In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of ritual and self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
This is kind of weird because I most of yesterday thinking it was Friday and feeling bad about not having chickened yet.
But no! Friday. It is now. Apparently.
The hard stuff
Stupid insights! Be less accurate!
Working through some stuff, based on Useful Information that I didn’t necessarily want to know.
Too much work!
Is how my brain feels at the moment.
And not in the good shivanautically-confused way. Just overdone. Which is the only kind of done that happened this week.
Seeing people I love in pain.
And having to lovingly step back and let them work through it.
Creepy guy who hit on me on the train.
Actually, I don’t think he was trying to be creepy.
He was maybe sixteen at most and probably has no idea what more successful and less completely inappropriate ways to approach women might be.
But still. Ew ew ew.
I tried a thing and it didn’t work.
And it was expensive, time-consuming and painful and still didn’t work. Ahahahaha.
All of which brought up some old stuff about similar experiences, so I have been deep in destuckifying mode.
The good stuff
Walking in it and sitting in it and being in the garden.
It is glorrrrrrious!
I had this fabulous meeting with Cairene (who, by the way, will be at Rally!) and she helped me figure out a bunch of systems stuff I’d been stuck on.
And that gave me PROJECTS and, amazingly, much progress was made in that direction this week.
My toes! They are sparkly.
This is highly unusual.
But it is so.
Excited about all the changes happening at the Playground.
And also Cairene brought us these great soaps for the Playground. A duck, a pirate flag and a sovereignty crown — basically, everything I like.
And then we have been continuing with the mini-renovations. Lots of little things.
Signage. Systems. Bits of sparkle and color.
But all together it is completely transforming the place so that it is even more magical than before. As if that could even be possible. But it is.
It starts on Monday and I am so happy.
Rally is when I get crazy amounts of stuff done, and this is exactly what I need right now.
Are you coming to the June Rally? Or July? August? Because if so, I have lovely news!
There’s a new “farm to cone” ice cream parlor coming — it’ll open just a couple blocks away from the Playground.
It’s called Salt and Straw, and it sounds amazing. How amazing?
Seriously. Look at these ice cream flavors.
Honey Balsamic Strawberry With Cracked Black Pepper. Brown Ale With Bacon, Pear With Blue Cheese. Mimosa Sorbet.
I can’t have any but you can taste them all for me and tell me what’s good.
They’ll have a cart too and you can vote on which flavors.
Short version: Come to Rally! Rally! You know, for the ice cream.
And some of the things I’ve been reading about and thinking about this week.
- Wonderful interviews with children (who told me about this?)
- Hoping that my much-adored Mr. B. can stand his ground in the world of chap-hop.
- This interview with my friend Michelle about creating a culture of inclusivity in her yoga studio. Exactly.
And … playing live at the meme beach house it’s the Fake Band of the Week!
My brother and I have this thing where we come up with ridiculous band names and then say in this really pretentious, knowing tone, “Oh, well, you know, it’s just one guy.”
This week’s band courtesy of @jptownley on Twitter:
Planet of the Snapes
Because we haven’t made enough Harry Potter references this week.
Go see them if you get a chance. And yes. It’s really just one guy.
That’s it for me …
And of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments if you feel like it.
Yes? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come. Shabbat shalom.
p.s. It’s okay if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — you can join in whenever (or not) and it’s no big deal.
My VPAs were answered post haste with good news. That’s always fun.
Day of scheming with friends!
Backbend workshop with Patricia Walden coming up soon!
My 6 year old niece has begun sending me emails. Oh, so sweet.
Sleep. Sweet sweet sleep.
People dying too young and people not being present in their own lives. Really, that is the only hard.
The Hard, Crushing Moments:
– the level of loneliness considerably high due to remaining in an environment that is obscenely uninspiring and people internally uninteresting
– wavering & dithering; more precisely, the burden- the unnerving and disturbing quality of it
– no satisfaction at work, painfully few opportunities to find some outside it, too
– further realisations how much I forget, how much actually slips my mind. I can’t even name my favourite singers or actors. Sometimes I am scared it is not forgetfulness but indifference to things that matter.Because music or art in general MATTER.
The Good, Uplifting Stuff:
– I made a plan for a day at the beginning of the week and approached it really responsibly! I carried out three out of six tasks plus one off-list one. I was proud to see I am not as decadent as I thought.
– I watched a few cinematographic pieces that were just up my street, embracing history and fiction and evoked some feelings inside me that is freakishly untouched and unstirred.
– I found this blog that reignited my interest in writing and helped to steer me in my spiritual quest
– I enjoyed two lovely soups this week and am maximally grateful for wholesomeness they embodied ( a bit irrelevant maybe but bear with me:))
– I have experienced one ethereal moment that hadn’t occurred for a long time! One of those when I feel like I am strolling down a sun-lit, fragrant, unrushed New York street (possible oxymoron) and am content for I have found what is missing. Just an illusion after all, I know, but a truly necessary one.
– my books finally arrived. I can coalesce with the imaginary world of intriguing characters and liberate myself from my own reality. Luscious 😉
– I have obtained an uncannily firm conviction that I will reach happiness and satisfaction one day. Not based on any bona fide clue, though.
The Uncategorized Stuff:
– I speak to myself. Sometimes exclusively. Often exclusively actually.
– I say nonsense and after realising its gibberish nature I argue with myself.
– I have to rely on myself way too much. It’d be quite novel to spend some valuable time with others, and to be puzzled (in a good way) by their minds, I guess.
This week’s hard:
– All I wanted to do this week was everything except what I *had* to do this week. So hard to concentrate when all those other *fun* things are calling my name.
– Resisting attempts to get pulled into the middle of things I have no desire to be in the middle of.
This week’s good:
– A little bing of inspiration about something I’ve been stuck on for a long time.
– Despite not wanting to work on stuff I have to do, I did get enough of it done.
– Set up a playdate with an old friend I see only once every couple of years for when she’s here in a couple of weeks. Yay!
– A general sense of flow and ease, most of the time this week.
Happy Friday, Chickeneers!
– the wristicular issues, but i have been good about wearing my wrist brace
– asthma attack on Tuesday night… my fault it’s called take your control inhalers and allergy medicine so that the asthma and allergies don’t play together and take over.
– getting up so early that i want to take a nap before I even get to work… though this is related to the first thing under the good, so can’t complain too much.
The Good – A lot of it this week actually
– The ironman training is on course AND exercise just makes everything better. You get up and run or swim and the day is just beautiful. Speaking of which, I got to watch the sunrise twice this week while I ran. Very pretty.
– Grandma emailed me and seems rather apologetic for last week. Much appreciated.
– I made a zazzle store and have 2 products (thank you cards and matching stamps for said thank you cards) in it. More to come.
– My current watercolor WIP is coming along good.
– work is flowing… not drowning and not too slow.
– I figured out where GIMP went on my computer so i can pretend to play with drawing pictures on the computer
– ordered my new bike, said hey you guys are having a sale next week, can I get the sale price and got it!
– boss lady bought us all starbucks yesterday it was delicious and courtesy of getting up super early and riding my bike did not keep me up 🙂
– micromovements totally working to keep me on track for my bigger overall life goal things
–I did not pass my dissertation proposal defense. I’m going to need to make some significant revisions, and defend again at the end of the summer. I have one year in which either I will complete this PhD, or I won’t. There is so much stuff tangled up in all of this, my own and other people’s. It’s a heavy weight to carry, and I fear that it’s going to get worse before it gets better. I feel the need to protect myself to keep all the stuff and monsters from letting this mess infect everything I do, from poisoning my self-worth.
–I made it back home from the defense in time to see my daughter’s performance in Annie that evening. She was a great Miss Hannigan, and she was so glad to have me there for her!
–I have a new rocking chair for my front porch. I’ve been wanting one for a long time, and it’s every bit as lovely as I imagined it would be.
–Weather’s been nice. Very nice, in fact.
Big, big love for all the chickeneers, and my thanks to all of you, just for being yourselves.
– Afternoon at the DMV where I accomplished 0.5 of my 2 tasks. Which means I get yet another DMV trip soon! 🙁
– 3 out of 4 days this week where I only worked half a day at best. I’m panicking a bit this morning looking at how much did not get done this week
– Good friends in hard places – resonating with how hard it is to step back and let them work through it!
– Spring allergies making my brain so fuzzy
– New phone! iPhone! Everyone said I would love it and they were SO RIGHT.
– Great conversation with a budding new friend where we find out we have yet another major thing in common.
– Taking a whole day off on Sunday with absolutely nothing scheduled – it was long over due and highly enjoyable.
– Finding some more space for writing again. I’m needing it with all that is going on in my life.
– Coffee! In my bedroom! So I don’t have to venture 3 flights downstairs and down the street to start to feel normal in the morning.
I also thought it was Friday all of yesterday! How weird is that?
Friday! Huzzah! Happy Friday!
– getting my essay in today [done!]
– season finale of my fav program.. cliffhanger + no new eps til september = sad bunny
– planning for a funeral next week with gentleman friend; who is very closed up about it (worry! is he okay? etc.)
– exams! feeeearrrr
– revision lecture = lecturer reading course outline.. no actual revision or lecturing. wth?!
– wisdom tooth – ARHGGGGG PAINNNNN
– farrrrr too much going on to keep up with
– oh yeah.. i’m going to be speaking in front of TWO HUNDRED social care professionals at a conference. i’m twenty! I should be out drinking and stuff >_> [fear of public speaking x500]
– I became a shivanata teacher! it wasn’t too scary.
– got my essay in today 🙂
– tooth pain has passed
– i finally ordered the book on nonviolent communication. excited!
– a new opportunity to work arose.. have applied
– got Sunday to catch myself and things will calm down after thursday
– i got out some books on my exam topics so i feel prepared to revise
– and it’s sunny!
Have a gjorrrrious [and glorious.. ] weekend 😛
I always mean to chicken here, and then I never get around to it. Since it’s my week for making changes, I think today’s a good day to start.
An extremely difficult conversation with my husband, and the surfacing realization that he is not as committed to sobriety as I had hoped. Dammit.
I’m now running 6.5 km three times a week! That’s 4ish miles!!! I am so stoked about this fitness phase of my life.
I found a pair of running shorts I like. And they felt good to run in.
I sent some copies of a thingy I’m working on to a few people, and now I’m awaiting their input.
Thanks for that! Love to all!!!
I just flashed on Planet of the Snapes’ video, which looks a lot like that old Robert Palmer Video for Addicted to Love. LOL
Waiting. Enough with the waiting already. Can we be doing yet?
My aunt spent two days in the hospital with pneumonia. I don’t live close enough to go visit.
“Where are we gonna park?” “Will there be gross porta johns?” “What am I gonna wear?” anxiety about the Nelsonville Music Festival (starts today)
“Oh please don’t let that happen here” anxiety over thunderstorms after one dumped 5 inches of rain in two hours an hour south of here.
Not selling any of my amazing purses or mosaic pins at Odd Mall last weekend. Worst.show.ever. *Ever*
I get to go to the Nelsonville Music Festival!! Sean Lennon, Neko Case, Over the Rhine, Yo La Tengo, George Jones, Southeast Engine. Oh, and Oh Betty’s Red Hot and Jeni’s Ice Cream are two of the amazing food vendors 😀
I got to go on a coaching playdate at my friend Anna’s house. We had a fantastic day working on our stuff and painting on contractor’s paper (like Kraft paper, but in huger rolls at Lowe’s)
Great night out with my sweetie.
Actually enjoying my marriage for the first time in years. So grateful for the changes. There are no words.
Sleeps! Good, restful sleeps. 🙂
The jungle that is southeast ohio is in full bloom and everything’s so f*ing green (Death at a Funeral reference, the original, not sure they use that line in the re-make). Like living inside fairyland. Love love love.
Party on chickeneers!!!
– being so ridiculously tired
– and burntout
– the weird hormonal thing, still happening. And at incredibly inconvient times.
– and having so many ideas for things! that I’m not doing because of the tired + burnt out
– Wednesday. ugh.
– general lack of flow
– going back to work yesterday and getting sucked into the same bickering and never ending issue that I’ve been stuck with for the last 18 months
– got all my uni stuff uploaded and sent off
– socialising! Three nights in a row of socialising and I felt so good and had so much fun. Need more.
– wore corset and seamed tights and high heels and intense amounts of eyeliner (and a skirt!) on Sat and it was awesome to be dressed up. Plus got a ton of compliments which is always good.
– finally got a new hairdryer
– made some delicious food
– my mum got her lost Radley purse back (a birthday present from me a few years ago)
– having friends and family who actually encourage me to take some time off before I fall over
– so excited about being tattooed next week
– Only had to go into work one day this week – thank god for some down time otherwise I might have just flipped out at some point
Not a great week but still, definitely things that make me smile. 🙂
How is it Friday again? I’m so confused.
-Our refrigerator stopped working, so we had to throw out the yummy grass-fed milk I had just bought and some of our farm share.
-Lots of progress on my website redesign! Still much to be done, but it’s coming along quite swimmingly.
-Lots of great possible businessy ideas.
-Having a general feeling of progress and forward movement
-Harry Potter references! Oh, how they make me grin!
Wishing everybody a fantastic weekend!
-Consistent pain due to random back injury, and feet still doing the chronically injured thing.
-Fear of reinjury and being barred from favorite activities (like walking!) in the nice Spring weather sucks!
+Back pain has been easing up.
+Am taking an online lesson planning course soon.
+I have health insurance to take care of my ailments.
+The community garden rocks. Now, that’s healing.
+Enjoying books on gardening and living more sustainably.
– People telling me I’m going to do things instead of asking me if I would. And the extreme levels of rebellion this raises in me.
– Saying goodbye to sugar again. With the withdrawal shakes and anxiety storms.
– So many deadlines.
– Going to an event that sounded like it’d be HSP-friendly but was in fact every kind of triggering and scary. Argh.
– I don’t like to look in the mirror. There were entirely too many mirrors.
– Sunshine and library books. In fact, walking to the library in the sunshine all the time.
– So I have a date. In, like, an hour (I should probably get dressed). And even if it all fails miserably, at least I went on one. This gives me hope.
– Everywhere I go, I’m like: “Casual mention of Shiva Nata,” and the person I’m talking to is like “I do Shiva Nata too.” Portland is *great*.
– I wrote the e-book I’ve been avoiding and next week people will be able to download a free “How to Talk to Monsters” guide from me. Which I think is wildly helpful.
– And I wrote and uploaded the rest of the content to my new website, which will launch sometime next week! Squeee! It is so beautiful and something I’ve been longing for for such a long time. Now it exists!!
– Massage! Felt so good.
– Good balance this week of calls to friends asking for help and calls received from friends asking for help. Hah, they need me too!
Yay Friday the Thirteenth!
@Lori – thanks I now have Bowie’s Changes in my head 🙂 apropos
Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes – Turn and face the strain
so yeah, on to the hard….
– a few more days of waiting for the official word of “yes” to the gig I’ve been looking, hoping, wishing, needing for almost 2 years – self-supporting here i come
– bucking up courage for a really hard relationship thing i will do in a week or so when the gig is signed
-woohoo another week closer to a family wedding! nieces & nephews young and old! cousins! aunts! dancing with the liddle kiddles! eating wedding cake!
-the final interview for the bigGig went really well! got a “wow you really know what you’re doing” he appreciated my prep and told me so! he loved my samples! i picked the exact right samples to bring! the other interviewers told me they can’t wait for me to start! such relief!
-shiva nata, yoga, walking my dogs, Rally(Rally!) tools
Thank God it’s Friday and a bad mood week is hopefully coming to an end.
– A lumbago due to a stupid little wrong movement while trying to suppress a cough while listening to a concert.
– Pain, total inability to move, walking slower than a snail, dropping things and taking ages to pick them up.
– Self pity
– Cough still there
– Still drinking café latte even though I am sure cough would get better without dairy products.
– Sudden bizarre energy in my relationship with someone I really care for.
– Not being able to try a NIA class because of back mess.
– Ludicrous administrative issues about contract for next job.
– A physio who is a darling and who treats me for free.
– Decision to get an injection to relax super tense muscle before the weekend starts.
– Boss who sent me home early every day because of back trouble.
– Long chat on the phone with childhood girl friend.
– Husband writing that he misses me.
Have a sunny weekend everyone, yeah for all the good and empathy for the hard!
– coming back from traveling and re-adjusting to the work situation – don’t want to be here!
– knowing that i want change and not knowing how to get there
– slow slow slow. i am just not moving.
– it’s hard to find positive people around here. feeling robbed of my own positive energy
– sadness about having spent 3 lost years in this place
– slow slow slow ! i loved having a slow week.
– optimism. there will be an end point and i am ready for it
– revising the entire wardrobe. didn’t think i could do it but it happened. and oh my did i save myself some fun summer clothes!
– and my boyfriend is coming for the weekend
BEST WISHES ALL AROUND
Overall this has been a good week. Yay for having a good week!
Movement. Getting some things done. Sunshine and spending time outdoors. Husband got good news; that means good news for me too. A friend got good news and that makes me happy too. Hanging out at the bookstore coffee shop, which combines my favorite smells — books, coffee, pastries.
Continuing stuckness about some things. The eye that had cataract surgery is developing amblyopia. It’s giving me headaches. Brain fuzz.
A realization: my relationship with someone has gotten weird and I realized this week that she is projecting her stuff onto me and that is why things are so weird. I need to be sovereign in that relationship.
Vocabulary change: people on this blog refer to missions instead of projects, and I read that Metaphor Mouse doesn’t like projects either… I realized that rather than projects, I want to have Prrrrojects! and to have Things and Thingies rather than just things to do. I might even revert to the 60’s vocabulary of my childhood and have a Bag (as in “That’s not my bag, man”). Because, as someone said then, everyone has their bag, and in that bag they have their thing.
My speech may become incomprehensible, what with my things and Things and Thingies.
I can’t Chicken this week. There’s too much on my mind that I’m afraid to share with myself, much less anyone else. All I can do is to keep breathing. Hugs to all.
Hard: I have a cold. Everything is therefore that much harder. Hmph. Also, Blogger (where my website lives) is having Issues.
Good: I set up the lightbox in my basement. Now I can take glamor shots of my pretty things 🙂
Won’t the new ice cream parlor be there for September Rally? I hope so, those flavors sound amazing!
Happy weekend to all!
@Whitney — Hugging you back.
Friday, thank the Gawds!
-very long 2 weeks of very early mornings
-husband very stressed and unhappy at work ( see above)
-2 long weeks of being on point for Getting Ready for school, Homework, and Bedtime (see above)
-husband is now hypertensive FTW!
-not being sovereign oir even integrous at work.
-house has decided to start falling down around my ears!
-Shva Nata DVD came! am reading the booklets, tip sheets and FLAILING like a crazy person
-all kinds of lil benefits from the above
-starting watching Treme
-reconnected with my desires
-which means I may be going to NOLA in NOvemeber (shhhh! still a secret)
-lil moments of beauty and things actually working
-an increased DESIRE for sobriety. I blame Flailing!
Sometimes it helps me to sigh in French. Le sigh.
* bad weather + multiple Other Things Going On = low turnout at poetry reading, in spite of major efforts to publicize on multiple fronts
* feeble cardmaking mojo + insufficient energy = lack of inventory
* learning curves keep knocking me on my derriere
* feeling frustrated about several nudniks who owe me either money or goods
* the people who did come to the reading seemed to enjoy it, and I received an honorarium. Woot!
* efforts at cardmaking = head start on creating inventory for future events and consignments
* client pleased with my indexing
* receiving birthday cards and flowers and other reminders that I am loved 🙂
* I won’t finish dead last in the fantasy tennis standings 😉
* my sweetie just mixed me a B&B. *raises glass to toast everyone else’s good stuff*
Planet of the Snapes is awesome!
Sciatica == sore tush! Go away, please!
Living downtown. I know for sure I am not a city gal anymore. Too much energy, noise, dog drama. “Puppy” (she’s 70#) & I love the country. Would prefer occasional trips to the city.
Not getting the right financing that I really need. Questioning why. Back to the drawing board.
Driving to the country for lovely time with my animals. I need to recreate my life to live there. Will take time & many steps to accomplish. That is where we are headed.
Knowing that I have found my Right People for an important aspect of my life.
Introducing two great people in my life & having them hit it off! YAY!
Seeing my dog so happy playing with four other dogs on the farm 🙂
I think “Mission” is so much more easier to engage than a “Project”.
Happy Weekend to All 🙂
Panic attacks abated. None for a week! YAY!
I invoke amnesty and check in for next week in advance!
Hard: Going to a family funeral next Friday and my head is rehearsing stuff that will most likely never happen.
Good: I learned about Silent Retreat just before I’m likely to really need it.
After a 3 week break, yoga still rocks.
Loves and hugs to all.
The hard stuff:
How to decide wether I should take Pace and Kyelis World Changing Writing Workshop or not? I still have not made the decision.
Stumbling at work and hurting my ankle badly, so walking is even more difficult now.
No idea how to start any kind of exercise or change of eating habits (I did this a hundered times before and there will pop up the right thing at the right moment, but I am not very patient with this -sigh)
Feeling not like having sex at all, whereas my partner does. Feeling bad about saying no.
The good stuff:
My friend karin will call me on Friday (so that I do not have to call her, which is fantastic as I feel awkward calling people i did not talk to for a long time.)
I have been blogging everyday of the week -yay me!
I did two paintings in my BIG journal today and I might do another one. yippieh!
I asked a collegue to get me in a car to an event in our community garden, because i could not walk with my hurt ankle and he did it without questioning it. Phew!
I did the chicken even if it is sunday already. I declare (this)sunday to be my chicken day.
I told you about Interviews With Children! It was me!