What we do here:

Work on our stuff. Dissolve stuck. Play. Experiment. Rewrite patterns. We take sometimes-heavy things* and we make them more fun, playful, manageable.

I also write about my conversations with walls and monsters, and what it's like to work on a pirate ship. Good times.

* Sometimes-heavy things include: mindfulness and presence, pain and trauma, business-growing, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity


wildest chicken

Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, chicken: we are here.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 383rd week in a row we are chickening here together….

or “checking in”, if you prefer to enunciate.

What worked this week?


All week I have been imagining/remembering that I am a panther, and it turned out that doing things as a panther is a very useful way to do them.

For example, when the laundry basket was waiting for me to do something with it, and I was siting on the couch looking at it with zero desire to move, I asked What Would A Wild Do, meaning what would one of my wild selves do, and my wild panther self was like, WILD PASSION INTENSITY!

So I stood up and thought-glowed the words WILD PASSION INTENSITY LAUNDRY! And suddenly it was all handled and I was taking care of business.

And now we are going to chicken. WILD PASSION INTENSITY CHICKEN! Like that.

Next time I might…

Wish more wishes and [silent retreat]

Double meaning. I will silent retreat on what I might do next time AND next time I might just employ silent retreat, which is funny, because I don’t speak anyway, but what I mean by that is Interact Less in all forms.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

Whatever Has Hot Peppers In It Sounds Good To Me

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. Misunderstanding. I loathe being misunderstood. A breath for clarity, presence and trust that my true intention will be received.
  2. The beautiful boy who is far away was even more AWOL than ever, if possible. I would like to be over this already, and I am not, and that is just how it is right now. A breath for ease and releasing, and a wish for real connection, and people in my life who can actually be available for that.
  3. I woke up in the middle of the night and I had lost my yes. And, related, some things I thought might be fun for me this week were not fun at all. A breath of trust, it’s there even when I can’t see it or say it.
  4. Perceived obligations. A breath for glowing my glow despite this.
  5. I still do not like American Thanksgiving. I do not like being alone on the sudden-ghost-town streets, and the memories this conjures up. I do not like any of it. A breath for presence and love for me who went through all the hard things once upon a time.
  6. The Game is still so ridiculously Rigged. Tiny symbolic example: it took me until yesterday to actually make soup with the soup stock I made on Saturday, in case you were wondering, and that is just one example of how there is just so much doing to be done, so much more doing than can be done, and our world is broken in a thousand different ways, and there are so many challenges in opting out, in finding new ways. A breath for clear seeing.
  7. I don’t know where I’m going to live until my shed is ready, and this is bringing up so much old pain and fear, and I do not have yes about any of the options for in between, and really needing a perfect simple solution to raise its hand so I can see it. A breath for deep trust, and for asking.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. Knowing how distressing American Thanksgiving is — for me — helped a lot, so I wasn’t taken by surprise this year. I did things that help (candles, coziness, being around people in ways that I don’t actually need to interact with them! ) and avoided everything that does not help (the internet!). I did cheesy 80s aerobics with happy people, and went to brunch with Agent Sloan, where I was delighted to be interrupted by a text from the Vicar who was brunching across the room with Agent Galaxy. And then hid for the rest of the day in a safe house that featured a very soft cat. This was good. Of course I missed the boy and thought about our cozy San Diego thanksgiving escape last year. But there have been worse years. Like, probably most years. This was exactly what I needed. A breath of thank-you to past me for everything she set up so that I could be wonderfully cared for on this day.
  2. I think I might finally be done hating Country Two Step, it’s the one dance I’m allergic to other than samba (and, sadly, contra, though with contra I like the dance itself, it’s just being in a room full of talkative extroverts that does me in, I would totally do Silent Contra). Anyway, country two step is finally starting to make sense to me, and this is enormously exciting. Things can change. THINGS CAN CHANGE! I really needed a reminder of that this week. A breath for positive change, and for feeling positive in general.
  3. A thing I thought might be pretty fun but wasn’t sure turned out to be EXTREMELY and DELICIOUSLY fun, almost impossibly high fun levels. A breath for things that knock your socks off with delight.
  4. Guess what, I am here and I made it through all the hard things with flying colors, including a day of 7.5 hours of being around people (5 hours too many), family visit, inconsiderate guests who barged into my room while I was napping, etc. And I’m doing surprisingly great. Like, this all happened and I did not fall apart. I was expecting aftermath, but I’m miraculously okay. A breath of appreciation and inward admiration. Well done, Agent!
  5. This week is RALLY, and Rally is big, big magic. It is shaking things up, but in exactly the way that they needed shaking. And the glowing is top rate. A breath of steady joy.
  6. Even when things are hard, I am now able to be in the hard and still access the part of me who is fiercely in love with life, and this is beautiful. And on thanksgiving I was delighted to notice while skipping stones that I felt completely and utterly THANKFUL in every way. So here’s to subverting thanksgiving and reclaiming Actual Thankfulness. A breath for fierce love: this breath, thank you.
  7. Treasure in my life in the form of delicious blues dancing, getting better at leading swing, peanut butter on everything (and then peanuts on top!), conversations with far-away friends, knowing what I want. A hand-on-heart breath of wonder for the good in my life
  8. Thankfulness. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Sparklepoints, superpowers, salve, fake band of the week!

Current ops and forward movement!

Operation Panther Time and the Melting Chocolate mission are go. The Fountaining op is simmering. Operation Ruby Jewel is ready for take-off on Wednesday, and I set up a rendezvous upon my return — with an agent who has higher clearance — to figure out next steps on Sweet Honey and Shed Shed Shed. Thank you, fractal flowers.

I now bestow upon myself a quintillion sparklepoints, like a Fairground Stripper, and you are welcome to do the same for you.

Or if you don’t do numbers (even fake ones), an endless cascading fountaining abundance of sparklepoints

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the superpower of remembering my glow, and it’s working! I also had the superpowers of Easy Positivity aka The Surprisingly Good Mood, Knowing What I Wanted And Not Second Guessing It Even When It Was Surprising, and Big Thankfulness.

Powers I want.

More panther superpowers. Wild pleasure, wild intensity, wild joy, wild self-treasuring.

The Salve of (Wild) Self-Treasuring.

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

This is a perfect salve to wear into December, the month of Treasure More.

The thing with self-care is people don’t realize it’s a starting point, not an end-point. I mean, I get it, when we are deep inside The Game Is Rigged, it is so challenging to do anything for ourselves, so: endless compassion for this.

This salve though is the bridge to understanding, deep in your body, that care is not only vitally important, it is the base minimum. We can apply care and then move from care into self-adoration, self-treasuring, self-welcoming, self-sweetening.

This salve is made of Warmth, Adoration, Mystery, Shelter, Tenderness, Lusciousness, shea butter, juniper berries and rubies. It glows, and it enhances your ability to glow, and not just to glow outwardly but inwardly, to glow qualities through your body.

As you rub it into your skin, you breathe into your glowing jewel-heart, and it’s no longer a question. Of course you are going to care for yourself beautifully to the best of your ability, as you are able, and of course you will be fine no matter what. This is how you treasure yourself. You are now able to do this, even though it maybe sounded a little intense when you picked up the jar.

It is intense, but it is also soft, welcoming, supportive. This is a secret Easing & Releasing salve, and if you keep it by the window, it will soak up some extra sun for you.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.


This week’s band is:

Temporary Calamity

Their latest album is Everyone Hits the Wall At Once and you probably heard them open for Additional Cultural Pressure on Thanksgiving. And get this, turns out the band is just one guy.

Photo taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!


The gorgeous and extremely magical 2016 calendars are ready — The Year Of Doors! — and I believe there are not too many left. You can find yours here. The password: sweetdoors

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

I am a panther

very personal ads

I write a Very Personal Ad (also known as a Vision of Possibility & Anticipation) each week to practice wanting, listening, getting clear on my desires

the point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), it’s learning about my relationship with wanting, accessing the qualities

wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…

this is the 333rd consecutive week of wishing, come play!


this week’s wish is a bit surreal, even for me, so let’s invoke trust (may everything that needs to be revealed be revealed in good timing), as we let the word-magic of wish time do its thing….

Liberation story:

I am a panther
recently liberated (or self-liberated, possibly) from a zoo
it was a very spacious comfortable zoo, I wasn’t mistreated,
I just wasn’t free
now I am free and I don’t entirely know how this works

that is to say:
how am I (who am I) when I am free
how do I remember my way back into my essential panther nature
how do I reclaim my true freedom beyond just being outside of the gates

all good things are wild and free

Thoreau said this
but what does it mean to be wild and free
if Thoreau was right…
what is the good thing that is me

I made my way to the wise woman of the mountain
she wasn’t there
(I suspect this was intentional)
she left me a note in panther markings:

I cannot give you the answers you are looking for
only clues
here they are:
fall in love with oxygen
glow from within

what do I know about this
as a panther
what wisdom, what ancestral knowledge lives in my cells
waiting to be reclaimed

1) fall in love with oxygen, what does this mean?

breathe deep and free, inhale like it is your passion,
breathe your way into lost scent and lost wildness,
become intimately familiar with the passage of life energy
through you

take oxygen like it is your playmate,
your lover,
your new and only drug,
feel your pulsing life force
be breathed
treasure and pleasure in these breaths, each one glowing you alive
breathe like you have nothing better or more enjoyable to do
than pulse with life
because that is the way

2) glow from within, what does this mean?

be lit up
and let every movement come from sparking
understand movement that ignites and is ignited
again, feel-and-be the pulsing life force
the rhythm that pulls you in

glow first, then allow
let the feeling of deliberate desire lead to deliberate deliverance
as wanting to move leads to that first movement beginning
leads to movement expanding leads to movement finishing
and evolving into the next movement

(you have to wait for it)

allowing each movement to reach its natural fullness, its expansiveness

trust this

trust your glow
trust your spark
trust oxygen to do what it needs to do
to soothe and to steady, to fill and to ignite

freedom is actually saying (yes) to life

and to do that you have to fall in love with breath
say yes with your breath
and glow-spark glow-spark glow-spark glow
(kick push coast)
do you remember?

in pursuit of freedom
here we go

how do I panther, how am I free, what do I know about this

free is living yes unhesitatingly (120%)
taking up space unapologetically
glowing harder
full trust
an impeccable awareness of {self} and {space}
both internal and external:
how much energy you have in a given moment
how much desire you feel towards or away from
positive or negative connection
a reconfiguring of your atomic field
positive/negative charged ions

a panther lives in this shifting field
a panther moves through shifting fields as a
shifting field
of positive/negative charged ions
a force field of glowing
sparks of light

be unhesitating in desire

unhesitating in desire
unhesitating about desire
a panther doesn’t hem and haw about whether it wants or not
it either wants or it does not want, no hesitation necessary
it wants and it acts
it wants and it initiates movement
movement comes from center and expands, ripples out
movement collapses back in on the center like a black hole of desire which then
opens up and expands outward again
with each new breath and new desire

so many things you thought were yes are no

you thought they were yes because that was a yes from within captivity
it was a so-close, an almost, so it became a yes by necessity
you are free now, so you are DONE
with things that are almost and maybe and sort of

you can still enjoy anything that gives you pleasure
because pleasure has power
but you understand the difference between this temporal yes of
edge meeting edge
in the raw sexy touch of edge-play
vs the exhale yes of ahhhhhhhh this is home

(and yes, you can have both)
(and yes, you must have both)
(because you are a panther and you live this)

what else do I know?

plastic must go
panthers don’t like plastic
their golden eyes go indifferent
don’t put plastic near a panther
it’s just a different kind of cage

just let it all go
and then let go some more

a compass for being a panther in the month of Glow More

the month of Glowvember is good timing to be
a newly liberated panther learning about
sparks and ignition
having a wild affair with wildness
oxygen and freedom

here is the golden softly glowing
honeycomb-shaped sun-compass of Glow More
I do not know if panthers care much for compasses
but this one is looking for direction…

North: glow TRUST more
Northeast: RELAX and glow more
East: SHINE your glow more
Southeast: EXPAND into glowing more
South: ANCHOR the glowing-more of your glow more
Southwest: TREASURE your glow more
West: GLOW your glow more
Northwest: WILD glows more

being a panther

I listen to a recording about releasing fear of flying
(I do not have fear of flying)
(so I replace flying with glowing)

what do I know about the me who is
wholly unafraid
of glowing

Isabel Wild aka Incoming Me,
possibly also the wise woman of the mountain, says

one day you will laugh that you ever thought glowing was anything other than
calming and comforting
something you cannot be without
and truth: you glow already
people who can see do not miss it
so just turn it up
and let the glow be both a beacon to those who need to see you
and a fiery protective field to cloak you from everyone who does not need to see you

and know this:
being free is energizing
so let go of the perception that figuring out panther life is work

more about the me who glows

live this
enter this
we will glow so hard that [people at dance or on the bus] who try to siphon our energy
or express their unsolicited inappropriate thoughts
get BURNT, or at least LIGHTLY TOASTED
by our radiant glowing boundaries,
they immediately feel crispy and back off,
because we are a force to be reckoned with and
no one can plug into our power source anymore, amen

it is effortless
I do not initiate the burning
I am just radiantly present
and the glow holds itself
without needing me to do anything

glow requires of me only that I
rest (into clarity)
and follow the pulse of my beautiful desire
and breathe breathe breathe
my way into freedom

what do I know about my wish this week

it is a proxy,
that is to say, you might know this already but
I am not actually a panther?

or you could say: I am feeling into this panther story which is also my story
to learn what there is to learn about being
deeply involved in aliveness
with passion, intention and a renewed commitment to both
freedom and glowing

other than that,
the rest (ha!) is for me to find out
maybe freedom has to do with stepping outside of the rigging
or this could be about a wish I made in my heart about Not Settling
or a return to shmita life
maybe all of this and more
wishes after all are fractal flowers
and they go deep

so I look forward to discovering not only
my panther essence
and my spark-and-glow
but what else this wish holds for me
I only know that it will be beautiful
and it will glow

may it be so!


close to the fire with Agent Carolina Sloan and a compass
a pot of tea
and big magic

last week I said:

glow more glow more glow more
down the unfamiliar path

I think I am here
I think this is the unfamiliar path

superpower of I do not dim my spark for anyone.

November - Glow More november (on the fluent self calendar) is GLOW MORE, with the superpower of I do not dim my spark for anyone

this is a good superpower for
American Thanksgiving
which I call Hermitsgiving
because it makes me want to run away and hide

I can hide and glow at the same time though
these are not mutually exclusive
contrary to popular belief
in fact often retreating is the fastest way
to activate-and-enhance glow-state

a good way to not dim our spark for people
is to remember that there is enough oxygen for each of us
enough room for everyone’s glow
and that glowing delineates boundaries
and god knows we need more of that this time of year

I am also trying to stay offline (other than here)
because this is the season of Comparison and Scarcity Tactics
and other Wildly Unsovereign Bullshit
not dimming my spark means not engaging with the world where
that is normal and okay

thank you, past-me, for putting my glow
on the calendar

last week’s wishes

I wished a wish about resting into clarity and the wild mysteries

this was a good week for remembering how vitally important it is
to build in pauses
sometimes I chose them
and sometimes they fell into my lap

I have gone much deeper than I ever imagined
into the wild mysteries
(including, now, the mystery of my panther self)
(and the mystery of who am I when I am free)
and I am in awe of all the treasure here

thank you, process of writing about wishes, and thank you, me who asked

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here,
or share anything sparked for you while reading

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes