In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Oh man, Friday.
Friday Friday Friday, how are you already here.
What even happened in this blur of a week? Let’s find out.
The hard stuff
Recovering from the Terrible Piece Of News.
This was the theme of the week.
Ignoring it, being with it, hiding from it, investigating it, reacting to it, not reacting to it, being in relationship with it, crying about it, wondering about it, poking it, holding its hand.
Me. And this piece of news.
The relationship between me and this piece of news. The relationship between me and my relationship with this piece of news.
That was most of this week.
Right. That’s why I’ve been avoiding chickening. Who wants to think about all the not-thinking about the thing you’re either not-thinking-about or over-thinking or remembering to get quiet with.
Not me, apparently.
Vulnerability, trust, tenderness and softness were the words of the week.
These are NOT THINGS HAVI FEELS COMFORTABLE WITH.
But these were what showed up.
Too much to do. Too little time to do it in. Not enough help.
I could go into way more detail but that basically sums it up.
Frustration and pain about all of that.
I do not like the tough decisions!
For the record…
Holy crap it’s almost SEPTEMBER!!!
I was so excited about having a month to not-teach and find out what I am like when not-teaching, but honestly, it has flown by so quickly that it’s barely registered.
Not knowing to react in specific situations.
Feeling a little jangly and unsure.
Not knowing what I want.
This is frustrating.
Still waiting on that miracle…
Havis are not good at waiting.
Having trouble remembering the thing about how Now Is Not Then.
A lot of reminders of Then this week.
The good stuff
Every single minute of it.
I spent my weekend in a delirious state of play. PLAY!
Playmate! Words! Playing with the words! Loving all the words!
And I also danced up a storm and I couldn’t stop smiling. I smiled so hard that my face hurt. I radiated happiness.
Oh, and I met delightful people on the bus and took pictures of the most marvelous signs and laughed and laughed and laughed.
This weekend wins the medal for Best Weekend Of The Year. At least.
I recommend it!
Sometimes, lots of times, I do not feel like it. This week I couldn’t stop.
Dance dance dance dance dance.
It solves all the problems!
For me, yes? Of course the People Vary rule applies, as it always does, this is just information about how Havi works.
When dance can’t solve all the problems, getting on the ground and breathing will do it too.
I learned new things about trust this week.
For example, that PLEASURE is important for trust, and not just the other way around.
If this sounds cryptic, that’s because it is. This was a piece of information from Incoming Me, and I have not fully unpacked it yet.
It’s hard stuff. But it was useful this week.
That moment when you have to find out.
There is this point when you become friends with someone when you begin to learn about all their complicated stuff. If you are a perceptive person, you begin to learn from the first interaction. But at some point, you become aware of the bigger story arc.
This week was time to learn about the stuff that belongs to someone I care about, and I had been kind of dreading this but it turned out to be all fine. It’s things I can handle. Nothing that is hard for me. This is new and tremendously reassuring.
Speaking of reassuring…
Lots of things were reassuring this week.
Remember when I said that vulnerability, trust, tenderness and softness were the words of the week?
I learned a lot of new things about these qualities, about aspects of me that have been hidden for a very long time.
It was painful at times, but it was also impossibly sweet and love-filled. It tasted like redemption and recovery and rediscovering lost pieces.
So I am feeling grateful for that.
It wasn’t what I expected.
But what I got was very good.
Also: amazing shiva nata on the beach that did wild things to my brain.
Danielle and Marisa and Wally and Jenny and my playmate, all being incredibly helpful and sweet when I needed it most.
Not ready to talk about this yet so I’ll take a silent retreat.
Finally had time to do some damn laundry.
It’s the small things. It really is.
Good things coming…
Looking forward to all of them.
BOUT NIGHT! TONIGHT!
Watching Rose City wipe the floor with Minnesota should go a long way to improving my mood.
GOD I LOVE DERBY. Have I said that a hundred times already every day for the past five years?
You know what? I think I liked this week a lot more than I’d realized.
Thank you, Chicken-ritual.
That is a lovely thing to discover.
Playing live at the meme beach house — it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
Background? Ez and I make up bands. Stu (retired Bolshevik-fearing voice-to-text software) once translated “people will hate me and be jealous” to “they’ll hang out at my Meme Beach House“. It’s just one guy.
This week’s band sounds like what they sound like. That is: their name and the thing they do are related.
This band makes me think of Nick.
Though, of course, it’s really just one guy.
Hallo Hallo! I am saying Hallo Hallo. Announcement time.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
My very favorite, of all the things-for-sale I have ever made, is the one I never link to here because I need to rewrite the copy.
It worked for me four or five years ago when I first wrote the page. But now it needs to be rewritten. Desperately!
But. This is the thing that I use constantly. This is what kept me from having seventeen hundred panic attacks all week. And a lot of very-very famous-on-the-internet people use it for the same reason but they probably aren’t going to tell you about that, for obvious reasons.
Anyway, the page may need a rewrite but the material is absolutely terrific. Life-saver. It’s the How To Calm The Hell Down Immediately package. It’s that good. Better, even.
And I’ll be doing some more in-depth teaching on this over the coming year — these skill-sets will be the place we’ll need to start from. Okay! That’s my heads-up for now.
That’s it for me …
Join my Friday ritual in the comments if you feel like it. Or call silent retreat!
We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. And we don’t give advice (unless people specifically ask for it).
Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.
p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.