What we do here:

Work on our stuff. Dissolve stuck. Play. Experiment. Rewrite patterns. We take sometimes-heavy things* and we make them more fun, playful, manageable.

I also write about my conversations with walls and monsters, and what it's like to work on a pirate ship. Good times.

* Sometimes-heavy things include: mindfulness and presence, pain and trauma, business-growing, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity

 

a brave and hopeful yes

very personal ads

I write a Very Personal Ad (also known as a Vision of Possibility & Anticipation) each week to practice wanting, listening, getting clear on my desires

the point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), it’s learning about my relationship with wanting, accessing the qualities

wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…

this is the 344th consecutive week of wishing, come play!

alligators, unimpressed

deep inside my dream I was involved in a
a complicated baseball game
that included alligators
I was the catcher
and if you know me at all, you know that’s about as unlikely
as alligators playing baseball

I made a spectacular catch
– no glove! left-handed! from an armchair!
and no one was impressed
dream-me was very sad

parade, please

I want a parade to celebrate me!
and I have to be the one to give myself the parade
this is important
and also frustrating

important

it’s important because I always want to remember
how appreciation is a quality of the divine
it comes from SOURCE, not from people,
and source lives within me, is transported in me,
which means I can always access appreciation when needed

and sure, yes, sometimes other people will be the
delivery system for [gifts of source]

but people are people and source is source

and let us not confuse these
let us not go through life believing that a specific person is our source of love
everything ends and people exit,
and it is a great and tragic distortion to go through life believing that
once a person is gone, we no longer get to have
whatever beautiful things that person used to deliver by way of source

appreciation is mine because it just is
I can glow it outward or inward
trusting in the delivery systems to deliver
trusting in my own ability to be the delivery system

and

sometimes it scares me, the intensity of this need-craving-desire
to be appreciated
I see and hear you, monsters in the form of
“ugh just grow up already and
stop needing everyone to like everything you do”
and also other impatient monster-like voices that say,
“why do you squander your time and talent on weekly wishes,
go write for a larger platform where more people will read
and appreciate your words, and oh right, you’d actually get paid”

but that form is not my yes
my yes is to be free to follow my desire
my yes is to fill my pockets with freedom
and write exactly what I want to write, and when and how I want to write it,
and to glow appreciation for myself and for life
out into the world
filling up my world

and I wish because wishing is ritual
and because this is where I want to be

and if all that means that sometimes I have to
throw myself a parade
then so be it, here’s to all the superpowers of self-proclaimed parades
here’s to the treasures that emerge from getting
raw and honest with my wanting

what is the bridge between freedom and sanctuary

I have learned a lot about my yes during the year of yes
and now I am learning about doors in the year of doors

now, as I prepare to exit
the home where I’ve lived the past seven years
with no idea of what’s next
my biggest yes is knowing-and-remembering that I have
plentiful resources, really good options, and
this is the most important thing
a beautiful safe cozy nest that I love

I want to listen to the wise voices in and around me
not the monsters
not the dismissive alligators
not petrified me who believes that now is then
I want to listen to the ones who really know me deeply

okay, I can listen

the far-away boy: I thought your catch was the highlight of the game!
my former housemate: and alligators can’t even sit in armchairs, so they should really be impressed by the whole package…

incoming me: FILL YOUR POCKETS WITH FREEDOM, my love
say yes to what you want
your yes is the bridge between Freedom and Sanctuary,
it is sanctuary that will allow you to be free, and guess what,
EVEN IF you say yes to your yes and
for whatever reason it doesn’t say yes back to you,
saying yes to your yes is still a win
a win for you and it’s a win for the world,
I’m absolutely serious about this,
because saying your yes is challenging the rigging,
and if you say yes to wanting what you want,
you are also saying yes to the idea of this,
to having Freedom + Sanctuary in the same space at the same time,
which means you will get it in some form even if not in this form,
not to mention all all the bravery points for saying it, so yes, go ahead and speak your
brave and hopeful yes

thanking myself

I have been practicing appreciation by saying thank you before bed
thank you, that is, to me of the day-that-was

thank you for being so calm and steady
during the messy attempted-leg-shaving-while-tired debacle
thank you for responding with attentiveness and reassurance and presence
thank you for keeping All Salve next to the bed
thank you for checking the list of What Helps When We’re Petrified
thank you for trusting the nap
thank you for asking Lucky Honey to take the front of the V
thank you for helping me remember to pause for RGW (Replenishing Glass of Water)
thank you for helping me get clear on my yes
thank you for being receptive to many possible good solutions and not fixating
thank you for bringing me back to my thank-you heart
thank you for doing your best, today-me, you are treasure and I appreciate you!

and naming superpowers

Here are the superpowers I want right now:

I am Wildly Unfazed
I can totally handle this
Everything is working out perfectly no matter how it looks to me from the outside or how my monsters and scared selves want to read the situation
Oh, what Fantastic Unexpected Luckiness
There’s always money (and whatever else I need) in the banana stand
I now have plentiful resources for what I want
(and a beautiful safe cozy nest that I love)
Solid guidance from wise, calm, capable incoming me
I am so loved
I live by my BRAVE AND HOPEFUL YES!

amen may it be so and may I remember

and more

let’s take deep breaths of superpowers
let’s shout them from the rooftops of our mind
let’s be the source of remembering source
let’s circulate them in spirals, like a hula hoop or an unnamed reverberating bell

this calls for ALL CAPS!

THE SUPERPOWERS OF I SAY MY YES
THE SUPERPOWERS OF MY YES IS RECEIVED WITH JOY AND LOVE
THE SUPERPOWERS OF THIS IS RIGHT AND THIS MOMENT IS RIGHT
THE SUPERPOWERS OF MY YES HAS ROOTS and MY YES HAS WINGS
THE SUPERPOWERS OF I AM OF THE EARTH
THE SUPERPOWERS OF GETTING SERIOUS ABOUT JOY
THE SUPERPOWERS OF CROSSING THROUGH
THE SUPERPOWERS OF THIS IS MY DOOR AND IT IS A BEAUTIFUL ONE
THE SUPERPOWERS OF ECHOING & REVERBERATING
THE SUPERPOWERS OF FILLING MY POCKETS WITH FREEDOM
THE SUPERPOWERS OF RECEPTIVE TO MANY POSSIBLE GOOD SOLUTIONS
THE SUPERPOWERS OF INTO THE GARDEN WHERE THE MANY POSSIBLE GOOD SOLUTIONS LIVE
THE SUPERPOWERS OF THE MYSTIC FANTASTIC FORTRESS COMES TO MEET ME AT HAPPY HOUR
THE SUPERPOWERS OF AND YES THE HAPPIEST HOUR IS NOW

amen may it be so and may I remember

trust trust trust, seed and release.

this is really what my wish is about
allowing myself to want what I want
to hear my brave and hopeful yes
without being attached to the way I think I’m supposed to receive it

the brave and hopeful yes
is the yes of listening, asking, desiring, releasing,
trust trust trust, seed and release

my brave and hopeful yes is a red balloon of releasing

what do I know about my wish this week

it’s about freedom-meets-sanctuary, ease-filled transition, a dose of magic,
and being very honest with myself
even when this means interacting with monsters and seeing aspects of myself
that I didn’t want to see
or noticing that I’ve forgotten again that source is source
and that the answer (as always) is getting quiet and going deep inside myself
to the place from which ALIVENESS sparks

let me speak my brave and hopeful yes
let me whisper it in the heart-garden
under the stars

let there always be people I like to play with,
the kind who can admire a spectacular catch,
and who can reflect my own incoming abilities to appreciate and be appreciated

let there be a beautiful safe haven for me to land in
a place I will love and cherish
that will love and cherish me
may we find each other soon, with the greatest of ease, and say yes yes yes yes

may it be so!

now

my kitchen is now empty but for one cabinet
I have to remind myself approximately 19,000 times a day that
Now Is Not Then
I write the word TRUST on my forehead with a fingertip
and kiss the palms of my hands and press them to my cheeks

the days are getting longer and I love this
it’s almost tu b’shvat, the birthday of the trees
and I can feel this coming
soon we plant a new tree where the wild winds uprooted the old one
everything is being seeded

superpower of safety first

months-February-VPA-2016

january on the 2016 fluent self calendar was the door of FREDOM, and february is the door of SANCTUARY, which comes with the glowingly important superpower of safety first

I want to live by safety first
and I want to be a grand adventurer
and I want to see no contradiction between the two
my cozy nest of a home-base allows me to set forth on wild adventures,
internal and external,
trusting my sails and my beautiful anchor

last week’s wishes

I wished a wish called set free and be set free

this was a big week of letting go, and not always easy
but I crossed the bridge from terror into lit up with giddy excitement
about my brave and hopeful yes
and it was quite the passage
so I am glad to have asked for this

thank you, me who wished

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share anything sparked for you while reading

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes

border chicken

Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, week: we are here.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 393rd week in a row we are chickening here together….

or “checking in”, if you prefer to enunciate.

What worked this week?

Giving my monsters a stopwatch and making a deal….

Monsters estimated that Doing The Base Level Things (bringing up laundry, making up the bed, folding all the clothes, doing dishes) should only take 15-20 minutes if I’m “focused”, and that it’s my fault everything takes longer, because I stop to text people or look at instagram or stare at the walls.

So I suggested an experiment.

I promised to be super focused and let them hold the stopwatch, if they promised not to criticize me or rush me or intervene in any way which could disrupt the integrity of the experiment. We invited the Internal Scientists to document the process.

It took EXACTLY fifty eight minutes.

I was focused and undistracted, no pausing, no resting, no bathroom break. I just did the things and that was the amount of time.

While my monsters still maintain that this is an absurd amount of time, they saw how dedicated I was to the mission and they know I wasn’t “wasting” any time, because they watched. They are amazed amazed amazed, it is awesome.

Naps.

I have known for a long time that a nap is an excellent portal/bridge to all kinds of good healing, but sometimes I don’t want to do it because in [certain situations] going back to bed gets read in my mind as defeat, and I was dealing with a lot of Now Reminds Me Of Then this week.

But choosing bed worked really well for me, when I let myself. And when I didn’t let myself, my body declared a state of emergency and took me there anyway.

Next time I might…

Ask for help sooner.

Yes. I know.

Naming the days.

I’ve been naming everything lately, it is astonishing what a difference a name makes. I like collecting the names of my days at the end of the week and reading them, letting time turn into an incantation, full of sweet clues.

This week was the week of set free and be set free, and here were the days:

Mysteriously Amazing. I Wow Myself. Be a bell. Second chances. Surprise extra ease. Jewel heart. Recharge.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

Nothing Is Wrong, Things Are Just Rearranging In Space.

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. This week in Mysterious Inexplicable Injuries, my right ankle got badly bruised (but how?) and stopped working. Painful, scary and not fun, even if I weren’t a dancer, but yes, this is worse. A breath for my ankle, and for trusting the ground.
  2. It was goodbye again when the beautiful boy left town, which I knew was coming and somehow thought I could handle it this time and that I’d be fine, and hahahaha that’s hilarious. I miss him. A breath for me.
  3. Oh, hello, FATIGUE, back so soon? Here to knock me off my feet again, huh. Or maybe there’s another reason you’re here. Did you forget something? Or maybe I forgot something, I forgot how big you and how deep you go, I must have thought I exaggerated your effects in my mind. But no, you just are how you are. I know a lot about depletion, which is useful, and at least this is not unfamiliar territory, it just bumps up the challenge level of everything else. A breath for zero, and for empty also being the place of resetting.
  4. Not only is replacing the sidewalk expensive as hell, it’s also extremely noisy, and this was the week of migraines and banging sounds and I had to be out of the house, which was very stressful as I was halfway to passing out from exhaustion. A breath for moving through states of upheaval, and, again, for remembering that now is not then.
  5. Everything I said last week still goes: Wiped-out from all current projects. Emptying the house is big work. Figuring out what’s next is big work. Writing projects are big work. Friends are AWOL. A breath for rest, and for Safety First.
  6. Overwhelmed and panicked about What Is Next, and the unexpected visits to Spain (this is the code name a friend uses for Severe Pain). A breath for here-now, taking care of myself to the best of my ability, trusting Wise Me who says that this is all normal and understandable given the circumstances and it will pass soon.
  7. In between. Let’s have a breath.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. Big love and sweetness. I am in fact better at these goodbyes. And better at trusting. A breath for taking care of myself, and treasuring myself.
  2. Month of Sanctuary, yes yes yes, such good timing and so much intel about this. A breath for receiving what is needed.
  3. Big moments of trust. A breath for seeing clearly, and remembering that Now Is Not Then.
  4. I have a yes I’m really excited about. Not entirely sure how to make it happen but it’s just so exciting to know what I want, and know that it’s possible. A breath for sweet clarity.
  5. My wise body has a lot to say, and I have been training myself in listening. And the people in my life support me in listening. “Recharge those batteries, sweet girl”, texts the faraway boy. “Take all the time and sleep you need, I wish you deep restoration”, says Agent Annabelle. “Good for you, I’m sure you needed that”, says my now former housemate when he learns that I’ve spent the week in bed instead of getting the house ready to rent. A breath for practice, and for remembering how much I am loved.
  6. Moving when and how I can. I mean this both in terms of dance training, and also with my ankle. Oh, and an absolutely dreamy luscious blues dance to this song, sometimes dance is just HEAVEN. A breath for panther powers and slow motion montage.
  7. Joy in emptying, joy in change (even when scary, also welcome), joy in letting go, joy in holding close, joy in swaying in the dark, joy in taking pleasure, joy in newness, joy in knowing-and-remembering that This Moment Is Right.
  8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of longer days, stars, candles, naps every day, former housemate coming by to make me dinner, writing, talking to Incoming Me, friends showing up to help peel me off the floor. My uncle came for the weekend and we had delicious Ethiopian food with my favorite cousin. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!

Current ops and forward movement!

Had an epiphany this week about the Wild Wild Nest. Incremental movement and much percolating on The Namer Names, Wild Montage, The Studio Op, and the Fountaining op. Thank you, fractal flowers.

I am bestowing vast quantities of sparklepoints upon myself like a fairground stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the powers of Beautifully Clear, and I received this. I also had the power of the right background music.

Powers I want.

I will re-seed the wishes for the powers of Easily Releasing, Of Course I Live In A Wishing Hotel, and I Trust In My Wild Good Fortune. And I want the powers of Let’s Get Serious About Joy, and also A Parade For How Great I Am, Yes, A Parade!

The Salve of Let’s Get Serious About Joy

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

This salve, despite its name, does not feel serious at all. It is wonderfully light and bubbly, and when I put it on, it reminds me that my delight is vital and important, and instead of getting all monster-ey about why have I been neglecting my delight, I just delight in giving myself delight.

This salve is made of JOY, and also contains Permission, Sweetness, Pleasure, Wonder, Deepening, Power, Appreciation, Play and Presence.

Side effects include happy catnaps and possibly taking a third of what you own to goodwill.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

just-one-guy

This week’s band is:

Borderline Daisy

Their latest album is Just In The Knock Of Time, and it turns out this band is just one guy.

Photo taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!

TWO ANNOUNCEMENTS!

We are doing some reconfiguring and Congruencing, and the shop will disappear soon, so if there was something you wanted to buy, go ahead and do that before it’s gone. More explanations about [reasons] to come, but it’s all good stuff, and if something is speaking to you, this is a good time.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!