Friday chicken

Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

It is SATURDAY and we are here.

Sometimes a Friday lasts a little bit longer, and sometimes a Chicken happens when it happens….

So here we are.

{a breath for being here right now}

What worked this week?


It stands for Conversations Happening At Temporal Safe Houses.

This came into being because of my tendency to run conversations in my head when I am not ready to have these conversations in person.

Except I don’t want those to be the words in my head. I want my words to be reminders of what I want: PEACEFULNESS and PRESENCE. Treasuring myself. Remembering to take a breath and let go. My head space is for me, not for running dialogue.

So I made a document on my phone called C.H.A.T.S, and it is a safe house for these conversations. When I notice myself whooshing off into one of these conversations, I write down the words I may want later. Then I make a wish for peaceful, ease-filled conversation if/when it happens, and then I close the door.

When I am ready for the conversation, I can pick up the thread there instead of playing with it and batting it around in my thoughts.

Reminding myself: I want to be here now. I want to be here, now.

Next time I might…

Have my buffer phrases ready.

Steady and clear forms of saying NO, with words that work for me. This has to do with advocating for myself, a big theme right now.

Related pieces: Taking my sexy time to do whatever I’m doing. Or if I decide I need to hurry, making the speediness fun instead of trying to placate the Urgency Monsters.

And, if I go to this dance convention again, finding people in advance to walk with me in the middle of the night, people who do not think it is bizarre that I want this, which is nearly as triggering as the situation itself.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. Oh wow, so many people in so many different kinds of pain. A number of people I love were in the hospital this week, going through rough things. A breath for filling up on ease and peacefulness. A breath of this for everyone who needs it.
  2. The Unbearable Missing, while significantly less agonizing than it was a week ago, is still a part of my daily reality. A breath for trusting the magic of time to do its healing thing.
  3. Super creepy and uncomfortable incident at a dance convention where the lead I was dancing with did something completely inexplicable and not okay. I went deep into paralysis, old neural pathways, couldn’t find my voice. This pattern was repeated throughout the week in various smaller ways, like when I discovered that someone I thought was a friend actually holds horrible anti-semitic opinions, which she felt comfortable voicing because she didn’t know I was Jewish. A breath for processing this pattern in all of its forms, and for change.
  4. Actually I was in my stuff all weekend at the convention. Comparison is the devil, or so the sufis say. I was comparing, and that never leads to good things. A crisis of confidence. A breath for allowing all the treasure in this experience to come in and land.
  5. Dark parking lots, and not wanting to cross them but wanting to be at the place on the other side. Not a metaphor, but yeah, that also works. This is related to: I don’t want to be in a relationship and yet I have envy related to my perception of “other people have someone to walk with them through the scary places”. A breath for finding truth, and for safety.
  6. Walking into my beautiful ballroom, aka the chocolate shop, seeing the ruined floor, and bursting into tears. I get that my big dream wasn’t to be. And this — how things are now — is still very much not what I want. A breath for learning from what I don’t want, may something new and beautiful come in.
  7. I have an impossibly busy month, and a bunch of projects that are at the point of Almost Ready To Deliver. A breath for miracles.
  8. Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. A giant breakthrough. I have been working — steadily and passionately — with this theme/project/mission of What Would Happen If I Could Treasure Myself, and I am finding out, and it is awesome. A breath for trust.
  2. Related: My desired superpower of Wonderfully Confident suddenly kicked in this week, amazing. A breath for delight.
  3. The water scare ended in less than a day. A breath for moving through things and remembering that Nothing Is Wrong.
  4. Nothing is wrong. A breath for remembering this and for my life work about remembering this.
  5. I had the best time playing with Leela at the Twitter bar! A breath for playmates.
  6. This entire week was filled with GLORIOUS dancing, I am having the time of my life. A breath for pure delight.
  7. Did you know that Kermit the Frog singing the Rainbow Connection is a waltz? Of course it is. I waltzed to it last night! A breath for the sheer joy of life and aliveness.
  8. Appreciation and thankfulness. Writing is healing. My finger is healing. My heart is healing. Roses and strawberries in the garden. The three year old next door blowing kisses to me from the window. Dropping off bread at Dana’s. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.

The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.

This was a big week for ops! Operation Cape Egrets is ready! Operation Detwah is happening! Everything is moving. Wham Boom.


Powers I had this week…

I got the superpower of Wonderfully Confident, the cousin of Extreme Sexy Fearlessness. It was amazing. More of that, please!

Superpowers I want.

The power of resting before I need to. And the power of trusting in timing.

Salve. The Salve of Taking Care of Yourself.

This salve is about trust, it is about sanctuary, it is about things coming into harmonious relationship, it is about courage, it is about rest and it is about treasure.

When you rub it in, you feel sturdier, steadier, more grounded.

Suddenly all the questions of ‘should I do x’ seem irrelevant, because of course you are going to make choices that support what you need. All other considerations become silly.

It’s like what Brian Kest says: “You don’t make decisions about what your body can do. You honor the decisions being made.”

Using this salve is the moment when that becomes obvious and true, when kindness towards your body is the only conceivable option.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

This band is called Clown Water, and they play punk-metal with a bit of a ska feel. They wear awesome hats. Also, autocorrect had a lot of trouble with my conversations this week about having to boil water because of the water scare, and the need for water to be clean. Anyway, great band. And yes, they’re just one guy.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow. Including the skill of gracefully accepting thanks.

It is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.

If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)

And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. ♡

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.

The Fluent Self