Friday chickenBecause it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.

And you get to join in if you feel like it.

Oy, what a week. Seriously, it mostly sucked.

Things are moving. Very quickly. It’s kind of an interesting time for me.

And by interesting I mean challenging, painful and hard.

I had so much hard that I’m not sure I even want to talk about it. But it’s Friday. So let’s do this.

The hard stuff

Having to be a momma hen on the blog.

I don’t want to be a momma hen.

But I am sometimes. And I also want my comments section to be a really safe space for the people who need that safety the most.

That means stepping in sometimes and reminding everyone how this space works. That’s what happened on Sunday. I meditated on it and it was what I felt I needed to do.

But yeah, it presses all sorts of discomfort buttons for me.

Also, once I’m in momma hen mode, I can’t really get out of it for a while. I’m all protective of everyone and there is excessive wing-flapping and feeding people.

I got triggered.

Maybe the momma hen bit was what triggered me. Maybe it was the email insanity of people raging, complaining, warning, notifying and generally expressing their pain in my direction.

Maybe it was working way, way too many hours trying to make sure the Kitchen Table was ready.

Whatever it was, I wasn’t in good shape this week. Actually, I’ve been kind of emotionally wiped out.

Everyone else was having their stuff come up and their stuff was triggering mine and … and and and.

So lots of tears. Lots of temper tantrums. Some throwing of things at walls.

And at least three times that I swore I was going to shut down the blog, move back to Israel and go back to teaching yoga. Like, today.

Luckily, the fact that there are all these amazing people waiting for me at the Kitchen Table meant I kind of had to stay. Wry smile.

Results of being triggered.

I wrote a bitchy post yesterday. I hurt people’s feelings. I thought a lot about what it was like back when I didn’t have any money at all and how helpless and horrible that feels.

I worried — a lot — that if someone says something critical to me, they could end up being that critical with other people at the Kitchen Table. And then oyvavoy, I’ll have to mediate and intervene and maybe even ask them to leave. I get protective.

Oh, what else, let’s see. I processed a lot of resentment and hurt. I read. I cried a lot. Basically this was not a fun week to be me or to be around me.

And then, on top of being triggered, there was the next point, which is not really about babies.

It’s like you’re having a baby but no one else cares.

No, I didn’t have a baby.

It’s just that launching a big, huge thing is pretty much like how I imagine it would be like if you were having a baby and everyone else is all, “Hey, you want to go have a cup of tea?”

And you say, “I can’t. I’m having a baby.” And they say, “Oh, okay. How about tomorrow?”

It’s really hard to get the damn point across about just how much time and space this new thing is taking up in my life.

Yes, I know people are waiting for me to call them back or hang out with them or answer their “Do you hate me? Do you? Please say you don’t!” emails.

Of course I don’t hate you. Of course not, sweetheart.

It’s just that I can’t do it right now. BECAUSE OF THE BABY!

Gah. Overwhelmed by the love.

We got inundated by applications to the Kitchen Table. I know, I know. This is a good thing.

It’s just that we weren’t equipped to process that many applications at once. So in addition to everything else going on, I’ve been coming up with new processing systems and bringing in (and training) new group leaders. Ow ow ow.

Petty complaints. Thousands of them.

Some people had very, very legitimate complaints this week. Some people expressed their anger and their pain and they were right to do so.

But a lot of it was really random and just kind of unnecessary.

Again, I know. It’s part of being internet famous. This week I had less patience for it than usual.

You know, I don’t write to Guy Kawasaki to tell him I don’t get what all the fuss is about.

I don’t leave comments on super-popular blogs telling them I think they’re overrated.

I’m sorry that some of you are not getting what you want here. I really, really can’t be all things to all people. Luckily, there are a gazillion and seven other blogs and maybe you’ll find another one where you feel comfortable.

*tosses computer out of window in exasperation*

Anyway. This week had a lot of pretty hellish aspects and I’m still feeling like I just need some kindness and love, so let’s move on to the good.

The good stuff

Emergency Calming Techniques.

It’s probably embarrassing that I use my own products to calm down and destuckify, but I was kind of a wreck this week. As you may have noticed.

And they really, truly helped. I listened to the audio recordings part and it made everything way, way, way less horrible. Without them, I’d probably be on a plane back to Tel Aviv.

Blogging Therapy.

The ladies from my Blogging Therapy class so completely rock.

Seeing and hearing all their inspiring successes and interesting realizations was the highlight of my week.

It is incredible what happens when kind, insightful people get together to work on their stuff. We did some neat shifting. And I completely adore them all.

Internet friends! Hooray!

On Tuesday night Selma and I had dinner with Chris Guillebeau from The Art of Non-Conformity.

We’ve been emailing back and forth for several months now, and I promised that if he made it to Portland I’d bake bread.

So I did. And my gentleman friend made foods. Foods!

And it was so great. It’s hard to find people in my line of work who really have integrity. I mean, there’s a lot of slime in the online world and it can get a bit lonely being someone who’s on a mission, you know?

Chris is such a mensch. I like him! Can you tell?

Plus, I don’t get to talk shop all that often because most of my friends don’t know (or care) about running an online business or writing a weirdly popular blog for a very specific type of person.

So that part was really great too.

Plus he agreed to teach a class at the Kitchen Table. Fun!

I know who my true fans are.

Yes, I know that not all my True Fans and Right People are joining me at the Kitchen Table.

For some of you, it’s just not the right time yet … or there are money stucknesses … or maybe it won’t ever be the right time, and that’s fine and I still love you just the same.

But a chunk of my True Fans showed up this week to try my Next Big Thing without me giving them any clear reason why they should. And that, my friends, is very, very cool.

I didn’t write copy. I didn’t sell it. I didn’t write to my list. I basically just said “Give me a few hundred dollars and we’re going to do this thing and it’s going to be great”.

And a ton of people just jumped on it. And it was so clear to me that these are my people. Not my only people. Just my people.

It was really beautiful and I’m tearing up again right now just thinking about it.

The deep trust that people have that yes, I will lead my tribe (in the Seth Godin sense) to the right place … absolutely awe-inspiring.

Ez is here.

So my brother moved in with us and it’s awesome. We’ve been collapsing in giggles, going on walks, piling chili peppers into everything and just generally having a ball.

He is so much fun. And I am so relieved and happy that he’s here.

Naomi called again.

Talking to Naomi makes me feel better about everything. Even when I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Even when I’m feeling frustrated and annoyed about everything.

Even if my friends are mostly really far away, it’s still heart-warming to know that they’re there.

It’s Friday.

Deep deep breath.

It’s Friday. I’m so glad.

That’s it for me …

And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.

Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?

And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.

The Fluent Self