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We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.


Very Personal Ads #87: redundantly sneaky ninja, I guess

very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.

Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.

Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.

And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!

Oh, hooray for Very Personal Ads.

I totally need this round.

Thing 1: courage for a thing I’m working on.

Here’s what I want:

There is a project that I am currently rethinking and reformulating.

And I have this baby idea of a way to make it completely crazy, unexpected and different.

Pulling it off will require flexibility, agility, a willingness to fall on my face and some extra resources of courage. Yes, please. Some of that.

Ways this could work:

In bits and pieces.

In flashes of light.

In an unlikely shivanautical epiphany. A chain reaction of them. Bing bing bing bing.

And in all sorts of other ways that can surprise me.

My commitment.

I will stick with this.

Maybe projectize it during Rally (Rally!) next week.

I will find courage in all sorts of narrow places. And I will keep asking.

Thing 2: Defining emergencies.

Here’s what I want:

On Emergency Undisclosed Location Vacation last week, I did a lot of thinking (with help from Cairene) about what exactly constitutes a business emergency or a physical emergency, and why I’m faster to respond to the former, even though the latter is more easily definable.

I’ve taken some extremely Useful Notes this weekend, but I’d like to get more of a clear sense of how this works.

And then put this information into the Book of Me so I can keep processing and working with it.

Ways this could work:

Could be something to play with for Maryann’s Secret Play Date on Toozday.

Maybe morning journaling.

Maybe I just need to sleep on it. I don’t know yet.

My commitment.

To plant the seed.

To dance the dance, shake up the snow globe and let it all settle.

To sit with Scootch (my new fluffy hedgehog friend) and be in non-emergency mode for a while.

Thing 3: Prep for the March Rally.

Here’s what I want:

So the March Rally (Rally!) is happening crazy soon.

And it is also the best Rally because everyone there gets a blog head shot (only if you want one) from Jillian, who is an amazing photographer and the loveliest person you will ever meet.

Lots of stuff to do before it starts. Specifically some system changes.

In fact, I’m kind of sensing that I’m close to some sort of new understanding about systems and using them to create flow. This is emerging from all that spaciousness that came out of the last Rally where I focused on the depiling.

Anyway. This needs some time and attention.

Ways this could work:


The magic of letting things percolate?

Doing some writing/meditating/walking.

Taking it to the trampoline.

My commitment.

I’m not married to any particular system. Just receptive to a variety of unlikely possibilities.

May the best possible structure for right now show up, and I will do my best to recognize it and welcome it.

Thing 4: Outlandish birthday gwishes.

Here’s what I want:

Last year I made a list of things I wanted to happen over the course of the year.

And, insanely enough, most of them did.

This leads me to think, as always, that I can be less hesitant about the fact of the wanting, even if I don’t always feel comfortable speaking the wants out loud.

So I’d like to compile a list of outrageous gwishes for impossible-seeming things, just to see what happens.

Ways this could work:

Well, with glitter crayons, obviously. Maybe some construction paper and stickers from the Playground.

And a ritual or two.

I imagine some urgent monster conversations will be required.

Maybe a place to put these gwishes so that I can revisit them later.

My commitment.

To be excited about what is possible, and what is possible that I do not yet know is possible.

To laugh.

To be patient when I can and understanding about the fact that I can’t when I can’t.

To enjoy the hell out of this coming year to the best of my ability.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Let’s see! I wanted a name for that binder thing that you get in a hotel room. And so many ideas! Yay. Thank you.

Also I wanted to create one of those, and while I didn’t, I did spend a few nights in a hotel and got some good ideas about possible structure/format.

Then I wanted solid recovery time and that’s why I was at the hotel. It was total emergency “take this vacation now because you are mumbling to yourself and drooling, and it’s this or the hospital” vacation, but that still counts.

It was awesome. Not nearly enough. But awesome all the same. There will be more.

And actually I just found out that my gentleman friend is whisking me away to a hotel out of town where there is a spa treatment waiting for me, and a big, fat bed with my name on it. So aaaaaaaaaaah thank you.

That, incidentally, totally takes care of my ask from a few weeks ago for birthday plans.

Which is fortunate because time is a sneaky ninja and my birthday is tomorrow and no, I did not have plans even slightly.

The last thing I wanted was ideas for ways to bring more color into Hoppy House, and I’ve got nothing. Will keep working on that and see what comes.

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

Stuff I’d rather not have:

  • The word “manifest”.
  • To be told how I should be asking for things.
  • To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.

Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! I’m so happy to have people doing this with me.

19 Responses to Very Personal Ads #87: redundantly sneaky ninja, I guess

  1. Claire
    Twitter: clairetompkins

    Wow, am I the first commenter? That’s a first. And is it really your birthday? Fantastico! I’ll sing you Las Mananitas in my mind and maybe you’ll hear it.

    You used one of the two words I am considering (as of 20 minutes ago) for my new biz name. I think I will take that as a good sign.

    I need/want to launch something next week. I am afraid. I told someone that it was like giving a party where no one comes. She said, lovingly, no one is coming now. I had to laugh pretty hard at that one. But still, I want it to be special and good and well received (i.e. people treat it nicely). I will brood on this egg a bit longer.

    I want to have wishes or gwishes that come true even as I’m accepting where I am right now, which is a brain twister for me. Your honesty about how not easy this stuff is is inspiring to me.

  2. Leila Lloyd-Evelyn
    Twitter: LeilaLEvelyn

    Hey sweetie’s!

    My VPA
    I want to understand myself more around a particularly painful situation. I want to find my voice and trust in relation to this thing.
    I would like to feel less crazy mad about it. Because nobody can take my voice away from me really.
    I’ve been sitting with this material for 3 days (maybe thats not so long)and I keep going round and round with what I need depending upon which philosophy I’m tuning into it. Bleurghhh. Useful? Not very.
    Wondering whether I have chosen someone (unconsciously) that just doesn’t want to do the work that’s required and feeling sad and disappointed with myself and with him for running out on me AGAIN.

    Ways this could work:
    Keep meditating
    Chakra work helps too
    EFT when I need it
    Trusting (at least a little) that I will know when I know what I need to know in the right time. So MESS, complexity is part of the learning experience.
    Noticing how really very well I am doin’ in spite of this heart wrenching growth and the great big unknown of it all.
    To speak to a friend and get a hug.
    To tell my best friend that I need her to hear me.
    Keep up the basics – to bed at a good time, food, to speak kindly to myself.
    Check my money and see if I can get some healing around this, this month and if not – next month!

    Good luck my darling’s with all your needs.

    Love, love, love!!!


  3. judy says:

    Howdie wanters and gwishers,

    I want:

    The process of coming up with an idea for my culminating project to be full or joy and ease-ful. This would be very different from the pushing and judging I tend to do.

    How this can happen:

    I can be gentle with myself and hold with the ease and joy instead of focusing on getting the idea itself.

    I can be kind to myself when I avoid and talk to my “You can’t do that” monster when I the critic starts talking.

    My commitment:
    *continue to use Focusing to stay in my body and out of my head.
    * remind myself the I can trust what I know.

    That’s all for now. Happy wanting,

  4. Ren
    Twitter: llamaren

    Last week was a silent wish. I think I got it, too. Turns out that Shiva Nata is healing part of the nerve damage in my arms. *BIG happy smile*

    This week:

    The only thing is…Thing. *sigh* Again.

    What I would like: Another thing. Or maybe a way to make money with the current ones that makes sense for me. I mean, the things I’ve uncovered – my music, the healing arts – those are staying around. I just don’t have a direction for them that works for me right now. So, brainstorming.

    Ways it could happen:
    Victoria’s Shmoria! I seriously love this little thing.
    Shivanautical epiphanies!
    Could dream it.
    Could come across a fabulously wonderful idea or example.
    Could stumble on advice from somewhere.
    Could just BOOM! and there it is.

    My commitment:
    Keep positive.
    Keep observant.
    Keep moving!

  5. marie
    Twitter: marietapper

    What I want:
    An injection of faith. So that I can trust in my possibly utterly loony recently outed project and not want to run screaming into the woods – like right now.

    Way this could work:

    My commitment:
    To work on taking the lovely support I’ve gotten so far, to heart.
    To rest and work with the process and not against it.
    To (try to) breathe.

  6. Leela
    Twitter: LeelaSinha


    I can’t seem to handle VPAs right now–too organized. But gwishes, they are good.

    From last week: the sweetie is here and it is WONDERFUL.

    for outrageously good weather, like this weekend or better, (for the rest of my sweetie’s visit) despite the meteorological Monsters of Doom.

    for more good, heart-centered Not Sales conversations that end in “yes where do I sign up”

    for my small sweet thing to make it to launch This Week

    for epiphanies about April.

    and love to Claire for the launch!

  7. kim
    Twitter: avoidingkim

    oh man….this is my first stab at VPAs and/or gwishes and just thinking of asking for things that i’m not sure i’m “allowed” to ask for (even in my own head)is making me feel weird and twitchy.

    what i want:

    i want to get into a good headspace to attend Rally! next week. specifically i want to fully give myself permission to do this for myself even though i don’t know exactly what it is or what i want out of the experience. i want to wrap things up so i can leave for a week and not worry about anything at home.

    way this could work:

    i can journal about this

    i could work it out in my dreams :)

    i can continue to obsessively read everything HAVI.

    i can talk to/reason with kimberly – the mean “you’re not allowed to do this or that thing” chick in my head.

    i could ask myself for some clarity

    my commitment:

    to breathe
    to allow myself room/time to process this stuff
    to avoid, if at all possible, judgy people
    to focus on what needs to be done so i can leave
    to smile even when i’m alone

    Yikes! that took me kind of a long time, but glad i got through it.

    good luck on your launch, Claire!

    HAPPY HAPPY DAY to Havi :)


  8. Deanna
    Twitter: DeannaLohnes

    Hey all-

    Uppy-dates form last week: the apartment hunt goes on. I think I narrowed down a location.

    My ask this week is for new clients.

    ways this could work:
    the awesome-tastic call series I started this morning could send some my way. someone i met on twitter or at a networking thing could contact me. I could get a referral from an existing client. I could dream up a marketing thing i haven’t thought of yet. I could meet someone at SXSW next week.

    my commitment:
    to stay open. to trust the process. to keep trying things. to keep playing. to act on ideas. to rest as needed. to dance if the mood strikes.

    Best wishes on all the gwishes and wants and asks and thing’s this week.

  9. Chucky
    Twitter: darthchucky

    Ooo this is a doozy:

    I want… to some how find a way to convince the Air line with which I have a ticket to roll back the date of leaving about 2 weeks so I can go and support my family and mother while we go process my Grandma’s death and do the funeral.

    How this could work… I have written out the information that I want to convey to the air line in simple sentences.

    There could be a helpful person who will sort things

    I could be suprised by what happens

    I could gently move with the flow to try and ease my way till I get to where I need to be

    My commitment… to see it through to the end

    To move at the pace that I am at right now

    To remember that I am going to be ok and I have all the sass needed to help this happen.

  10. seagirl says:

    Update: last week I just wanted to feel better. And I did. Even when my car needed repairs it was all ok because the money was there and now I have a safe and quietly purring car again.

    This week:
    I want continued peace and safety. And movement towards resolution. I believe those things can coexist.

    I want movement towards love and companionship and all those things.

    I want joy and fun and yoga and strength.

    My commitment: to keep the kitchen clean, to get the mail, to email the numbers to the bookkeeper, to do the yoga.

  11. kerri
    Twitter: kerritwigg

    I want a place to play. I also want to have clear ideas about what specifically I will do in this play place.

    ways this could work:
    I set aside time to write up the workshop specifics. Blog about them, create posters, and rent a space (or use spaces I can access for free @ the theatre and the cc). As my thing grows, I can get a space.

    my commitments:
    keep dreaming of the space – getting specific about what it needs. So far, it needs easy access to trees & nature and these cool folding yoga chairs and windows that open.

    work on workshop ideas and specifics
    ask around!
    shiva nata


  12. flip says:

    oo yes, i thinking i need some of vpa today. mmm, i would like focus. focus on who i am, what i want, that kind of thing. to not be distracted by what other people want and who they are. other people seem to be so much more certain about their things, but that is probably only from the outside, and i would like a certain outsider clarity on myself. to perceive myself more clearly, in order to go forward more straightforwardly!

    mmm, what can i do about this? some shiva nata for brain rewiring. good plan.

    what else? keep going through old writing and artworx, noticing the threads of attention. yes, this i can do.

    elicit input from people who know me. scary. but probably very useful. actually got a good offer today for help with a proposal so yay, will have to take up that good offer.

    hmmm, and welcoming insights from wheresoever they arise…

  13. Claire P
    Twitter: making_space

    Thing 1: to get well quickly and completely

    WTCW: rest, rescheduling commitments to allow for rest, take my medicine (yay living in a country where medicine is available!), follow up with TCM treatment to address underlying issyous.

    MC: to rest, to reschedule, to take my medicine with gratitude, to schedule and budget for TCM follow up.

    That one was easy!!

    Thing 2: extensions of previous VPAs
    – Mobility: money and competent mechanic to help car feel better
    – Clarity re boundaries, courage in face of (potential) conflict, support: ctd
    – Money systems to evolve easily and without too many gaping holes: ctd

    WTCW: ways I’ve thought of before, ways I haven’t thought of before.

    MC: to reread the old VPAs and recommit

    Thing 3: an astonishing deal to turn up on the smart-phone of awesomeness. Or, awesome-enoughness. Or, just fully functioning, all of which would be an improvement on my current flake-self-inducing broken, cracked, sticky-taped together phone for which I am grateful for the last two years.

    WTCW: my provider could decide that after eleven years with them maybe I deserve a free upgrade. Other ways.

    MC: to ring my provider and ask for a damn good deal. To be grateful.


  14. brooklynchick says:

    As Winnie the Pooh (or maybe it was Piglet) would say: “Many happy returns of the day!”

    Hooray for all of us to speak (write, think) our gwishes…we are allowed! Yay!

  15. Kaleena
    Twitter: Kaleena

    I’m gwishing, because, like Leela, VPA’s feel a little hard to handle right now.

    I gwish for an at home, part-time job. I want SOMETHING to come through. Whether I get a freelancing copy, short stories, or another little odd job; as long as I can get something to supplement my income. I have a sick kitty and a bunch of bills and other various wants. I want to feel successful.

    I gwish for this gwish. Maybe lots of people will decide to start attending my weekly classes. Maybe the PERFECT job is on its way to me.

    I also gwish that my kitty will be okay. That he’ll be happy and healthy for many years to come.

  16. Susan
    Twitter: susanwithpearls

    My first VPA in this venue!

    What I want: A successful completion before July to a writing project (and its defense) that I have been working on for 5 years. The light has been at the end of the tunnel for a year; I keep “plugging away”. But the decision of completion is not my own, I only control the “plugging away”.

    Ways this could work:
    -Being assertive in increments with the advisor-in-charge-of “completion”
    -Being assertive in one fell swoop
    -Being passive, just doing my thing, continuing to focus on my work, continue to plug along
    -attempting a balance between assertive and passive
    -regardless of the approach to the advisor-in-charge-of “completion”, continue to write the conclusion
    -Gifts from the universe of any kind that serve my/all best interests in this endeavor

    What I am committed to:
    -continuing my practices (of which Shiva Nata has become fairly prominent, of which writing and doing the WORK of this project is another)
    -remaining committed to this project (perseverance)
    -remaining courageous and self-loving despite (or in the face of) nonconstructive, unhelpful criticism
    -allowing clarity

    thank you

  17. Do Mi Stauber
    Twitter: dmstauber

    #1: I’m feeling as if I need help as I work towards presenting my Thing to the world. But that involves spending money, which I’m Not Allowed to Do. And I’m not sure where to get the help. And I’m afraid of Making the Wrong Choice. Or maybe I don’t really need the help. So: I want to become clear about exactly what help I need or don’t need. I want to give myself permission to spend money.

    How this could work: The right helper/question-answerer/clarifier/knowledgeable business person would appear, and I would just know they’re the right one. I could do more writing and mindmapping about this.

    My commitment: To talk to the You’re Not Allowed to Spend Money monster. To write out what I’m needing help with. To list the possible people and really look at them.

    #2: I want a name for my band! We have been playing around with names for a long time. And we both thought of the same marvelous name, separately, on the same evening. And the name was already taken. Sadness.

    How this could work: One of us could have a flash of inspiration. We could run into a phrase or word in something written and just know it’s right.

    My commitment: I could do a ritual of letting go of that first name. I could take the fact that we both thought of the same one, not as a sign that it’s our name, but as a sign that we’re deeply in tune. (So to speak.) I could make space for brainstorming and inspiration.

    Thank you thank you thank you!

  18. Jane
    Twitter: JaneOfArdis

    I am kind of crazy tired right now…thoughts mishmashing together.

    VPA 1: The to do! ask. I’m having that horrible ‘argh, behind on school work’ feeling. Not helped by there being so many options. What I want to do is: write out tasks, and get stuff done this week.

    How this could work:
    – write out the list tomorrow morning
    – work out what I can do now and what I need to set in motion other things
    – doing the things!
    – trust that it will get done. It always does.

    My commitment:
    – the trust thing. Again.
    – I don’t need to do it all in one day
    – enjoy it, or at least allow myself the possibility of enjoying

    VPA 2: That big lurky monstery type thing….still hiding from him. I want to converse…I’ve thought about it a lot though and that still totally counts right?

    How this could happen:
    – monster coloring book
    – letting thoughts quietly perculate
    – getting someone to help

    My commitment:
    – I am not going to force myself to look at something that is painful
    – no forcing at all in fact
    – it will happen

    Also, mini wishes for rest and recuperation – long nights of lovely sleep and restful evenings. Wishes for my growing babies, tucked up in their cribs, for belief in them, for them to continue to grow, for me to enjoy watching them become.

  19. Rose
    Twitter: celestialrose

    It’s great to have a place to formulate these wishes. I’m in a bit of a state so haven’t read this as well as I normally do; shall come back later and do so. However, I have a pressing VPA.

    The Thing: Conflict Resolution.
    Here’s what I want:

    Housemate was acting a bit.. mindlessly. Upset me and other housemates. Only today got a chance to talk about it. Full of her getting defensive and interrupting me and making sweeping statements and OH, some shoe throwing. And lots of her telling me what I was and wasn’t going to do in the future.

    So much hard and hurt and anger.

    I took the blame and let her leave because I wanted space: I don’t have the capacity for this right now.
    I’d like a simple, peaceful resolution. For things to go back to friendship.

    Ways this could work:

    She could give me space [i could make that space by putting a sign on my door?]

    I could write her a letter explaining that we’re NOT okay because I feel hurt by her response. [i did attempt to tell her this but she kept interrupting and calling me defensive].

    Doing some writing/meditating/walking/singing.

    A good night’s sleep.

    My commitment.

    To talk to my other half and my good friend about it; asking for suggestions.

    To breathe.

    To ask for space more clearly next time. [as “sorry, but I have this deadline” did NOT get her out of my bedroom]

    Okay so that was basically a rant. Really sorry. Any advice really, really welcome. It’s been over a month since this all started and I just don’t have the energy to keep fighting; but I don’t want to be a doormat either.

    Erm. Past VPA – I wanted a smooth journey through applications… I’m still gathering information and evidence before I apply – hopefully by next week though.

    Love and hugs to all.

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