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Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

It’s two two two week. Tutu Too week.

Or as I said in the two hundred and twenty second Friday Chicken: Tutus for everyone! Three twos for everyone!


What do I want.

This concept of Accidentally Winning is blowing my mind right now.

Okay, so this woman accidentally won a marathon.

On the one hand, this is an absolutely ridiculous way to describe an achievement: this woman trained her ass off, and there is nothing accidental about crazy-hard hard work.

On the other hand, the point is: she didn’t intend to run the full marathon. She thought she was running a half-marathon, and had never even done the full run. She won a thing she had never tried. I love this.

I am feeling very excited and inspired by the idea of What If This Thing I’m Doing Turns Into This Other Thing.

Or: What If I Think I’m Doing Great At Y, But Actually I Just Nailed Z, The Thing I Wasn’t Even Working Towards.

This might be the world’s best superpower. In fact, it is the superpower I want for the next Rally, and possibly also for the rest of my life.

I would like to accidentally have amazing accomplishments, while I am purposefully having other amazing accomplishments.

And no, I do not have to define accomplishment, even though my monsters are like, “Accomplish? Really? Hmmmmmm.”

What else do I know about this?

You could not pay me to run. Not even around the block. But I don’t have to run to accidentally win a (metaphorical) marathon!

And here are the questions I want to ask myself:

  • What else is like a marathon?
  • What does it mean to do something without trying?
  • When have I experienced something like this?
  • What does this remind me of?
  • What are some things I would like to accidentally-achieve?
  • How can I do this without pushing? Without the motivational bullshit?

What will help with this?

I think I want to try this on, like a costume.

Because everything is a costume.

I want to wear this idea of accidentally winning.

I want to wrap myself up in the qualities of “I am working really hard towards X but whoa I just totally also got Y”.

I want to breathe in POSSIBILITY. Tingly, sweet anticipation. The glowing sparks of WHAT IF MAYBE YES.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Possibility. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Prosperity. Purpose. Palpable.

And the superpower of Really Good Surprises.

Quelle Surprise!

What might help?

Interviewing the me who does things accidentally and also works towards what she wants at the same time.

Purpose and Not-Purpose. Action and Resting. Showing Up and also Napping. Effort and Effortlessness.

At the same time.

Also I would like to note that Accidentally-Winning is something else that starts with an a.

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

  • Progress on the ops!
  • Miracles everywhere.
  • The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
  • This doesn’t require my input!
  • Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
  • Past me is a GENIUS.
  • I sleep like the happiest baby.
  • I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
  • Hawaii.
  • People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
  • I can see why this moment is good.
  • Trust and steadiness.

This week’s ops?

  • The life of a Chocolatier
  • Operation Extra-Extra Chocolate Sprinkles
  • Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 3
  • Operation Agent Agent
  • Mission: I Have A Vision!

I’m playing with…

Mapping and napping. Dancing it out.


Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?


Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?

There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)

If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have super deals so get on the list.

Rally B is full, but get on the list so we can sneak you into a November Rally at a VERY discounted rate. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for ALL of them!

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka do I want the thing that I think I want?

Me of last week was so brilliant.

I asked to treat myself the way I want to be treated, which brought me to my quest for ASSERTIVENESS, which was the quality I devoted myself to at Rally (Rally!).

This was nothing less than incredible. I learned so many wonderful things about Assertiveness, including that the word itself secretly contains the words VASTNESS and VASTNESSES. Anagrams, again.

Many forms of vastness, multiple kinds of infinity. Love.

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.


The Fluent Self