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We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.


Item! Wednesday needs to stop sneaking up on me.

Fluent Self Item!A somewhat goofy mini-collection of stuff I’ve been reading, stuff I’ve been thinking about and oh, some completely random crap.

Basically the stuff that never gets mentioned here because I’m not the kind of person who can just make some teeny little point. Not into the whole brevity thing, as the Dude would say.

Actually, I’m under the strict compulsion to write ten pages about anything on my mind. So this is me. Practicing brevity.

Seriously? Wednesday?

I don’t get it. Especially since that seems to indicate that tomorrow might be Thursday and I’m not sure how I feel about that. Moving on. Items!

Item! Post No. 39 in a series that is apparently self-perpetuating, because people refuse to stop being cool, weird or interesting — or doing cool, weird, interesting things.

Item! You need a calendar, right?

Since I already spend way too much time in the online store of Leah Piken Kolidas online store, falling in love with her paintings, the news that yes, she did a calendar this year made me really, really happy.

I’m not even such a calendar person, but yes, it would be kind of nice to know what month it is. Or what day it is, for that matter.

And if I can see one of Leah’s gorgeous pieces each month (other than her painting that’s hanging in my hallway), life is good. So I ordered one and can’t wait to get it.

Here’s the coolest part.

If you pre-order the calendar by November 30th, she’ll do a personal drawing on your birthday square in the calendar.


She’s @leah_art on Twitter.

Item! Yup. The flexible umlaut!

This bit from the much adored Nancy Friedman made me laugh. And cringe.

I’m so her Right People. I’m also the person who recently couldn’t buy toothpaste because it had a ludicrous non-functioning aesthetically-horrifying umlaut in the name.

She’s @fritinancy on Twitter.

Item! This completely made my week.

Every once in a while I come across something by a complete stranger that’s about one of my products or something I’ve taught.

And it always makes me go whoooooaaaaaah, right. All these smart, interesting people are using this stuff and I don’t even know them.

“I know I’m not ‘fixed’, just like that. I know it’s something I’ll have to keep working on. But I know how to maintain this. I’m confident that things won’t be as bad as they were ever again.”

I thought this was a beautiful post about working with procrastination stucknesses. And I loved that she called the post Flow.

Item! The great Italian pizza fiasco.

This is from Cate’s Culturally Teaching blog.

It’s a great story. Man. Having lived in three countries, I probably have a thousand stories like that, all hastily repressed. And yeah, her point is a good one.

“But really, we only fail in such situations if we don’t learn something from them. And from this experience, I learned to be a cultural sponge, not a cultural hammer.”

Do you know Cate?

She’s @CateBrubaker on Twitter.

Item! You have to love a man who says Quindozillion.

Ah, the delightful William S. Randall. Who has been Itemized before.

Because it takes balls to have a tagline about turning your clients into zombies.

That is an enormous amount of human life flushed down the drain That is a huge opportunity. Because the eyeballs are there. Because people don’t have to be coaxed into watching video online like they did buying stuff online 10 years ago.

Keep reading.

I have no idea why he’s not on Twitter. Dude! Come hang out at the bar!

Item! A year of yarn. No, a year of yarn.

Come on, people who are busily making me fan-socks (the kind without toes and heels, please, so I can wear them while teaching yoga, thank you!).

You need more yarn, right? Gorgeous, gorgeous yarn.

And Tara the Blonde Chicken is still doing her yarn-subscription thing, but is only letting a few more people in before she goes crazy, as related in this funny, funny post called The Yarn Mail always Rings Twice.

“If your loved ones are asking you ‘What do you want for Christmas/Hanukkah/Solstice/your birthday?’, here’s your answer: A Year of Yarn! If they’re not asking you, what’s wrong with them?

This is a particularly good test of just how close a “loved one” is: could you ask them for a Year of Yarn?

Or would they find that completely ridiculously crazy?

If they don’t blink an eye and instead say something like “Hmm…that’s 12 months of yarn for the price of 10, what a deal!”, you know have a keeper. Like, forever. If not already blood related – marry this person! Put yarn in your vows! Knit yourself a dress like this!”

She’s @blondechicken on Twitter.

Item! Flow charts never get boring.

My latest two (non-xkcd) favorites are:

Okay. And the xkcd flowcharts:

Item! Update from the land of the Peculiar & Hilarious Shivanauts!

The “peculiar and hilarious” thing comes from Melynda’s sweet bit about Butterfly Wishes.

This sweet, insightful piece from Thorin Messer is awesome. And he wrote it for me! I don’t think anyone has ever written a blog post for me.

Except, you know, ranty people who don’t like me. Which totally doesn’t count.

“When did this happen? When I was a kid, I didn’t give a shit about being good at stuff. What I liked, as a kid, I liked doing stuff. Anything. Totally wacky, goofy, even dumb stuff. Making useless, inane noises. Throwing my body around like I was a rag doll. I didn’t have to execute a perfect tango. I could jump up and down!”

He’s @thorinmesser on Twitter.

Item! Comments!

So it was really cool the other week when I got to work on my practice of how I ask for stuff and you guys gave me the best recommendations ever!

Here’s what I want this time:

  • Things you’re thinking about.
  • That song that won’t get out of your head.

My commitment.
I am committed to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and I will interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible for me.

Even though asking for what I want still feels awkward for me, I’m just going to remind myself that this is a thing I’m practicing.

That is all.

Happy reading.

And happy Blustery Windsday. See you tomorrow.

27 Responses to Item! Wednesday needs to stop sneaking up on me.

  1. Laurie
    Twitter: lauriegay

    Things I’m thinking about:

    (1) The tension between having some semblance of a plan, but being fully present and allowing the moment to guide me.

    (2) Why can I never seem to wake up early, but I love it when I get up early…

    (3) How much I LOVE how the hard stuff is the raw material for the very best stuff. I love that moment when I start to feel the hard, hard shift things, and it starts to feel verrrrrry eerily perfect.

    Song I cannot get out of my head:

    (1) Winter Wonderland (ALL YEAR LONG this is in my head)
    (2) Blood, by the Middle East (who are an Aussie band). It’s beautiful.

    Thanks, Havi :)
    .-= Laurie´s last post … Tuesday Styles #5: Juicy Juicy Edition =-.

  2. Hiro Boga
    Twitter: HiroBoga

    I love the What Religion Should You Follow flowchart! Besides the fact that it made me laugh till my belly hurt, it answers all the questions I ever had about this Very Important Subject. :-)

    Things I’m thinking about:

    The great gift of sleeping-in, and how pajama days are food, water and air. Also, healing. And restorative. And fun. I’m having one of those days today.

    How everything in my life is completely and utterly itself, no matter what stories I spin about it. And how listening for the inner story that each carries within it is healing, mind-and-heart-expanding, and more wonderfully weird than anything I could possibly have dreamed up.

    Happy Wednesday, everyone!

    Love, Hiro
    .-= Hiro Boga´s last post … Sunday Poem #8 =-.

  3. Kyeli
    Twitter: kyeli

    Did you see the toe-less heel-less socks at Sock Dreams?

    These are just toe-less.

    These are toe-less with little grippies on the bottoms – I have the blue and green ones and they are incredibly awesome and super comfy. (;

    And these are totally toe- and heel-less.

    Socks! (:
    .-= Kyeli´s last post … “The Body Sacred” – part two: My Sacred Body =-.

  4. Kyeli
    Twitter: kyeli

    Also, I’m thinking weddingweddingwedding and then, occasionally, IRELAND OMG!, and I’m wondering what Owl is trying to tell me by popping up all over the place lately. (:

    *smooshy hugs*
    .-= Kyeli´s last post … “The Body Sacred” – part two: My Sacred Body =-.

  5. Hiro Boga
    Twitter: HiroBoga

    Okay, so here’s a quote from a blog that offers random facts about absolutely anything:

    “A Kentucky statute states, ‘No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she is escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.’ Later, an amendment proposed: ‘The provisions of this statute shall not apply to any female weighing less than sixty pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds; nor shall it apply to female horses.'”

    No socks, but female horses in bathing suits. I thought it was worth a mention! :-)
    .-= Hiro Boga´s last post … A Fine Romance =-.

  6. Lori Paximadis
    Twitter: Virtuallori

    Öy. Randöm ümlaüts. What are they thïnking?

    In my head? Lots of doubts about my ability to get everything done that must be done this week. Quite a bit of self-flagellation for not getting certain things taken care of earlier (and some corresponding resolve to not let it get to that point again). But also a blue silk ribbon (my current visualization of “flow,” my theme for the year [and almost certainly next, and probably the one after that]) that I’m trusting to guide me through the maze of to-dos and must-dos and should-dos with some recharge stops along the way.

    Today’s earworm is Can’t Touch This, for inexplicable reasons, and it refuses to budge. Sadly, I’m locked into an editing project this afternoon, and I simply can’t do that work (can’t touch it!) with music on in the background, so I can’t just throw something else on the stereo and be done with it.
    .-= Lori Paximadis´s last post … Technoupgrade =-.

  7. leah says:

    For some odd reason, the song Candy by Iggy Pop is in my head. Whhhhyyyyy?? I think it’s because the hubster took the remaining Halloween candy into work with him. lol. “Candy, candy, candy, I can’t let you go…” Oh dear.

    Thanks so much for the calendar mention, Havi darlin! I so appreciate it!
    .-= leah´s last post … Art Every Day Month: November 4th =-.

  8. Barbara J Carter
    Twitter: barbarajcarter

    “Which religion” has to be the best flowchart ever!

    And now, thanks to the “Hey Jude” flowchart, that’s the song that’s stuck in my head. Oy.
    .-= Barbara J Carter´s last post … Santa Fe: Art, Food, and Chocolate, oh my! =-.

  9. Carol Logan Newbill
    Twitter: 2fishweb

    Things I am thinking about:

    – Work. About problems with certain clients and how to reframe them so they aren’t “problems” but… what? opportunities? That sounds so trite when what I want to be is an awesome bringer of solutions.

    – Last night’s dreams about a conversation with my physical body, where it explained to me what it needed from me and promised to support me and quit dealing pain if I supported it. And monsters. There were monsters in the dream as well. The monsters were not good and I need to find out what they meant and why they are there.

    – My sister, in a melancholy but sweet way. She loved this time of year. It’s hard that she is gone.

    – This time of year, because I love it too. And ohmygosh, what a glorious moon there has been for walking under the last few nights.

    Earworm (and it’s all Dave Navarro’s [@RockYourDay] fault): “Rock With You,” because every time I open Twitter there he is. I’d much rather be listening to Jeff Lorber in my head, thankyouverymuch.

    Onward to the remainder of Wednesday. Happy one to all of you!
    .-= Carol Logan Newbill´s last post … Two Great Ways to Send Your Readers Fleeing into the Night =-.

  10. Charlotte says:

    The Flow Chart of Flow Chart Understandingness is awesome. :D

    Also, apparently I should be an atheist.

    Things in my head:

    One of my delicious and nutritious business partners is going in for surgery. :(

    My Bertrand Russell books have arrived at the library!

    Launching a new project… and stuckness.

    It’s a beautiful day. Time for a walk!
    .-= Charlotte´s last post … How NOT to SEO. (In which I receive a crappy pitch from a John.) =-.

  11. Emily
    Twitter: emilyroots

    Oh goody, goody! Thanks for posting Leah’s calendar. I had seen it a few weeks ago and thought, when my November fun money is in, that would be so nice! And hello? Yarn-a-month? From the Blonde Chicken? I want it just to eat it. Eat it I say! Because her yarn looks yummy! Uh, is this too many exclamation points? (!)
    In my head: this nanowrimo thing…my book has gotten out of control with too many nuns taking over (I’m killing some off in a couple of days), telepathic dolphins plotting a rescue mission and surprise bananas. It’s taken on a life of its own. But it’s also on my mind.
    Song in my head: Hold On To Yourself by Nick Cave (“On a thousand-and-one nights like these, she mutters open sesame and Ali Baba and his 40 thieves launch her off the face of the world…”)
    .-= Emily´s last post … The Inner Editor Changes Her Point of View =-.

  12. claire
    Twitter: claireofRA

    “The Ballad of Lea and Paul” by K’s Choice.

    I’ve been thinking about my ask for this week and how though it is about photos I want from 1 of 2 people, it’s about wanting them to show up for me. The one who hasn’t returned my emails for years just left on tour according to his website, so I bailed on asking him. The other person is typically besieged with heavy responsibilities which I acknowledged, but I also made it clear the photos are important to me. Kinda felt my stomach drop after I sent it because I hadn’t really intended to be vulnerable.

    Dude, asking for stuff that’s important to you is hard. And I even feel a little bit like a jerk for asking since it seems like such a dumb thing, or rather I think they think it’s a dumb thing. Sigh.

    On the upside, I tracked down 1 photo from that night that I’d emailed to my dad in 2003 that I’d forwarded to myself from his account in 2006. So, that’s a little progress anyway.
    .-= claire´s last post … Rainy day, 2 =-.

  13. Sally J.
    Twitter: sally_j

    The glowingly happy shepherdess and her gorgeous flowing wool wedding gown *completely* made my day. Hooray for random joy!

    Here’s some random joy I’d like to pass along: A video of weaving recorded audio tape into fabric that will make audible sound if you run a tape head over it. Gadzooks! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDF2N5IY5cA
    .-= Sally J.´s last post … Little. Yellow. Dangerous. =-.

  14. Anna
    Twitter: annabarnett

    I give you: “criteria for the proper tactical usage of the phrase ‘oh snap’: a flowchart”

    What I’m thinking about – man, I had a ridiculously ambitious destuckification/biggification agenda going last month, and then I put it all aside to do the move, and then the travels through space, time and memory turned my self-work muscles into mashed potatoes. I don’t even know where to start.

    But claire’s comment reminded me – maybe a personal ad. That could work.

    Song in my head: “Famous Barmaid” by Exene Cervenka. Been in there a week or more. Will. Not. Leave. And it doesn’t even have a tune!

  15. linda says:

    i am SO your people– i refused to eat ice cream at store named “Dear Heart’s” (what’s with the apostrophe? it slays me every time) and my husband has told me to never mention this to anyone because it makes me sound bizarre. hon, i think Havi understands.

    once again, thank you Havi

  16. ilikered
    Twitter: carriemoore


    YES YES. “What I’m thinking about – man, I had a ridiculously ambitious destuckification/biggification agenda going last month, and then I put it all aside to do the move, and then the travels through space, time and memory turned my self-work muscles into mashed potatoes. I don’t even know where to start.”

    ME TOO! And,I think your idea about putting a personal ad out for this is a good one.

  17. Faith says:

    Thinking about — NaNoWriMo and how it actually seems to be HAPPENING for me this year, as opposed to the last several years when it just didn’t, no matter how much I wanted it to. Also, why is my space such a wreck, and where did all of this STUFF come from, anyway?

    Song in my head — Hey Jude, thanks to this post.
    .-= Faith´s last post … Why I Won’t Retire =-.

  18. Amy Crook
    Twitter: amysnotdeadyet

    Thinking about my new art site, and all the posts I have to do, and also finishing up the zombie heads (they’re stitch markers made from glow-in-the-dark polymer clay).

    No songs are managing to sneak in past the iTunes shuffle, which is good — though that ’90s flow chart is trying. ;)
    .-= Amy Crook´s last post … Gifts – It’s the Thought =-.

  19. spiralsongkat
    Twitter: spiralsongkat

    No particular song keeping my head company today, but last week I was sufficiently intrigued by Mr. B, the Gentleman Rhymer that I listened to a few more of his songs, and a particular line from “Timothy” (He was a whiz with a cricket bat/But he never used to talk like that…) got caught in my head and stayed with me for days.

    Today I am thinking about routines and rituals, and the fact that some of the routines I have may be impeding some of the rituals I crave.
    .-= spiralsongkat´s last post … Some people cry at weddings… =-.

  20. elizabeth
    Twitter: elizabethhalt

    I am thinking about God on Twitter. I have no idea how I just stumbled across this blog post but it is the best thing ever:

    .-= elizabeth´s last post … my four-legged caretaker =-.

  21. Riin
    Twitter: happyfuzzyyarn

    But…Buddhism is non-theistic!
    .-= Riin´s last post … Blog Action Day 2009: Climate Change =-.

  22. Tracy
    Twitter: verdissage

    Song that is on lovely repeat in my head (and sometimes actually on my iPod): “Strangers” by Kris Delmhorst. Lyrics here: http://www.krisdelmhorst.com/lyrics/strangers.html
    .-= Tracy´s last post … Retrospective: Stumbling Towards Grace =-.

  23. Yael Grauer
    Twitter: yaelwrites

    I am thinking about how cool all those links are! And about how I’ve never really felt like I truly belong anywhere for as long as I can remember, though I have had momentary glimpses of what it feels like. And about how one of my patterns is creating situations where I think I feel trapped and then resisting them, but this time I’m trying to be more honest with myself about how I’m not really stuck and I get to make and am making most of my own choices. About how we can do things to try to build what we call security but that it’s really not secure anyway. About Alan Watts who said that aiming at security “means to isolate and fortify the ‘I,’ but it is just the feeling of being an isolated I which makes me feel lonely and afraid” and all the ways I do that. Thinking of all the things I love and will miss about Tucson if I leave, and how long is it gonna take us to find out if we are going to leave, and about how it’s not my friends I’ll miss the most but all of the friendships that never happened, the really cool amazing people I really wanted to be friends with who were busy or not interested or it somehow didn’t work out for whatever reason. Ending possibilities…

    Songs stuck in my head include several pagan chants, How Could Anyone, and after looking at that flow chart, Hey Jude.
    .-= Yael Grauer´s last post … Loving Tucson: Fit and Fabulous =-.

  24. Karinne
    Twitter: misskrin

    Like quite a few people, I now have “Hey Jude” stuck in my head.

    However, most of this week I’ve had a couple of songs that are indicative of my headspace:

    Custard – We Have the Technology
    Specifically: “I called my baby a Piece of S**t She hated it, I hated it Funny thing is now we both feel fine” Summing up my current relationship clashes. Not literally, thankfully

    Tom Petty – Learning to Fly
    Specifically: “I’m learning to fly, but I ain’t got wings, coming down, is the hardest thing” It’s my blog title, for a different reason, so I’m not surprised it would be in my head. However, it does sum up the feeling that I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and wondering where my wings have gone.

    Ben Lee – We’re all in this together AND Gamble everything for love.
    Specially: the title lines of both. Perhaps the anti-dote to the above? The reason for putting up with the above?

    What I should be singing?
    The Cat Empire – 1,4,5; Manifesto; Waltz; and Panama
    All songs about joy and living in the moment, living a life of purpose and beleiving in things that are impossible.
    .-= Karinne´s last post … Going home (for a short period of time) =-.

  25. Sandra
    Twitter: sandrajapandra

    The song that is stuck in my head like a radioactively mutated moth banging around in a small jar is Poker Face, South Park version. #killmenow
    .-= Sandra´s last post … Transform yourself into a beeyootiful princess… =-.

  26. HollyMarieHill
    Twitter: HollyMarieHill

    Leah’s art is beautiful – and reminded me a bit of another artist who’s stuff I love: http://shano-studio.com

  27. Hayley Lau says:

    I was so surprised to find your comment on my blog post and totally did a little happy dance. Thank you for taking the time to do that, and to include your thoughts about it in this post. It was so uplifting.

    And I’m sure you know how thankful I am for sharing your advice and content. You’re doing such a great thing here, and I’m going to be recommending you to everyone I think will be interested.
    .-= Hayley Lau´s last post … things i wish i knew before i opened shop =-.

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