Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Well, I’ll say this much.
It was an interesting week, but maybe the first in a long time when the mix of working and playing was closer to the thing I want/wish/hope for.
I’m really glad to be here. Missed you guys this week.
The hard stuff
It’s really my least favorite feeling.
That kind of low, watchful, pit of the stomach thing.
We had to do a lot of monster negotiating to work through that.
Stifled. Or the perception of being stifled.
There was a lot going on for me this week, some of it stuff which — for a wide variety of reasons — I couldn’t talk about here.
And even though I have complete freedom to talk about pretty much anything else, the net result was that my creative self was really not in the mood to come out from hiding.
Almost as if the part of me that was perceiving itself to be squashed/marginalized/silenced didn’t want any of the other parts to get to play.
I had lots of things to say, and they just wouldn’t come into form.
Having to make hard choices.
And all at once.
Saying no to things, canceling things, postponing things and revising things.
Each of which is ultimately something good for me and for the business, but the act of cutting the cords involved a long and difficult process.
Wanting to be appreciated.
The Playground still doesn’t have heating.
And we have the Shiva Nata teacher training coming up next weekend. Stupid space heaters is not what I want (though thanks to everyone who has donated — you’re awesome!).
The usual thing about horses and leading them to water.
Need to do some more creative thinking about this one.
The good stuff
A real weekend! Pineapple Upside Down days! I did it!
So you know how I’ve been wanting a wheel reekend since, oh, October?
And it was lovely.
Two full days without internet, computering, work of any shape or form.
Thank you. Bliss.
Super fun, as always. And Portland’s Wheels of Justice beat the Detroit Derby Girls 197-75.
Oh and then F.C. Union beat Hertha, much to the surprise (and joy!) of everyone I know in Berlin, so take that! Basically, last weekend rocked.
Being in the zone. Finally.
The Schwung! I found it. It’s back.
And I managed to be insanely productive, despite all the weird and unlikely things working against that.
Lots of clearing the decks, too.
Finished up two projects that had been hanging, and made big crazy progress on a third.
This is such an unlikely against-all-odds thing to be reporting. I can hardly believe it myself.
But stuff came together at the right place and the right time, and I’m feeling happy and relieved about that.
Outrageous shivanautical epiphanies.
Because we’re working on the Shivanautica Secret Lab, I’ve been triple-checking all the number sequences, and doing stuff way out of order.
Like, doing Level 6 twice, then Level 2, Then half of Level 5.
The moments of bing have been binging out of control.
So many huge realizations this week. It was like twenty years of therapy condensed into a few days.
Intense, but amazing. Because now so many things make sense.
Went to Powell’s and brought back a giant bag of books for the Playground library.
I’ve been reading up a storm all week.
Took the day off on Toozday.
Admittedly, the reason I couldn’t work on Toozday was hardly celebratory and actually completely depressing.
But the day I gave myself was beautiful.
Good food, good books, time in the hammock. And mostly: no pressure.
This is something that is usually pretty hard, so ten thousand sparklepoints for me.
My people being really understanding.
Even though I was making difficult changes and difficult announcements all week, my people were so sweet about it.
Everyone made allowances, and were really appreciative and helpful.
I feel so fortunate and happy when I think about that!
I worked through something that I’d thought couldn’t be worked through.
It’s a mix of exhaustion and a feeling of accomplishment.
Kind of like finishing a marathon that you didn’t really want to run to begin with, but you still feel proud and happy about being where you are.
Taking some time to appreciate that.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band is — thankfully — not taken from my life at all.
Unfortunate Dayjob Episode
Unless running a company counts as having a day job?
Anyway, they rock hard. And, oddly enough, it’s actually only just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day and a restful weekend-ing.
And a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
Unfortunate Dayjob Episode. I’ve definitely seen them play a few times. Never exactly sounded the way I expected them to.
-Partner was having a super hard week.
-I felt sad most afternoons, for no distinguishable reason.
-A couple affronts to my HSP-ness.
-I miss people.
-Doing lots of successful processing.
-Joanna Newsom. Like a deep, musical sigh.
-Did a pretty good job of supporting the partner while she was in her hard.
-Pumpkin chocolate bread.
-All the other insanely great food in my house right now.
-A comfy new shawl thingy that I’m in luuuurve with and never ever want to take off.
A happy weekend to all.
Oy, I’m so sorry for your hard week. It sounds like you made the best of it, and your years and years working on the processes really made a difference…which gives hope to someone like me.
Some awkward personal interactions that left me thinking “WTF? Why don’t I stand up for myself?”
First week of two weeks no sugar/white flour/dairy.
Accidental ingestion of splenda, which made me ill.
A lot of processing of things, which will eventually be good, kinda drained me this week.
Working through the things. Separating what needs to be separated. Uncovering what needs some daylight.
3.5 days no sugar/white flour dairy down! 11.5 to go.
I got the keys to my car! Ive owned the car for 5+ years, but haven’t had backup keys for 3 yrs. I have a safety net again!
I suddenly have the thought “you know, this might all actually work out like I want…” 🙂
Oh, that dread feeling. ((Hugs)) Do not like.
-Tiptoeing around the other person’s stuff. At least I can recognize whose stuff it is, but I haven’t figured out how to avoid the trigger that causes the eruption to spew hot llamas (er, lava) all over the place.
-Starting to see that maybe there’s no way to avoid the trigger. That the pattern starts in a deeper place. That I will never ever be able to reach that place. Which means lots of tiptoeing.
-Gunk. First with the unbearable blowing of the nose. Now with the chest rattles. Uck and ick.
-The Little Bird has it too.
-Stormcloud moods. Thanks a lot, hormonal soup.
-Getting the other person to recognize that the doctors do not know everything, and we do not need to subject the Little Bird to torture for their monetary benefit, especially when they display a horrible lack of curiosity or respect. Yay!
-Writing stoplight poetry.
-Recognizing that I don’t really need to change other people’s stuff. Long as I’m working on my own.
-Not caring if the cool kids like me or not. How could it possibly matter?
-Super-extra motivation means lots of work that needed to get done got done. Even with the cold.
Oh, yay: the Chicken has landed! So happy to see you.
…as if the part of me that was perceiving itself to be squashed/marginalized/silenced didn’t want any of the other parts to get to play.
Oof. That sounds so hard, and so…familiar. Could be a key to the puzzle that has been my week.
–So many iguanas. I think they’re mutating. Mutant iguanas! Run awaaaaaaaay!
–I have got some kind of major internal rebellion going on. Having a heck of a time convincing myself to do so many things that really ought to be done already.
–Meanwhile, I keep wanting to take naps. Naps aren’t bad things, not at all, but this many naps? Seriously?
—Candide performances were fabulous last weekend, and I’ve got three more coming up this weekend! Bliss!
–Each little task that I do convince myself to accomplish feels like a major victory, and you know, it suddenly occurs to me that I am actually giving myself credit for the things I am doing, and not beating myself up so much for the things I’m not dealing with yet. Hey, that’s pretty cool!
–Lots of introspection that feels cozy and self-nurturing, with little flashes of insight. For example, I’m noticing the things that I do still feel like doing, even during this slow and soggy week. Clues!
–Shiva Nata. Even when I’m not (overtly) working on it daily, I have the distinct feeling that it’s working on me.
So much love and gratitude for you, Havi, and for everyone here. Wishing you a weekend filled with good things!
Tis it Friday already? Whelp its time to find thems chicknz for the ye olde checken.
After the overseas study shammozle I am about to start the long and glorious talking to people about why I am happy that I failed and I don’t really care what the hell happens. I am sure they really want to help but the carrot they are offering to me really looks like a stick right now.
Being aware of my habit of when I feel slightly ok about where I am I tend to take every thing very easy and not move forward, try new things or even do stuff.
Making friends and trying to find partners in crime for my time over in London. Asking for what I want, especially when it comes to sharing my self with persons gah.
Trying to find ways to enjoy other people that includes not going to the pub. Come on London help me out here.
I am ok, have housing, food, a kitchen to cook in and plans to get partners in crime of the friendship variety and the more than friendship variety.
I am in London again, this is wonderful.
I am cooking again, this is great after 2 weeks of bad hostel food and crappy cheep take away. My gods a kitchen makes so much difference.
I am heading back to my family and friends in late March and early April, there will be happiness and hugs abound oh yes!
That is about it for me, kind of calm today. Hope things are going well with every one 🙂
I like this game. When I play it with my husband, we call it “lights and shadows.” It’s a good way to keep perspective – to remember there are always lights, even when there are shadows.
For my week:
Week two in my new office space was better than week one, but still very difficult, filled with things like ordering stationary, getting the printer fixed and feeling a bit displaced. Also could have done without everyone’s general crankiness and 10 degree weather.
Two days in which I smelled spring in the air.
Not one robin, but a whole tree full of robins.
My black pug, an endless source of joy.
My husband cooking dinner last night.
Impromptu lunch with my brother.
Finally screwing up my courage to ask someone very important for help.
I love your blog, Havi. Thank you for the inspiration and comfort.
* chewing through overly ambitious bites
* cancelling plans because, well, still chewing
* feeling blown off
* fear of letting people down
* man, ellipticals are confusing
* crimson embroidery floss. I’d forgotten how much fun that stuff is.
* good working breakfasts at favorite bakery
* favorite bakery‘s “Valentine Hate Bags.” I love that two of the sweetest people in my world are selling cookies engraved with “V.D. SUCKS” 😉
* feeling loved and of use/support to the people who matter most to me
* finally tried out the gym! and also another good hike around the lake
Back to chewing. Shabbat shalom to all!
Hey all! Sometimes when I read about people’s weeks, I don’t always know what’s literal and what’s figurative. Kind of fun.
-Having a shoe, no, a slipper, really, flicked in my direction, more or less. But it feels like a direct hit and hurts.
-Plantar fasciitis SUCKS.
-Challenges with literacy tutoring.
+Spring break to a warm place is planned, and I’m psyched.
+Feeling connected and challenged at work.
+Making a little breakthrough in literacy tutoring.
+Eating cleanly, and moving my body regularly (and vigorously). I feel good.
+Acquiring reusable produce bags.
+Enjoying my online class. It’s nice not having the pressure I felt in grad school. This is for fun, for ME.
+Bought myself TWO new pairs of shoes, which is unprecedented. They were on sale to boot. But they weren’t boots. Hah!
Oh Dear Chicken…
-Way overscheduled with other peoples stuff. My time is no longer my own it feels.
-M’s health still drifting down, not up.
-Sore throat, headachy, sniffly thing now.
-Much more clarity on TAB direction – ready to start!
-Birds at feeders, lettuce in the garden and the weather is warmer
-Understanding and accepting friends
-Wrapped up “thing” that’s been outstanding (out of my control) since October.
Good chickening to all!
Health! Nostrils and sinus cavities and ear canals that I can’t feel. Heaven.
Cleanliness! My house is clean. Lovely.
Organic veggies delivered on Wednesdays.
Riding my bicycle in 29 degrees to the beach today and then lying on the beach and looking at the sky.
Sitting with someone else’s pain. I suck at it.
Hmmm, Unfortunate Dayjob Episode would pretty much sum up the hard for me this week… But also makes me think of some weird comedy cartoon that exists only in my head. Anyway…
– The dayjob episodes…frustration, irritation, being upset, the ‘waaah’ why is this so unfair, the I can’t *believe* this…ugh. So glad it’s Friday.
– my former yoga teacher rescheduling her cancelled term of classes to a time + place I can’t make and so far not refunding me the money she owes me. Stressful.
– Rain rain rain rain rain rain rain.
– having people to vent and laugh about the horrible hard with
– drinks with my friend tonight.
– planning so much exciting stuff
– starting the second year of my MA. Yay!
– a beautiful spring day on Tuesday, and giving myself time to go and walk to the beach and sit there and watch the waves.
– it’s light when I walk to work and light when I leave work. Feels so good.
– kitty cuteness.
Ahh, Friday. Hello, chickies!
–Low-level vertigo, I think. Ew. Got to do those terrible exercises.
–Ongoing money worry worry worries.
–Gave my first two teleclasses, and people loved them! And they talked, and we made a safe place, and we had conversations! And I’ve been hearing that what I said helped people. There is nothing better. I’m so pleased that I’m also a good teacher/facilitator on the telephone.
–I used Metaphor Mouse and it worked again!! “Branding,” which I need to do right now but could hardly stand to think or read about, has turned into “designing invitations to my studio.” Yay! Now I have to figure out exactly what I’m inviting people to do!
–The fact that Gwish Day was cancelled was hard for about two seconds, because instead I get to go to a Rally! (Rally!) It all feels meant to be.
–New guitar techniques. I don’t learn this stuff fast. My teacher/duo partner is incredibly patient. What a feeling when I can do it for a minute!!
–All kinds of learning about what different clients need in this process I’m teaching, and which needs I do and don’t have to meet. Whew.
–The protestors in Egypt are succeeding.
Best wishes to all chickens!
Hi All! Happy Chicken. My love to everyone’s hard stuff!
My hard stuff:
– Having the troubles prioritizing (even though I have a bazillion prioritizing tools and tricks)
– Self-discovery can be a female dog
– Feeling socially excluded
– GUILT TRIPS!
– Acne. (Seriously, body? Seriously?)
The Good Stuff:
– Knowing that I am working on my stuff is exhilarating
– Learning that Thursdays (as a rule) suck at the J-O-B and choosing to not make any plans for after work was SUCH a good thing!
– Getting my back pulled apart and put back together on the cheap. sore now, but in a goooood way
– Learning awesome new ways at looking at stuff!
Silly dances and treats to all!
It sounds like I’m in good company with the hard hard week which mine included road blocks and monsters, chronic grief, back tracks, and unfinished stuff (cause we don’t use the word projects you know).
– Tons of ongoing sick (dying) cat issues
– A boat load of weather/travel disconnects totally hijacked 2 days
– Telling someone I was sorry they’re deadline is screwed but I cannot fix it this time (such angst; too much time and work deciding and carrying that out but yay me)
– Too many layers of decision in the things I need to accomplish to move forward
– Making advance arrangements in case the cat waits until after I leave for vacation to die (wringing hands and sweating bullets)
– Getting ready for my first vacation in almost 4 years
– Time with my granddaughter
– Building a plan to seize my role in an organization and finally get stuff done
– Saying no appropriately
– Not doing something I really didn’t want to do
– Shopping for new shoes (spilled a bucket of paint in the old ones) and came home with three pair courtesy of my gentleman friend (was helping paint his house)
Getting my hand held by a gentleman friend so I finally felt brave enough to make a purchase of a domain for my itty-biz.
Feeling brave enough to explain to him why I needed my hand held. Bless him, he didn’t laugh at me. I was so afraid he would, and he didn’t. Happy about that!
Finally understanding why I’m called to have my itty-biz and biggify the bejeepers out of it. SO many events in my life now make sense, that didn’t before.
Realizing I’ve outgrown a lot of long-term friendships. It makes me sad, but some friends and I are in completely different places in life right now. I hope that in another space and time, we can meet again.
Realizing that I need to make some new friends. Being alone much of the time sucks.
Figuring out how to biggify an itty-biz fast and on very very little money. Scared.
Havi, I’m so glad to hear about your wheel reekend and lying in hammocks and reading books! The downtime feels glorious, doesn’t it?
Overwork and brain frazzle from the final push to launch my cooking guide. I certainly didn’t expect that!
All sorts of emotions resurfacing as part of the biggifying. I’m not surprised, but not thrilled either.
Deep undercurrents of money dread. When I’m thinking rationally, I can put the thoughts away, but it’s going to take more clients/projects to feel really safe.
I launched my cooking guide! And people love it! So much good and celebration in seeing a project of this size to completion. Very exciting.
Feeling supported through the hard and really having people to witness and listen
Taking a mid-week weekend and reading a book! Slowly easing back into work and getting a whole bunch of little things marked of the list
Being so excited about the cooking guide, I just have to tell everyone about it (instead of pretending like it doesn’t exist – previous pattern). And you can find it at http://thefoodadvocate.net/easycookingforone 🙂
Unfortunate Dayjob Episode has the tunes that stick in your head, that’s for sure.
Having responsibility for more of the bills suddenly thrust upon me. Scary stuff. Panic attack inducing. How do single breadwinners deal with this?
Apocalyptic warnings from the parental units pushing the “What’s the Use?” button so hard that the letters wore off.
DD #2 was in an accident yesterday. She’s still ambulatory and no skin or bones were broken, but she’s in a lot of pain. Not being able to wave a wand and fix her (or the car).
I forgot that the Headache of Doom is not just temperature dependent, it is breeze dependent. Went out today in the wonderful 40F weather w/o a hat. It was breezy. Ow ow ow.
A Very Secret Project which has the potential to be a game changer.
I am reviewing Crafty Chica’s upcoming novel on March 9 on my blog and may have a guest post from her, and the novel arrived on Monday. The label said “Andrea Stern, Freelancer” 😀 😀
I took my plush to the local mom and pop fabric store and scored a teaching gig there next month.
I sold two pieces from my Etsy shop and two pieces from my website.
I sold three of the valentines I made for a lark and because that was what the energy wanted me to do (despite the monsters saying I was wasting time).
I am having a blast sewing these little pictures from photo transfers of my old artwork.
I got to spend some time with my good friend. It was healing to be able to just exhale.
The grass is green! And I hear birds in the morning! Spring is on its way!
Happy weekend, y’all!!!!
Glad to see chickens again – saw a little pillow that read like this –
Oh chick chick chick chick chicken,
Lay a little egg for me.
Chick chick chick chick chicken.
I want one for my tea.
I haven’t had an egg since breakfast,
And now its 1/2 past 3.
So Chick chick chick chick chicken,
Lay a little egg for me.
(adorable little pillow printed with this poem by Kate Toms.)
3 MRIs this week.
Showed arthritis in knee, degenerative apcray (anyone remember pig latin?)on spine, and fluid and other apcray on shoulder.
Plenty of pain to go with all of the above.
Most nights can’t get to sleep for hours because of pain shooting down my leg.
Sold half inventory of cards at one store and two thirds of inventory at another.
Made a lot of new designs.
Wonderful, fantastic neighbors who have a cute pup who got to come out to play with my dog. Made him happy, and brought lots of smiles and giggles to the humans.
Started some new art with new mediums.
Doctor allows only minimal hours back at daytime “real” job, so most days can still be art filled! (I can get lost in colors and glitters and glues and gems and be almost pain free for brief periods.)
Good weekend to all – and an egg, too!
It’s strange; I hesitate to Chicken, simply because part of me says that it’s pointless. That there’s nothing to be gained from hashing out the past. I’m suspecting that there’s some avoidance there. It’s like a “Future Is ALL!!!” Monster in there. I almost “Chickened Out” (ha, see what I did there?) but got caught right at the beginning, where it mentions “self-reflection.” I don’t think I can have too much of that now, can I?
Henceforth, I shall “Chicken IN”
-The Job. It irritates me. Makes me think of other things I could be doing. Then I feel guilty because it really does give me a lot of freedom. Argh.
-Staring at the sad, sad little blog. The one that hasn’t been touched in months. I don’t know if I want to start over. It feels like a neglected child in the closet.
-Wanting to improve NOW, and having to remind myself that transitions are mega-important.
-Feeling a bit lonely. Could be the Valentine’s weekend that’s creating this bit of melancholy, but I really want to remember what it’s like to snuggle with somebody.
+Did my first dance workshop with my pal! And people LOVED it!! This has potential.
+After being off the Shiva Nata for a good week or so, got back on that particular train. Had a huge moment of bing this morning. It involved creating a parallel between spending money and time, something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.
+Did a really intense art piece that involved my hands being bound, a two and a half hour play list, and a 5’x 10′ canvas. My first foray into abstract. My friggin’ classmates loved it! I made two of them cry! What da heck?!?
+Turned off the TV and got into reading again. This is good stuff.
+Realizing that when you take inventory, you discover that your week was far better than you initially thought. 😉
– Husband is around and I have almost noooo time to spend with him.
– Job issues for husband that need to be discussed and thought about and I have almost nooo time for this.
– Once I find a moment for both than I am just too exhausted.
– Other people’s last minute changes that make my full days at work even fuller.
– Lack of silent moments.
– Our big “event” at work has started and it is so wonderful to be part of it. Great performances, lots of wonderful and interesting people, people being happy to see each other.
– I do tick things of my to-do-list even though new things keep coming onto the list.
– Beautiful time in the park last Sunday.
– It is comparatively mild and SUNNY and the birds are chirping happily.
– One night of really wonderful 10 hour sleep made up for previous nights with not so good sleep.
– Found a cute dress for no money in an outlet.
The Playground still doesn’t have heating.
And we have the Shiva Nata teacher training coming up next weekend. Stupid space heaters is not what I want (though thanks to everyone who has donated — you’re awesome!).
I’ve been feeling especially like saying “Yallah!” this week to things that should be done/fixed/settled and aren’t.
Welcome back, Havi. Tons of love for another hard week and another awesome display if hard-week-wrangling on your part. And we appreciate you, always. 🙂
Speedy chicken for me this week. (Speedy chicken!)
The hard: Days of unremitting procrastination, rebellion, resentment, misery and feeling like life was a huge burden I’d been dumped with by God and I just wanted to give up and throw it all away.
The good: Realising that for me, the answer was in the question. Feeling like my life had been dumped on me by God? Give it back. And the startling rush of energy and productivity that came from that realisation.
Er, ‘of’. Display OF hard-week-wrangling. Bless my iPhone. 🙂
Hooray for a real weekend!
Yep, Saturday, but at least I’m finally doing the Chicken.
– Being sick all week – started in earnest last Friday
– Scheduled vacation days needing to be ditched because of work things that got pushed back due to the blizzard.
– OMG, I have a large chunk of my dissertation proposal due in about 2 weeks and I haven’t put anything down on paper. Much is swirling around in the brain.
– Vague criteria for final project in current class that is worth 50% of my grade.
– Panic, dread and overwhelm being my “best” friends this week
+ Being sick for the third time in one year has finally convinced me that I need to detox from the junk food in my diet. 7 days and counting! Down 6 pounds which is a bonus!
+ Productive talk with my boss about some negative comments I got on my teaching evaluations. Apparently the anonymity of the Internet caused ALL instructors to get zinged by at least one student in each of their classes. Some really cruel things were written that made my “waste of time and money” comment look tame.
+ Good chat with the doctoral director about the most recent class and what worked and what didn’t.
+ Massive flash of insight on how to approach my final project that will not only satisfy the requirement but will knock a big thing off my work to do list! Love it when I can use school assignments for work purposes!
+ Quick turnaround on draft of final project – the instructor likes where I’m going with it! WooHoo!
+ Temps above freezing!! And supposed to be there for the whole week ahead!! Melt, darn snow, Melt! (Apologizes to you winter enthusiasts – I would like to be able to see clearly to turn left and not risk my life every time I do).
Have a great weekend, everyone!
Chick chick chick chick Chicken!
-Not enough time to write the Chicken on Friday.
-(whine alert) Big red spot on my cheek from a “freeze” treatment on a mole. Looks like the zit from hell from a distance, and worse close up. No concealer til it heals.
-Wasting a lot of time this week instead of working on my clutter.
+Jennifer Hofmann’s Inspired Home Office Wish Kit teleclass Friday afternoon. Awesome! Breakthroughs continuing today! Thanks, Jen!
+Attended a play last night with some (maybe new) friends.
+Ooh, ooh, possible options to replace Gwish Day!
+Another chance to Chicken.
Wrote a whole chicken last week and then it mysteriously disappeared which was very woo woo ’cause the whole thing was about my dad’s death and I was resisting writing about it anyway.
So this week’s hard:
*A continuation of last week. Grief – an unpredictable b—h.
*Weird family dynamics related to the above.
*So difficult to be compassionate to myself during this time.
*Sick – bad cold with fever.
*Co-teacher out all week with the flu and many students too.
*A shoe thrown at me during a parent meeting – ouch, not in any shape to handle it well.
*Close friend’s husband in a serious accident. In ICU.
*Incredible support from AdMan
* Ditto for co-workers and friends
*Amazing moment of appreciation from my son.
*No more snow for the time being.
*Profound last hours with dad.
This is not actually a Chicken but a belated personal ad.
I’ve never officially written one but last week when I saw the invitation, I thought of one, which was “I wish I had some spaciousness in my week.” (Spaciousness is one of my themes for 2011.) I felt like my week was all over-scheduled and constricted and seemed like it would be no fun at all.
So guess what? No one showed up for the event I scheduled on Monday so I left work early on Monday for nothing–yes, nothing! which was delicious. And then the event happened on Tuesday which is when everyone else thought it was. Then on Thursday my friend canceled our usual dinner and dancing because he was too busy! Ah, spaciousness! And I didn’t have to do anything. (Still working on sovereignty which was one of my themes for 2010.)
So that’s the hard and the good and the power of personal ads all in one!
Another late chicken … or maybe it’s an early ‘ask’.
Best of wishes with your gwishes and asks coming up.
The Hard: I’ve been crying for a do-over of last week since, uhm, Monday. (eeesh) Apparently I do not control the space-time continuum and this is not going to happen. (Who knew?)
So it is over and let’s move on.
The Good: oy the learning: I had the (emergency)need to put a safety net in place for work/a friend and thought “wish I had someone looking out for me this way” and then the epiphanies started. (My wish for this week is to be little less battered and bruised at the end of it.)
Hope your weekends were what you wanted and needed and Good Week to you all!
Hugs for everyone’s bruises!
Stuff with Mr G. Old patterns.
Wanting to get help together – so that we can heal together, live with our differences, practise something different than what is not working. Wondering and worrying that this is the path I am going to have walk by myself. Missing him.
In spite of the situation above. I ate 2 chocolates and threw the rest of my chocolate out. That has to be a first. I just didn’t want it. It didn’t comfort me. It could be a blip or an old pattern has been released.
Regularly playing an amazing meditation CD which helps with all this stuff. Already helping me and feeding the positive – even if I am really wary of the man who has created it – the meditation bit is amazing.
Writing a post about rage – this feels significant and right and meaningful somehow. Letting light into the darkness kind of meaningful.
Having moments of being able to watch my own rage., Experiencing releasing tears through meditation, soft, holding, comfort.
More ideas about creating video postcards making use of my creative body and ranting tendencies to write monologues.
Growing more dreams.
Sleep. Oh my God, head hits pillow – deep sleep. ANother amazing first really.
A very late chicken:
things are good, huzzah!
New project that wants to eat my head, because it’s that much fun.
Things getting done in the way I like!
Helping someone with a problem and having them like what I did!
And today the super secret wonderful thing took another step toward its own existence.
Also? I’ve been invited to speak at a conference (http://momentumcon.com) and I’m SO EXCITED I could burst. Lots of amazing speakers on the roster, and of course my inner 10 year old thinks EVERYONE should come. (except Havi, since she’s on travel sabbatical).
the hard: little things, very small.
Money hiccups that are self-resolving, yay.
People I spend a lot of time with being more attached to their own hard than to resolving it, which makes me crazy but it is notmyprocessnotmyprocessnotmyprocess. And not my headache, either, at the end of the day.
Learning hiccups. Not being PERFECT yet, dammit. Being all tired and brain scrambled on day six.
but really? a good positive balance in the ledger.
Last week actually didn’t have too much hard, but today (Sunday, which I consider day 1) is proving to be lots of hard. I’m really tired because I didn’t put myself together on time the last two nights. I was schmoozing with my house guest but still, not enough sleep. Also I’m supposed to be writing grant applications today, which is crazy hard for me. So I’m not accomplishing anything. Ugh, hard.
I was able to write up a 6-page skeleton of a proposal for my advisor by breaking the project into two-page increments-yay, me!
My advisor thought it was a really good project idea and urged me to go ahead.
I had a very helpful meeting with a writing consultant at school and she had all sorts of good tips.
I worked Friday at the national gender studies graduate research conference, which decreased my work time on my proposal but was FUN FUN FUN!
I’m late on chickening in, again. #iwillgetbetteratthisritualthing
* Operations on my baby
Hard: loooong day, stressful, waiting for them to come and say everything is fine. Now waiting to see results of hearing test to find out what permanent damage might remain.
Good: all appears fine, he pulled up well, seems to be hearing better and no soreness etc. One complicating factor off the table.
* Autism dietary intervention
Hard: what the fuck will he EAT?? How will I get him to eat that stuff he won’t touch??
Good: click click click all the pieces go together, I’m sure there is validity to this theory and this approach will make a difference.
Hard: Guilt over crappy pre- and ante-natal nutrition which gave me bad flora mix to start off with and then thrush in the boobies when he was three weeks old which obviously got in his mouth (and all through his gut) and we shared back and forth for FOUR MONTHS before managing to nail it, so no WONDER he has had poor immunity, “failure to thrive”, shitty appetite, picky picky picky eater, chronic middle ear crap and autism symptoms.
YES!! It’s ALL MY FAULT!!! Gah!!! Why doesn’t anybody KNOW about this!???!
AND WHY WASN’T I TOLD??????…. (because western medicine doesn’t believe it yet and you weren’t a TCM convert back then and even if you were they wouldn’t connect it because TC diet is not overladen with sugar, yeast, dairy and wheat and so a structured approach like this doesn’t come from that medical tradition it just comes from the surrounding (traditional) culture where people absorb it by osmosis).
Good: Okay we can work on this! Yeastie Beastie killing sprees! Followed by Meat broths! Mushy vegies! Kefir! Reintroduce fruit and texture slowly! No gluten, regular dairy or yeast for a while! Oh dear me, I can do this I can do this I can do this
* An afternoon of FLOW!
Hard: what was the formula for that again? D’oh!! Not finding it since…
Good: OUTPUT!!! Feeling like maybe I’m moderately competent person!
Hard: Yes. They are.
Good: We have them. This is good. We are both SHOWING UP.
Also, FOUND my remote control for the DVD player. Yay! That is filed under ‘good’ only.