And other stories…

Thought bubbles.

Havi and her insecurities are sitting together on the plane. Selma the duck is hiding in the red bag, uncomfortably nestled against a paper bag of cashews and his moments hazelnuts.*

*Yes, Stu. “And his moments” was pretty funny. As was “and his laments”. Next time, please just say hazelnuts.

And Stu — because, how could I forget him? — was folded up neatly in the suitcase. Well, his microphone was.

Interesting philosophical question there. If Stu lives inside of my computer but I only see him when the microphone is plugged in, who is Stu really?

Yes, I’m trying to distract you from my insecurities, except that I promised to let them guest post today.

Alright then.

Thoughts bubbles part 2.

Havi: “Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Going to Austin to meet all of my friends!”
Havi’s Insecurities: “Are you really ready for this?”
Havi: “What are you talking about?”
Havi’s Insecurities: “Don’t you know about the thought bubbles?”

I didn’t know about the thought bubbles, but as soon as this idea was introduced into my consciousness, I saw them everywhere.

Havi’s Insecurities: “You know. You meet someone that you know only by picture or voice and then you’re thinking “Wow. They’re so much taller than I thought they’d be.” But you don’t say it. It’s just in the thought bubble.”
Havi: Okay. So what?
Havi’s Insecurities: So you know what they’re going to be saying about you in their thought bubbles?”
Havi’s Insecurities: “What they’re really thinking is, ‘Oh my god, I thought you to be Lisa Kinnear.’
Havi’s Insecurities: “Sorry. That was Stu. What I meant to say was that everybody will be thinking about how they thought you would be way skinnier.”
Havi: “Oh.”

Meeting people.

I’ve met so many people here since Friday evening.

And so far four of them have said “Oh my god, You’re so much taller than I thought you’d be. I thought you’d be way shorter.”

Which my insecurities instantly translated to “skinnier”. Until we had a little talk.

Meeting people part two.

Unsurprisingly, I spent most of my time with Naomi. Glued to the hip, practically. Harder than it sounds.

Also: surprisingly useful when your arms don’t work and you can’t text anybody. If I’ve said anything untoward to you on Twitter or via SMS in the past couple days, it was probably her.

Here’s who I’ve been hanging out I with (aside from Naomi):

I also got to meet Derek Sivers from CDBaby — someone I wanted to meet for years and years — if by “meet” you mean “interrogate, harass, spill water on, belatedly identify as the person you’ve wanted to meet for years and then be reduced to a gushing, water spilling pile of googly-eyed fan girl”.

That is what you meant, right?


Of course any “venturing out from the place you think of as home” is fraught with all sorts of things.

Yes, I have problems with the word journey — Juana make something of it? That was “wanna”. I hate Steve. But I love how Stu won’t let me disparage him, and calls himself Steve instead when I say something unflattering. Can’t imagine why that would happen.

You take yourself somewhere new and you watch yourself interact with ideas, people and your own perceptions. And I got slammed with a huge epiphany this morning.

Realizations, part two.

I’m not sure if I’m ready to talk about it, yet. But I’ll plant some seeds.

This whole time that I’ve been dealing with the pain in my arms, I’ve known that there was a significant emotional component to it as well as the physical.

A huge part of my healing process thingy has been focusing on those angles as well. Given the timing and some of the stuff that was going on right before it started — and my body’s being very clear about stuff he wants me to change in my life — this is not exactly news to me.

But this morning I realized EXACTLY what’s going on here. What the root of it is. And what the next steps are.

So I need to do some more work with this before I’ll be ready to talk about what I’ve learned and where I’m going with it, but this is the most optimistic I’ve felt so far.

Totally worth it.

This uncomfortable flash of insight — this astonishing (to me, at least) realization — is so useful to me and so powerful, that the whole trip to SXSW was worth it.

Even if I hadn’t gotten to see all my friends.

Even if I haven’t gotten to go to a bunch of panels (wait, I still haven’t gone to any panels!).

Even if I hadn’t gotten to spill water everywhere in my excitement over meeting Derek.

All in all, a pretty great trip. I’m here until Tuesday, so we’ll see what else shows up. I’m going to go get Naomi or someone to post this for me.

*blows kiss*

The Fluent Self