Friday chicken

Where I cover the good and the hard in my week, visiting the non-preachy side of ritual and self-reflection.

It is Friday and we are here.

{a breath for Friday}

What worked this week?

Playing the game of X Things That Don’t Completely Suck.

I played this at the Floop, and it was perfect.

The game is based on a game I used to play at Thanksgiving.

But that game had a lot of lentils and on the Floop we were naming just 7 things that are not horrible. This is a good game for me to play, and a good way for me to play it, especially in the midst of Stuff.

Here were my 7 things:

Beeswax candles. This pillow Briana made me that is the best gift ever and always makes me think of her and smile. Richard is the best at bandaging hurts. Portland lindy society might be doing an event at my ballroom! Maybe emily will be in michigan when I’m in michigan, or if not we will be in the same time zone and we can text. The first two weeks of missing someone always hurt the most, so I am ALREADY HALFWAY THROUGH the hurting-est part. And: I am buying things that will help with my dancing blisters which means I can do more dancing, because dancing makes everything better.

It helped. More than I thought it would.

Next time I might…

Look at the notes!

I love Rally (Rally!), and it always makes for deeper, bigger, different realizations than I am expecting. As Agent Anna says, the first rule of Rally is expect the unexpected.

Anyway, even though I have now rallied FORTY-SOME Rallies, I forget this. And I also forget to expect the expected too:

After Rally there is this period of integration and decompressing, and it takes longer than I think it will. So I tend to think, “Okay, Rally was amazing, and now I’m going to go to aerobics and pick up the mail and do a bunch of things I didn’t get to this week because of Rally!”

And then very quickly it becomes clear that actually I am going to crawl into bed and hide for two or three days. There are lots of notes on this in the Book of Havi Bell. I want to make a point of leaving myself a reminder at Rally to not try and do anything after Rally.

It’s in the BORK (the Book of Rally Keys), because I’ve written about this a lot. But I need a reminder for me. Or maybe not. Maybe I just need to keep re-learning this one, over and over, until it lands.

Another thing I forget! About a week after Rally, I have a spurt of massive productivity in which an astounding amount of progress gets made on all kinds of things. So resting up after Rally is worth it.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. Off my dance game. Or: perceiving that I am off. Having trouble dancing with people I usually have great dances with. Crisis of confidence. A breath for trusting the process.
  2. Letting someone out of my life was the right move, and it hurts. Unbearable levels of missing. A breath for healing.
  3. A consequence of this letting go: noticing how much need I have for better systems of emotional support. A breath for finding the treasure in this.
  4. A number of people I care about having big, scary health crises. A breath for love and for wishing.
  5. Forgetting that nothing is wrong, forgetting to take eight breaths, forgetting that love is not separate from me. A breath for remembering, the work of life.
  6. Everything changing. Seeing all the ways that I do not treasure myself. A breath for comfort.
  7. Some stuff happening at the chocolate shop that I find absolutely infuriating and don’t know how to resolve yet. A breath for waiting to see what the next step is.
  8. Inhale, exhale. Goodbye, mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. I made some tough decisions, and that was right, and I could feel it was right. A breath for trust.
  2. An epiphany about rollerskating (proxy!) helped me get so much done this week. How much done? So much done. WHAM BOOM. Everything on my scary list, including two projects that have been on the back burner for what seems like forever. A breath for sneaking around the hard.
  3. Friends. Richard, Emily, Naomi, Heather, Agent Em Dee, people showing up. A breath for remembering that there is love and more love and even more love.
  4. Nothing is wrong. A breath for remembering this and for my life work about remembering this.
  5. I had a marvelous time at the Spring Dance even while in my stuff about dancing. And on Wednesday I was not in my stuff about dancing, and was able to just enjoy. And then I danced with someone I always dance with who always ends the dance with the standard “thank you for the dance”. And this time he said: “Oh wow that was just wonderful!” A breath for pleasure and delight in life.
  6. Here’s something: I am handling things really well, considering. A breath for now is not then.
  7. I am on an adventure right now! On my way to southern Oregon for a dance convention. A breath for the passage and the crossing.
  8. Appreciation and thankfulness. Roses and strawberries in the garden. Waltz. Tortilla chips. Talking with monsters and remembering that nothing is wrong. So many things are good. A breath for deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.

The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.

I finished Operation NO, Operation Sexy Waltz, set things in motion for Operation Detwah, completed all three of the first stages of Operation Cape Egretsmade progress on Mission Case Ends Ho, edited the first draft of Mission of Xs and Ys, completed what seems like a thousand small ops. Wham Boom! Thank you, Rally.


Powers I had this week…

I had the superpower of taking eight breaths when I feel feelings.

Superpowers I want.

The power of Always Remembering That Nothing Is Wrong. And the power of Wonderfully Confident, Of Course Of Course Of Course. It is a cousin of Extreme Sexy Fearlessness.

Salve. The Salve of Perspective.

As you rub this salve into your skin, your whole body begins to relax.

Things come into their right proportions. You suddenly see what is working, rather than what isn’t; what is lucky rather than what is problematic, what is right instead of what is wrong. And then, from there, even the things in the “wrong” category begin to reveal their treasure.

The big shadows turn out to be cast by small objects. Candles are lit in the corners, and you can see what is there: nothing scary after all. Cobwebs are whooshed away.

You are safe, you are held, it’s just a cut and not a gash, healing is activated — yes, love, of course it hurts and of course you can cry and this moment of pain is legitimate, and also you are okay. Another candle, and another candle. A hug and another hug. Blink. Blink. We can look at this with new eyes, with eyes that remember truth.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

This week’s band comes by way of autocorrect, which changed “but of course!” to “but of Clyde!”. This band is called Butt of Clyde, and they are an Irish punk band. And as it turns out, they’re just one guy.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I am deep in an undercover mission to get better at receiving in all forms, or as I’m calling it: Glowing Receptivity and Being Receptive to Glow. Including the skill of gracefully accepting thanks.

It is related to my mission of Coming Out Of All The Closets and sharing about my personal experiences with not-sharing-how-hard-things-are.

If you would like to take a part in this and support me on my mission by sharing sweetness and appreciation for any aspect of my work, I would love that. You can do it with the magic of words, through the comments, or add something to Barrington’s Discretionary fund. (Explanation!)

And if the way you are glowing appreciation is quietly in your heart, I like that too. ♡

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.

The Fluent Self