Because it’s Friday AGAIN. And because traditions are important. In which I cover the good stuff and the hard stuff in my week, trying for the non-preachy, non-annoying side of self-reflection.
And you get to join in if you feel like it.
Yep. Still on emergency vacation with my gentleman friend and Selma.
Though Selma has been making herself scarce because I’m trying to be all incognito.
Hooray for emergency vacation!
But — emergency vacation or no emergency vacation — there’s no way I’m missing this since the Friday Chicken is my favorite part of the week.
Of course it’s a pretty short chicken, all in all, because hardly anything happened. Which was absolutely wonderful.
The hard stuff
Saying no: I still completely suck at it.
Even away on my little holiday I still ran into way too many situations where a NO was required and it was uncomfortable and not fun for me.
Oh, irony. How I love you.
Given that one of the biggest things that triggered my about-to-have-a-breakdown must-go-away-and-recover vacation was this whole theme, it was pretty interesting to see just how often it came up this week.
I know these situations are just going to keep showing up until I’ve found the right way to interact with and resolve them. And at the same time, I really, really needed a break from it.
There are a couple of things I’m not looking forward to coming back to — situations where I know completely that NO is the only answer I can give but I am scared of the consequences of that NO.
And still don’t know how I am going to find a way to give the NO that still manages to be both gracious and generous.
But I’m trusting that the right NO will come, as will the strength and grace to stand in it.
Connection to the real world = totally depressing.
While I’d arranged to have one of my pirate crew put up blog posts for me and such, I also promised my first mate that I would check in now and then just to make sure there weren’t any big, crazy emergencies that needed my input.
Yes, I learned that lesson fast.
The first few days of emergency vacation were so completely healing for me. And then as soon as I was back online for even a few minutes, my oof everybody needs stuff from me mood returned.
So I shut off completely and am just hoping that between Marissa, Peggy and the universe, the Fluent Self pirate ship is still staying its course.
I’ve developed a theory about going on vacation. I’m thinking what one really ought to do is take the break not seconds before it becomes an emergency but significantly before.
Because I didn’t so much take a vacation as go somewhere and sleep a lot.
Not that I’m complaining, really, because it was spectacular.
Just that next time I’d like to maybe, I don’t know, see something or do something in addition to all the napping.
But … speaking of napping …
The good stuff
I have become the most ass-kicking rockstar of napping.
Seriously. I’m talking Olympic training levels of napping. If napping were an Olympic sport. Which it totally should be.
The funny thing is that it’s not like I run around completely sleep deprived in my normal non-emergency-vacation life or anything.
I do get up fairly early (between five and five-thirty) but then I also go to bed early (by ten). And I am a fan of the occasional afternoon nap.
Not to mention completely addicted to the weekend afternoon nap.
But this was out of control. I took a nap twice a day every day for a week. And when I wasn’t napping, I was planning the next one.
So yeah, it might all sound kind of boring but it was just what the hypothetical doctor would have ordered had I actually consulted her.
Unscheduled time heals all wounds?
My very favorite part of the week by far was watching myself come back to being me.
Like I was just turning back into myself.
Each day the dark circles under my eyes were a shade lighter, my smile more easy, my step more happy.
My gentleman friend and I took long walks by the water. We practiced our rhumba (very entertaining). We drank bourbon under the stars.
We began each day with no plans and let each day be filled by whatever needed to fill it.
It was perfect.
I didn’t fall apart.
How’s that for the most amazing part? The whole point of the emergency vacation was if I’m going to fall apart, I might as well do it somewhere pretty.
But then I didn’t.
Obviously, I’ve known all along what sorts of things were triggering the ick. But actually seeing and experiencing what happens when you remove yourself from the stressful situation was a really big deal for me.
It’s helping me realize just how much power there is in not being in the situation to begin with.
Not making the focus be having better tools to cope with it. And not working on how I react to things.
Just removing myself physically and emotionally from the hard.
It was absolutely incredible how my need to fall apart and collapse just faded into nothing.
I didn’t need to fall apart. I just needed to get plenty of sleep and to not have anything to do for a while. And that was enough. Deliciously enough.
That’s it for me …
And yes yes yes, of course you can join in my Friday ritual right here in the comments bit if you feel like it.
Yeah? Anything hard and/or good happen in your week?
And, as always, have a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious weekend. And a happy week to come.