What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

The Month of Majesty

content warning: heads up that in this piece there will be some talk at one point related to sexual assault, I do not go into detail because not the point and I don’t want my trauma to set off yours, however a strong force field is recommended if this is your stuff too, god knows it is for so many of us, please know that I am glowing love and sanctuary for you!

X vs not-X.

Today we are going to talk about the common if rarely acknowledged life phenomenon of [you decide you’re finally ready to have more X in your life and all you get is the opposite of X].

Haha, and in fact, sometimes you immediately receive the opposite of X, sometimes even in a swift and startling way that makes you question all your life choices.

So fun.

What is X?

Let X = a wish, a hope, something you really want, possibly a quality you’re calling in into your compass to accompany you through this new year.

You did the work of getting clear about what you want, sparklepoints for that!

You invited it into your life, which is brave, vulnerable, admirable.

And now you are receiving not-that! And presumably this feels frustrating and kind of depressing, very understandable that you’d feel that way if you do.

This is a thing that happens, a lot, so let’s take a look at it. With love and with breath.

Maybe we can find some solace, some sweet reassurance, and even more Crown On for the month of Majesty.

First we breathe.

Right, yes, I remember now. This is what it feels like to pay attention to where I live, feel this life force circulating through this container of my body, this body of water and emotion, inhale, exhale.

Breathing to draw attention back to being in a body, which is extra hard when we are lost in the world of screens.

Hi, body, what do you need right now? Hello, temporarily-forgotten sense-memory of embodied.

8 breaths.

A breath of Trust-love. A breath of I Am Here Now.
A breath for Clarity. A breath for we’ve got this, babe.
A breath of how much more gentle can I be with myself and my process.
A breath for even if this is hard to do, hey I’m trying and that is meaningful.
A breath (and a kiss) for X and all the beautiful challenging mysteries of X.
A breath that is a loving heart-sigh for this magnificent heart.

Ah. Better.

We are so courageous even when we forget.

Wishing is subversive and brave, it is courageous and against-culture to make room for ourselves to desire, to want what we want, to investigate our wantings.

I say this often and it is true.

It is hard enough to want, to admit the wanting, to make room for a wish, to welcome it in.

And then when we suddenly receive seemingly the opposite of our wish, that is scary and frustrating and sometimes we don’t want to wish wishes anymore.

I have heard this sentiment reverberate many times throughout the past thirteen (!) years doing this work here. People tell me they feel too wary, too reluctant, too worn down to wish wishes or seed a quality or make a compass, for fear of getting the opposite of X, instead of the X they crave.

A breath for this.

The head pain from a displaced crown.

I called in Majesty as the quality for January, and immediately was hit with every possible boundary-related challenge.

Crown On is the ongoing practice of maintaining my own sense of sovereignty and awareness of agency. And suddenly I had to activate this in every single interaction in my day.

This month has come with endless migraines from people trying be in my head and guess what I might be thinking instead of peacefully staying in their own headspace and using their actual words to communicate.

This of course is a fairly common complication or side effect of being witchy/spectrum-ey/hsp, but I usually have a handle on it. In fact, I thought I’d mostly solved this one for good.

But nope, as soon as the month of Majesty began, so did the return of the migraines, as well as a whole parade of what I call WUSIT, which is an acronym for What Unsovereign Shit Is This.

What is the opposite of Majesty?

On New Years Eve, someone kissed me without my consent, and it goes beyond that because they told me in advance of their plan to kiss me at midnight and I said nope, please do not, I don’t want that, trusting that they understood because we are friends, but then they did it anyway.

Not okay.

Then a total stranger grabbed me into a hug I didn’t agree to and kissed me on the cheek like lalalala HAPPY NEW YEAR, as if this is not 2018 where we all know that consent not only matters, but is everything. I pushed him away, like, dude wtf, but it had already happened.

Then…

After yoga, in the sauna, some dude thought it would be a good idea to tell me about his evening at Hooters the night before. (If you are in Australia or another place where this blessedly does not exist, I believe it is the restaurant responsible for the truly terrible term “breastaurant”).

Anyway, he felt entitled to share with me the details/intensity of the desire he feels towards busty women in short shorts in general and the women who work there in particular. While I, a woman matching that exact description, was stuck in a sauna with him, super awesome.

I gave him the look of ew, and he backtracked, but I am wishing for the retroactive superpowers that would have allowed me to slice through my momentary paralysis and respond with something more direct, like WOW INAPPROPRIATE DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OR ANY WOMAN LIKE THIS OR MAYBE AT ALL EVER.

But of course there is all the programming we have to do from being immersed in rape culture, and I was just trying to remove myself safely from this situation.

And, thanks to related cultural conditioning and internalized misogyny which is also bullshit, was deeply regretting wearing shorts, even though hot yoga is hot, as are saunas, and also I think we can all agree that pants are nonsense, especially in a sauna.

Three sweaters, at least.

And then I cried in the hallway outside, remembering how everyone in the yoga community blamed me after I was assaulted at my very first yoga teaching job.

They said the combination of my too-much over-the-top body and tight clothing (yoga clothes, people, that’s how they fit) had given the studio owner the “wrong idea”, so really the awful things he did could have been avoided if I’d just had the good sense to cover up.

Ugh why would anyone say that, even if it were true, which it’s not. What Unsovereign Shit Is This.
Goodbye forever to this victim-blaming slut-shaming hurtful nonsense.

And for a time I too believed maybe it was the fault of my external container, so, after it happened I only did yoga in sweats and long dresses and sweaters, for a little over a decade, and really, fuck that shit forever.

Treasure.

My container is a magnificent miracle of life and aliveness, and, more importantly, it is mine.

Let me be very clear on this:

Anyone who can’t respect — and treasure — my space, my body, my knowing of self, my decisions, my agency and autonomy can exit my life immediately and forever.

This unwavering certainty is the distilled essence of the month of Majesty.

Comfort.

Someone I only-sort-of-know saw me crying and came to sit by me.

He asked, very respectfully and with kindness, if I wanted a hug or someone to sit and listen, and I did want that, I wanted both those things in that moment, and was happy to receive them and happy for the offer.

So thank you, treasure and comfort that show up to meet my pain. Thank you, experiences of crown-off that make up the circuitous labyrinth path to restoring my sense of crown.

Another friend said maybe I can imagine this like a test, now that I have done all the work on it, this is the next level of the video game, a way to see if I can react better and let it go. Maybe. But still, it’s not okay!

The perils of people-pleasing tendencies aka the opposite of majesty.

I ran into someone I always enjoy running into and gave her my number, because hey maybe some time we could go dancing or catch K’s show together, and I want to come hear her sing.

Except she started sending me daily inspirational motivational-quote texts, and whoa how do I opt out of this, I did not consent to this onslaught of unsolicited affirmations.

Except then of course I got caught-up in people-pleasing (my own WUSIT popping up to meet hers!) and wanting to honor her kind loving intention, so I didn’t set a clear boundary or expectation even though that was what I needed.

Majesty!

It is the month of crown on and everything majestic!

This includes celebrating my own majesty, and my relationship with my internal kingdom — the beautiful complex worlds of my mind, my heart, my intuitive knowing, my memories and experiences, my wishes, my life.

And, thanks to this phenomenon of The Opposite Of X, it is also the month of setting boundaries, the month of clearing my space, and circumventing migraine-situations.

Is the month of Majesty kicking my ass? Yes and no.

It is revealing. It is showing me where my crown is not, showing me where and how to look, with kindness.

Phenomenon.

People like to use various theories of reality to explain the phenomenon of getting the opposite of your wish, but let’s avoid those and keep it simple.

At the most basic level, when we direct our attention to desire in the form of wishing a wish, we are more inclined to notice what isn’t working. And there are monsters.

And when we clear the crud from something, we notice just how much crud before we can see the clearing and the effects of the clearing. Sometimes it kind of just looks like all crud, because so much is coming off to be released.

And, just like walking a labyrinth, the moment when you perceive that you are farthest from center is when you are closest to arriving at the crux of it. A passage that takes you to the edge in order to take you to center.

Just like how boundary work is part of my path to majesty.

What is useful about getting not-what-we-want?

+ when part of the process of towards is away
+ new sight / new perspective
+ whoosh goodbye old layers of crud
+ observing the pattern changes the pattern
+ intention sets newness into motion, I can play with how I react and respond
+ how much kindness can I bring to the observing
+ how do I practice Wild Self-Treasuring even (especially!) in these moments of oh hey this is the opposite of my wish, bringing me closer to the essence of what I wish for

Can we plant some superpowers?

All In Good Timing
Add Compassion And Let It Sit Overnight
So Courageous Of Us To Want What We Want (sparklepoints!)
Whatever We Learn From The Absence Will Bring Us To Treasure
It Is Safe To Learn About My Desires
What A Beautiful Practice
Crown On Crown On Crown On
Glowing These Beautiful Boundaries Until They Hold Themselves
I Perceive Myself With The Loving Eyes & Loving Heart Of Incoming Me

A breath and a bell for this. Resonance resonance resonance.

Welcome, month of Majesty, you are treasure and treasured.

I told a story on Twitter this week when I heard that we lost Dolores O’Riordan, and I will tell you too.

Can’t remember when this was, must be somewhere between 1999 and 2002. A guy in the audience climbed up on stage and she immediately shoved him away from her, shoved him hard, and bolted off-stage.

We stood and waited. However many minutes later, she came back.

She said something like “anyone fucking tries that shit again and we are DONE here”, then immediately switched gears and continued a kickass show out under the stars, such a beautiful night, love her.

I admire her so much, for many things, but right now, especially in this month of Majesty, for that.

For taking care of herself in the moment, for taking care of herself first, for not pausing to consider anything other than protecting her space. Let’s all live by Safety First. Let’s protect our space first.

I WANT TO ALWAYS TREASURE MY PERSONAL SPACE AS MUCH AS SHE DID.

How is that for a just-right wish to accompany the month of Majesty?

May it be so, for all of us, and even better than that.

Invitation for this post!

You are welcome to share !!!! or anything sparked for you here, riff on the theme of Majesty, and of course we can seed any wishes, intentions or desired superpowers for this month, trusting that they will indeed come in even after revealing some opposites, whatever you like…

We remember that People Vary, we take care of ourselves as we need, we don’t give advice, this too is part of the life of Crown On.

Here’s how we meet each other here: with great kindness, appreciation and love.

Lots of heart-glow over here for you and everyone who reads, thank you for being here with me.

what do I love towards

2017

in yoga, a few days before the new year, Em said to us,
“if you had a terrible unpleasant painful year,
please know that you are not alone,
we are going to make it through, together
we are going to coast our way there”

a toast to company, and the superpower of coasting

a door into the new year

this year I am asking new questions,
less about what I want, what I think I want, etc,
and more along the lines of:

how do I want to care for myself,
how can I treasure myself

a toast to wild self-treasuring
even/especially in troubled times

treasures

a toast to all the treasure from 2017 received through painful experiences
like the treasure of way the hell more self-respect
found through learning what it is like
to lose it completely,
(ha yes, I meant the self-respect,
but sure, I also lost it completely in all senses of that phrase)
no more will I make room in my life for
people who will not make room for me,
— did it hurt to learn this? yes! —
but it is still treasure,
a toast to the good that comes from the hard,
here’s to the new good coming from good

we made it to the threshold, friends

good lord it was a toxic shitstorm of a year
not just politically but also personally,
for me it helps to remember that we all felt this

a toast to remembering that the pain/fear/anxiety/
is legitimate and understandable, and connected to bigger stuff going on than
just exceptionally bad luck or terrible life decisions

a toast to setting it all on fire,
and to breathing in light

small sweet surprises

I got piercings in my ears from someone who told me that
her only life goal is BE MORE FORMIDABLE
(she was nailing it by the way, I want this too)
and surprised myself by falling in love with motorcycles,
returned to yoga after a long time away,
undid an addiction,
discovered that hitting a punching bag feels amazing,
turned things upside down,
changed states (geographically and in all ways)
started over

a toast to BE MORE FORMIDABLE
a toast to changing states
and the equilibrium within the disruption

fountains

I drove all day from a tiny town in Kentucky to Chicago
sure this was a terrible mistake but this terrible mistake led to a
3am improvised dance so transcendent and so magical that
my new dance friend and I abandoned the floor
to spend the next two hours
moving to breath and music by the water fountain,
in awe of the dance-life force itself

a toast to discovery, good surprises, and Nothing Is Wrong

a toast

thank you for the good, the brave,
the moments from this past year that glow in my memory,
the moments I remembered to breathe into my heart,
may the good light the way to more good and help me remember
that not everything in this challenging year was awful,
to approach this new year with crown restored

a toast to raise and rays
and something better

yes, crown restored

Incoming Me keeps showing up to whisper
(sometimes it’s more like shouting),
and she always says the same thing:

the time has come to reinstate and reawaken your
UNWAVERING SENSE OF SELF WORTH!

god I love her

a toast to knowing that she is right

berlin

once upon a time I was a smoker who lived in tel aviv
and was planning a move to berlin,
and I knew that berlin-me did not smoke,
but I didn’t know how to make the passage,
wanting to trust this deep certainty inside of me,
but also wary

I can’t remember how close to the move it happened,
if it was days or weeks,
but I boarded the plane, cravings alive,
and on the other side, I was free,
haven’t desired one since,
though sometimes I still smoke in my dreams

I need this new year to work like that flight to berlin,
the toxic inhalations of loving-and-missing someone
who loves me back but will never put that love first,
or even move it towards the top of their list,
the aching and the fury
all that is over on the other side of the door

a toast to the other side

new

In 2018 the addictive pull of desiring sweetness and
feeling hurt/angry at its mysterious disappearance,
the need for the sweetness and for the anger
all this does not exist, because here on this side of the door
I breathe better air

a toast to right timing and to process and to
what you do not feed will not grow

up in the air

so much I’d hoped would be resolved
is still up in the air
and so I am taking a new approach,
no more asking WHAT IS THE ANSWER,
no more PLEASE COME IN, SOLUTION,
I am deciding there is no bad answer,
I go with what feels most indicated based on gut yes
and the best intel I have in the moment,
and hey, if it is all in the air,
then I will rise and play in the air,
an aerialist who draws power from all directions

do-overs

my new years eve was mostly terrible but that’s okay because
we get do-overs
that’s how it works, right?
pretty sure there’s a thirty day grace period
let’s test this theory, friends, come join me!

every time someone asks me how new years eve went,
I have been honest and said MEDIOCRE
and then they laugh and say that theirs was too,
so apparently I am not the only one in need
of giving it another go

a toast to hey we tried a thing and it wasn’t yes, let’s try again, cut, take 2!

what do I love towards

I was thinking about the plane-to-berlin phenomenon,
and typed the question what do I move towards…
except what I actually wrote was what do I love towards,
which might be the most beautiful and poignant typo I’ve ever made

what do I want/choose to love towards?!

pleasure/freedom/adventure/play
on my terms
feeing peaceful and powerful,
at ease in my life,
fullness in my thank-you heart,
thank you for this life, this aliveness-of-life,
this glow-state of breath

a toast to turning inward and glowing outward

love

love to all you friends here,
everyone who had it rough this year,
those in the “it’s only going to get worse” camp and also the
“it really fucking has to get better” camp,
despair + hope + all of the big real feelings are intense,
and we get endless cascading sparklepoints for being present with what is

I love you
thank you for your companionship in 2017
(which was a nonsense year), and
let us wish loving wishes for this new year,
may we ease our way in and take
exquisite care of ourselves
as we can when we can to the best of our ability

a toast to us

xox

p.s. you are welcome to seed new year wishes in the comments or share anything sparked for you!

forever candle

dark

I woke up the other morning deep in solstice-adjacent despair,
an absolutely perfect turn of phrase that I am borrowing from Erin,
and (until she gave it a name and I realized what it was),
it was painful and baffling

But yes, of course,
it is terribly dark (in this hemisphere)
(but also, like, metaphorically)
(and in the news)
and all too much,
and this burrowing is a form of cocoon,
these days of passage from one year to the next,
when reflection — both the candlelight kind and the turning-inward,
is most needed but we are also busy, with holidays and
end-of-year scrambling,
and we are tired and culture wants us to
see all the people and make resolutions or take up running or whatever,
and it is all completely exhausting

clues revealed during a long sweet yoga

can I emanate good thoughts like incense around me
can I trust what is resonant (and do this through being more resonant)
what if illuminated is eliminated?
a flash of an image: lighting a bonfire,
igniting all that is no longer yes, letting it burn away with ease, bye

if it is anything less than real, less than vulnerable, less than sweetness-and-love, then goodbye

clues from a dance lesson

apply ease
move a little to get a lot
DO LOTS OF NOTHNG while increasing connection
breathe the dance
and if you’re too tired to implement the new learning, just go home and rest, babe
(no point in reinforcing old muscle memory)
(and anyway rest is a door to integration)

noticing

this month has been so intensely stressful that I’ve actually stopped stressing over
the usual things, most things in fact, as if a limit was reached, and that is that,
no room left to care about that stuff,
so now I am calm and steady where I used to be tense,
because I just do not have any more bandwidth to fret/obsess
about any of the things that used to matter to me

I go to bed and ask for things to solve themselves while I sleep,
come on secret solutions,
do your thing
because I can’t,
and I’m fine with that

what needs to change in my environment?

I asked this question, skipping it like a stone, of my secret mystery project,
which has to do with climbing,
but I’m not sure yet if that is metaphorical or not

me: hey mysterious project, what needs to change in my environment?
project: you could go UP!
me: I could??
project: you could, yeah!
me: up like upstairs, out of the subterranean spaces? up like higher ground? up like raise the price? up in the air? aerialist time? up like drive north and stay with J?
project, happily: SURE!
me: that is not helpful at all, friend, come on
project: you own a trampoline! you know about ascending! you need a raise! you need to rise! lots of things rise: bread but also smoke! heat rises! raise the roof!
me: whoa

a year ago

the librarian in the tiny utah town asked what my word for 2017 was
and I said FIERY, because turning fiery sounds
more fun than turning forty
she looked wary

are you sure, she said, because
you know you will get to know all aspects of fire,
not just the ones you want

I didn’t care, burn it all down,
I want passion and sparks,
intensity and wild beauty,
sure, let what needs to be destroyed be destroyed,
I will ride off into the sunset
and LET IT BURN

and of course you know what happened next
my beautiful love story immediately went up in flames
along with my ability to trust (myself? anyone?),
or even do basic life stuff like feed myself,
I forgot how to eat, how to even desire nourishment,
I became intimately close (closer than I wanted to be) with rage, fury, intensity,
I drove from the oregon coast to the red river gorge in kentucky,
and screamed at the sky

do I regret my word? not even slightly
turning fiery has brought me to this powerful peaceful certainty,
this smoldering, this fierceness, this vitality of life

among the fiery learnings of this year

  • oh how I love a bonfire
  • emergence: the phoenix rising from the ashes is powerful, shining, glistening in the light
  • yes, I can still build a fire quickly and efficiently and keep it going all night, I recently surprised a Nebraska farmer with this skill left over from the long winter of coal ovens, in a mostly-abandoned building in Berlin, so there
  • I can breathe towards the place of fire in me, tending it with love and breath, my this is my eternal flame which, translated from hebrew is my forever-light or really my forever-candle, I can let my breath become brighter, I can let my internal space fill with light, I can remember that I am made of particles of light, a vessel made to house light
  • burning down is not the same as over, the volcanic eruption of Mt St Helens, not that far from where I live, destroyed its surroundings, nothing left, life reduced to the microbe level, but just five years later tiny tree frogs, little flowers, life found its way back, everything might have been on fire in me this year but life will win
  • see what is reflected in the flames, gather around a new hearth space

rising

yes it has been a FIERY RISING
this year of Turning Fiery,
this year of lava flow and emergence

a year of FIERY is ready to change form,
as the year of TRIUMPHANT comes in
what needs to happen for this to take place,
how does the door of ease open the passage?

intention

I am taking DO LOTS OF NOTHING as my theme,
when my dance teacher tells me to do this she means[move less, react less, be patient, hang out and see],
and this is a lovely theme for ease and easing

but also I am thinking about how
hibernating is rejuvenating,
and how seeds do their thing under the surface
long before we see flowers and fruit,
can I do more nothing with powerful intention,
can I do nothing triumphantly,
trusting in the less and the ease,
trusting in the purpose, the intent, the seeds

I am a forever candle / in me: a forever candle

a compass of opening to ease

OPEN TO EASE
OPEN TO EASE
OPEN TO EASE
OPEN TO EASE
OPEN TO EASE
OPEN TO EASE
OPEN TO EASE
OPEN (SESAME!) TO EASE

light and light-hearted

days are getting longer now (in this hemisphere at least,
waving to my friends on the other side, passing you candles),
the sun came out today and melted most of the ice

what do I want

a solution to the mysteries, a solution so brilliant and sparkling that I
clap my hands with delight

a new refuge, a new sense of what that might be

the right people to sit with me around a fire

fewer projects, only the ones I feel intensely passionate towards

to feel the forever-candle in my heart, its warmth and glow

to breathe sweetness for myself

faith in the [aliveness of life, the spark of love], how it finds its way through fire and through all obstacles, real and perceived, all I need to do is keep breathing into my heart

light more candles

Invitation for this post!

You are welcome to share !!!! or anything sparked for you in this salve,
or seed any wishes, intentions or desired superpowers for the year to come,
glow love for Incoming You, whatever you like…

We remember that People Vary, we take care of ourselves as we need, we don’t give advice.

Here’s how we meet each other here: with great kindness, appreciation and love.

Lots of heart-glow over here for you and everyone who reads.

A protection spell for the new year

Protection in salve form

This protection spell is a repeat from a couple years ago, it had a different name,
it was called The Salve Of Striding Towards My Yes,
and it feels important, it feels important now,
I wish I had a better way to explain this feeling in my body which makes me so certain of this.

It feels vital and tingly,
imagine a dozen sparkling arrows all pointing towards
this spell-that-is-a-salve,
lighting up the night sky.

Yes, this spell comes in salve form,
an invisible salve distributed here by way of [magic].

As always, if a salve is not the right form for you, let it take a new form. You could take this as tea, a cocktail, in a bath, as reiki, sprinkled on pasta, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough for everyone, there are also enough ways to receive it.

Protection in salve form

This salve arrives just in time to counter the usual
new year’s bullshit proliferating across our social media timelines,
you know how it goes, everyone talking about resolutions,
it’s supposed to be inspirational but it never is,
it just feels like finger-wagging,
the “experts” spouting statistics, warning us about just how many people
“fail” to fulfill their resolutions,
and telling you what they think you need to do to
avoid being one of those people,
which is a nonsense approach to life.

CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS FOR A SECOND.

The superpower of being with what is.

You of a year from now is an different person than you of right now,
it would be completely absurd and unfair to hold that new person
— that amazing person you haven’t met yet
to promises made now, and even more so to blame them if they ended up
going a different path because their yes was a new yes.

We can’t know their yes yet.

We haven’t gotten there yet.

What do we know…

We can’t know what challenges and mysteries our future selves will be dealing with,
or what will fascinate and excite them, or what
new superpowers and skill-sets they might be working on.

We can only feel into
— if we get quiet and really listen,
a spark of a right-now yes.

What if we can be true to that,
what if we can let that be enough.

Intention without expectation

There is no greater gift to a Slightly Future Self than
lovingly releasing/absolving any “resolutions” that require that they
achieve certain things or be a certain way.

Otherwise we’re just setting ourselves up to feel guilty for
not following through on something
when that something may not even be relevant anymore to
our true yes of the future.

We can seed wishes, intentions, qualities,
we can set off in a direction that appeals,
we can take steps in support of goals that feel powerful,
but nothing is more important than making this clear to our future selves:
of course we support their missions and desires, whatever these might turn out to be.

We can welcome anticipation, invite sparks of
hopefulness and wild joy,
release expectations.

Lovingly

When we commit, lovingly and with warmth, to following the yes trails,
as they appear, to wherever they lead,
to trusting ourselves in a moment instead of forcing,
this subverts all the unsovereign guilt built into
this yearly cultural ritual,
and we are able to let our incoming-selves be free to
be who they are and to
want what they want,
in the way that they want it.

If you’re wondering how we do that, when the game is
so rigged, and external culture is so loud and so guilt-driven,
well, that’s why we have the salve.

Application

When I rub this salve into my skin, I remember to turn inward instead of outward,
to hear my yes instead of expectations, cultural or otherwise.

This salve rearranges things at the cellular level,
it helps me to breathe more steadily.

It helps me trust that as long as I am true to my yes,
staying present with the moment,
making space for both my yeses and
my incoming self
to move and change as needed,
I am doing great.

This is a secret self-treasuring salve,
it is made of permission, power, self-knowledge, presence and
exquisite streaming colored lights.

A Soothing of Salves

Book of Salves - The Fluent Self

I found this gem (and expanded on it for you)
while editing A Soothing Of Salves,
an ebook collection of {magic in the form of words}.

The book features ONE HUNDRED AND FORTY THREE SALVES,
collected from over the years and edited with love,
each one intended to bring more ease (hello, month of Ease)
into some aspect of life or how we approach this
complicated thing of being alive and in a body.

It is a sweet lovely book, full of wonder and sparks,
and we are doing a pre-sale while I am in the final round of edits,
and before I actually write sales copy for it,
which I have not done because I’m busy with a Mystery related to my house,
anyway, right now you can reserve a copy
right here, at the pre-sale price of $20 USD instead of $45 USD,
and I will be delighted to send it to you soon.

*Note! If you’ve already signed up for the 2018 Secret Star Society or The 108, then do NOT get this because we are sending it to you as a gift!

Invitation for this post!

You are welcome to share !!!! or anything sparked for you in this salve,
or seed any wishes, intentions or desired superpowers for the year to come,
glow love for Incoming You, whatever you like…

We remember that People Vary, we take care of ourselves as we need, we don’t give advice.

Here’s how we meet each other here: with great kindness, appreciation and love.

Lots of heart-glow over here for you and everyone who reads.

DEDICATION / ILLUMINATION / MYSTERY

Twelve days

Hi sweet friends,
I am taking twelve days to
learn what I want from this new incoming year

To listen-explore-play and call in (hear the call of!) my word for the year,
to receive a compass of qualities to guide me,
and make space for any wishes, projects or visions for the year
to reveal themselves,
and meet the Incoming Me who knows what to do with all this new intel!

A shape/form, and what it looks like

December 18-29

This time period covers hannukah, solstice and christmas,
and I’m letting these three points-of-light on the calendar
form a constellation, take shape and meaning
each star-point glowing qualities that can be beacons:
Dedication / Illumination / Mystery

Passage

This is how I want to passage towards the new year,
with intention, curiosity, receptivity,
and whatever else is needed,
breathing into my heart

Calling in qualities like sparks of light,
surrounding myself with them,
glowing them inward and outward,
dedicating myself to illuminating the mysteries,
and my relationship with these qualities

DEDICATION / ILLUMINATION / MYSTERY

Taking a moment to connect these dots,
illuminate the connection points:

dedicated to illuminating the mysteries,
dedicated to the mysteries of illumination,
illuminating my dedication to these mysteries,
illuminating my mysterious dedication,
the mystery of how to illuminate dedication,
the Mystery in my dedication illuminated

First spark: DEDICATION

Hannukah literally means Dedication, and I am dedicating myself to
this intentional time, dedicating myself to
my relationship with myself

Dedicating myself to drawing inward
— in yoga we call this pratyahara: withdrawal of senses,
to receive clarity on important things like
who I am, what I need, how to best care for myself,
and this is a form of contemplation and self-study, svadhyayaya.

Hannukah is also about Reclaiming (space and time and holiness!),
it is about restoring what needs to be restored,
which means I am also rededicating myself to boundaries and
all related practices of Crown On.

And, Hannukah is about Courage and Justice, not to mention
Surprise Last Minute Miracles and Celebrating Light, and
oh wow do I ever need all of this right now

Second spark: ILLUMINATION.

Winter solstice, at least here in this hemisphere
is the door of [hello, darkest moment] and [trust that ease is coming] and[this is the turning point, we made it, transition time, more light!]

It is the day I dedicate myself to the transformative question of
what needs to be eliminated and what needs to be illuminated?

For me, right now, Illumination is about revealing the light that already is,
glowing towards clarity, easing into releasing

For me, right now, Illumination is full and wild, lighting up everything,
I whisper “illuminate”, and suddenly I am back beneath that
wild magnificence of Idaho sky at midnight,
a vastness of stars

Third spark: MYSTERY

I don’t celebrate Christmas, but, much like American Thanksgiving,
it is a time when I often feel intensely lonely and disconnected,
craving [love, community, companionship] as well as
needing some sort of mysterious project to keep me
present and engaged
while the world around me is
doing its thing that I am not a part of

When I still had the retreat center, we’d sometimes host a last-minute x-mas hide-out,
always the coziest best thing ever, and we called this event X Marks The Spot

X is a treasure map and X is kisses and X stands for all the mysteries,
and solving for X is also a way to
celebrate Mystery, in the sense of
Awe and Wonder, Treasure and Delight

I am HERE FOR THIS, and also I have lots of mysteries in my life right now, so: perfect timing

What these twelve days will look like.

I’m going to skip stones (journal on questions),
channel a compass (this is magic)
play with capers (this is my word for exercises, because exercise stresses me out),
and meet Incoming Me
aka the-me-who-has-already-embodied-these-qualities
and find out what this version of me knows and wants to share with me!

And I’m going to breathe-breathe-breathe
and light candles and take exquisite care of myself

I am going to welcome the new year and also release,
with sweetness and presence and grace
— though possibly also with some smashing,
what was and has been,

And I don’t know what else is going to happen
because it is a beautiful mystery!

Also I have a lot of mysteries that currently need my attention, haha, so many mysteries, and mystery is a word I like better than “challenge” or “problem”, I like the mindset, the patient and curious approach, undoing assumptions, because in this unhurried intentional exploration all the treasure is revealed

YOU ARE INVITED

I loved the Hermitsgiving experiment
(and received so many revelatory insights through our shared process!)
and I want to spend these twelve days in companionship,
closing out this challenging year and this beautiful Month of Ease together

Let’s ease this time, together,
and bring ease to this time, together,
and find what treasure awaits us
or is already inside of us,
glowing like stars

I feel sparks of anticipation for this (!)
and looking forward to what will be illuminated in
the light of these qualities
and all of our light combined

Offering: private intentional communal space for exploration and passage

For me this is time and space for Dedication / Illumination / Mystery,
revealing my word and compass for the year, getting to know Incoming Me,
calling in what I want, naming projects, wishes and mysteries,
following a trail of sparks

For you this can be for what you need, wish for, desire
or feel drawn to explore in your own passage into the new year,
or for easing this complicated time of year if it is complicated for you too,
or really for whatever you need this to be

I will be using this space to write and process and explore,
you invited to join me, share in companionship and play!

If the holiday season is packed and bonkers for you,
then you might prefer use this more as a refuge, a place to
pause, breathe, gather your powers, plant seeds,
or maybe you will be able to join me in some deeper explorations into
wishes and desires for the new year,
either way there will be enough treasure for all of us

the fractal flowers will be working under the surface,
whatever insights and healing emerge from this space will benefit us all, I can feel it!

What this will look like!
I have put together lovely safe space (private hidden page on the site) for people who want to hang out online December 18-29 and play and explore

in this space I will also be sharing various capers, with some new ones, this is my code word for “exercises” since exercises do not sound fun to me, these capers are self-fluency techniques or approaches we can apply to help us with whatever we are working on during this time

who this is for: anyone who wants company or companionship in the passage of closing out this intense year and intentionally entering 2018, in space where we can
a) practice extreme self-care and wild self-treasuring
b) give ourselves what we need (which might be making it through the next two weeks!)
c) lovingly invite/initiate shifts in awareness, mood, body, internal and external space

cost: Early bird $45 / $65 day of entry

I hope we get to play here, however if now is not the right time for this, I am breathing love for you + trust in all is well!

Invitation for this post!

There is a lot here (because this year was a doozy, wasn’t it), I would love to think out loud on these qualities some more and together, whether you are coming to play with me or not, feel welcome to share anything sparked for you while reading…

For example, anything about the beautiful qualities or constellation points of Dedication, Illumination and Mystery, or the process and practice of creative intentional approach, and of course you can also share this post with anyone who might need this.

You are also invited to use the comments space here to seed superpowers and wishes for the end of year!

We can begin our entry for the new year here, or notice whatever we want to notice about the year-end as well, practicing [exit as we wish to continue]…

Here’s how we meet each other here: with great kindness, appreciation and love