Calling in Prowess. Come in, come in.

Door of Prowess

Hello, new year.

Hello, beloved place of gathering and breath, of sharing and clarity.

Interestingly, also the place I go to remember that All Timing Is Right Timing.

Hello, gate into Prowess, the quality I am calling in for January and beyond, for the rest of my life, something I want and need to be-and-glow, now more than ever.

And I mean on all levels; physically and emotionally, spiritually and politically, in my energy, in my presence, in every aspect of my being. Radiant, self-assured, unapologetic fully-embodied prowess.

Calm, clear and steady when a) that is the answer and b) I am able to embody these qualities.

But — and this is important, I also want to act without fear of my anger or my power either. I want to be able to react in a moment as is needed in that moment, to stand up for myself as needed, striking like a panther when that is needed.

Let’s back up. Let’s start from breath because that is what helps. (For me.)

Breathing for the new year.

I spent new year’s eve in the middle of nowhere.

I watched the outrageous sunset play out over the endless Nevada sky, and I made cocktails, and snuggled up with [lover] on the couch and watched Scorpion, falling asleep about fifteen minutes before midnight, and all this was the right way to slide into a new year.

It was quiet and enormously peaceful, and this was the door I needed in the moment I needed it, which I believe was part of my wish for solstice and the month of Light.

Yes, there is great wariness in this newness, with the disastrous political situation here eclipsing all the previous troubles (from the unsolved mysteries of sustainable online business to the unsolved mystery of where I want to be and what I want to do), but there is also a hopefulness and a sense of wonder that I had not anticipated.

Finding my way through.

I almost didn’t want to make wishes for the new year, even though usually that’s my favorite part.

In fact, this may have been the least enthused I have ever been about a new anything.

Because come on, it’s pretty bad when the only goal/wish you can come up with is basically please no nuclear war and may the country/world not be overrun by nazis, amen….

But then I started focusing on PROWESSS, asking what Prowess skill sets I need to be working on and developing to navigate this new year, and I discovered something marvelous.

I discovered that Prowess is my secret gate/pathway to Steadiness, Hopefulness, Mystery and other wild witchy wonders of life.

Beyond resolve.

I don’t do resolutions because how can I possibly commit future-me to anything without knowing what her yes is? She isn’t here yet, I can’t know what she will want or need, I only know that I love her and trust her unconditionally.

The only thing I can resolve is to be as intentional and present as I can, listening, awake to my yes, true to instinct and desire and what I believe in.

This year I translated “resolve” to mean something more like yes, I am here and I am serious about the things that are important to me.

Yes, I am serious about this year and serious about what I want! Even though, quite often actually, when I am serious about something, I am also the most playful with how I approach it.

Serious about welcoming prowess.

I am serious about boundaries and DNFW,
writing and dance,
getting off grid,
glowing my glow,
quitting most things,
generally being a total fucking badass and
my own personal hero of extreme self-treasuring.

I am serious about healing
and learning about ease,
I am serious about freedom and love,
sustenance and sustainability.

I am serious about giving myself real rest,
immersion in water,
being under the stars,
making sure I get enough iron and nourishment,
and doing all these things before I’m on the verge of breakdown.

Yes, this is where I want to direct the light.

I am serious about learning new skills,
practicing buffer phrases,
protecting my space,
being the queen of glowing force field boundaries.

I am serious about PLEASURE,
about prioritizing Wildness and Wilding,
my Wild selves and my wild side…

I am serious about silk and lusciousness,
about being fierce and fearless
finding joy wherever I can
and living intentionally
being a sweet and wild revolutionary
in the kingdom of my life and out in the world.

Fragments of a conversation with Incoming Me…

Me: When I skip stones about Prowess, what comes up is that I need to learn more about Ease. Like there is something I don’t yet get about Ease that needs to be in place for me to understand Prowess…
She: Ease is a combination of Preparation and Releasing Expectations. Well, also Intention. But you have already put in the time on that one. I need you to focus on the other two.

Me: Preparation and Releasing Expectations sounds like another form of Sanctuary and Freedom, or [tree and bird].
She: That is such a beautiful insight. Insight is where you shine and are most comfortable, and that’s a strength you bring to this mission. Now though is the time to broaden your focus and develop the skills that allow you to be good with instinct. Instinct will serve you here even more than insight if you let it.

Me: To me, preparation is about provisions, mise en place, structure and form, ritual, all the things that allow for steadiness. And releasing expectations is about trust and receptivity.
She: Excellent. These are all good clues. Approach these from instinct, from raw feel, from your panther self. Be a panther, a jewel and a star. But start from panthering.

What are my wishes?

Instinct.

Comfortable with being powerful, direct, even abrasive when that is what is called for.

Yes, I am a Sweet Revolutionary (and also a Cake Baker).

Resonance. Congruence. Moving forward. Big wild trust. Clarity of intent.

Knowing what I am serious about, and celebrating it.

True to my yes.

True to my yes, to my yes of the moment, to current yes. Wild dedication to yes.

To write/bake each day according to instinct.

To take care of my body that is my home, to invite in my panther self.

To feel myself as an embodiment of the superpower of Regal As Fuck, no matter what monsters have to say. This is absolutely a PROWESS superpower, along with Serene Powerful Presence.

To live and love boldly. With instinct, clarity and prowess.

May it be so.

Postscript!

We extended the new year sale which means there are still lovely things available in the gift shop though not for long. I recommend the Illumination of Qualities if you want to work on Prowess and force-field strengthening — I find that reading the beautiful words and qualities helps me connect with them and remember them throughout my day. They fill me with joy, and joy is something I am serious about this year too.

Also, you probably already know this, but ebook sales are one of the main ways we can keep this place going, and keeping this place going is something I feel strongly about. Thank you for being a part of this with me in whatever way you can.

Invitation: come play with me…

You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,

Or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…

You can also share how things have been going, check in, or deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, possibly in code.

Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishes and checking-in are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing.

We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.

Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!

solstice stones and new year wishes

Reduction

This is the word of the day
like making a sauce
but also: letting go of what is no longer yes.

Light

Today is solstice, and solstice is my time for questions,
turning inward
reflecting my own light
and asking.

Eliminated meets illuminated

I drop questions and watch-listen as they
skip across the waters of my consciousness like stones,
on solstice I always ask the same question,
part-ritual, part-incantation:

What needs to be Eliminated and what needs to be Illuminated?

Clarity

Elimination can be such a beautiful letting-go,
striking and radiant in its clarity and decisiveness,
I never realized this until
the word itself was illuminated through this question,
asked with love.

Reduction

Elimination asks us to see
the power of subtraction
solving through releasing-removing-erasing-undoing
celebrating negative space
appreciating contrast
receiving through letting go
making space
and clearing the path to clear the path…

Related: often the best response for me is remembering that not everything requires a response

What needs to be illuminated?

Patterns and process
space and spaciousness
openings and apertures
contrast and shadow.

Calling in the light,
calling in lightness,
calling in perspective,
calling in clarity,
and — always always always — calling in boundaries made of light,
my boundaries are light and laser beams.

What needs to be eliminated?

Everything that does not resonate and reverberate a yes for me,
everything that is disharmonious, incongruent, unsupportive,
everything that keeps me from myself.

Into the light / add more light

Calling in light,
echoing and reverberating light.

Wishes for the new year and the passage through

I move with intention and fearless panther grace,
clear and unapologetic, in my power and prowess.

I learn to praise myself
with great love and great joy,
so much so that I never perceive a lack
of appreciation.

I reduce input.

I know what I have,
and I know what I have to do.

Calling in Courage for a year of fighting the good fight,
asking for Clarity, Fierce Determination and Focus, Sanctuary and Freedom,
whatever will help me glow powerfully,
using light to illuminate,
using light to reflect and refract,
using the light to disappear when needed in order to fill up on my light again.

I invoke darkness too

I invoke darkness too in the forms of
Shelter, Mystery, Quiet, Protection, Rest, Contrast
under the stars
immersing in water
not afraid of the void,
the void is where the stars are born
and where the stars are named.

Where do I want to be next solstice?

This is a stone I am borrowing from a wise friend,
I know she did not mean the question literally
but my answer came in the form of a vision:

under the stars
in the water
in Idaho or Astoria or
some mysterious wonderful place
I have not discovered yet

fully a star
fully a panther
full-glow
fully at ease with Ease
and beyond

Real talk

These are such hard questions in these tough and terrifying times,
painful and scary to even approach introspection
or the wishing of wishes

I mean, hell, at this point my main hope for next solstice
is that we aren’t all in labor camps or worse,
but I am focusing my wishes on qualities of spirit
which are mine anyway,
mine to invoke, reconnect with, remember, feel my way into,
regardless of external factors.

When I do this, I see how I have
picked up on external bleakness,
and forgotten to glow steady in my own light.

And so I am wishing for this return to steady clarity,
and for doors,
surprise miracle doors.

Doors

Last year at this time the arborist said,
let time do the talking, we do the listening.

Last year the arborist said
may another way come to you as rain in its season;
where no door seems right may a hidden sliding door between them appear
.

And now the arborist has disappeared
but that does not invalidate the wish-magic.

Glow through the opening

This year is going to require some hidden sliding doors,
some options that we cannot see yet,
new paths around and through,
as we commit to resistance,
underground and above-ground,
powerfully glowing our light,
making shelter when shelter is needed,
and showing up with our fiercely channeled intensity
to do what needs to be done.

Anything else about this?

A prayer that doesn’t have words,
something about stones of light,
glowing seeds,
a map of stars,
new perspective,
remembering to breathe,
unanticipated solutions,
trust and love,
courage courage courage,
breath breath breath,
change your place change your luck,
this moment is new
I am here
presence
grace
hope

Invitation

This space is for gathering — you are welcome to join me in this ritual, to skip stones or wish wishes, to share as much or as little as you wish, to leave pebbles and stones or take breaths, to share this time of passage through.

And we make this safe space through joyfully going on vacation from all forms of caretaking and advice-giving.

And another invitation…

New in the gift shop:
we have just put some lovely things up for sale
in case you would like more magic and self-fluency in your life! <3

calling in light for the month of light

Door of Light

What do I know (so far) about the month of light?

Light like glowing.

Light like carrying everything more lightly.

Light like lightheartedness.

Light like hope.

Light like sparks.

A new experiment.

I have been wishing wishes about gathering and community. Light and lightness together.

And I have been wishing wishes about simplicity and sustainability. A lightening of loads.

After 436 weeks of a weekly ritual of checking in, and 385 weeks of wishing wishes, and one of the most stressful and exhausting months of my life, I need to try something new.

That’s why I’m designing this post to be a play-space for the month of Light (December).

A gathering of-and-in lightness.

This way, we can gather here all month with everything we are wishing for and working on.

And we can keep checking in with what is going on in our lives.

We can name superpowers and invent salves!

We can say what we want to work on and play with. We can share.

I may of course post other things to the blog, but right now I want to find out what it’s like to have a gathering space for the month.

We play, we wish, we chicken.

Let’s see what that looks like.

I honestly don’t know if anyone will even remember to come here without the weekly reminder, but hey, that’s how experiments work, and in nearly twelve years of doing this, I’ve tried all kinds of things. Some were fun and some were less fun, and we will keep what is fun.

In the meantime, we play, we wish, we chicken…..

What’s been working? What do I want to play with….

Metaphors work for me.

I have stopped trying to troubleshoot all the problems and am instead focused on obsessively interviewing The Cake Maker so that I can learn all I can about her magical cakes as well as her perspective on the bakery business.

This is a proxy of course, and The Cake Maker is a version of Wise Me, but it turns out that cake making is actually a surprisingly apt metaphor for writing, and my cake-making baker self is a total badass who has been giving me some pretty sound advice.

For example, she told me that she takes as much time to have experiences that infuse her baking style with [wonder and delight] as she puts time into baking itself.

And she told me that it’s ridiculous to grind wheels over the problem of not enough people buying cake when actually you’re the one who keeps giving out unlimited free doughnuts. Especially if the thing you actually care about most is sharing the experience of delicious and wildly transformative cake.

Fair enough. I’m listening.

Breathing for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  • Dark days. It’s a challenging world out there, and we need to be strong and fierce in our resistance. And, as Agent Emdee and I were discussing, it’s not like we didn’t already have enough to do (and enough reasons to cry in bed) without fighting fascism and strategizing for protecting the environment and so on. A breath for light.
  • I’m in Nevada this week and Trump signs are everywhere, and all I can think is that I am surrounded by people who think sexually assaulting women is fine, deporting people is fine, xenophobia and wall-building is fine, xenophobia is fine, demolishing the EPA is fine, torture is fine. Oh, and they’re all armed. It’s awesome. Breathing.
  • Even as we celebrate the order to cease work on the Dakota Access pipeline, I am feeling very wary about what is coming. Breathing justice, power, prayer, fierceness.
  • I have never worked so hard in my entire life (and I say this as a known workaholic), nor have I ever had so many non-paying projects. Yes, ridiculous, and I need to rest, because my body is not happy with me right now. Breathing for change and clear-eyed knowing.
  • It is time for action, and this is important and also it is a lot of work. Breathing presence, intensity, wild witchy fury.
  • And! I slammed my finger in a door and it is an unpalatable shade of purple. And I might be moving to Nevada. Or I might be on the road for the next six months. And either way, I need a car. And I have too much to do. Breathing receptivity to good solutions.
  • Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Breathing for the good, reassuring, and magical!

  • Finished five massive projects! Breathing thankfulness.
  • I keep saying this and it’s still true: the disastrous political situation is asking us to get powerfully focused, to prioritize both what takes care of us and what we are passionate about. Important stuff. Breathing power.
  • Even though the monster chorus was singing their favorite song in my ear all week — “you’re going to be forty and your life is a mess and you live in a motorhome with no heat and you’re working at a cafe wearing pajamas because you did not plan laundry day well and you have fucked up everything, lalalala!” — I had help talking them down. Agents Ravenstar and Emdee came to the rescue, pointing out that actually I like adventures and being someone who pursues freedom, and this is just a creative experiment in small, sustainable, alternative living. I feel better. Breathing for friends. And remembering that Nothing Is Wrong.
  • Writing all day every day. Breathing thankfulness for an outlet.
  • I know what I want. I am very clear about this. A breath for the many things that are possible.
  • Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of love, sweetness, quiet, friends, warmth, all-day breakfast, big ideas, big stars, big adventure, companionship, perspective. A breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

What are my wishes?

I want to live by the compass of Do Less and Choose Ease and Savor This Moment.

I want to bake more cakes — both real and metaphorical, and do this while channeling outrageous amounts of love, passion, dedication, integrity, playfulness and pleasure. I want to make joie de vivre cake!

And I want to get louder when that is what is necessary, and quieter when quiet is the answer.

May I have the discernment and clear-seeing needed to know (and trust the difference).

What else?

To be true to yes, to my yes of the moment, to current yes. Wild dedication to yes: 120% true to 120% yes.

To write/bake each day but not spend all day writing and editing, baking and cake-decorating, as has been the case the past months.

To live boldly. I typed love instead of live, so that too — may I love boldly!

To cultivate a more loving relationship with both effort and effortlessness.

To take care of my body that is my home, to invite in my panther self.

To feel myself as an embodiment of the superpower of Regal As Fuck, no matter what monsters have to say.

To color as many monsters from the monster coloring book as possible!

And to receive whatever decisions need to be received with great lightness and with hope.

What do I know about my wishes?

They feel very sweet to me.

It is funny that sweetness has become such a theme — for someone who does not consider herself to be sweet but once was the owner of a metaphorical chocolate shop, and recently returned to ice cream after a nearly seventeen year hiatus.

But sweet: this is how I feel towards myself right now. There is a tenderness towards these wishes, towards this desire for a new relationship with light and lightness.

I’m dealing better with the dark days this year — I mean, with the days ending earlier. Usually this throws me into despair. Somehow having an easier time with it now, maybe the stars help.

And I’m having a very difficult time with the dark political days, but I am channeling Fierce Determination and a spirit of forwards and towards.

Anything else about my wishes?

I am welcoming them.

The image of the door of light is so inviting to me right now.

We just finished the 2017 calendar of qualities and I am echoing and reverberating qualities, and all the superpowers of doors.

This is the fifth year we’ve designed a calendar, but the first time not doing a print version. Instead we made a stunning page with all the months, superpowers, images and qualities — it’s one of the bonuses for anyone who sponsor a month and join the secret star society by this weekend!

These are the qualities for 2017:

Prowess
Reflection
Pleasure
Serendipity
Plenty
Vitality
Restoration
Courage
Grace
Wishing
Meaning
Ease

Lightness, again.

I’ve been having such mixed feelings about not doing a print calendar this year — I can’t mail things when I’m living on the road and we never make enough money to justify the work it takes, but oh how I love their magic!

But right now I feel really good. Clear, steady joy for these gorgeous glowing qualities, as if the door of light itself is already inviting these in with more lightness, in all senses of lightness.

Also, this year’s calendar experiment feels like it is a lot more in line with my big wish of Choose Ease, and I am, generally speaking, not very good at choosing ease, and so this is useful.

Yes, I am (slowly) learning more and more about the relationship between lightness and light, about being okay with letting lightness in.

Plus I got to do the fun part of working on design, which I love, and feeling the incoming qualities, my favorite part.

Superpowers.

December’s superpower is Steadily Glowing Always, and January’s superpower is Serene Powerful Presence.

I want to combine these, so that one enhances the other, so that by the time we arrive in January, serene powerful presence is an old friend, and I am able to stride through that door with a giant smile on my face.

May it be so.

Invitation: come play with me…

You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…

Tell us how your week was! Or deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code.

Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishes and checking-in are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing.

We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.

Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!