What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

Operation Re-heart / Reheartened / A Reheartening

by Havi Brooks | Apr 1, 2026 | my personal practice

peeking at the lake through the trees

Reflecting on recovery, recovery and more recovery (change your place, change your luck?

A breath for these tough times

Sending out extra wishes of Safety & Sanctuary for everyone in the path of the hard things, what a scary time we are in, inhaling and exhaling, for compassion, strength, courage, swift and steady miracles.

Announcement on Emergency Calming Down Techniques

I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques, and it helps.

I am giving away a copy of these (ebook + audio recordings) to anyone who gives any sum of money to the appreciation funds / discretionary fund in the hopes that we can all keep practicing together, for each other and for the collective, and also for ourselves in these scary times. ❤

Operation Re-heart, Reheartened, A Reheartening

A question of focus

The horrors remain ongoing, and everything is very depressing, and also scary, which is a real bummer of a combination, as you’ve probably also noticed, and here we are. Not the best of circumstances.

I am not going to talk about any of that today, or at least not directly…

And this is because I am practicing [Persisting While Playing] on a very small-scale project right now…

What I want to do is zoom way, way in, and allow this project be the frame-and-window of my focus and my view.

We are drawing in

We are drawing in. Pulling inward.

Not collapsing, not pretending the bigger picture doesn’t exist, just temporarily and intentionally pulling focus to a spot, with purpose.

And also with curiosity and receptivity for what might be in that spot, or what might come from focusing in.

Yes, we are drawing in, with intention and a clarity of purpose.

It’s all a question of Focus. Or: an intentional narrowing-in of focus. This is the practice, and practice is what helps.

A stand-in, aka another form of play

Maybe this project can be a stand-in or a proxy for all the other work of [keeping on keeping on].

And I am going to trust in the fractal magic of play, so that whatever insights or bits of Loving Clarity arise from bringing my focus to this small project can do their work in other areas of my life…

They can do their work by dissolving fear and anxiety, or they can do their work by helping me see how everything is connected and all the patterns are the same pattern or variations on the same pattern.

Narrowing my focus to a symbolic focal point in the form of a small, doable project is a way to stop freaking out about all the Unsolvables, the mysterious mysteries, the things beyond my control.

Let’s take this one breath / one step / one question at a time, and trust that everything else will solve itself or it won’t. Either way we are focusing on what is known and doable right now.

Only one problem

Only one problem: I don’t want to do this project! INOWANNA!

It’s turned into a major iguana (what I call a thing I am avoiding), but we do we know about iguanas? They exist to be liberated. So let’s do some liberating.

And liberating begins with an exploration.

Where to start

Lolol did I say only one problem? Pretty sure there are more problems knotted up in this one. That’s usually how it goes though, right? Especially whenever we are very understandably avoiding something.

Even if we don’t entirely know why we’re avoiding it.

Let’s start somewhere. Let’s name the Known Knowns, and pull on any thread and see where it leads us.

And, as always, we want to practice Safety First.

And lots of Entry. Enter as you wish to be in it.

Naming the qualities

How do I wish to be in it? That is, how do I want to show up for this project that is starting to feel stuck and complicated?

Let’s name and invoke and channel some qualities, and drop them lovingly into the cauldron of It Solves Itself.

I am showing up with:

Courage. Curiosity. Presence. Grace.
A sense of humor. A sense of wonder. A sense of groundedness. A sense of place.

And the superpowers of I can do this, I trained for this, and hell yes I love a challenge.

Naming the knowns

I have written three different essays to share here, and then published none of them. In part because each one felt too agonizingly personal, each in its own way.

And in part because my website has been a little bit broken.

I was able to outsource the work of finding out what broke it (blessings upon kind people who are both smarter and more patient than I am), but I am the one who needs to do the actual fixing.

Website fixes! Somehow this feels unbelievably tedious and also stressful at the same time and wildly unappealing.

I know that if I just start, it will take as long as it takes but I will get into a groove, and it can happen in pieces. But I just don’t want to.

Reset Restart!

Okay so first before anything else, I want to practice Acknowledgment & Legitimacy. Like this:

It is perfectly reasonable and understandable that I don’t feel up to futzing around in the backend of this website I have had since all the way back in TWO THOUSAND AND FIVE that needs so much work and attention.

I am allowed to feel frustrated, anxious and resentful about the time, the tediousness, the way I do not feel at home in this kind of work. So reasonable! So understandable!

Even though I don’t necessarily know all the reasons that I have been feeling so stuck and anxious about tackling this, that’s okay. For sure they are good reasons.

Then we play. What does play look like?

Rally-style. Rally!

For example, playful approaches might look like…

Renaming the project!
Finding or channeling an incoming self or version of me who is has a better approach.
Checking in with the Internal Scientists.
Naming some possible tricks, workarounds, or tiny steps.
Maybe getting a friend to play on a parallel project at the same time or to check in with for some loving accountability.
Reassurance protocols~

The main thing is, let’s just start somewhere, see what happens, and take some notes about what we notice.

Renaming the project

A very funny anagram for Website Fixes is…

We bees fix it!

WE BEES FIX IT! What if there was a colony of bees all working together to solve this, for the good of the whole?

While I was writing this, my wifi went out, but I made a note to myself to do a little rabbit-hole investigating into the ways that bees might work together for some good problem-solving.

Bzz bzz! Fix-it crew is here~

What else suggests itself for a name, or a clue

Funnily enough, the thing that broke the website was hearts.

And here I am, broken-hearted and sad and disoriented and reeling from heartache, of course hearts is what broke.

That makes the most sense, that it’s hearts that break and also hearts that break things.

And it also very funny, both in a that’s such a good story way and also haha, it’s happening again, the theme that won’t stop being a theme is back.

Heart space

So really this mission is about returning the hearts, or resetting them, it is a Reheartening.

Do I feel heartened? Re-heartened? Not yet, but laughing is a start.

Operation Reheartening it is. With a honey-loving fix-it crew.

Let’s restore the heart, back to the heart of the matter, with my own heart at the center. Staying attuned to what is needed in heart space.

Who is the self who can do this?

The version of me or the incoming Self who can do this is the one who is hearted and lion-hearted.

Well-hearted. Well-provisioned. Well-fortified.

Courageous and steady. Havi The Lionhearted.

Let’s do this. Come on in, lionhearted self of love and boundaries. Let’s get passionate about bravely restoring this heart.

Checking in with the Internal Scientists.

The Internal Scientists is something I made up, and the idea is that what if we were collecting all our noticings somewhere, for science?

And the Internal Scientists are the keepers of this library of noticing. They are studious. They have clipboards. They know the numbers.

For example, I asked them for their insights on this project, and here’s what they said…

Point of fact!

Point of fact: A very substantial body of research indicates that you often don’t have a good grasp of how long a project might take. This is not a criticism of you; this is neutral noticing.

This means you either think it will take forever! weeks! so much time!, and then you don’t want to start, because it just feels hopeless, like trying to carve out a mountainside…

Or, alternately. you convince yourself that it can be done super fast, and that if you could only just get your ADHD brain to hyperfocus, then it would be done.

And actually that’s kind of a mean thought because it sets you up for disappointment when the project takes longer than anticipated.

Maybe this time we could try not having any guess about the scope, and just enter with curiosity. Put in twenty minutes and see where that gets you, and let that information be neutral.

Starting small

The Scientists are right. Let’s start small and stay neutral.

Next up: naming some possible tricks, workarounds, or tiny steps.

I journaled for a bit with my Lionhearted self and also with the scientists, and what I got was that I might find it easier to start from the other end. That is to say, go back in time in the archives until I find where the problem starts, and start fixing from there.

That way, I will have a sense of the scope of the project instead of it being a huge mystery.

Parallel play

I have told three friends that I am going into the forest (imaginary, but also a time management app) for half an hour to get my bearings in Operation Reheartening.

My mission is simple: pretend I am on the show Leverage and I’m breaking into the mainframe, but I only have twenty minutes before I will be kicked out of the system.

Then use the blog archives to try to locate a starting point.

Then count how many fixes need to be made. Then turn the fixes into a game.

Scope, scope scope, and small steps, one and then another one

I bravely and heroically got myself into the archives, where discovered, after much tedious poking around, that the posts that need to be fixed go all the way back to April 2021.

Exactly five years. Which is disheartening. And that made me laugh.

The process of removing HEARTS is disheartening, but dis-heartening is the project, and so learning about scope is disheartening, and learning about disheartening is part of the scope.

These symbolic hearts aren’t going to de-activate themselves! But also something about re-activating my own sweet heart, with tenderness, presence and care, in times of heartbreak and just generally.

Re-activating and re-accessing. Making a little altar in my heart and to my heart, and tending to that space.

Reassurance protocols

What do I want to tell myself or remember?

Can I give this to myself? Can I get a friend to help me remember?

You’re doing amazing, sweetie. You are braver than the marines. This is good and important work, to restore your heart through this Reheartening, and also it will bring your website into greater congruence, which is good for you and for the world. The world needs Congruence, even in symbolic amounts.

Can I approve of myself for trying something instead of criticizing myself for how long it took me to start?

And if not, can I just practice and try it on for size? What would that feel like? Let’s experiment.

One more clue for the road

Thanks to Amye for the clue of Practice is Everything.

Thanks to Laura Bluetree for the clue of “effort here, results over there”, aka fractal magic all over again.

Thanks to Kathryn for the clue of just do the opposite of the people who are breaking your heart, and source more joy, and a little Evil Kermit energy too.

Thanks to Darcy for the clue of solved by anagrams.

A breath of thank-you in my thank-you heart

I am always thankful for these clues and reminders. The work is the work, but the work can be playful, and play is transformative, and trying things counts.

Okay I will see you on the other side when the website is fixed. Hope it was helpful to observe the process and maybe it will have some fractal magic for your own projects and wishes too. I very much hope so.

I will take notes. And you can take notes! May all these clues and superpowers and bits of effort and care come together and glow some goodness into the world, god knows we all need it.

May it be so, or something even better

Here’s to choosing life and aliveness, and being here, even when it is so fucking hard (and often it is), and to learning about ourselves, and finding some sparks if we can, or staying receptive to future sparks if we can.

I love you, I love that you read my thoughts here, thank you for that. It means a lot to me.

Let’s source some wild joy, some loving clarity, or whatever is needed most, let’s play.

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.

Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.

You are invited to share any related situations or musings, or name any wishes in process.

And of course you are welcome to share anything that sparked for you while reading, anything that helped, clues received, or anything on your mind or heart. Let’s support each other’s hope-sparks…

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

(Some more reading if you’d like)

Want more reading material aka things I have written? Here is a collection of Beloved Posts

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

This will pop up a new page on Follow.It that lets you subscribe via email, newsletter, or RSS reader. They say “expect 50 stories a week”, and that’s a very imaginary number, once a week is the dream.

I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!

Anyone who gives to the Discretionary this week (more info below) will get my Emergency Calming Techniques package by email as a pdf. I am only checking email twice a week because I no longer have wifi at my place, long story, so be patient with me but if it doesn’t show up within the week then let me know!

I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.

I am accepting support (with joy & gratitude) in the form of Appreciation Money to the Discretionary Fund. Asking is not where my strength resides but Brave & Stalwart is the theme these days, and pattern-rewriting is the work, it all helps with fixing the many broken things.

And if those aren’t options, I get it, you can light a candle for support (or light one in your mind!), share this with someone who loves words, tell people about these techniques, approaches and themes, send them here, it all helps, it’s all welcome, and I appreciate it and you so much. ❤

On My Own Behalf (and what about the seemingly impossible obstacles)

by Havi Brooks | Mar 13, 2026 | my personal practice

"cheerful

Reflecting on what enables or invites a mood shift, and does it surprise me

A breath for these tough times

Announcement on Emergency Calming Down Techniques

I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques, and it helps.

On my own behalf

As always we begin with Acknowledgment & Legitimacy

The hard things remain hard, the scary things remain scary. Sometimes it seems like you just take the tiniest peek online, and there is even more hard and scary than before.

This isn’t what I am writing about today, and also it is in the air, part of the background hum.

And so, as always, a breath for Acknowledgment & Legitimacy, the starting practice. The pre-step. The step one that is also the step before step one.

Interrupting the chaotic-chaos cycle with a moment of pause to make space for what is, right now, and all the extremely reasonable feelings that bubble up in response.

Here we are (you are here, I am here)

Sometimes we are actively working on or with the situations and the feelings around them.

And other times we are playing at the edges, or working on one theme sneakily through focusing on another theme.

That’s what we are doing today.

Starting with what is surpriseful, as a form of delight, and of mood-shifting…

And then figuring out how we might invite more of that in, and does it, as it so often does, start with acting on our own behalf? It might!

Surpriseful!

I got a good birthday surprise last week. It truly surprised me. It was, as a friend put it, wondrous and whimsified and surpriseful.

Some of you already know this story, because I started this website in 2005, which is 21 years ago aka 3×7!

But I like telling it. When I was seven years old, on my birthday, my dad’s friend Brian bought me cotton candy. I’d never had cotton candy before, and it was a very thrilling moment for tiny seven-year-old me.

My dad, joking around, said something like, “Oh great, look how happy she is, now you’re going to have to do this every seven years!” And Brian was like, challenge accepted…

And so, every seven years, on my birthday, no matter where I am in the world, cotton candy finds its way miraculously to my doorstep.

Pleasantly re-surprised

A lot happens in seven years. It’s really a generous container of time.

Anyway, I had forgotten this was a divisible by seven birthday (49), and was busy having mixed feelings about the day, and my life, and sort of generally everything.

But then I was pleasantly and delightfully surprised (re-surprised!) when Jose drove up with a mystery package.

There was no return address and no note, but when I saw the cotton candy, my mood shifted instantaneously and I was as delighted as a seven year old at an amusement park.

How beautifully surpriseful. Not really anything to do with the cotton candy itself which is like a stand-in for being loved and remembered, but the ritual and the remembering and the act of care from afar.

Neutralizing

The surpriseful gift of cotton candy on my doorstep also had a lovely neutralizing effect on some feelings I had about a birthday card from a friend that was really not what I wanted to read at all.

It was a good reminder that some people can glow love in a way that is warm and kind and needs nothing from you, and some people can make their love all about them.

And I can act on my own behalf and notice this, and choose the kind of love that feels supportive.

I can receive information about what kinds of connections I want to nourish, and which can fade away because they don’t support me and there is no care for me.

Molasses

I don’t know about you, but I yet again got my ass handed to me this week by the time change.

It is so hard for me to remember that the springtime version of it, and the dramatic shift in [when there is and isn’t light] does something intense to my brain weather and absolutely destroys my body’s ability to sleep or even rest.

So this week I have been moving like molasses. Gravity feels heavier, everything extra-stuck and sticky.

There have been long 4am Witching Hours of thinking unenjoyable thoughts.

Meanwhile, jogging and hiking and yoga, activists I normally enjoy, feel heavy and profoundly unappealing.

I have mostly not been doing any of the things that help me feel better, like going outdoors, and even when I do, I am very grumpy about it.

Noticing, allowing, making space

Sometimes it’s easy to think that “acceptance” has to mean “I am putting up with this”, and it doesn’t.

I don’t have to like a feeling or a situation or a relationship dynamic, obviously, and I can also notice when fighting it isn’t working.

Acceptance is active, not passive. A way of saying “okay, I am noticing what is, and noticing how I feel about it, and let’s work with what is, given the energy and tools we have.”

Maybe the superpower of MOTIVATED is not available in the moment, so what is available instead?

Is there anything surpriseful that can shift my mood or my energy?

Or do I just need to keep acknowledging that the morning darkness combined with not sleeping combined with the news combined with the personal situations can be a lot…

Rise / sink

Something I have been journaling about a lot, in many contexts, and also discussing with my friend Kathryn is the theme of “people don’t rise to the occasion, they sink to the level of their training.”

And sometimes (often), I have to remind myself that for me, in my own training, the training is not what looks like training.

The training is not the getting up early, or doing x minutes of jogging or y minutes of yoga.

The training is the compassion, the meeting myself where I am, the constant re-applying of Acknowledgment & Legitimacy.

The training is taking a breath to RESET RESTART, or even remember that’s an option.

The training is the training

The training is tenderness towards myself when I can, and being understanding about the circumstances in the moments when I can’t.

The training is remembering and reminding myself to act on my own behalf.

Superpower of I Act On My Own Behalf. Which is also about: I am ready and willing to act on my own behalf. I prioritize acting on my own behalf.

Like with everything, we forget and remember, forget and re-remember. Forgetting is part of remembering, and that back-and-forth is part of the training.

We train to train. The training is the training.

Return to the why

I think a lot about why I still practice yoga, for decades now, and what I keep coming back to is this:

You do (or: I do) yoga to quiet the mind enough to engage in meaningful self-reflection, while practicing compassion towards yourself in all that you do, so that the clarity that emerges is also tinged with compassion and therefore is kind and usable.

You make shapes with your body while breathing your way through, because those shapes are interesting or compelling or fun or challenge you. Some of these shapes might be nemesis shapes! It happens.

And you observe your reactions, and breathe your way through that. And over time you get better at noticing when you are making a face! Or not making that face!

Or you practice laughing and being okay with making the face again.

You make the process (of everything) more conscious

You make the process more conscious.

And sometimes you lovingly tire yourself out enough to be able to just be alone with your thoughts for some moments, or sometimes even alone without thought, or to react to the noticing of a thought with sweetness.

This is why I train.

Some days this is incredibly hard and some days it is joyful and some days it is informative and some days I fight it. I try to stay neutral about this too.

The impossible obstacles

Lately, due to the Molasses Effect of the time change and the general horrors, and the various boundary issues, things that might normally feel like minor obstacles have ballooned into seemingly huge problems.

For example, yesterday I forgot to bring back inside the clothes I hung to dry outside. And then this morning I didn’t want to go outside to retrieve them, but I also didn’t want to do morning yoga with a clothesline as my view.

Fixing this, or even attempting to, suddenly felt like an Impossible Obstacle.

An Impobstacle, if you will. (Though it’s fine if you won’t! I get that it is a very ridiculous word.)

Sometimes I just need to make myself laugh, to shift the energy, to be a little surpriseful with myself, to get myself to act on my own behalf.

Impossible? Or just improbable…?

I texted Vincent about my dilemma, because he has the exact same level of ADHD as I do, so I knew he would get it, and he did.

He responded immediately: “Okay. There is no way that that is an impobstacle for you. At worst, I would say it’s an Improbstacle! I’ll tell you what. You tell me what time you’re going to bring in the laundry and I’ll fold the laundry that’s on my dining room table.”

And that worked. It got me to act on my own behalf.

And it got me to laugh, which always helps. For me, at least.

And then trying something playful.

RESET RESTART (press play)

Resetting. Parallel play. Any play at all.

The reminder that what feels impossible is probably not, and even if it is, it’s still always worth it to play.

Is it an Impobstacle? Or just an Improbstacle! Let’s find out.

With some playfulness. Just press play.

But it’s not just about play. It’s about play as a means to act on my own behalf again. To remember that I am worthy of care, and sometimes the way I can get to care is through play.

Naming some useful superpowers for these stuck and sticky times

And for acting on my own behalf…

What if it’s Easier Than I Think?
Hilariously Tiny Steps: what might this look like
Doing what helps (and if I can’t do what helps, then can I do the smallest possible amount of what helps?)
Focused Focus / Hocus Focus
Hey, whatever works
Add compassion, and then even more than that
Reset restart
Remembering: maybe this isn’t a doing time, it’s a resting/waiting/ clue-exploring time, or maybe I need to reset the energy with fun and with laughter
It Solves Itself
Trust in All Timing Right Timing
What feels surpriseful (and can I deliver some surpriseful joy to someone else!)

And here we are

Wishing lots of love and patience and compassion and the good kind of surpriseful surprises to everyone reading.

Wishing us whimsy and delight and the ability to reset with laughter when we can.

Wishing us tenderness and care from the people in our lives, as we deserve, and also the ability to give it to ourselves.

Wishing good qualities into the world, and for us to keep finding the fun in the training, so that when we sink to the level of our training because we can’t rise to the occasion, the training holds us with tenderness and care too.

May it be so. Or whatever is needed even more than that. Thank you for being patient with me this week while I rolled with various punches and took my time to find my day back to being able to write again. A breath for right timing, and a breath for sharing in community. I am so glad you are here.

May it be so, or something even better

I love you, I love that you read my thoughts here, thank you for that. It means a lot to me.

Let’s source some wild joy, some loving clarity, or whatever is needed most, let’s play.

<div=class=”separator”>

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.

Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.

You are invited to share any related situations or musings, or name any wishes in process.

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!

I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.

Not lost

by Havi Brooks | Feb 27, 2026 | my personal practice

a bright yellow poppy peeks out from under a yucca”/></p>
<div class= Reflecting on transitions and the poppies taking over the landscape here, and hope…

A breath for these tough times

Announcement on Emergency Calming Down Techniques

I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.

Not lost

Checking in

I have been having what my friend Darcy calls a Fussy Toddler Day for the past few days, and yes, the fussy toddler is me.

Obviously there is no shortage of contributing factors: the onslaught of depressing, upsetting, devastating and heartbreaking news, the general sluggishness of late winter into early spring, and who isn’t worrying over all the things to worry over. (Very reasonable to worry over the worrisome things!)

Also last night I made the compound error of not only consuming news but doing this before bed, and then had a long 3-5am Witching Hour of mini-panics and stirring the stew of all the things I am upset about.

You know how it goes.

Noticing

Pausing, noticing, naming. Making room.

Noticing the heaviness of the vibe, the heaviness in the air, the angst, the desire to fight everything, including myself. Making space for that. Tending and attending.

What does a fussy toddler want and need? Let’s start with steadiness, comfort, safety, boundaries, love, maybe a snack.

I also am a big fan of just agreeing with what is, even as I remind myself that I don’t have to agree to like it:

It’s okay that sometimes we are feeling the not-fun feelings, kiddo. You’re right, it’s no fun at all!

Not lost (literally)

Last week I thought I vacuumed up one of my favorite earrings, which is to say that I heard a metallic clinking sound when I was vacuuming, and then the earring was gone, but I didn’t find it in the vacuum.

I became convinced that it had been tossed into the trash and that I would have to go through three bags of trash, a task I was dreading and kept putting off.

But then later when I moved the rug while employing various delaying efforts, the earring was right there, under the rug, waiting for me.

No idea how it got there, very bizarre, but still, a beautiful miracle, a welcome miracle.

The problem of the missing earring solved itself. The problem of I have to go through all the trash but I don’t want to but it’s my favorite earring solved itself.

Delaying the unpleasant task was a great move, actually. Waiting it out doesn’t always work but sometimes it works.

It solves itself

I am a big fan of all forms of IT SOLVES ITSELF and putting various challenges into the imaginary cauldron of May It Solve Itself so that they can simmer and resolve.

Sometimes it solves itself by doing nothing (like with the earring).

Sometimes it solves itself as a result of setting a boundary, or re-establishing a boundary.

What else can solve and resolve itself this easily and simply?

What else has effortless solutions?

Or: What else has solutions that can be generated with small but meaningful efforting, and what can be solved with zero efforting and welcome miracles?

Possible things can happen (?)

Something small and very specific that I love about living in the state of New Mexico is that the wording on road signs here is very unique. I have a particularly favorite form of New Mexico signage / verbiage which goes like this:

Strong winds may exist here

The MAY EXIST HERE wording just hits me right in the I love New Mexico part of my heart.

Many things may exist here. Magic. Enchantment. Wild coincidence. Possibility. Ghosts.

A lot can happen. Things may exist here!

Similarly…

A friend sent me a youtube yoga video she likes, and the instructor said something about how it’s important to remember that Anything Is Possible.

And I immediately edited this in my head: Good things are possible.

Wonderful things are possible. Surprise simple elegant solutions are possible. Miracles are possible. Good endings are possible. Finding a missing favorite earring is (sometimes) possible.

Good things may exist here. Like the strong winds. Like the magic.

I don’t need to focus on how anything is possible, we already know about all the bad shit. It’s not that I want to dismiss it or forget it or pretend it isn’t there; it’s just not my focus right now when I am thinking about what is possible.

Similarly…

My dad used to always say that people who think things can’t get any worse or can’t get any better have very limited imagination.

Both of these are true. Where is my energy going in this moment?

It’s all possible. Let’s light a candle though for the simple elegant solutions, the beautiful boundaries, things working themselves out, fighting the good fight when that is what is needed, some good deus ex machina energy too.

Here’s to safety and sanctuary and inspired solutions

Here’s to safety and sanctuary in the form of TRANS RIGHTS NOW. Safety and sanctuary for everyone ICE is going after.

Safety and sanctuary in abundance.

Candles lit for whatever helps. Candles lit for inspired solutions.

Inspired solutions may exist here! They certainly might!

May they also be self-generating and self-sustaining. Or something even better.

Terms of endearment

This is a digression, but it’s on my mind because I am thinking about my dad, and also about being the adult for myself and calming my Fussy Toddler Self (it’s okay, kiddo).

My dad has Alzheimer’s and his vocabulary has changed a lot, partly because he forgets words he’s looking for, and partly because he’s just different now.

When I call, I always say my name and he knows who I am and is (mostly) happy to hear from me, and he will say something like, “it’s wonderful to talk to you, sweetheart”, and this is a term he has never used for me ever in my entire life.

And I wonder if the staff at his facility call him sweetheart, and so it has found a place in his mind as a term of endearment.

It was very jarring at first to hear something so unfamiliar, but now I kind of like it. It is sweet.

On the topic of sweetness and endearment (terms of)

My favorite way to refer to myself when I am talking to myself is to use the Arabic, Ya Helwa, which is like hey sweetie, or lovely, or a hottie, depending.

The word helwa itself is marvelously multi-purpose. It means SWEET and DESSERT and CANDY, and also refers to the specific nostalgia-laden treat of my childhood (halva) made from sesame and sugar that melts in your mouth.

I really like that addressing someone as Ya Helwa in Levantine Arabic is meant more like “hey beautiful”.

But also on some level it is like “baby you are dessert” and in that way it is also a bit like the SWEET part of Sweetheart.

It’s so affectionate and loving and warm and, yes, sweet.

And so when I am encouraging myself (come on, babe, let’s do this, one step and another step), I like to add in some extra sweetness.

Can we add some sweetness

Can we add sweetness for the sake of sweetness and also as a form of hope, into the wishing pot?

For example, sweetness for a fussy toddler.

Sweetness as energy. Sweetness as comfort. Sweetness as endearment.

Sweetness like how one of my first yoga teachers would say “reach until it feels sweet”, but also sweetness like how a teacher I took class from last week said, “Don’t push past sweet discomfort…”

Sweetness like affection focused towards my own heart.

Sweetness like patience. Sweetness like solutions, self-generating. Sweetness in action. Sweetness in presence.

Can this solve itself sweetly?

And if not, can this solve itself however it needs to be solved…

I have a friend who goes through episodes of whooshing out of reality and into paranoia, and when this happens, they can’t apply common sense to make their way back to reality, as much as I wish they could.

Maybe because, as my therapist aunt likes to say, common sense is left brain activity, and you can’t access that from trauma response.

And even as I wish to meet my friend with as much sweetness as possible, I also know that for me it does not feel safe to spend time with someone who is not in shared reality, and so I need to be beautifully boundaried and protect my peace.

Into the cauldron of IT SOLVES ITSELF.

Into the cauldron, may it solve itself

May it solve itself with sweetness, may it solve itself with beautiful glowing boundaries, may it solve itself with the gift of time, may it solve itself with grace, may it solve itself with medication and professional help, and so on.

May it solve itself like the earring suddenly reappearing: hey, there it is, grounded reality. How sweet, it was right there all along.

Not lost at all. Not untethered, not spinning off into stories. Right here, where we were all along.

Regardless, whether this happens or doesn’t, I am loving my friend from afar, and creating so much extra sanctuary space for myself, and for my actual toddler self who was raised by a paranoid delusional who is now all sweetness.

Sweetness comes all the way around

Sweetness comes all the way around.

Many good things are possible. What is needed? What is possible (more than I think, for sure).

And what will help?

Meeting myself (again and again, right here, right now)

Can I meet myself with warmth, sweetness, affection, spaciousness and a willingness to glow sanctuary space for myself?

Can I meet the world when I am ready from this place of courageous, steady, clear, compassionate-with-myself, beautifully boundaried? Maybe!

In the meantime, sweetness, curiosity, naming what is, tending to what is, noticing.

Let’s start there.

May it be so, or something even better

I love you, I love that you read my thoughts here, thank you for that. It means a lot to me.

Let’s source some wild joy, some loving clarity, or whatever is needed most, let’s play.

Come play in the comments, I appreciate the company

Leave a pebble (o) to say you were here, so I know I’m not doing this alone.

Also it feels good to pick up a pebble and place it somewhere, I have noticed.

You are invited to share any related situations or musings, or name any wishes in process.

I am lighting a candle for us and our beautiful heart-wishes. What a brave thing it is to allow ourselves to want something better for us and for the world.

Or if there’s anything you’d like to explore further or toss into the wishing pot, the healing power of the collective is no small thing, companionship helps.

Housekeeping note: You can subscribe to posts by email again!

If you aren’t seeing these updates in your in your email and want to, you can can solve that here.

I am emailing copies of the Emergency Calming Techniques package!

I have some ideas for the next ebook too but if you do too, shoot me an email or share in the comments.

A request!

If you received clues or perspective or want to send appreciation for the writing and work/play we do here, I appreciate it tremendously.

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<div class= Reflecting on how sunrise and sunset are shifts in time and light and mood and aesthetic, and how sometimes forcing myself to be outside for twenty minutes helps me not miss these transitions…

A breath for these tough times

Announcement on Emergency Calming Down Techniques

I’ve been reeling hard lately in some cursed combination of heartache, numbness, political anxiety, winter stuff and some wild panic episodes.

Have been holding on (for dear life) to my Emergency Calm The Hell Down Techniques from a long time ago, and it’s been helping.

Desperately Seeking Shift

Starting at the starting point

For the past few weeks, I have been experiencing extraordinary levels of anger, I am not sure that level is the right word. Units of anger?

Volumes? I like that, there is something of heft in that which feels relevant. Volumes like a stack of big hardcover books, volume like noise, volume like amounts.

Anyway, regardless of the correct word for a unit of anger, I have really been in the deep end of anger.

Okay, the deep end of anger. What is the anger about?

Answer: The anger is about everything.

I am experiencing anger over the news, anger over all the fascism, anger over the horrors.

Anger over violations and harm that have befallen me personally, both in the past month and twenty years ago and more years ago than that, and everything in between.

Anger over the way one memory stirs up twenty more. Anger over the wrongs not righted. Anger over times someone else made my choices for me or stole my ability to choose.

And so on.

What do we know about anger? At least three things.

The first thing I know about anger

Anger is legitimate. It just is. I learned this first from my therapist Meirav and then my spiritual teacher Orna in Tel Aviv.

In fact, whatever I am feeling has a reason, or many reasons, and I don’t necessarily have to know what exactly those reasons are, though often naming them does help…

My anger is a normal and reasonable reaction to whatever situations, experiences, memories and so on are showing up for me right now.

It is okay for me to be feeling this uncomfortable feeling, and also I don’t have to like it. Both of these can be true at the same time, and they often are.

We practice acknowledgement & legitimacy as a way of making space for the big, uncomfortable feelings to exist, so that they can reveal what they have to reveal…

The second thing I know about anger

I learned this from Karla McClaren, and am forever grateful:

Anger is a messenger, and it is a messenger whose message is always the same: A boundary has been crossed, and it is time to re-establish boundaries.

This is very useful, because I have wasted a lot of time in life wondering why I was angry, when it turns out the reason is always the same.

A boundary has been crossed. A boundary needs to be established or re-instated or reconfigured or come into being in some way. This isn’t necessarily easy work, but also: the work is cut out for me. The path is clear.

I begin with naming the boundary that has been crossed, and brainstorming how to make sure I am beautifully boundaried from now on.

The third thing I know about anger

Anger, like any other big uncomfortable feeling, is energy or can take the form of energy…

Which means that it can move through my body and my life in the way that it needs to in order to exit or transform.

I can work with anger through writing my anger, dancing my anger, running with my anger, taking my anger to the mountains or to a body of water, I can do yoga with my anger…

Somatic wisdom is a language, and I can ask questions, and I can listen…

I can shake out my body and tremor and rage and flail and yell and cry and roll and soothe and stim and comfort and let it move through me.

And I can pay attention to where it is in my body, what feels constricted, what feels disharmonious, what is tightening, what is contracting, what is aching, what does my body know about this energy and about letting it move?

And so on.

Anyway…

Anyway, those are some of the things I have been blessed to learn and come to know about anger over the past nearly fifty years…

And as I move through this period in which I am processing a lot of anger and considering fortifications, these are the themes on my mind.

But I am also thinking about SHIFT and what constitutes a shift.

What is a shift / what brings about shift / what constitutes a shift

Sometimes this shift is a shift in perspective, sometimes it is a shift in circumstances, sometimes it is a shift in aesthetics, sometimes it is a shift in mood.

Sometimes I joke to myself about “giving a shift”, as in I don’t really give a shift but what if I could get excited about shift…

So here we are. I am investigating everything that contributes to good/useful/fun shift, and learning about the sizes shift might come in, and when I want a big shift and when I want a tiny shift or many tiny shifts…

And while I don’t necessarily wish to say that I am grateful to the traumatic situations that have brought up or revived all this extra anger, it has been useful to be focused on and towards shift.

A large shift

Here is an example of a large shift.

As many of you know, since 2020 I have been living in a teeny tiny house, aka a small metal box on wheels, in rural New Mexico. And this small box situation doesn’t come with a lot of amenities.

There is no shower, there is no laundry, and until quite recently, there was no heat. Which is to say, I could use electricity to heat my little home with space heaters, but there was no way to keep it warm when I wasn’t there, or keep it warm at night.

This meant that I spend an inordinate amount of time just trying to get warm and stay warm.

Or figuring out how to cook when my olive oil and coconut oil were frozen, which was most of winter.

Or jogging in circles in the kitchen while wearing all my clothes, and wiping down the walls as the indoor icicles on my windows melted…

And then this winter, I got indoor heating.

What a transformation

I cannot even tell you how wonderful and transformative this has been for my life.

It is such a joy to not have to wear a hat to sleep, or to not wake up miserable. My pipes haven’t frozen once. I haven’t had to turn off electricity to the well pump on cold nights.

I love that I can go visit my aunt in Tucson and when I come back, I don’t have to make sure enough hours of daylight are left to heat up the house so that I safely can unpack the car before bed.

Right now I am sitting to write, and I don’t have to do it from bed, or take breaks to make tea or put on five pairs of socks, because the kitchen is warm enough to just sit in. A delight. Who knew.

Who knew

I mean, everyone knew, but the problem was that everyone had a different opinion on what the right answer was to my heating problems. And some people said this solution would work and some said it wouldn’t.

And also it involved being A SQUEAKY WHEEL to make it happen, and I hate being a squeaky wheel, so luckily a friend of mine did that part for me.

Then it happened, and everything got better. My biggest problem of the last six years, solved by someone making a bunch of phone calls for me, and someone else kindly paying for it.

Ultimately it wasn’t that expensive, and it wasn’t time-consuming, and everything in my life is noticeably, markedly better in every single way, and I am full of gratitude all day every day.

What does this tell me

So for one thing, this is something I would put in the category of a Big Shift. Size L.

Something changed in my life, and that change made every single moment of each day and night better for me.

A big shift. Blessings upon the big shift.

What else is in this category? What else is like suddenly having climate control in my home?

And obviously I am wishing for big shifts in the world and our world, in American politics, in the many nightmares and the many mysteries, but right now in this moment I am looking for examples in my tiny life.

Naming and renaming, and doing a little divide and conquer

What wishes, projects, plans and dreams can I place in this category of A Big Shift?

There are obvious ones that are a little complicated (like getting onsite laundry and a shower), and maybe there are other ones.

And maybe some of these big shifts can be broken down into smaller projects and steps.

For example, there is a really obvious place to build a shower, but there is a pole in the obvious place that would need to be moved, and everyone has conflicting opinions on whether the pole can be moved.

But maybe the next step is just to find out who knows, and how complicated it might be…

Small shifts

If there are big shifts, there are also small shifts. Lighting a candle does wonders for my mental health.

Or for me, cleaning the bathroom, or changing sheets on the bed. These are examples in the category of a seemingly small but meaningful shift that changes the energy and improves my mood.

Going for a walk in the pasture even though I don’t want to because it is good for my mental health is a small shift.

Re-ordering the salt I like, even though I have been fighting this for three weeks for reasons that remain mysterious to me, would be a small but meaningful shift. Or maybe even a bigger shift than I think.

Giving myself a mini DIY pedicure is a small shift. A nap is a good small shift.

Let’s talk medium!

A haircut is a good medium shift. For me. Your mileage may vary. I don’t do this very often.

What else is a medium shift?

What about XS and XL, and maybe sizes beyond these in terms of shifts

What can I name, invoke, wish for, identify that is a type of shift in a new category, and how can I move towards it with curiosity and excitement?

There is also something in here about a balm for anger, because focusing on SHIFTS is just that: focusing.

It is another way to focus my attention, my energy, my passion, my desire for things to move and change.

Desperately seeking shift

Every time I pause and enjoy my new life as someone who has indoor heating and isn’t constantly keeping tabs on three different space heaters and what times of day I can run them, I feel the benefits of SHIFT.

This is partly gratitude in my thank-you heart, and partly relief, and partly appreciation, and partly noticing the contrast between what is and what was.

Shift is palpable, noticeable, tangible, meaningful, delightful, and I am craving more of it.

Not everything can be a big shift, but there can be cumulative tiny shifts, or a couple good medium shifts.

Or like we said, we can break down a bigger shift into smaller elements, and see how many of those we can make progress on, while putting the bigger wish into the wishing cauldron…

What do I know about shift

If anger is a messenger, then shift is a balm.

It is both soothing and invigorating. It reminds me that hope is possible, that things can change, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot, for the better.

Miracles are possible and simple elegant solutions are possible and good things are possible.

Shift can be internal and external. It can be a shift in thoughts or in mindset or in luck or in a situation; it can be a literal shift in the temperature of the room that leads to a difference in how I feel.

A shift in intensity

I know that the intensity of the anger I am feeling now at [current situations in my life] will not always be this intense; that too will shift.

I know that meeting my anger with love, attentiveness, spaciousness, generosity, understanding, patience, curiosity and a sense of play will also help shift both it and the situations. The work of boundary repair is also a form of shifting, right?

And prioritizing those boundaries is also a shift.

I am hoping that as my anger cools, my intensity will find other forms. Motivation, determination, fiery power, playfulness, hope, intention, commitment, a desire to thrive and to be a source of thriving…

And so I keep learning, about shift and about boundaries, about priorities and containers and fortifications and ritual and the ongoing experiments…

Welcoming shifts

A shift is also a period of time. Like a work shift.

Which means that a shift is a container in which something can happen. A shift as a catalyst for change in addition to the change itself.

And a shift can be a dress.

And a shift can be a small movement, like shifting your weight from one foot to another. That kind of slow, conscious, intentional transfer of weight is how we communicate in dance.

Shifting weight in order to clarify. Shifting ourselves into the new and more grounded reality.

That’s beautiful, right? I think so. I love the idea of slow-shifting slow-dancing our way into something new and better, with clear boundaries and a lot of care and self-treasuring.

Let’s welcome some good shifts. Let’s see what happens from there.

May it be so, or something even better

I love you, I love that you read my thoughts here, thank you for that. It means a lot to me.

Let’s source some wild joy, some loving clarity, or whatever is needed most, let’s play.