Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
This the seventh week of Operation True Yes, where I am learning to say yes to my yes and no to my no. I am learning to be the person who trusts her yes.
One of the most interesting things about this experiment has been noticing just how often I try to override body intel with logic. And how often I succeed. Haha, if by “succeed”, you mean silence my truth.
And now this isn’t working any more.
Mostly, I think, because of this strong — and semi-terrifying — commitment I’ve made to listening to yes and living by the c*.
There’s another reason too.
This is probably related to the above, but lately it just seems like my intel about my YES and my NO is getting louder by the minute.
Especially the NO.
Though as TJ wisely reminded me this week: Yes evolves. No no no is a no.
We can focus on the NO, and that will lead us to YES.
So here I am, with these loud, clear, obvious NOs that have been NO for years, except I haven’t let myself hear them until now.
I want to play with a relatively small example of this right now, because that seems like the least overwhelming way to approach this.
And also because I have a sneaking suspicion that there is no such thing as a small NO. The small ones are part of the big ones.
And maybe solving this mystery can shed some light on the other mysteries (principle of fractal flowers!), and at the very least this mystery can stand in for all the other mysteries (principle of proxies).
I really enjoy walking in the sun. I really don’t like getting burnt. So, you know, sunscreen: it’s a thing.
And yet every time I put it on, my body says ugh this is not good for us.
It was only this week that I really heard this NO, only to realize I’ve actually been hearing this for years, but I just immediately bulldoze past it because I don’t want to stay inside and I don’t want a sunburn, and ohmygod fear-fear-fear about something bad happening.
So I put it on anyway, and I pretend that my dislike is aesthetic, or that it’s about the texture or the smell, when it’s actually so much deeper than that.
Or I start thinking about what a pain it is to have to Do A Thing before going outside, or how cosmically unfair it is that the human body is designed in such a way that you need someone else to put sunscreen your back, and how this is yet another thing that is totally rigged to support people who are in relationships, and I don’t want to be in a relationship but I like having someone in my life who can put sunscreen on me, and toot toot this train of thought has left the station.
Anyway, the point is that logic and internal finger-wagging always wins: “You have very light, sensitive skin and don’t want sunburn, so put on the damn sunscreen already.”
But this week I finally heard it in a way I can’t unhear it: This is not good for me.
So I listened.
I said, Hey body, I hear what you’re saying. You don’t want this. Let’s find a new way.
And my body instantly relaxed.
I started wondering why my body wouldn’t like sunscreen, and then suddenly I had to laugh because really, how could any of our bodies really truly be okay with sunscreens.
I mean, they come in plastic bottles and are full of chemicals.
In fact, when I started researching this, I was amazed (and then not amazed at all, because really, so many things in this world of ours are twisted and distorted) at how dangerous sunscreen actually is.
It’s pretty damn hard to find sunscreen without chemicals, toxins, alcohol, petroleum and petro-chemicals, genetically modified substances, parabens, phthlalates, sulfates, PABA, preservatives, titanium dioxide, triclosan, artificial coloring and synthetic fragrances.
And then try to find one not in a plastic tube, even harder.
So yes, my body is no idiot.
The mystery, and the options.
My body is giving me a clear no, and it’s my mission right now to trust and respect this kind of internal intel.
And, without sunscreen, I’m going to get toasty, and my body doesn’t want that either.
I started investigating naturally occurring plant sunscreens and looking up recipes to make my own — recipes that don’t involve double-broiler, because I live in a tiny camper. Turns out lots of people have already been thinking this way.
Actually I think I’m going to start with this etsy version, mainly because they let you send back your jar for refills.
And then I discovered that you can use organic carrot seed oil, which apparently has an SPF of 38-40. I used to use that anyway as my moisturizer. It is not the cheapest but you can mix it with coconut oil.
Body says yes to this and to floppy hat and to covering up shoulders when out for long walks, and to Vitamin D from the sun, and to frolicking joyfully.
And both my body and I like the idea of this solution (double meaning) living in a glass jar, and not bringing more plastic into our lives.
And then the YES sparks started coming.
YES to living in a place that gets more sun, a place where my body can generate adequate vitamin D all year round:
”Large amounts of vitamin D3 (cholecalciferol) are made in your skin when you expose all of your body to summer sun. This happens very quickly; around half the time it takes for your skin to turn pink and begin to burn. This could be just 15 minutes for a very fair skinned person,
Exposing your skin for a short time will make all the vitamin D your body can produce in one day. In fact, your body can produce 10,000 to 25,000 IU of vitamin D in just a little under the time it takes for your skin to turn pink.”
YES to making more of my own lotions and potions.
YES to making my own bug spray! Did you know you can make bug spray that isn’t toxic and horrible? I did not, and yet of course, that seems obvious now.
YES to the clean bin project.
YES to sun and yes to moon, and to being closer to both of them (but/and also safe, protected, happy skin).
YES to being amazed and excited about all of this, and things related to it, and to never having to buy — or smell — commercial sun screen or bug spray poison again.
YES to being much more conscious about what I am putting on myself, and, more importantly, what I am putting up with because I perceive that there isn’t another option. Yes to believing that there are other options and looking for them!
What do I know about my wish?
It’s about options and possibilities.
It’s about seeing past assumptions and walls.
It’s about creativity and play.
I miss her, and also writing is easier without her, those things can exist simultaneously.
What else do I know about this?
I have an astonishing (to me) number of monsters who think that this is a boring, indulgent wish that only the most privileged person could possibly be concerned with.
So. Let’s look at that. Yes, I have a wonderful amount of magic beans that allow me to think about things other than survival right now. And, being someone who remembers what it is like to be only concerned with survival, I can say unequivocally that this is better. Thank you, magic beans of privilege.
I can also hear wise me whispering that getting vital intel from my body and finding new ways to take care of it and myself is one of the most important and purposeful things I could be doing right now.
And actually I now see that this is something that has always been available to me, even in the roughest of life situations. If anything, a little more body-listening might have done me some good during those tough times, though of course I understand that I wasn’t in the head-space to be able to consider trusting myself, and that’s okay too.
Past-me was doing everything she could, she was living by her instincts and she got me here and I love her forever. And now I am experimenting with a new level of living by my instincts, and that is what is right for now.
Anything else about this?
Trust. Release. Love. Receive. Anchor. Crown. Glow. Boldly.
Ah yes, that.
The moon has been in the sky all day, along with the sun. A beautiful, perfect quarter moon, halfway between new and full.
Blue sky, cool breeze, tiny little yellow flowers everywhere, a true yes of a day.
The book my housemate gave me as a gift for Operation True Yes is open on my lap, and I feel peaceful and something more zippy than peaceful: sparks of excitement for what is coming.
Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?
She: This is the exact right moment to be letting your body take the lead so you can follow its cues. I am so happy about this: it is the time for listening and you are listening, and I love you so much.
Me: I have Ludicrous Fear Popcorn that I’ve screwed this all up and I should have listened to this years ago and now it’s too late.
She: Nonsense. This is the perfect moment for all of this. You wouldn’t have been able to put all the pieces together before anyway. This is right, and you are my sweet beautiful love, so fill up on love, and kiss your palms, like at Rally.
A Liz Clairborne ad said joy promotes joy, employ it in abundance. While I had a visceral no about this sentiment being used for Buy Our Stuff, Get More Stuff, I love both of these phrases and the combination of them.
Joy does promote joy. And employing things in abundance is a wonderful turn of phrase. This is exactly what I want to do with warm, glowing, out-in-the-sun energy.
The superpower of I have everything I need for this.
This wasn’t at all the kind of adventure I had in mind, but yes, this is an adventure, and I feel joy sparks. And I love the reminder that I have what I need.
Things I find helpful for intentions and wishes…
Adventure. Rest. Horizons. Security. Passion. Sweetness. Clarity. Presence.
Ongoing wishes and seeds planted without explanation.
Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere. Ha, this doesn’t require my input! My business is thriving happily without me. It’s so perfect it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS. I have what I need, and appreciate it. I am fearless and confident. I state my preferences clearly, calmly and easily, no big deal.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
So. Last week, aka Not throwing…
First of all let me just say how funny it is that a wish about not throwing turned into a wish about not throwing away…
And I will also note that I was surprisingly chill about money this week, and my monsters no longer think it’s wasteful that I don’t need the plane ticket anymore, and I think some good seeds were planted here. Let’s see how it develops!
Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.
I believe the Playground mugs are all sold but you can still acquire a pack of stone skipping cards just send a note and we’ll set it up. Ask Richard for cost/shipping.
Keep me company! Or just say hi!
This is an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads, superpowers, qualities, whatever you’d like, there’s no right way! Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is sharing anything sparked for you.
Comment culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want. For vulnerable wishes, you can always employ secret code or call silent retreat…
Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.