What's in the gallery?

We dissolve stuck and rewrite patterns. We apply radical playfulness to life (when we feel like it!), embarking on internal adventures (credo of Safety First). We have a fake band called Solved By Cake. We build invisible sanctuaries, invent words and worlds, breathe awe and wonder.

We are not impressed by monsters. Except when we are. We explore the connections between internal territories and surrounding environment to learn what marvelously supportive delicious space feels like, and how to take exquisite care of ourselves. We transform things.* We glow wild.**

* For example: Desire, fear, worry, pain-and-trauma, boundaries, that problematic word which rhymes with flaweductivity.

** Fair warning: Self-fluency has been known to lead to extremely subversive behavior, including treasuring yourself unconditionally, unapologetically taking up space, experiencing outrageously improbable levels of self-acceptance, and general rejoicing in aliveness.

 

Ready to reflect (more)

Door of Reflection

Reflecting.

Reflecting is a luscious word, I am so glad that this is the name which asked to come in for this month, and oh good god this breathtaking image, I could reflect on it for days.

I hadn’t realized, until I began exploring Reflection (and reflecting on it!) this week, just how much it holds for me as a word and quality, how much space is there in the light.

And one particular aspect of reflecting that I am learning about is related to the ability to reveal gems — speaking of things that shine in light — in past experience, while maintaining steady clarity, not getting tangled up in the past.

I am not sure how to name this superpower yet, so for now let’s call it looking back without looking back.

For example, I can reflect on the treasure I received from January, and allow the quality of Reflection to amplify it, while also glowing the superpowers that live in a favorite Bob Dylan song, currently on repeat, the anthem of this month, “she’s got everything she needs, she’s an artist, she don’t look back…”

Reflecting on the month of Prowess.

I learned-observed-noticed so many things over the course of January aka the month of Prowess.

Some of these are more specifically related to qualities of Prowess or my relationship with Prowess, some are more general observations, but of course it is all intertwined, because naming the month is a frame.

We called in Prowess, which is such a powerful thing to ask for, and so of course this changes what we notice and how we notice it.

Some observations…

  1. There is so much left for me to learn about presence and grace, about power and standing in mine. About BUFFER PHRASES and BOUNDARIES, and expecting to be respected, and not putting up with unsovereign shit. Like, I seriously just devoted an entire month to studying those things in depth, and the main thing I discovered is that I am barely scratching the surface of what I need to know, that I am only beginning to get a sense of what (and how) I need to glow. More work to be done here.
  2. But yes I am ready to glow more, to be Tough and Wild, Fierce and Fearless, Present and Powerful, fully embodied, a living-out of panther sleekness and panther grace, and, when necessary, striking panther fury.
  3. Man, reading the news is straight up jet fuel for a breakdown. For me. And yet, I am convinced that I cannot afford to not know and to not act. I mean, standing up to incoming totalitarianism asks us to stay aware, to put it mildly. Figuring out the right proportions for me of REVOLUTION, PROTEST AND RESISTANCE, with Taking Exquisite Care of my Highly Sensitive/Witchy/Empathic Self, and making sure my light stays on. Yes to staying Awake and Aware, conscious, alert, present. And: a breakdown from too much distressing input doesn’t support the cause.
  4. I love pistachios with a passion and intensity that is deep and abiding, and I love pistachio ice cream even more, my god, PISTACHIOS, do you know what I mean? And yet I forget this truth so easily, I forget about the very existence of pistachios, sometimes for months at a time. What else is like pistachios? I feel very strongly that this is definitely about pistachios, but also I feel so strongly that I’m pretty sure this also has to be a proxy too.
  5. Nothing is more important for me than keeping up oxytocin, how did I not know that. And during the many days of Snowed In (and other forms of Remain Indoors related to freezing rain, freezing fog, impassable streets etc) in Portland last month, I learned that I absolutely lose my mind when I am not getting regular hugs. This vital piece of intel helped me glow retroactive clarity and compassion towards past-me — ahhh everything she did was a very legitimate response to not getting enough touch to thrive. Right now experiencing something like an achingly painful hug deficiency that I didn’t know about, and wanting so badly to play catch-up, except I am currently in rural Utah surrounded by retired Mormons (EDITED to note that they probably would be happy to hug me if I asked them, but I am not there yet) and I don’t how to go about this, but I will reflect.
  6. I am ready to learn more about Traveling Light.
  7. Prowess supports the Uprising. The rigged game bullshit of daily life does not. Prowess practice is therefore important all the time, in every tiny way possible.
  8. Getting a couple centimeters taller is very good for Prowess. Stretching helps me remember to stand tall and use the ground.

Reflecting superpowers (double meaning).

Today is Groundhog Day, a favorite day, because it comes with all the superpowers of Do-Overs Forever and Everything Twice, and Multiplication of Whatever You Like (I Choose Joy).

I am obsessing over superpowers right now, because I am currently hard at work on a writing project that focuses on them, and it is almost impossible to convey how weirdly magical they are, so much more so than they should be.

Naming is invoking, and invoking is inviting, and inviting is priming yourself to observe, and observation leads to learning, and learning leads to embodying.

But it is somehow more elusive and mystical and indescribable than that.

Anyway, superpowers, and naming them! They get me out of bed in the morning, and sometimes they are the only thing that works, for that, or for anything.

Calling on the powers I wish to reflect and reflect on…

Today — and for the month of Reflecting and beyond — I am borrowing three especially marvelous superpowers from a Rally friend:

  • I Can Start and Successfully Complete Even Complicated Projects
  • Magical Space Clearing
  • I Am Not Intimidated by Fear and Shame Monsters

And I am adding to these. No, I am multiplying these with others that come up as important right now:

FORTITUDE IS MY GAME, FIERCE AND FEARLESS, I STAND IN MY POWERS. I REFLECT LIGHT.

Yes, time to let superpowers multiply with each other, and watch as they produce entirely new superpowers that I haven’t even dreamed up yet. Fractal flower multiplication, under the surface.

Fiery Reflections.

My word for this year is FIERY, which actually started out as a joke. I am turning forty next month, which has been making me a little….edgy?

I mean, at noon today I was lolling around in a flimsy leopard-print housecoat, eating ice cream (yes, pistachio ice cream, with extra pistachios in it) for breakfast, in a broken down motorhome parked in an RV park in southern Utah, all of which is proof, according to my monsters that I have achieved peak You Have Disappointed Your Mother And Dashed All Her Hopes And Dreams and Squandered Your Potential You Are Turning Forty And You Have Nothing To Show For It.

But when I call it Turning Fiery instead of turning forty, and send the monsters off to play, then I am ready-ready-ready to be fiery, I am ready for my fiery years, I am ready to embody this wild heat, to be my own light source.

Revolution.

Fiery is an unusual choice for me, I tend to want to invoke calming peaceful things, horizon and perspective, a sky full of stars.

I like to get quieter, listen more, rest and pause until I know what is next. I like water and flow, fluidity and fluency, big sky, open landscapes, long naps. Contemplation and turning inward.

But hey, it’s time for a Revolution, not only out in the world but also in the kingdom of my life, and revolution is a word which also means turning, and I am just now understanding that the turning part is actually key element in Operation Turning Fiery.

I am flashing on an image of a blacksmith turning something over a fire. Turning is becoming, and turning is roundness, and turning is process.

Turning and burning. Let’s light it up.

What do I know about Fiery.

It holds so many marvelous qualities, so many categories of qualities.

Fiery is related to Prowess and being in my power: Fierce & Fearless, Passionate Intensity, Wild Aliveness, Powerful Presence.

There is also the Fiery of the revolution: the Resistance is fueled by this, we are fired up, ready to take to the streets and the airports, to bear witness.

There is my Fiery troublemaker alter-ego who loves adventure and celebrates her independence, off on her motorcycle, working on her pole-dancing tricks. She treasures herself. She is unapologetically sexy. She glows for miles and leaves a trail of sparks in her wake.

Also Fiery like concentrated shiva power: create and destroy, create and destroy, the fires of Reinvention and Intention and Undoing.

There is Fiery like Ignited, the fire of Focused Determination and Going After It, with Clarity and Excitement, Following the Creative Sparks, fired up like the way I feel about my projects at Rally when they are so excited to play with me.

And there is fiery as in tending to my own flames, being in sensual sleek wild desire states. My panther self.

There is the fiery of clarity about letting go, and the fires of adventure, there are the fires of hearth and home and being at home in myself, a fire of where I belong.

Fiery and Reflection

At first I thought maybe Fiery might not fit well with this month, a funny word to come in so powerfully at the door of the month of Reflection, because reflecting is, for me, a quality that invites quiet contemplation.

But fire is also very meditative, it draws you in to its patterns.

And reflecting is also about light, there is beautiful play of light and shadow when you come towards the flames, and yes, whatever I need to see will be reflected in the light.

I can reflect whatever I want, and right now what I want to reflect, embody and glow is the flame-spark of the revolution, both in the more quiet and steady sense of my desire to provide sustainable tools for the resistance, but also yes, I am ready to carry a torch and I am ready to burn shit down, I am ready to rise up and make noise and be a part of this powerful movement towards light.

Let’s move towards light, let’s reflect truth, let’s be a force to be reckoned with.

And let’s also rest up and gather strength, tend to the fires that need tending, make sure we never come close to burning out.

Reflecting on reflecting on Reflecting.

What are my wishes for this month of Reflecting and beyond? What can I learn here?

I want to stay commmitted to Prowess, and to space, being selective about my view, what I let in, what I choose as my surroundings, how I interact with perspective.

Incoming me is a passionate believer in tabula rasa and in many different forms of emptying out, that is a clue too.

I want the superpowers of Standing Tall, I want an outrageous abundance of available hugs (and other forms of sweetness and connection), and to trust that I have the right tools for the job.

I want to trust that self-fluency is FUELING THE RESISTANCE, and to take strong powerful striding striking steps in that direction. I want calm, steady conviction and easy clarity.

I want to observe myself with great love. And I want to call in all the superpowers I need and watch them multiply in the light of my flame.

And I want to feel ready to be Fiery, ready to be Her Fieriness, Her Sleekness, Her Wildness, ready to light it up.

May it all be so, or something even better, amen.

Postscript!

I still haven’t updated the shop which means you still have a chance to get some or all of the amazing ebooks from the new year sale in the gift shop though not for long. I especially recommend the Illumination of Qualities if you want to work on Prowess and force-field strengthening — I find that reading the beautiful words and qualities helps me connect with them and remember them throughout my day. Glowing love and appreciation your way, thank you for being a part of this with me in whatever way you can.

Invitation: come play with me…

You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,

Or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…

You can also share how things have been going, check in, or deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, possibly in code.

Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishes and checking-in are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing.

We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.

Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!

Calling in Prowess. Come in, come in.

Door of Prowess

Hello, new year.

Hello, beloved place of gathering and breath, of sharing and clarity.

Interestingly, also the place I go to remember that All Timing Is Right Timing.

Hello, gate into Prowess, the quality I am calling in for January and beyond, for the rest of my life, something I want and need to be-and-glow, now more than ever.

And I mean on all levels; physically and emotionally, spiritually and politically, in my energy, in my presence, in every aspect of my being. Radiant, self-assured, unapologetic fully-embodied prowess.

Calm, clear and steady when a) that is the answer and b) I am able to embody these qualities.

But — and this is important, I also want to act without fear of my anger or my power either. I want to be able to react in a moment as is needed in that moment, to stand up for myself as needed, striking like a panther when that is needed.

Let’s back up. Let’s start from breath because that is what helps. (For me.)

Breathing for the new year.

I spent new year’s eve in the middle of nowhere.

I watched the outrageous sunset play out over the endless Nevada sky, and I made cocktails, and snuggled up with [lover] on the couch and watched Scorpion, falling asleep about fifteen minutes before midnight, and all this was the right way to slide into a new year.

It was quiet and enormously peaceful, and this was the door I needed in the moment I needed it, which I believe was part of my wish for solstice and the month of Light.

Yes, there is great wariness in this newness, with the disastrous political situation here eclipsing all the previous troubles (from the unsolved mysteries of sustainable online business to the unsolved mystery of where I want to be and what I want to do), but there is also a hopefulness and a sense of wonder that I had not anticipated.

Finding my way through.

I almost didn’t want to make wishes for the new year, even though usually that’s my favorite part.

In fact, this may have been the least enthused I have ever been about a new anything.

Because come on, it’s pretty bad when the only goal/wish you can come up with is basically please no nuclear war and may the country/world not be overrun by nazis, amen….

But then I started focusing on PROWESSS, asking what Prowess skill sets I need to be working on and developing to navigate this new year, and I discovered something marvelous.

I discovered that Prowess is my secret gate/pathway to Steadiness, Hopefulness, Mystery and other wild witchy wonders of life.

Beyond resolve.

I don’t do resolutions because how can I possibly commit future-me to anything without knowing what her yes is? She isn’t here yet, I can’t know what she will want or need, I only know that I love her and trust her unconditionally.

The only thing I can resolve is to be as intentional and present as I can, listening, awake to my yes, true to instinct and desire and what I believe in.

This year I translated “resolve” to mean something more like yes, I am here and I am serious about the things that are important to me.

Yes, I am serious about this year and serious about what I want! Even though, quite often actually, when I am serious about something, I am also the most playful with how I approach it.

Serious about welcoming prowess.

I am serious about boundaries and DNFW,
writing and dance,
getting off grid,
glowing my glow,
quitting most things,
generally being a total fucking badass and
my own personal hero of extreme self-treasuring.

I am serious about healing
and learning about ease,
I am serious about freedom and love,
sustenance and sustainability.

I am serious about giving myself real rest,
immersion in water,
being under the stars,
making sure I get enough iron and nourishment,
and doing all these things before I’m on the verge of breakdown.

Yes, this is where I want to direct the light.

I am serious about learning new skills,
practicing buffer phrases,
protecting my space,
being the queen of glowing force field boundaries.

I am serious about PLEASURE,
about prioritizing Wildness and Wilding,
my Wild selves and my wild side…

I am serious about silk and lusciousness,
about being fierce and fearless
finding joy wherever I can
and living intentionally
being a sweet and wild revolutionary
in the kingdom of my life and out in the world.

Fragments of a conversation with Incoming Me…

Me: When I skip stones about Prowess, what comes up is that I need to learn more about Ease. Like there is something I don’t yet get about Ease that needs to be in place for me to understand Prowess…
She: Ease is a combination of Preparation and Releasing Expectations. Well, also Intention. But you have already put in the time on that one. I need you to focus on the other two.

Me: Preparation and Releasing Expectations sounds like another form of Sanctuary and Freedom, or [tree and bird].
She: That is such a beautiful insight. Insight is where you shine and are most comfortable, and that’s a strength you bring to this mission. Now though is the time to broaden your focus and develop the skills that allow you to be good with instinct. Instinct will serve you here even more than insight if you let it.

Me: To me, preparation is about provisions, mise en place, structure and form, ritual, all the things that allow for steadiness. And releasing expectations is about trust and receptivity.
She: Excellent. These are all good clues. Approach these from instinct, from raw feel, from your panther self. Be a panther, a jewel and a star. But start from panthering.

What are my wishes?

Instinct.

Comfortable with being powerful, direct, even abrasive when that is what is called for.

Yes, I am a Sweet Revolutionary (and also a Cake Baker).

Resonance. Congruence. Moving forward. Big wild trust. Clarity of intent.

Knowing what I am serious about, and celebrating it.

True to my yes.

True to my yes, to my yes of the moment, to current yes. Wild dedication to yes.

To write/bake each day according to instinct.

To take care of my body that is my home, to invite in my panther self.

To feel myself as an embodiment of the superpower of Regal As Fuck, no matter what monsters have to say. This is absolutely a PROWESS superpower, along with Serene Powerful Presence.

To live and love boldly. With instinct, clarity and prowess.

May it be so.

Postscript!

We extended the new year sale which means there are still lovely things available in the gift shop though not for long. I recommend the Illumination of Qualities if you want to work on Prowess and force-field strengthening — I find that reading the beautiful words and qualities helps me connect with them and remember them throughout my day. They fill me with joy, and joy is something I am serious about this year too.

Also, you probably already know this, but ebook sales are one of the main ways we can keep this place going, and keeping this place going is something I feel strongly about. Thank you for being a part of this with me in whatever way you can.

Invitation: come play with me…

You are invited to share this post and to share many !!!!!! about what is here,

Or share appreciation or anything sparked for you while reading…

You can also share how things have been going, check in, or deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, possibly in code.

Safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishes and checking-in are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing.

We remember that people vary and my process doesn’t have to be yours, and this is a good thing.

Here’s how we meet each other: with great kindness and appreciation and awe, whispering (and sometimes shouting) oh, wow what beautiful wishes!

solstice stones and new year wishes

Reduction

This is the word of the day
like making a sauce
but also: letting go of what is no longer yes.

Light

Today is solstice, and solstice is my time for questions,
turning inward
reflecting my own light
and asking.

Eliminated meets illuminated

I drop questions and watch-listen as they
skip across the waters of my consciousness like stones,
on solstice I always ask the same question,
part-ritual, part-incantation:

What needs to be Eliminated and what needs to be Illuminated?

Clarity

Elimination can be such a beautiful letting-go,
striking and radiant in its clarity and decisiveness,
I never realized this until
the word itself was illuminated through this question,
asked with love.

Reduction

Elimination asks us to see
the power of subtraction
solving through releasing-removing-erasing-undoing
celebrating negative space
appreciating contrast
receiving through letting go
making space
and clearing the path to clear the path…

Related: often the best response for me is remembering that not everything requires a response

What needs to be illuminated?

Patterns and process
space and spaciousness
openings and apertures
contrast and shadow.

Calling in the light,
calling in lightness,
calling in perspective,
calling in clarity,
and — always always always — calling in boundaries made of light,
my boundaries are light and laser beams.

What needs to be eliminated?

Everything that does not resonate and reverberate a yes for me,
everything that is disharmonious, incongruent, unsupportive,
everything that keeps me from myself.

Into the light / add more light

Calling in light,
echoing and reverberating light.

Wishes for the new year and the passage through

I move with intention and fearless panther grace,
clear and unapologetic, in my power and prowess.

I learn to praise myself
with great love and great joy,
so much so that I never perceive a lack
of appreciation.

I reduce input.

I know what I have,
and I know what I have to do.

Calling in Courage for a year of fighting the good fight,
asking for Clarity, Fierce Determination and Focus, Sanctuary and Freedom,
whatever will help me glow powerfully,
using light to illuminate,
using light to reflect and refract,
using the light to disappear when needed in order to fill up on my light again.

I invoke darkness too

I invoke darkness too in the forms of
Shelter, Mystery, Quiet, Protection, Rest, Contrast
under the stars
immersing in water
not afraid of the void,
the void is where the stars are born
and where the stars are named.

Where do I want to be next solstice?

This is a stone I am borrowing from a wise friend,
I know she did not mean the question literally
but my answer came in the form of a vision:

under the stars
in the water
in Idaho or Astoria or
some mysterious wonderful place
I have not discovered yet

fully a star
fully a panther
full-glow
fully at ease with Ease
and beyond

Real talk

These are such hard questions in these tough and terrifying times,
painful and scary to even approach introspection
or the wishing of wishes

I mean, hell, at this point my main hope for next solstice
is that we aren’t all in labor camps or worse,
but I am focusing my wishes on qualities of spirit
which are mine anyway,
mine to invoke, reconnect with, remember, feel my way into,
regardless of external factors.

When I do this, I see how I have
picked up on external bleakness,
and forgotten to glow steady in my own light.

And so I am wishing for this return to steady clarity,
and for doors,
surprise miracle doors.

Doors

Last year at this time the arborist said,
let time do the talking, we do the listening.

Last year the arborist said
may another way come to you as rain in its season;
where no door seems right may a hidden sliding door between them appear
.

And now the arborist has disappeared
but that does not invalidate the wish-magic.

Glow through the opening

This year is going to require some hidden sliding doors,
some options that we cannot see yet,
new paths around and through,
as we commit to resistance,
underground and above-ground,
powerfully glowing our light,
making shelter when shelter is needed,
and showing up with our fiercely channeled intensity
to do what needs to be done.

Anything else about this?

A prayer that doesn’t have words,
something about stones of light,
glowing seeds,
a map of stars,
new perspective,
remembering to breathe,
unanticipated solutions,
trust and love,
courage courage courage,
breath breath breath,
change your place change your luck,
this moment is new
I am here
presence
grace
hope

Invitation

This space is for gathering — you are welcome to join me in this ritual, to skip stones or wish wishes, to share as much or as little as you wish, to leave pebbles and stones or take breaths, to share this time of passage through.

And we make this safe space through joyfully going on vacation from all forms of caretaking and advice-giving.

And another invitation…

New in the gift shop:
we have just put some lovely things up for sale
in case you would like more magic and self-fluency in your life! <3