2016-calendar-blog-post-cover

glowing doors

it’s funny, when this coming year whispered its name to me
— the Year of Doors —
back in September,
I did not register at the time just how much thresholding
is in this threshold

on New Year’s Eve, I officially exit the
metaphorical chocolate shop,
which is actually the Red Rose Ballroom,
the venue I am somewhat accidentally in charge of (long story),
aka the other half of my business

sweet bitter-sweet

it is a sweet-bittersweet ending,
as befits a chocolate shop named for a rose

my freedom-heart rejoices in being done
with something that consumes my time/energy/resources and is not my joy,
while my dancer-heart aches knowing that this stunning and
historic space will not be danced in again,
it’s being turned into some sort of fancy showroom
this makes no sense to me but while I wasn’t looking
my city filled up, seemingly overnight, with grownups who do grownup things

what doors are for

but everything changes and everything ends, and that’s what doors are for,
marking the moment of moving through

and in one month’s time, I exit my
sweet home where I’ve lived for the past seven years
and then exiting the city I no longer want to be in

where am I going?
what a beautiful question — I can’t wait to find out
it’s a huge dark mahogany door marked with an X
I thought the X was for mystery,
but of course it is for treasure

X marks the spot
and the mystery is the treasure
so my job is to treasure the mysteries

many doors await me this year, right from the beginning

exiting (and entering) with intention.

the entry into my magical ballroom
has a message that arches above the double doors:
enter as you wish to be in it

and on the other side:
exit as you wish to continue

ritual

my hsp introvert new year’s eve ritual
is to hang out with my favorite person
(incoming me, who is wise, funny, fearless, wild)
and together we name wishes
then early to bed

52 wishes: here they are

  1. I treasure myself at all times and in all ways
  2. joyfully releasing what is not wild intense passionate yes
  3. it is fun for me to let my most glamorous playful independent self take the reins
  4. new clarity lets me see how Operation Resilience (a long-time-ago experience of not having a home, long months of uncertainty, hard memories of some terrifying cold sleepless nights) was more than just useful, it was proof of Endless Miracles and There Is No Edge
  5. I say yes to now and to what is now (“oh we’re over here now, let me turn the page!”) with the superpowers of Adaptability and Humor)
  6. I am plenty, I have plenty, I see plenty, and remembering this becomes automatic, my thank-you heart fills with appreciation
  7. no big deal, just undoing rigging like it’s my job (it is!)
  8. panther training — proxy mission — fills me with delight, and it’s a double meaning, training to be a panther (fierce, powerful, embodied fluid grace), and training the twenty four panthers in my invisible entourage
  9. I find joy in practice — superpower of “in it for the long haul”
  10. grand adventures that are pleasurable, healing, sweet and fun
  11. I feel and perceive that I am strikingly beautiful, regardless of what mirrors and monsters show me — and yes, this is another superpower of aliveness and delight in life, seeing my own glow and allowing myself to be impressed by it
  12. easy relaxed positive confident striding through space, and all the superpowers of Unapologetically Taking Up Space
  13. timely Congruencing, following the next indicated step in life/business based on my instinct and my yes, and making changes accordingly
  14. all the right exit strategies reveal themselves, especially the one about forty
  15. the most wonderful clues are everywhere, and I see them and smile (literally as I wrote this, the person next to me at the cafe asked what I was writing, and I wrote “plans” on a napkin, and he said, “oh, I’m a professional planner with a degree in planning, I love it when people make plans!”, then I looked up and noticed there’s a horseshoe on the wall of this place where I sit all the time, and this is what I mean by clues everywhere)
  16. so very present, I am here, I want to be here now
  17. I give myself rest, generously, without skimping or making faces or saying things like “oh I have no idea why I’m so tired”, because I know that rest is mine and it’s how I take care of myself, and it doesn’t need a reason
  18. I choose LIFE and delight in aliveness, even the hard parts, I welcome life, I remember that my name (in hebrew) means life and (Eve) was called life because she was the mother of all aliveness, I am positively vibrant with this living, this is not easy and that’s probably why it is my name
  19. I own very little, and love everything that I own
  20. sweet ease-filled harmonious adjustments
  21. I take pleasure…and pleasure takes me…mmmmmhmmmmm
  22. time with friends and people who are important to me
  23. I easily let go of what is done
  24. the calendar qualities of the Year of Doors — FREEDOM SANCTUARY LUSCIOUSNESS ROOTS WILD WONDER HARMONY MUSE INTENTION CENTER ECHOING LIGHT — whoosh their way into every crevice of my life, and I become friends with these qualities and am so glad I invited them in
  25. balance, grace, agility, adaptability: in my body and how I am in the world
  26. I remember that there is (and I have) plenty of time
  27. each day I challenge the rigged game, whether with laughter and a raised eyebrow, or with powerful purposeful graceful dismantling
  28. I pursue what appeals, panther-like
  29. food is delicious, and I savor it with full sensory delight
  30. luscious minimalism: I live by this
  31. I cherish my body, in sickness and in health, as they say in vows…
  32. wise funny creative me to the front of the V!
  33. maintaining steady contact with my Incomings and wise wild selves
  34. playing in pretty places
  35. I respect all current intel about myself (for example, that I need to be somewhere warmer and quieter right now, got it, am working on it!)
  36. related: I do not try to force myself to be “normal” (whatever that means), to adhere to or accommodate any external expectations, stated or perceived
  37. in all situations, I ask for more intel, and set clear loving expectations at all times
  38. saying hello to what I want by investigating sparks
  39. ha, it turns out that I love being [age], and the crisis everyone I know had at this age passes me by because I’ve had enough of those, and I have a wonderful birthday, I insist on it and make room for quiet reflection!
  40. I take mind-blowing dance lessons that give me exactly what I need to learn
  41. my imaginary reality show (Montage) is the most joyful, rewarding challenge I have ever taken on, and even on the hard days, I appreciate it so much, also proxies are awesome
  42. I am able to see/feel plentiful visible improvement in my dancing, internal and external, in confidence and in form, and this is beautifully reflected from me and back to me in marvelous unexpected ways
  43. this is the year of plentiful good surprises, and all the best seeds
  44. hello, fourpees: Passion, Pleasure, Precision, Presence! (Brandi Tobias, famous dance teacher, has her Four Ps of dance: Posture, Pitch, Poise and Position, while another dance teacher I study with talks about how the keys/Ps to dance are Persistence, Practice, Patience and Perseverance, and I will take all of that too, though my fourpees are more fun!)
  45. wildly hot sex, just ridiculously-off-the-charts levels of this, and plenty of it, amen
  46. I get quieter and quieter and quieter, and I love it
  47. I feel wonderfully at home wherever I go, cozy nests reveal themselves to me, and when the time is right, my new just-right-for-me home shows up for me
  48. following my yes in all things, 120%, wild and passionate sparks of yes
  49. brave and fearless in entering and exiting adventures, generous with smiles
  50. rejoicing in the beautiful things of life
  51. I am ready to retire, not just to quit fake grad school, I figure out how to go deeper into Shmita and the magic of Less
  52. I trust myself deeply, and this is peaceful and easy

bonus wish

this is the year of doors and seeds
and I am wonderfully aware of this at all times,
aware of passage and of potential

all doors open for me

these are the superpowers I ask for this year
safe passage
all the right doors open for me
glowing doors
so I can’t miss them
you might even say I glow them open
(the secret double meaning of glowing doors)

may it be so

come enjoy wishes with me for this new year

here is how we meet each other’s wishes:
oh wow, what beautiful wishes!

you are welcome to leave wishes big and small,
naming qualities and invoking superpowers
or share a word or words for your year

and you are invited to share this post with anyone
who could use some wishing
and some glowing doors
I love having company

may it be a peaceful sweet year full of
all the best doors and all the best surprises!

announcement!

I’m shipping the last of the gorgeous small-batch YEAR OF DOORS calendars, with those outrageously luscious and powerful doors, on Monday, Jan 4, so THIS WEEKEND is the last chance to order, unless we run out before then!
$30 plus shipping, calculated during checkout

update: SOLD OUT