gesture of Everything Counts and this does too.
Mainly I have been thinking about themes related to both the healing process and to learning about fortification, to having higher self-regard, to being active in community, and how these all interrelate.
And I initiated a glorious return to daily pasture walking, aka my “silly little walk for my silly little mental health”, after three weeks of neglecting to do the thing that helps most, getting outside.
What is next?
I am recommitting to the rituals and also to watch and see what is unfolding and how. I am on the lookout for the next indicated steps.
And I am doing what helps.
I wish I could invite you over for crepes. I wish I could walk a labyrinth closer to home. Wishing wishes is also a starting point. There is much to learn from the intimate and vulnerable process of naming a wish.
Vegetables into the oven to roast. Circles in the pasture. Helping out at the food pantry. Early to bed.
One step and then another one. May this new year reveal its magic while we keep fortifying and learning about fortifications. Vigilant, spark-filled, focused, alive. Let’s keep going.
How is your heart
How is your beautiful heart? How is the sanctuary space of your heart?
What fortifies you? What additional fortifications do you need to make sanctuary space within?
These are the questions I am absorbed in right now.
Absorbed, support, shelter, fortification
Another variation on this question….
What supports you in having space (physical, mental, emotional) to rest into some kind of stillness?
Or if stillness feels overwhelming right now then maybe to be held in soothing, comforting, repetitive movement patterns…
Here’s to all the powers of sheltering, sanctuary, support systems, fortifying, and fortifications, the rituals that hold us, the movements that soothe us, whatever is needed most.
May it be so, or something even better.
May it be so, or something even better
Here’s to choosing life and aliveness, and being here, even when it is so fucking hard (and often it is), and to learning about ourselves, and finding some sparks if we can, or staying receptive to future sparks if we can.
I love you, I love that you read my thoughts here, thank you for that. It means a lot to me.
Let’s source some wild joy, some loving clarity, or whatever is needed most, let’s play.
Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company
Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.
Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.
You are invited to share any related situations or musings, or name any wishes in process.
And of course you are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped, clues received, or anything on your mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…
I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.
Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.
Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!
If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.
This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.
I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!
Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!
I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.
A request!
If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.
I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.
And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️
What are the Known Knowns
Reflecting on how wonderful it is that when my friends see a drawing of an androgynous cowboy, cow-person, cow-they etc, they immediately think of me, and how it is good to be known, and how this relates to naming what is known…
A breath for these tough times
Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the hard things, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling, for compassion, strength, courage, swift and steady miracles.
Announcement on Emergency Calming Down Techniques
I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.
Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.
I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️
What are the Known Knowns
In times of overwhelm, break glass (ask this one question)
When I get overwhelmed, an experience that happens more often than I’d like, I can really spin out. Or shut down. Or some combination of both.
And I have found that the most useful response or reaction in these situations, in addition to applying Acknowledgment & Legitimacy, and removing items from my line of sight, is grounding myself in what is known in the moment.
My favorite journaling question lately is just this: What are the Known Knowns?
What are the Known Knowns
What are the Known Knowns
I ask the question and then I just list as many items as I can think of.
Here’s what that looked like for me this week…
Let’s just start where we start. Whatever comes up. Many things are known. Let’s name some of them.
Known: Scrolling, while an understandable impulse, does not help
Here is a thing that is known:
When I am feeling anxious about the seemingly unending barrage of ever-more-stressful news, there is a part of me that thinks if I just know, then I will somehow be prepared or take an action step.
Except this doesn’t actually happen. I get more overwhelmed, more destabilized, feel more helpless and distraught.
Known: Grounding and centering activities ground and center
It sounds obvious, and yet: there it is.
I can be doing anything else with my time to ground and center and be a witchy force for good.
And I will in fact feel better and be more functional if I light a candle for justice, caramelize a pot of onions, vacuum the floor, liberate something from my list, listen to an audiobook, read a poem, etc.
Known: [Do a form of doing] or [Be a form of being]
The more I can [do a form of doing], using my hands, moving steadily and with intention, focusing on precision, the more I am able to be here now.
As always, no guilt-shame spirals required, no stories need to be told about avoidance. Safety first. Ground and center first.
Tea will help me return to presence, watching ten more videos of the horrors will not.
Known: There are more issues at hand (at hand?) than the horrors.
Here is a Known Known that I have been having trouble coming to terms with.
About a month ago, I went through a traumatic situation. It was fucked up enough and scary enough that my mind actually helpfully (“helpfully”) erased it for me for several weeks.
I was able to observe that I was operating from PTSD-mode, and able to clock past memories surfacing of similar events, but it took a while until everything landed for me, and I was able to access the memory.
And now the memory is all I think about from 2-4am, and much of the rest of the time. That and how much I would like to taser someone.
Known: Apply the protocols.
This means that not only are all anti-anxiety protocols and pits-of-despair protocols needed right now, but also the specific protocols around trauma healing, for me.
It also means remembering that the protocols take time, the healing process takes time, a lot gets unearthed when one memory sets off cascading memories.
There is the self-blame patterns to untangle. There is the fury-rage, the grief, the sadness, the despair, the desire to run, the desire to hide, the desire to be as busy as humanly possible with projects and distractions.
The protocols get me to jog in my kitchen in the morning to warm up my joints for yoga. The protocols get me to close my eyes before 10pm. The protocols help.
Known: The protocols just are. Do what works.
Being acquainted with [What works] is in a way also a form of naming the Known Knowns.
Everything that works is a Known Known.
Control the controllables. And do that by doing the things you know work.
Sometimes something that worked in the past isn’t working now, and you need to switch it out or upgrade. That’s okay. That can also be neutral information to file away with the Internal Scientists.
Things that work for me include: routine, ritual, training hard, making sure I eat vegetables (making it a game is fine), having lots of containers of time, checking in with friends, breaking down tasks into Complete Willingness Units and just doing one tiny unit at a time.
Known: Naming extenuating circumstances helps, naming other factors helps.
For example, it is raining hard and it is cold.
For example, this past week was a lot of days that have past heavy memories associated with them.
For example, I missed my morning routine for two days.
For example, I am out of some supplements that might be load-bearing for my mental well-being.
For example, I haven’t gone dancing or been going to yoga in…oh, okay, for as long as since the traumatic event happened, that makes sense. And also, those are things that help me thrive.
Known: Lighting a candle, while not enough, does in fact help, and here’s how
Lighting a candle is a small symbolic action, and it also matters. At a minimum, it helps me.
It calms me down, it is good for my heart, it reminds me to breathe, it reminds me that the network of witchy, wise people with good hearts glowing courage and support into the world is vast.
I can light a candle for trans friends and for trans people in America, and in the world. I can light a candle for everyone in danger from ICE, and for the clergy being arrested for protest-praying, and for brave DIY journalists and brave civilians.
Known: The ritual holds itself.
Even as I think to do this (light a candle, take a breath, with intention, hand on heart), I can hear the monster-chorus of THIS IS NOT ENOUGH and “It doesn’t really matter”, and “You aren’t actually helping”.
And, at the same time, a moment in which I am participating in a ritual is a moment of contributing to the collective. Are there other contributions that are needed? Absolutely. And also, starting here is good.
A breath for more light, symbolic or otherwise. A breath for being a person in the time of the many horrors. A breath for wanting better. A breath for change is necessary. A breath for miracles are possible.
A breath for I definitely can’t help when I myself am flailing, so let’s find the ground again.
Known: Do any small things that help (any shift in a storm)
For me this might be bravely and heroically pulling myself together and taking out trash.
Clean sheets on the bed, wipe down the kitchen table, refill the water pitcher.
Slow and steady. Taking notes about what helps more than I think it will, or even what helps not enough but still non-zero improvement!
Given that I get extra overwhelmed by open tabs or too many items in the box of in, I can also do half an hour of Clear The Decks with a friend from afar. That always helps.
Having a good cry helps. Getting on the floor to stretch. Whatever works.
What other Known Knowns am I forgetting?
This too shall pass. This moment of PTSD for sure. Right now I am in the hard part of the aftermath.
The grief process will be what it is, tumultuous and full of uncomfortable emotions, and I have been through this before and each time I learn something new. It’s not fun. And also, I can do this.
I am a tough survivor of hard things, and there will be waves that shake me and waves I can flow with, and I can channel steadiness and bravery and curiosity.
Known: the waves come and the waves go
Yes. I am of the earth and of the sea. Life is life-ing.
I am doing my best to interact with all of it, and also there will be moments that are easier and moments that are more challenging. Ebb and flow. Light a candle and curse the darkness, we can multi-task on that one.
Known: Bravery is something we can practice
A lot of muscles (metaphorical and actual) to work on these days.
Training in courage, curiosity, lioness-heartedness, staying tough and ready.
Training for the sake of training, and also because it is needed.
Part of the training (for me) is asking this question over and over again, about the Known Knowns, so that I can anchor myself in what is real and what is good in this moment.
Known: I can keep asking this question
Sure, sometimes there are monster-answers, aka my own self-criticism or self-sabotage mechanisms kick in and try to come up with depressing answers to what is known.
And also there is always a kernel of truth that can lead me back to bigger truth.
Reminding myself: I am inhaling. I am exhaling.
Known: Taking a breath and then another breath.
Known: I am a badass.
Known: Traumatic incidents take time to recover from and the process is not linear, and it goes how it goes.
Known: Safety first.
Known: These are hard and scary times.
Known: There are many hope sparks, some still invisible, I can hold onto this knowledge and keep oxygenating the possibility flame.
Known: rest and replenishing helps.
Known: I can find comfort in better places.
Known: Sitting in shrimp pose and scrolling is not going to make me feel better.
Known: Sixteen compass breaths will help more than I think it will.
In fact, let’s just take sixteen breaths right now.
Known: Get cozy, batten down the hatches, tend to what needs tending.
I definitely know a bunch of things that don’t work, so let’s not do those.
Or if we do, then let’s meet ourselves with a lot of kindness and understanding about it.
And I know some of the things that help some of the time, so let’s do as much of that as we can, if we can.
Similarly, a lot of grace for all the uncontrollables, that’s where we light more candles, right?
Okay, so this is one possible starting point, and you might have other starting points that work for you. We can keep adding those to the list.
A candle and a breath and some love and a hope spark for this too.
May it be so, or something even better
Here’s to choosing life and aliveness, and being here, even when it is so fucking hard (and often it is), and to learning about ourselves, and finding some sparks if we can, or staying receptive to future sparks if we can.
I love you, I love that you read my thoughts here, thank you for that. It means a lot to me.
Let’s source some wild joy, some loving clarity, or whatever is needed most, let’s play.
Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company
Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.
Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.
You are invited to share any related situations or musings, or name any wishes in process.
And of course you are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped, clues received, or anything on your mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…
I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.
Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.
Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!
If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.
This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.
I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!
Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!
I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.
A request!
If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.
I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.
And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️
Loving transitions / loving the transitions
Reflecting on attentiveness to what is indicated, a change in direction, pausing to talk to a saguaro friend…
A breath for these tough times
Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the hard things, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling, for compassion, strength, courage, swift and steady miracles.
Announcement on Emergency Calming Down Techniques
I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.
Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.
I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤️
Loving transitions / loving the transitions / loving in the transitions
The scary times are so scary, and how do we cope at all
This is theme zero, right? The abiding question.
And getting more relevant by the moment.
The scary times are so scary, and how do we cope at all.
Even if you have been avoiding ingesting the news (very reasonably, it’s hella stressful) and you only get occasional drips and drops of how bad things are, I think we are all aware that these are increasingly scary times, and that the level of scary itself feels exponential.
Relational, approach, connection pieces
While I do not have a cure for any of the scaries, obviously, I still want us to talk about approach, and to consider our relationship to how we approach anything.
Because how we approach one thing is related to how we approach the other things.
And also I want to talk about some 80 year olds who are on my mind, which right now feels unconnected to the first theme, but the fact that I want to talk about both means they must be connected, so let’s explore that too, and find out how.
Attention to the transitions
When I am experiencing the 3am scaries, and who among us is not, at least some of the time…
I end up bringing my attention and focus back to the practices that have been sustaining for me for my entire adult life, from my yoga practice.
I practice drawing inward, and this does not mean ignoring the troubles of the world or forgetting to care about the world.
It means strengthening the habit of being able to sort of pull in and get quiet, so that when it’s time to expand outward and be in the world, we can do it from grounded, focused strength and steadiness.
Attention to the transitions
And I practice bringing my attention to the transitions.
That is to say, the infinite transitions, the connecting pieces that take us from moment to moment, breath to breath, movement to stillness to next movement.
I practice giving my mind something to focus on, for example my breath, the sensations arising in the moment, any tiny adjustments I might be able to make towards comfort…
And I practice making that focus right-sized so it pulls me into the moment and into the experience instead of pushing me out.
More on that later? Possibly…
There is a lot I could say on all those themes but for now I just want to gently drop them into the cauldron, like ingredients.
Are they the answer to life, the universe and everything? Not necessarily. And also they are stabilizing, grounding practices for me, in the moment. You might have other grounding practices of your own.
Mainly I want to acknowledge our current reality: right now things are scary, we don’t know how or when they might get better, and it’s a bewildering time to be, and to be in.
Lovingly and patiently
Everyone seems to be mostly operating from trauma response, shit is getting weird, and it’s hard to know how to focus, or get centered.
How to stay grounded in reality when there is seemingly no consensus reality. Etc.
I am pausing and taking a breath for this question, this conundrum.
Lovingly and patiently lighting a candle for it, and for us.
Acknowledgement and legitimacy for this experience and for how unsettling it is or can be.
84
Recently I was catching up with my hiking buddy Dave, and he was showing me photos from his ten day hiking trip in Mexico.
While he was there, he met an 84-year-old woman who was traveling on her own, and solo-hiking the same trail.
She was there doing a Spanish immersion program, staying in home stays to practice Spanish outside of class, and doing Duolingo drills during the breaks. And, of course, hiking.
What a cool thing, to say yes this is the time to learn Spanish and explore a beautiful place.
I adore her and wish her well in all her grand adventures and all her small adventures, and in every moment.
And then another story like this
My posture teacher sent out a newsletter about one of her students who is currently taking a teacher training at 81 (and still teaching plank pose, like a badass).
This also made me think of the lovely woman who came to one of my retreats at 77, and her goal-wish was STRONG AND STRAIGHT AT EIGHTY-EIGHT, which I think about all the time. What a beautiful wish, what a cool project. May it be so.
I notice how sometimes I can catch myself telling a boring story about age, like how I am one year away from fifty (god willing), and oh no all the things I haven’t done and probably I will never do them.
Or is it even worth it for me to busy myself with wishes about new challenges. Sounds like monsters!
What is a better story
So I want to play with new and better stories, about how many good things are possible, and how I can surprise myself.
And also how the things I have already done are meaningful and cool and special, because I did them and I was lucky enough to have this life.
What are the better stories, the compelling stories?
The superpower of exquisitely bored by nonsense!
May I shift my focus to more compelling stories and to taking on challenges. Maybe even cozying up to these challenges, obsessions or anything else that seems fun and fulfilling to me
And may I continue to be exquisitely bored by any old story that comes into my mind to tell me it’s too late, and I’m past the right age, and I don’t get to have more learning, more joy, more adventure, more good surprises.
As we say in Hebrew (mostly to little kids), that is nonsense in tomato juice!
It rhymes in Hebrew, which is better, but still, a highly effective phrase to use when responding to monster voices in your head telling the same old boring stories…
And yes, people vary, and we want to remember this too
Obviously, we all have different lives, bodies, experiences, and so much is luck and happenstance and more luck and who even knows…
And I certainly don’t mean or want to imply that hiking a mountain is, like, the correct or ideal way to be in your 80s.
For sure I don’t want to put pressure on myself or anyone else to have to hike up a mountain ever or at all, never mind at that age, or to set up any imaginary [trophy experiences] as a way of beating ourselves up when we don’t reach them.
That too is silliness in tomato juice.
We are where we are right now, and we’re working with what we have available to us. A breath for that.
A lot of ways
I am also thinking about how my dad will be 80 this year. He gets confused walking a few feet down a hallway, and the other day when I called his caregiver on the phone and she told him I was on the line, he said I DON’T CARE very loudly. So there’s also that.
Meanwhile, his brother, my favorite uncle, will be 85 next month. He is a fierce, funny, love-fueled force of nature. You can meet him walking in the forest, pausing to hug his favorite trees.
When I call him, he laughs happily and says, “Hellooooooo, Montana!”, which is his nickname for me.
So yes. There are a lot of ways we might be at any age, if we are lucky enough to get there, and it goes how it goes.
Again, so much is unknown, and life is full of curve balls. If we get really lucky, we might pick up some good nicknames along the way.
I might make some mistakes
I have been thinking a lot lately about the art of transitions, about drawing inward, about attentiveness to these practices as a cure of sorts, or at least a medicinal calming salve for these scary times.
Taking care to take care. Taking intentional care. Slowing it down, coming back to breath and to playing with our stories.
About how doing this allows us to be make mistakes, be with the mistakes, notice the mistakes, and be really kind with ourselves about that too.
Like okay, that wasn’t how I meant to do that, and also that’s how it went this time. How am I going to play next time? What am I learning here?
Good job, babe. You’re doing amazing, sweetie.
I make mistakes, I meet myself in the moment, with some sweetness and a smile, if I can, to the extent that I can.
And there it was
I was jotting down some notes today after my morning practice, about these exact themes, and then I put on the audiobook I am listening to which is a very modern take on a noir detective mystery style story.
And the protagonist said something like, “I might make some mistakes, but at least I won’t make the same ones as before…”
Yes, okay, there it is.
I am here to pay attention, and to pay even more attention than that. And it’s not that I won’t make mistakes, because of course I will, but can I meet them with this loving attentiveness?
Loving-[anything]
I have written here before about how much I love LOVING KINDNESS as a phrase, and how effective Loving is an enhancement to a quality.
This is how I got from my wish for Clarity (which can be overwhelming, and too much) to a wish for Loving Clarity, which is clarity that delivers itself in a form that is digestible. I am able to receive the clarity because it is clear, but isn’t so harsh that I have to recover from the experience of encountering it.
Does that make sense? I hope so.
So now I am thinking about Loving Attentiveness, Loving Curiosity, Loving Practice, Loving Approach.
What percent loving and what percent witchcraft
A friend sent me this article about erosion restoration in Lordsburg, NM, and it gave me some good clues.
I laughed delightedly at the notion of a restorative process being “30 percent science, 30 percent art, and 30 percent witchcraft.”
And I guess 10 percent luck? At least. Most things are.
Anyway, maybe a lot of things go like that. What else is like that?
What else is like that?
Can we apply this combination of science, art, witchcraft and luck to things like moving through scary times and being loving and attentive with the transitions,
I made some new mistakes today and also repeated a bunch of the old ones. Can I apply some loving attentiveness to that too?
How is that for a conscious approach to the hard things. Or to anything for that matter…
Onward
So yes, I am thinking about transitions and about what makes a transition into a Loving Transition.
Loving transitions, loving the transitions, and what about loving in the transitions.
This is the approach. Attentiveness, patience, curiosity, trying things, and attuning to how I am doing in the transitions, moment to moment, breath to breath, in how I am responding to myself with ever more kindness.
Scary times call for many things (including taking a pause to bake), and right now I am working on channelling exquisite attentiveness to the transitions.
Also meeting monster stories and rewriting them. Paying so much attention, even more attention than that, and adding loving-kindness.
Can we try experimenting with that? Let’s see how it goes. Drop a note in the comments and let me know what you’re playing with right now…
May it be so, or something even better
Here’s to choosing life and aliveness, and being here, even when it is so fucking hard (and often it is), and to learning about ourselves, and finding some sparks if we can, or staying receptive to future sparks if we can.
I love you, I love that you read my thoughts here, thank you for that. It means a lot to me.
Let’s source some wild joy, some loving clarity, or whatever is needed most, let’s play.
Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company
Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.
Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.
You are invited to share any related situations or musings, or name any wishes in process.
And of course you are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped, clues received, or anything on your mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…
I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.
Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.
Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!
If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.
This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.
I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!
Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!
I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.
A request!
If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.
I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.
And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤️
Reflecting on boundaries, signs, clues, what does it mean when a pause is indicated…