In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This week whizzed by so quickly — for me — that I’m actually getting a bit dazed trying to remember what even happened.
The last thing I remember for sure was wearing lots of purple and sparkliness.
And a giant fluffy rainbow snake as a boa.
And then all of a sudden it was Rosh HaShana… and hello, Friday, where did you come from?
The hard stuff
Roller derby western regionals all weekend.
It was an incredibly high-stress occasion, even more than predicted (thanks to all the crazy upsets).
No sleep. No voice. And lots of general chaos and yelling.
It was VERY intense. And yes, I would do it all over again in a second. But man, that stuff takes a toll.
Distinct lack of naptime synchronization.
The times my body wanted to nap and the times available for napping did not once coincide this week.
That was kind of unfortunate.
Still feeling a bit weak and shaky.
Made it to dance class four times, but had to hide in the back and take lots of breaks.
It takes time. Sometimes I really don’t like that.
Not making progress on the thing I wanted.
Sadface mouse is me!
Working on something else instead and then getting stuck halfway.
It’s this very exciting thing that doesn’t have a name yet, and I had a rush of doing and then hit a wall, and I haven’t yet had time to talk to the wall about that.
I encountered a bully.
Actually I had already known he was a bully, through previous dealings.
But, having never met him in person, wishful-me had harbored a secret hope that his perceived aggression was somehow a misunderstanding.
That if I just met him in person, there would be context. And body language. And I’d realize he was just being brusque, not vindictive.
I love wishful-me. However, her hope was not my experience this week.
Not only a bully, but the worst kind of bully: the one who bullies both consciously and unconsciously.
Unconsciously in the sense that it’s automatic — bullying as the default response to any interaction.
And consciously in the sense that he’s very much aware he’s doing it. And he appears to enjoy it.
An unpleasant encounter, full of unspoken but very clear threat. I am ready to be done with this.
I still want a vacation.
Yes, well. There’s that.
The good stuff
Besterns! A weekend of the best derby in the world.
Six of the top seven teams. That exist. Period. All in our division.
Basically everyone who’s good at roller derby with the exception of Gotham.
It was unbelievable. Heart-stopping.
Yes, it was fun to wear fabulous boutfits, sit with my Guns N Rollers and yell. A lot.
But mainly it was fun to WIN.
Rose City ended up skating against our two biggest rivals — Bay Area and Seattle. And took them both out mercilessly. We’re going to Denver for Championships!!!!
And, amazingly, I was able to take care of myself.
As best I could. Which was good enough.
I was very selective about which bouts I went to over the weekend.
And which to watch online. I’m glad Rat City beat Denver (so we didn’t have to skate against them), and I’m glad I didn’t have to watch it in person.
There was sleep. There was tea. There were breaks. There was Entry and Exit. And general mindful loving attentiveness to what I needed.
So that’s way better than it could have been.
Fun! And friends
Yes, I’m still talking about Bridgetown Brawl. Bear with me.
Juno was here! And we hung out and giggled for half the night. Also she made me the best sticker ever, which is now going to live in my office.
Tootie was here too, even though I didn’t get to see him. I’ll see him in Denver!
Plus I got to finally meet Jess (@openlybalanced), and she’s awesome.
Only about an hour of it because of derby.
But a really great hour, wondering the streets of my favorite neighborhood and waving at pirates on bikes.
Entry and exits.
More time preparing for things and recovering from things.
The best ideas ever.
The shivanautical realizations just keep on coming.
I am so passionate about the stuff I’m working on right now that I can hardly even stand it.
This is big, subversive stuff, and I love it.
Even more changes at the Playground!
The Playground is looking and feeling extra-gorgeous right now.
We’ve been making crazy changes all week.
New art, new toys, new color. Lots of it.
And improvements to my Pirate Queen Quarters aka my dressing room too.
I handled my encounter with the bully much better than imagined.
I didn’t take it personally.
I didn’t cry, yell or run away.
The moment it was clear that there was no use in trying to state my case, I said goodbye and walked away.
I made separations. I processed.
This is a huge step forward from old patterns. Like hiding in bed for weeks. Or being furious, resentful and scared. And not being able to stop rehashing the conversation in my head.
Progress! Gigantic progress! I’ll take it.
My favorite part of Rosh HaShana is throwing what I am done with from the past year into the river.
In the form of bread crumbs.
It is always beautiful and astonishing, and this year especially so.
Each year I play with a different form and intention, and this year’s was very shivanautical:
I am releasing the pattern of ________________.
I am releasing the need for this pattern.
I am releasing whatever ties me to this pattern.
I am ready to integrate the new elements and the new pattern.
It was one of those things that can’t be described because epiphanies are stupid, but it changed me.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
Electric Blue and the Blindfolded Speed Cubers
Thanks to Marisa!
They’re playing — loudly — all week. Except you should probably know that it’s really just one guy.
Picture me wearing that crazy hat…
The official page for Crossing the Line: the 8 Day Voyage! (password: haulaway). is finally here!
In the nick of time too, because there are now only FOUR spaces left in this program.
Early Brunch was supposed to end on Sept 30th but I didn’t put up the actual copy, because I spaced out and forgot about the Jewish new year. So we’re extending it until October 5.
Again, FOUR spaces left. If you haven’t read the new page (which just went up this morning), read it now. Can’t wait to cross the line with you.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.