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We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.


Very Personal Ads #67: hahahahahaha run away!

very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.

Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.

Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.

And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!

Let’s go.

Thing 1: the name for my hahahaha-escaping-Thanksgiving plan.

Here’s what I want:

A very delightful someone gave me the genius idea of running an event at Thanksgiving, so they could get out of doing Thanksgiving.

And I said ohmygod thank you.

Because this would get me out of Thanksgiving. Even if no one shows up, I still have an excuse for not having dinner with people that’s better than anything I’ve come up with before. Plus it would be crazy fun.

But what is it? It’s not a rally and it’s not a retreat … it needs a name.

Like … The Un-retreat That Just So Happens To Be At The End Of November.
Or: The Great Escape: A Get Out of Jail Thanksgiving Card.

No idea.

Ways this could work:

I can invoke metaphor mouse.

You clever, clever people can help me come up with something.

I can namestorm at the Kitchen Table.

And throw together a HAT (Havi Announces a Thing page) to see what comes up.

My commitment.

To have fun with this. To be silly.

To not spend too much time on it, since it’s mostly for me. But enough time so that it receives love, affection, wisdom and has a brilliant schedule.

Thing 2: a finalized 2011 schedule.

Here’s what I want:

Aw man. We were so close.

And then had to make a bunch of changes.

We have some parts ready and some other good things lined up.

But I’d just love to have my entire 2011 schedule set up by the end of the week. The absolutely absolutely version.

Ways this could work:

Maybe we can make some progress on this at the Rally (Rally!).

And at Drunk Pirate Council.

My commitment.

To pay attention, ask good questions and do a lot of writing.

And to remember what a big deal it is to schedule enough recovery time for the pirate queen. I’d hate for her to have to go on Emergency Vacation again.

Though clearly talking about oneself in the third person is a sign that it’s already too late. So I should just take myself on holiday right this minute. Hahahahahaha. Again.

Thing 3: a new system.

Here’s what I want:

Remember a few weeks ago when I wished for more wishing?

Well, it totally worked.

I’ve been keeping a little notebook by the bed and one at the Playground.

And I write three wishes in the morning and three wishes before bed.

Anyway, I think this needs a more official system. Maybe with a binder and a designated notebook.

Ways this could work:

Not sure.

I’m probably going to have to mess around with things to see what will work.

My commitment.

To do some Dance of Shiva on this.

To remember that all good systems take time to come together and not to stress this one too much.

Thing 4: the next Shiva Nata teacher training!

Here’s what I want:

I just announced a weekend Shiva Nata teacher training (February 18–20).

What I would love:

For people who totally aren’t considering teaching this to take a look.

And for people who teach other things but could incorporate this (because people learn faster when they’re having brain-zapping epiphanies, flailing around and laughing their heads off).

May everyone who needs to find this find it. Because this is one of my favorite things to teach.

Ways this could work:

Maybe people will ask me the right questions that will help me explain better why this is so important.

Maybe I will find the right words.

Maybe I will surprise myself.

Maybe I will remember to share the link with you again. See? Working on it.

My commitment.

Appreciation. Patience. Love. To keep flailing.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted a name for this one technique I do, and got one. Maybe not the best one but it will do. Domino-ing.

Then I was hoping to find a non-violent workout. And while nothing is final yet, I’m looking into some options that seem like they could be fun.

Also I wanted progress related to two specific patterns. Lots of good insights and much scribbling happened this week. Also got some help from Hiro, which was just the thing.

And I wanted two Rallions. Which is funny because two came and two went so we’re exactly where we started.

But I’m actually fine with it so in a weird way I got what I really wanted, which was to be fine with a small group. We have seven lovely, lovely people, and rallying a cozy rally will be a blast.

Plus now I don’t have to worry about the blocks and cushions I ordered coming late. :)

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

What I’d rather not have:

  • The word “manifest”.
  • To be told how I should be asking for things.
  • To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.

Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.

40 Responses to Very Personal Ads #67: hahahahahaha run away!

  1. jilliankay says:

    :-) I never do thanksgiving. I stay at home, have thanksgiving nachos (YUM) and watch gratuitous amounts of brain rotting episodes of whatever show i’m into that year.

    It sounds like your event will be an escape-pod for anyone else like-minded! Kind of an anti-beginning-of-the-holiday-season-fest.


    Cornucopia of Non-Festivities

  2. Josiane
    Twitter: kimianak

    I have a VPA this week! A big one! One that I would *love* to see come true…

    The context: I will be in Toronto later this month (October 20 to 26 approximately), and I would love to meet fellow shivanauts and teach a Shiva Nata class while I’m there.

    What I want:
    1- A space I could use to teach a Shiva Nata class. The lovely Lynn is already helping me with this (and doing a fabulous job of it! Thank you, Lynn!), but if anyone has leads, suggestions are more than welcome.

    2- Lovely shivanauts or shivanauts-to-be interested in taking said class. Toronto shivanauts, I’d be delighted to flail with you!

    Ways this could work:
    – one of the spaces Lynn is checking out could work
    – someone here could lead me to the perfect space
    – Toronto shivanauts could see this here and be excited about coming
    – readers who aren’t in Toronto could tell their friends who live there about this event
    – surprise!

    My commitment:
    – Even though the English version of my website isn’t online yet, I will make a page in English on my French site, copy this VPA there and tweet it
    – I will not let my monsters make me back off from making this come true if it is at all possible given the short notice
    – I will madly appreciate any and all leads, and will adore everyone who will come to the class
    – I will lovingly prepare this class and infuse it with tons of silliness and fun – we will have a lot of fun, I promise!

    Ok, so there you go. If you have any suggestions for a space or if you’d like to come and want me to give you the details as soon as I have them, please come and leave a comment here: http://dansedeshiva.com/shiva-nata-class-in-toronto/

  3. claire
    Twitter: claireofRA

    Right at this moment, watching an Amanda Palmer webcast of epic proportions, I want to be Amanda Palmer.

    Not a copy of her, but to have the confidence around people, presence, in-the-moment-ness of her. Also her striped dress is awesome and I don’t even wear dresses (well, super rarely).

    There’s other stuff, but I feel like I have a good feel for what I hope to accomplish this week. So kickass productivity so I get it done would be good.
    .-= claire´s last post … Sketchbook- page 50- Tyrone 10-X-10 =-.

  4. sophie says:

    I’d really like some serious focus this week. Two huge projects to do, and I’m having huge problems sitting down and just doing them.
    Thins that would help:
    Actually sitting down and …. you know where I’m going there.
    Some posh tea bags.
    Not connecting to the internet.

    And, so shy about saying this, actually asking my friends whether the cute fellow I sat next to in the pub last week is actually married with 27 children or not.

  5. flip says:

    i would like to step up my studio practice this week, refine it, get a better handle on what i want to achieve. build my paper tower.

    ways this could happen may involve more playing in the studio, more writing about my work, more photographs, more editing, more shiva nata, more homemade soup, more rolling around, more giggling with girlfriends, stuff like that.

    my commitment is to keep my heart open and gentle, my goals fun and let the good times roll : ]

  6. Leocadia says:

    I am asking for restorative moments and new energy. A combination of a cold, work and a very late night at a friend’s wedding party made me feel really drained. I am asking for a sense of physical well-being that I miss at the moment.

    How this can work:
    Cancel as many of the things as possible that are coming up next week aside from work.
    Sleep as much as possible.
    Going for a walk in the morning.
    Healthy food.

    My committment:
    Give in to my needs.
    Conscious little breaks.

    Happy VPAing everyone!

  7. Daze says:

    My VPA would ask that I can stop feeling poor and start feeling rich.

    how can this work: Stop focussing on the bills and start focussing on my nice life.

    My commitment: Consciously remember to trust the big life-energy-universe-godthang. It hasn’t let me down in the past so why should it in the future (or present).

    Thanks for the opportunity, Havi.

  8. Jennifer
    Twitter: unchartedworlds

    And I write three wishes in the morning and three wishes before bed.

    Oooh, I like that idea. Maybe not that exact practice but something like it. Thanks for the inspiration!
    .-= Jennifer´s last post … Big Bi Fun Day retrospective =-.

  9. svntytwo says:

    What I want:
    To do have all of my education-related things ready in a way that will make me prepared for next week.

    I’ve put another condensed butt-load of stuff off until Sunday, again.

    I want to feel in the moment next week, I want to continue catching up, not just letting it all pile up and fearing the chapters and that I should have read three weeks ago.

    I want to be in the moment next week so that I can continue to break my old bad habits of wrong grammar, construct new and correct ones so that I can make the best use of my very own language – English. I also want to be reviewing the material in the class I am tutoring. I want to provide the students with a helper who is standing firmly in the knowledge that they need, and I want my knowledge, for my own future career benefits, to be as solid in this particular subject as I can possibly make it, school-wise.

    Ways this could work:
    I down a lot of coffee today, but sleep poorly tonight.

    I prioritize – there are two major things that need to be materialized by the end of this day. After that, I can move on to some of the backed up readings during the week. This will involve listing. I’ve got some things to do/ major distractions that are just BEGGING to be put above at the top of that list…

    I stay focused, make all of the right choices today – eating healthy, no TV, dance of shiva, use my obligatory stuff today to be my breaks, and recognizing them as such while carrying them out.

    My commitment:
    Eat healthy, drink no coffee after 1PM, and make a well thought out list / plan for the day. I commit to taking on no more than my two materializable endeavors, getting the English thing taken care of first, then if time permits, moving onto composing a study guide for the tutees. I commit not to indulging in the time and energy consuming feelings of anger and resentment, but to loving myself as well as being gentle and kind with my sweet self.

  10. Ren
    Twitter: llamaren

    I love your daily wish book. I do Things I Would Like To Get Done, a totally easy on myself way to move forward in my life without feeling guilty. If I don’t succeed at a thing, it’s fine, because I just would have liked to get it done. No emergencies here, please. I’m a workaholic if given the room. This makes me take stock of myself all at once, acknowledge my limits all at once, and so, not push myself. When I’m done, I ignore the voice that says do more. If I can really do more, then tomorrow, I will. But not today. Today I am done.

    Very Personal Ad #7

    Update on last week!:
    We were side-swiped by a tornado. That the National Weather Service did not notify us about and will not confirm now because they can’t. So how do I know? The funnel. And the green in the sky. Good indicators, those. And I am screeching-screaming-babbling-crying-begging the gods terrified of tornadoes. Let’s be clear: We don’t have a basement, an emergency kit, or a place to hide because we live in Arizona. We are not supposed to get tornadoes at all – a reason I live here – let alone ones that destroy your home. (Tell that to Flagstaff. We made the fucking news.) What we do have are 11 animals, closets, and a being-reno’d bathroom that served as our shelter as it went past.

    Did I have to mention that’s so not enough?

    So! As a result: PTSD. I’ve had it twice before, so I know the signs I’m looking for. And shock the first few days afterward. And needless to say, practically no work whatsoever done on the things I asked for. You know, ’cause I was busy not dying.

    So, this week!

    I’m gonna take it easy on myself and simply super-impose everything from then to now and act like last week didn’t try really hard to take me out. Which is fine. I asked for courage, patience, and confidence & persistence & love. All of which I need now in more ways than one.

  11. Tara
    Twitter: taraswiger

    What I want: to be nice (to myself)
    Despite crazy shiva-piphanies that led to the creation + brunch of 3(!) Crazy-big projects this week, I’m noticing that I feel like a failure. A failure that maybe did everything all wrong.
    I would very much like to:
    Accept that I did my best
    Recognize that my best IS enough
    Know that it’s ok to feel like this.
    Ways this could work:
    More Shiva Nata
    Journaling about it
    Remembering that it is just that time when I hate everything

    What I want: 5 more of the people-this-will-help in this week’s class
    Ways this could work:
    I could blog about it
    I could put it in my sidebar
    I could finish my notes for the class so I don’t forget all the smartnesses I have planned
    It just could

    Wishing everyone a happy VPA!
    .-= Tara´s last post … You make money doing…what =-.

  12. Rose
    Twitter: celestialrose

    Oh, is it seriously Sunday again? Wow. I think I totally need to have a wishing system too. Wishing makes me think of stars, which are pretty and all.

    Would it work to have “travel to X-place-that-doesn’t-do-thanksgiving” as an idea? England comes to mind [as I live here and I know next to nothing about thanksgiving].

    An Update:
    “Pattern insight” – I managed to get through triggers without this pattern setting off panic attacks; but didn’t get much insight to it. However, I got a little help on how to communicate with it :)

    “time, space and flow”
    I took the whole weekend off to just… well. be with my other half and talked to him about the patterns and such. I took space and have this weekend to catch up on paperwork so that I can begin this week tomorrow without worrying about last weeks stuff.

    Thing 1 – A simple week: with flow
    What I Want
    I’d love time to play with a wish-book myself. I haven’t been meditating or shiva-flailing much lately and I want to change that. For me, this is a case of having enough energy left at the end of each day.

    Ways this could work
    Eat ‘energetic’ food -grabs an apple-
    If nothing else, take 2 breaths while working & dance for at least 3 seconds a day. I should be able to manage that. And then i’ll be drawn in and shall dance for hours. Or something.

    My commitment
    To laugh when i’m too tired to do anything else.

    Love to all mice here; commenter and lurkers.
    .-= Rose´s last post … DWL- Week One =-.

  13. Kathleen Avins
    Twitter: spiralsongkat

    Very quickly this week: I made progress on all three of last week’s wishes, am asking for more of the same on all three! Off to enjoy the last day of mini vacation!

  14. Jesse
    Twitter: persnicket

    I also like the three-wishes before bed and in the morning. Maybe I will try that this week…one of my wishes is for lots of groundedness while traveling.

    Also…super curious about the domino-ing thing. It sounds like a wonderful way to get things done!

    My wishes from last week ended up: one a wash (still in progress) and one went pretty well! Awesome.

    And this week I want mental and physical readiness for travel, for staying myself and staying safe while doing it.

    Best of wishes and hugs for everyone’s Very Personal Ads. Happy Sunday!
    .-= Jesse´s last post … Very Personal Ad No 11- The readiness is all =-.

  15. Leila Lloyd-Evelyn
    Twitter: LeilaLEvelyn

    Feel like making this into my negative bitch space today where I don’t yet need nor know how to make order out of eeyuuu.

    Would like to sense, to know inside – out that I do not need to take on other people’s tasks, responsibilities, concerns at work. Because it is making me feel exhausted and frustrated and actually I don’t really, really care that much, but somehow I do when I am there.

    I want to find sneaky beak ways of actually…oooo….working less hard at work. Because all this push, fear, striving, doing my best all the time, huh, it is not really serving anybody least of all me…

    The w/ends keep coming and I feel kinda weird, depressed, struggling to leave the flat, not cleaning, organising the flat. It’s extreme. I just don’t wanna get up, do any thing.

    I’m doing a little better from two weeks ago though. Enforced walks to my local coffee shop and an awareness that this not-wanting-to-do-anything must be coming up for a good reason – even if the reason alludes me right now.

    So dollops of compassion and ease please dear God, thingmebobby, whatever you are purlesse. It’s not nice feeling this zonked.

    Tired of getting to page 7 (or summink) of Naomi’s SEO and going arghhhh I can’t read anymore because I don’t geddit.

    Am a step closer to finding somewhere to work out. Another small step here would be awesome – could helo lots with my crazy energy levels.

    Fed up of yearning for so much more. Dreams that reside in my blog and head and heart need to be played out in reality. I want to find an easy, inexpensive way to do more NOW (workshops, recordings) so that i can begin to test ideas and also feel more fulfilled.

    Hoping for less frustration this week.

    Need to make more space for kindness to myself too in this niggly, frustating time.

    Things could be so much worse. So…So.

    Love and good wishes to one and all.


    .-= Leila Lloyd-Evelyn´s last post … Lifes not perfect =-.

  16. nat says:

    hi all,
    this is my first time VPA-ing, so here i go:

    #1 more of the buzz i felt yesterday, that motivated me to have fun, play, getting things done because i wanted, not because i should
    i will look at patterns and try to work through what helps me to feel that “thing”, because it makes it all better. don’t know where it came from, but it is very welcome in my life

    #2 need to contact 2 people to finish planning this evaluation thing. I am “producing the oscars” (which sounds more fun than planning an OSCE)
    i will have to track them down by phone, mail, visiting them. or they could answer my emails and we´ll all be very happy and less stressed out. i understand they are busy, and in the grand scheme of things i am sure this is not a big deal, but it has a deadline, and it would be so much easier if they just showed up. i will be very grateful when they do, cause they will.

    #3 more clarity on closing a particular door. i don’t want to close it. probably that is why everything tends to go in such a way that it makes it harder. that door does help right now, but i can’t see how it will help me in the long run. in fact, i can see very clearly how it will NOT help me. and i can’t find my notebook where i was working with it, and my shiva nata dvd is gone and i am kind of stuck, but i did find other stuff that will help me through it.
    i want to just take it as it comes, work on a plan-B if plan A goes wrong. pay attention to what i need, why probably my tools and safety blankets tend to go missing when i need them. it is probably time for new tools and habits and oh my goodness do i miss my dvd now. or i will just flail to any music and through in some shiva moves i there and be terrible at it!!

    hope you all get progress on your VPAs this week. big hugs.

  17. Dick Carlson
    Twitter: techherding

    There would be no better name for your “escaping Thanksgiving event) especially considering your assistant than “TurDuckin'” I heartily endorse the idea, as my wife started the tradition of ducking out of Thanksgiving 14 years ago, when her family was dis-owning her. (She married a much younger man and found happiness, after leaving her addict husband.)

    My wish for this week is that I will get the goahead from a client to build a huge community that we’ve been been talking about for months. It would be lots of fun, lots of money, and really help their association find new members and connect the existing membership.
    .-= Dick Carlson´s last post … Camping =-.

  18. alienbooknose
    Twitter: petiteviking

    I need a new system for getting planning/grading done in a timely fashion. I had a system–it involved staying at work until 4:30 (two hours after the students) three days a week and taking grading home on the weekends. Now that I’m in physical therapy three days a week I can’t do that anymore and I am flailing to keep up this year.

    I’m not sure how this could work–planning takes a certain amount of time, even when it’s a lesson I’ve taught before. I can’t create time out of nowhere. ;) I guess I could find that dedicated time somewhere else– go to bed earlier and get to work an hour early? Find a way to make planning at home work? Take some time off physical therapy and get ahead? Use the time I have during the day differently?

    I need to be ok with not being as ahead as I like, and committed to trying to find a solution instead of just grumping.
    .-= alienbooknose´s last post … Yay- fall! =-.

  19. Mariko
    Twitter: marikooosceola

    ooooh I love morning and evening wishes….thank you for the idea.

  20. Kathryn
    Twitter: KathrynTHunter

    If I was going to be in the States during Thanksgiving, I would so be at the Thanksgiving Avoidance Event. Instead, I’ll be having my own TAE in Costa Rica, which is good too. :)

    Okay, right then.

    Thing 1:
    I need to let go of part of a relationship.

    Ways this could happen:
    Not sure.
    Time passing with this intention in mind.
    Extra paying of attention to thoughts, using awareness to begin replacing certain ideas.

    My commitments:
    Shiva it up.
    Set daily intentions, reminding myself that I am keeping open to new experiences, people, and relationships.

    Thing 2
    I’ve started writing an email course of mini challenges for super shy people to begin connecting online. It needs a name. Something fun and not overwhelming.

    Ways this could happen:
    Overhear random phrasing that makes sense.
    Suggestion from someone who reads this vpa.

    My commitments:
    Shiva it up some more.
    Keep eyes, ears, and brain open.
    Allow time and space for ideas to develop.
    .-= Kathryn´s last post … Truth and Trust- Ouch =-.

  21. Elizabeth
    Twitter: elizabethhalt

    I like the idea of morning and evening wishes.

    This week, I would like rest, please. I know I need it, and I also know that I don’t really ever give it to myself, even when I think I do.

    How this could work:
    I could stop everything at 8 and practice yoga and then turn the computer off and drink a mug of hot chai tea. I could use my fireplace. I could use candles instead of lights in the evening. I could get extra outside time during the day. I could write things on paper so maybe my head won’t be so busy when I’m trying to sleep.

    My commitment:
    Definitely the yoga and the writing-things-down and the outside time and the tea. Then we’ll see.
    .-= Elizabeth´s last post … dog ears- my dear readers =-.

  22. christy
    Twitter: thestudiodoor

    TurDuckin! Ha! I second that :)

    @Leila – sending love your way to help ease you out of the frustration-space. I’ve been there/still am, it sucks.

    I made my first VPA a few weeks ago and then everything went to hell at work and my monsters tried to drag me down, far down. Not cool. Finally clawing my way back out this past week.

    What I want: To be ok with visibility. I just yesterday opened up a shop on Etsy to sell my artwork. It’s taken me a year of fighting resistance to get this far. I’m still afraid that my artwork actually sucks and nobody will ever buy anything. But I know that there’s no chance of ever finding anybody who would like it, if I don’t tell anybody that it exists. So, I want to move forward in a way that doesn’t scare the hell out of me.

    Ways this could happen: I could tell people I know about the store, and post a link on my blog. I could make a plan with baby steps for all that “social marketing” stuff. I could find encouraging quotes to print out & tape all over my walls. I could remember that walks & yoga always make me feel more confident. I could talk with my monsters.

    What I want #2: To not cry at my day job anymore. For it to feel less painful to be wasting my time there.

    Ways this could happen: I could stop being late to work so I won’t get in trouble again. I could get more work done on my Thing (my artwork, my store) so that I feel like I’m making progress to getting the hell out of that place someday. I could update my resume and keep my eyes open for other jobs out there, so I don’t feel so trapped.

    Other possible thing: A notice meant for my neighbor got delivered to my apartment by mistake, and I now know that he’s paying almost $150 less per month in rent than I am. I’m pissed pissed pissed, but I’m also too scared to go to management and negotiate a lower rent. I hate haggling, the idea that other people get lower prices simply because they’re better at verbal communication pisses me off, and I’m afraid I’d start crying out of frustration. Maybe I could enlist a friend to help me “practice” negotiating tactics (ok, more like learning how to negotiate in the first place).
    .-= christy´s last post … Changes and a Clarification =-.

  23. Rupa
    Twitter: theyogaofliving

    May I just say first that the titles of your blog posts are just hilarious and delightful? I often get about as much pleasure from them as the post themselves. :)

    My VPA:

    -I wish for a quick and comfortable recovery for my mom, who fell and was injured this week.

    How this could work:

    -She will be tended by angels, both the winged and non-winged kind.

    My committment:

    -Keep in regular contact with my mom, her doctor and her legion of helper-friends.
    -Set everything in place for an extended trip to PA.
    -Send suppliments. And flowers. And wishes. xo
    .-= Rupa´s last post … The Doors of Perception =-.

  24. Heather says:

    Getting out of Thanksgiving!
    I love it but the idea is a bit late for us Canadians since it’s Turkey weekend here… I’m awaiting my family of MANY to arrive within the hour! I’m in hiding right now.
    It’s not too late for Americans and I hope many American Thanksgivings will be rescued as a result!

  25. Sarah
    Twitter: sarahbairstow

    I’m just popping in here quickly to say:

    People who are anywhere near Toronto! Run, don’t walk to Josiane’s Shiva Nata class! (See comment #2.) Even if you don’t practice Shiva Nata, you will thank me. And this may be your last chance to do Shiva Nata with her before I lure her over the Atlantic. If she does come over here, I may not give her back.

    As far as the escaping-Thanksgiving plan, all I can think of is The Ingrate Retreat. You know, as in people who aren’t thankful? Hee hee. Okay, it may not make a great name for a retreat but it’s a good name for a band.

    Happy VPA-ing everyone… (mine’s a bit shy but says hello)

  26. Cathy
    Twitter: cathyyardley

    Am very, very stuck in the suck right now. Need to be out by 31st and have not gotten keys to new place — plus having clues that new landlady might be problematic. Trying not to future trip and project. Trying to breathe.

    So, VPA #1: that the move go smoothly.

    How this might happen: husband does not flip out at things going wrong. I will be able to take care of myself. We’ll be able to get a contract with landlady that clearly states expectations. We will get key tomorrow. Open to alternatives. Not sure how this will work.

    My commitment: will continue reading NVC and figure out how to talk to landlady, and husband, and son, without freaking out.

    VPA #2: Money

    So afraid and depressed about money. Lots of resentments, bad burny feelings, bitterness. I would like to let go of this. I would like to have a better relationship with budgets, with letting go of anxiety, and with scheduling work with self-care.

    How that might work: Could have metaphor mouse epiphany. Could do old woo-woo practices. Okay, I’ve got nothing. OPen to any suggestions.

    My commmitment: I will try out the Metaphor Mouse technique on budget to start. Ugh.

    VPA#3: Website designer. After working with wonderful Naomi, need a very cool and professional looking website. Want to launch by January. The money thing is problematic.

    How this might work: amazing designer could design a WordPress theme for me and let me schedule payments or trade for novel coaching or something. Open to any solution.

    My commitment: will approach a few designers.

    Thanks guys. As always, it’s a relief to have a safe place to post this stuff. And God, wish I could go to TurDuckin (I third the vote on that.)
    .-= Cathy´s last post … The Embarrassing Purse Story =-.

  27. Chris
    Twitter: darthchucky

    Morning all,

    Last week I asked for sovereignty over my actions and thoughts which has come along in a very understated and subtle way for me. But when I think upon it a little most of my things that work for me are subtle and understated. It is the relation between the subtle understated awesome things going on, my self/my view of my self and the ‘everything else in the world of doom’ that requires awesome to be outrageous and outspoken. Hmmmmm good thing to know.

    What I want:
    But the life of a Sky-Pirate is never done and I am going to ask for the knowledge, grace, insight and compassion to talk to people about things that we disagree on (arguing in University lectures) or may have many layers of emotion wrapped around it (asking someone out on a date…)

    Ways this could happen:
    I could do some thinking on what my buttons are so that I can have awareness of when I reach my boundries.
    I could ask my self questions about the “date-asking” and other things that are wrapped up in it.
    I could be totally surprised by people and go on adventures… yes Pizza counts as an adventure…. mmm pizza.
    I can spend some of Thanksgiving (Canada’s version of it)
    pondering all the things that I can be thankful about.

    My commitment:
    To look off into the distance and watch clouds
    To eat well
    To dance the dance
    To be open to amazing other answers that I come across in my adventures in life
    To practice being knowledgeable, compassionate, graceful and full of insight, so that even if its one little thing a day it will be one more little thing that I might not otherwise do (heh I wonder how one would go about being Otter-wise, there would be splashing around in the rivers, swimming, eating and rooting around for food.)
    To ponder this Otter-wise-ness that just came to me. Yay for spelling mistakes.

  28. Deanna
    Twitter: DeannaLohnes

    Hey there all. Happy VPA time! For whatever its worth, I’m giving everyone holiday amnesty.

    My ask for this week: I entered a contest to get tickets to an event that I think might help me with the right people ask I made last week (2 weeks ago? 3 weeks ago?). My ask is to go to the event.

    Ways this could work: I could win the contest. Someone could back out last minute and give me their spot. I could find the money to buy a ticket. I could find some other event that is even better.

    My commitment: to hang on to the faith I had a kid, that I just rediscovered (thanks @Havi- that post about play earlier this week was eye-opening)
    to stay focused on doing what needs to be done. To stay open to opportunities. To act on ideas before I talk myself out of them. To keep talking to people while maintaining boundaries.

    Good luck to everyone on their VPAs this week. Hugs to all!

  29. 1) November Wake. “I’m sorry, but I have a wake to attend/celebrate. A dear friend, always pointing to the futureure than the past. Only weakness was a love of turkey. Like, a *lot*

    2) Any day that isn’t scheduled gets The Wander; we all know our short-walk neighborhood, but picking a direction and just *going* is valuable. (note: GPS for return is handy). I do mine in a convertible, no matter the weather–the odder stares let me know I’m right)

    3) a little spiral notebook, tethered to your left hand.
    Granted, most of my middle of the night entries are ‘naked monkey-tickle-fight’, but they can be good (unless you always sleep through.

    4)Looking. Sharing.

    VPA: sp00ning. More later

  30. Andi
    Twitter: annaline_39

    Update on last week’s VPA asking for good talk on Thursday. I did Shiva Nata in the morning of the talk, I wore my stripey socks, I tried to stay away from sugar all week (mostly succeeded) and I felt like y’all had my back when I went into the room and started speaking on Thursday evening. It went very well and I was shocked when DH flashed a sign at me telling me I had fifteen minutes left. About 16 people were there, and it worked out very smoovely, with questions happening during the talk and nice conversation after the talk. And then tasty dinner with four of my friends and my guys at a local Mexican restaurant.

    And I got to walk in the woods today, finally!
    .-= Andi´s last post … The Sketchbook Project- Week Two =-.

  31. Amy Crook
    Twitter: amysnotdeadyet

    Update: Neither of my last two asks really went well, and I’ve let that (among other things) keep me away from the practice since then.

    Thing 1: Focus

    What I want: I feel like I have too many things tugging on me, too many directions pulling me this way and that, and I’d like to narrow things down to working just one or two things — specifically, getting my money under control, whether through business development or some other method. But then I think, but what about painting more, what about getting healthier, what about cleaning more, what about, what about. So I want to quiet those draining, energy-and-attention-sucking voices and just concentrate on getting this one thing working well.

    How this could happen: I could develop systems to deal with things more efficiently. I could talk to my monsters and get them to help instead of block. I could find a coach, or join a group, or talk more during my Mastermind calls. I could do more Shiva Nata and get some clarity around this issue. I could re-do the Money Call exercises. I could just decide and have it stick. I could give each of the other “what abouts” a few hours or a day to get to good enough. Something could surprise me.

    My commitment: To be patient with myself. To look for ways to take the stress from the extra what-abouts. To really look into systems and making them work. To find the right people to ask for help, and then try not to resist the help when I get it. To remind myself that I’m human, but I’m also competent. To take things one day at a time. To be mindful of the things that waste the time and attention I do have, and slowly weed them out.

    Thing 2: Money Flow

    What I want: To find permanent solutions to my money problems instead of a constant series of stopgaps. To get from “just enough” to “plenty.” To find systems that work for me, to pad the places where scarcity pokes the sharpest, to believe in the solution when it presents itself. To stop sabotaging myself in this area.

    How this could happen: I could re-listen to the Money calls. I could go out and find more work. I could spend less time reading blogs that only somewhat relate to my business and my field and narrow my attention, so I have more time and mental energy for the things that make the most difference. I could get some systems in place that will free up mental energy for me use in improving my income. I could schedule in the work-for-me the same way I schedule in the work-for-money, and not allow myself to slack on it.

    My commitment: To be more accountable to myself. To step away from guilt and avoidance. To stop hiding behind a wall of “I don’t know” and figure out what I have to do to know. To keep taking steps, even if I’m not sure they’re the right ones.

    Thing 3: To stop giving so much energy to that thing that’s been bothering me. To let go. To move on, and find other, better, more true things to fill up my time and heart. To remember that resentment and hate only hurt myself, and forgive myself for wanting to punch someone in the face sometimes anyway. To accept that it’s okay to be sad and hurt and angry, but also that it doesn’t help me to feed energy into it, especially given that the other person involved is happy as a pig in sh*t. And there it is with the face-punching again. Bacon, anyone?

  32. Paulita says:

    I’ve never done this before. Eeep! and Whee!

    What I want:

    Lots of time by myself in the next week where I can nap, rest, or generally re-charge.

    This is important because I’ve been spending a lot of time with people this weekend (family and folks from my two main spiritual communities). It’s also more difficult than normal because I have family in town this week that I don’t get to see very often.

    How this could work:

    I could get sick and have to stay home from work.

    I could go to bed now.

    I could plan to get in bed early the next two nights, i.e., around 8 p.m., rather than expect myself to be productive at home after a long day at work.

    I could take power naps in my car at lunch.

    My commitment:

    To let myself want to rest.

    To consider rest as a really valid option for how to spend my discretionary time this week.

    To let myself want to be alone.

  33. sarahhf
    Twitter: shfitch

    Hmmmm. Three things.

    1. Still, a job.

    What I want: to get good news regarding my job search.

    How this can happen: um. Someone can reply to one of my resumes. Or I can find something through a friend or colleague. Or something could just randomly fall into my lap.

    My commitment: To keep sending out resumes, not get discouraged, and remember (and project!) above all that I’m smart and competent and charismatic and just because I screwed up my last job doesn’t mean I don’t deserve a shot at a new one. Just because I found something I wasn’t good at (at that particular time) doesn’t mean that there isn’t tons of stuff I am good at.

    2. Wedded bliss.

    What I want: to reinforce my relationship with my husband and have some real quality time with him this week.

    How this can happen: we can both put aside distractions (tv, computer) and do fun (but cheap, because, no job) things together. We can leave the TV on and watch something we both enjoy (like Top Chef). We can practice NVC and agree to be patient and give each others’ Stuff some space even when the first impulse is to get mad or frustrated.

    My commitment: to remember what I just said in the last part. To focus on this and make it my priority, and to concentrate on and project my love and positive feelings for him instead of stress and impatience.

    3. A personality for the new apartment.

    What I want: to not only get this place more or less in order, but to do so in a way that makes it really feel *ours.*

    How this can happen: Things might just come together. I might have to fiddle with them a lot. They might start to feel right for reasons totally obscure to me. Or it might just take a while to feel at home here.

    My commitment: to not get married to some ideal version of how my apartment is supposed to look. To be open to ideas and whims. To let the place have its own personality, instead of just imposing mine on it.

  34. Andrew Lightheart
    Twitter: alightheart

    Ultra-super-duper late but, hey ho.

    My VPA

    Finding the next step or two of my path.

    My commitment

    Keep asking.
    Keep writing about it, as long as that’s appropriate.
    To meditate as regularly as I can, as that’s where the stability comes from.

    Ways this could happen

    A blot from the blue.
    A decision from me.
    An organic development I only notice later.
    A grace.


    Loved skimming down and in and out of everyone’s VPAs. Such a great space of asking and wishing…
    .-= Andrew Lightheart´s last post … Lineage- troubled but hopefully hopeful thoughts =-.

  35. Elissa
    Twitter: elissaashwood

    Havi, I wish you and all who participate a happy Pleasetaking. That sounds like a gratifying holiday:)

    A VPA for me –
    Yesterday was 10-10-10, 42 in binary.
    In the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, 42 is the ultimate answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything. This week I geek out enough to go there and rename
    my biz Strategy 42.

    What I want
    To know how many people get and love the 42 reference.
    To have the client video editing happen smoothly.
    To have the content make the brand clear, especially to me who keeps saying, but wait! There’s more…

    How this could happen
    I could do a poll
    People could hear about it and encourage me, like Hiram on the plane from NY
    I could play with the Apple store geniuses
    I could remember that the site content is the starting point, not the finish, and put up just the starter content

    My commitment
    To be visible
    To accept my velvet rope of 42 (even if most people don’t see how sci-fi, romance novels, neuroscience, performance redesign, measurement and feedback systems and biscuits go together) If they find 42 a relief in a way that let’s us laugh at life while taking personal strategy seriously, it will be like yoga, that you don’t have to know why it works to feel great when you do it.
    To remember that an expert hits a target no one else can it, but a genius hits a target that no one else can see.- Einstein

  36. Leela
    Twitter: LeelaSinha

    oh so late on the VPA entry.
    and Friday was so bad that I didn’t even want to Chicken.
    But here I am now, and it is a bit better.

    1. Right People, v2:
    A few weeks ago I asked for my Right People. This last weekend there was Lots and Lots going on, and there was also a Right People Event about six hours away. Missed the event to do other nourishing things. Now I feel guilty, like that was my Only Chance Ever, even though I know that’s just my Last Chance Monster talking.

    Still and all, some Right People have begun to show up, bringing with them Right Conversations and Right Possibilities. I would like more of the same, please, with maybe some people deciding that I am their Right Person to work with. And I would like to not be quite so nervous about putting myself and my Thing out there.

    Ways this could work: I could dance on it(!) since one of the Right People has lent me the Shiva Nata DVD. I could be gentle and loving with myself about it. I could let the nice things people have said about my stuff sink in. I could acknowledge that doing this Right People thing healthily will lead to a sustainable business. I could leave room for my Right People in more places.

    My commitment: to play with the DVD without having to be perfect at it. to finish the last Thing I am Working On. To not wait until the TIAWO is finished before writing for a few websites so that more of my Right People can find me. To set aside time for this work, maybe Wednesday morning.

    2. Clarity on Unexpected Thing
    A barn door opened in my life a few days ago, totally unexpectedly. It leads off down a cowpath of a new and fairly unfamiliar kind. I had heard about this door, but hadn’t really considered the possibility that it would open–it was more like a unicorn in my head. So now it is open. And I’m not sure how I feel about where the cowpath goes. I would like some clarity, please, about how I feel and whether I should install a big picture window or go for a walk. I do not want to research so much that the door closes again.

    How this could work: I could poke my head out and see what the weather’s like. I could see if I know anyone who has been down this cowpath before. I could start walking and then see if I want to turn around.

    My commitment: to hit “send” tomorrow, whether I have more informaton or not. To message a few people who have the right kind of dirt on their shoes. To try to envision the whole thing as if it were done. Not to worry too much and just go one step at a time.

    3. Next Right Thing
    I have an array of goodies before me. Several of them are, I’m sure, my Next Right Thing (and the Thing after that, and after that.) I would like to know where to focus.

    Ways this could work: dance on it. Write about it. Review some of my tools and actually Think It Through. Ask one of my three Advisory Councils to help me. Or ask all three of them to help me. Draw a picture of it, maybe.

    My Commitment: play with the DVD. Read the tools, then draw a picture. Review before my next advisory council meeting.
    .-= Leela´s last post … shopping =-.

  37. Shannon
    Twitter: clover

    Thanksgiving weekend? I’m so there. Please do this one :D
    .-= Shannon´s last post … Just One Card- Justice =-.

  38. Deanna
    Twitter: DeannaLohnes

    @Elissa I think the 42 thing is kinda cool. if you want to, say hi on twitter.

  39. Julia says:

    Hello – I have an idea for a name for the Un-Retreat:


    Maybe the gathering could be about getting rid of negative patterns of some sort (well, I guess they’re all about that in some sense or another!). But making negative patterns walk the plank!

    I found it amusing anyway!
    .-= Julia´s last post … Space =-.

  40. Elissa
    Twitter: elissaish

    Julie – Walk-the-planksgiving :)

    That’s what I’ll be doing at my in-laws. Excellent.
    .-= Elissa´s last post … Wake up calls =-.

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