What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.


Visions #222: yes, I would like to accidentally win some things

very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

It’s two two two week. Tutu Too week.

Or as I said in the two hundred and twenty second Friday Chicken: Tutus for everyone! Three twos for everyone!


What do I want.

This concept of Accidentally Winning is blowing my mind right now.

Okay, so this woman accidentally won a marathon.

On the one hand, this is an absolutely ridiculous way to describe an achievement: this woman trained her ass off, and there is nothing accidental about crazy-hard hard work.

On the other hand, the point is: she didn’t intend to run the full marathon. She thought she was running a half-marathon, and had never even done the full run. She won a thing she had never tried. I love this.

I am feeling very excited and inspired by the idea of What If This Thing I’m Doing Turns Into This Other Thing.

Or: What If I Think I’m Doing Great At Y, But Actually I Just Nailed Z, The Thing I Wasn’t Even Working Towards.

This might be the world’s best superpower. In fact, it is the superpower I want for the next Rally, and possibly also for the rest of my life.

I would like to accidentally have amazing accomplishments, while I am purposefully having other amazing accomplishments.

And no, I do not have to define accomplishment, even though my monsters are like, “Accomplish? Really? Hmmmmmm.”

What else do I know about this?

You could not pay me to run. Not even around the block. But I don’t have to run to accidentally win a (metaphorical) marathon!

And here are the questions I want to ask myself:

  • What else is like a marathon?
  • What does it mean to do something without trying?
  • When have I experienced something like this?
  • What does this remind me of?
  • What are some things I would like to accidentally-achieve?
  • How can I do this without pushing? Without the motivational bullshit?

What will help with this?

I think I want to try this on, like a costume.

Because everything is a costume.

I want to wear this idea of accidentally winning.

I want to wrap myself up in the qualities of “I am working really hard towards X but whoa I just totally also got Y”.

I want to breathe in POSSIBILITY. Tingly, sweet anticipation. The glowing sparks of WHAT IF MAYBE YES.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Possibility. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Prosperity. Purpose. Palpable.

And the superpower of Really Good Surprises.

Quelle Surprise!

What might help?

Interviewing the me who does things accidentally and also works towards what she wants at the same time.

Purpose and Not-Purpose. Action and Resting. Showing Up and also Napping. Effort and Effortlessness.

At the same time.

Also I would like to note that Accidentally-Winning is something else that starts with an a.

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

  • Progress on the ops!
  • Miracles everywhere.
  • The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
  • This doesn’t require my input!
  • Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
  • Past me is a GENIUS.
  • I sleep like the happiest baby.
  • I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
  • Hawaii.
  • People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
  • I can see why this moment is good.
  • Trust and steadiness.

This week’s ops?

  • The life of a Chocolatier
  • Operation Extra-Extra Chocolate Sprinkles
  • Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 3
  • Operation Agent Agent
  • Mission: I Have A Vision!

I’m playing with…

Mapping and napping. Dancing it out.


Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?


Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?

There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)

If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have super deals so get on the list.

Rally B is full, but get on the list so we can sneak you into a November Rally at a VERY discounted rate. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for ALL of them!

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka do I want the thing that I think I want?

Me of last week was so brilliant.

I asked to treat myself the way I want to be treated, which brought me to my quest for ASSERTIVENESS, which was the quality I devoted myself to at Rally (Rally!).

This was nothing less than incredible. I learned so many wonderful things about Assertiveness, including that the word itself secretly contains the words VASTNESS and VASTNESSES. Anagrams, again.

Many forms of vastness, multiple kinds of infinity. Love.

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.


10 Responses to Visions #222: yes, I would like to accidentally win some things

  1. Mary Tracy
    Twitter: MaryTracy

    I would love to accidentally win some things. This has been the theme of today, for me. Spooky!
    Mary Tracy recently posted… Dooming and Un-dooming

  2. Rachel
    Twitter: RChristilles

    Into the pot: sweetness, wholeness, the beauty of how much is already here, desired things really can happen, the joy in not being broken, staying in the saddle & getting lost, letting go, letting more go, & letting go again.

  3. seagirl says:

    I wanted to move each piece up one space.

    The Travel Piece: left town to visit a book sale. Wandered around not-hometown for a while. Remembered there are places that are not-here.

    The Brain Piece: Bought books. Read books. Filled my brain. Writing class.

    The Soul Piece: Went to some meetings. Leaned into the things that came up. Remembered “this, too.” And “this, too, shall pass.”

    The Home Piece: kept house. Honored my space. Honored myself with the space.

    The Job Piece: Made a brave phone call. And then took a very brave break for a few days.

    The Body Piece: Hill walking on the treadmill while reading.

    The Heart Piece: Swept out some leaves while leaving the door open. Hmm.

    What I Want For Next Week: To keep moving the pieces up one space. To be comfortable playing with a lot of pieces. Maybe they are all in a car together like the families in Life. Maybe landing on a “move ahead 3 spaces” space. Or a “magic cave to shortcut” space. Or a “get your dream job” space.

  4. VickiB says:

    Accidentally winning! What a great thing to happen! May it be so!
    I’d like some of that too!

    What I Want:
    To eliminate and exterminate and prevent iguanas, mice, and other vermin. I know what needs to be done. I want it to be done.

    What I need: Fearlessness, and to Follow Up and Follow Through.
    I’m playing with: la, la, la pancakes, and Nothing To See Here, and wearing a lab coat, because costumes!

    What I Want:
    To learn more about Presence

    Qualities: poise, self-assurance, aplomb, dignity
    I’m playing with costumes (costumes!), interviewing Wiser Me and Slightly Future Me, and doing the Ops.

    This week’s ops:
    Operation Tiny Sweet Thing
    Operation Deep Red Notes

    Qualities for the ops: play, presence, attention, fun, puppies, kitties, ease, autumn leaves, answers, questions, silliness, teddy bears.

    Some maybe things:
    Wallpaper and paint
    Window plastic
    Operation Zee! downloads
    Operation Shufflestuff

  5. Kathleen Avins
    Twitter: spiralsongkat

    What I want this week is exactly what I asked for as this week’s superpower: sparkling energy!
    Kathleen Avins recently posted… Boxes.

  6. Leni says:

    As always, Amnesty Applies AND Alligators All Around

    all start with A!

    Mastery X while really also nailing Y, is so brilliant, and sums up precisely what I was trying to get at this week.

    I said I wanted to make more art, then I moved a sktechbook into my briefcase, and stored my art supplies in my bedroom. REsult is 200% MORE making art.

    Operation PM Calyx is just not happening. I need to reconsiuder my approach. I definetely want it, i just need to shift how i frame this.

    After a year of Operation Natasha, Natasha is really starting to speak up.

    The FLowers are really revealin how Fractal they are, and I can see how they connect and support each other.

    What’s been working lately: Best Practices, White Flowers, asking questions, journaling daily, projectizing and not-yelling

    Into the Pot! I want:
    -a peridot necklace
    -Operation TTT (part of Cupcake Project)
    -PM calyx
    -Walking in Woods and Orchards
    -Operation Level Up
    -Investigate Temple Building
    -Asking big Question, like What is My Soul’s Work and Wheer is My Passion
    -I breathe into the miracles and then THERE THEY ARE

    I commit to: play, curiosity, gratitude, Noticing what;s ALready There, loving-kindness, Well-Tending

  7. Sarah
    Twitter: sarahneedles

    I’m in the sticky, flailing not-fun part of completely inverting and reinventing my relationship with food. ALL the monsters who have any stake in my relationship with food are out in force and knocking on my door to demand a meeting. It’s a little overwhelming.

    Things to Try: Acknowledging monsters as monsters when they show up. Hearing them out. Reassuring tiny, scared me who grew up in a household with food issues that there will always be enough food for us. Body scanning. Food reading. (How does this taste? How does my body feel when I eat it?) Getting reacquainted with hunger (metaphor and not) and realizing it won’t kill me to feel it.

    Updates on last week: Costumes fit better (!) so that is a plus; purple days happened and the world didn’t end, which is important information. Drinking water has solved many problems.

    Superpower I Have/Want: I’ve discovered this week that I can often detect whether something has milk or cream in it by smell. A useful and supercool power! Let it continue.

  8. Mechaieh
    Twitter: zirconium

    Eight breaths as I pause by the side of the fountain:

    1. A breath for whomever stays in touch, gets in touch, isn’t in touch, doesn’t reply… For generosity of spirit on my end when I feel let down. For the right words and gestures to show my gratitude when my heart is full.
    2. A breath for getting my work done in spite of my schedule getting torpedoed.
    3. A breath full of hope for a full recovery for my love, and for making him as comfortable as possible in the meanwhile.
    4. A breath to draw calmness throughout my veins when I’m feeling frustrated by incompetence or threatened by unknowns.
    5. A breath for staying in shape in spite of this temporary shrinking of options/time/energy to spare toward doing so.
    6. A breath for Shutdown-Dissolve-o-Matic to kick into supersonic gear and kick some sense into all the buttheads in DC get things past the stinking impasse.
    7. A breath for finding air, literally: my tires need checking and maybe refilling, and I don’t have time to drive around my whole damn neighborhood to find a machine that works.
    8. A breath for all the other things that need tending and mending; for the stamina to get to them; and for the sovereignty to be okay with what I choose to care for right now.

    With warm wishes to all y’all.
    Mechaieh recently posted… more moose

  9. […] Havi. My favorite. “I am feeling very excited and inspired by the idea of What If This Thing I’m Doing Turns […]

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