Friday chicken

A look at the good and the hard in my week, a ritual of reflecting.

It is Friday and we are here.

{a breath for Friday.}

What worked this week?

Going back to the qualities.

When my mother went into hospice, and I was having trouble thinking or making decisions, I turned inward and asked for guidance, and this is what I got:

You can choose story or you can choose steadiness.

I understood this to mean that my reactions are up to me, I can go into the drama of all of it, and spin out into my own complex narrative, or I can be a bell of qualities, breathe qualities, return to qualities.

So I inhaled steadiness and exhaled steadiness until I knew what was best for me, and then I didn’t need to decide anything because I knew.

This week involved many moments in which people wanted to pull me into their drama, or to give me “helpful advice” about how I should be living, and I could feel the desire to go into stories and patterns.

Choosing qualities was the right move, every time.

Sometimes that meant taking a 5MX pause to rest on the floor and feel the qualities around me in all directions of the compass. Sometimes it meant inhaling and exhaling. Sometimes it meant naming the qualities over and over again.

Trust. Release. Love. Receive. Ground. Sovereignty. Glow. Courage.

Steadiness. Steadiness. Steadiness.

Next time I might…

Do that sooner.

And take it to the bath.

Water always helps. For me.

If you feel drawn to leave comments on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles, I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are appreciated. Hearts or pebbles work great if you don’t know what to say, so often I don’t know what to say either so we’re in the same boat.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. I miss my mom. It’s weird, because I have never said that sentence in my entire life, and until this last year we didn’t get along. And now she’s gone and I miss her, and I keep picking up postcards to write something to her and I can’t. I mean, I can, it’s just not the same. A breath for this.
  2. I got vaccinated for the flu, and my body did not like it. I suspect this might be an HSP thing. Three whole days that were mostly spent sitting on the red couch, lethargic, low energy. A breath for the challenges of having a body that is so sensitive to external input. I say thank you for the blessings of that sensitivity, and also sometimes it is so hard. Also more nightmares, though not the awful trauma kind, just the not fun kind. Oh body. A breath for you.
  3. Whoa! Someone threw some shoes at me, out of nowhere, and I was caught completely off-guard. (Shoe-throwing is when people say hurtful things). These particular shoes managed to hit a bunch of trigger points: Being Misunderstood! Veiled Accusations! Victim Blaming! The implication that Everyone Thinks This About You! All of it wrapped up in that particularly insidious flavor of unsolicited advice, “don’t take this the wrong way, I’m only telling you this for your own good”. A breath for releasing, for being intimately familiar with how abusive communication works, for letting go of everything that is not mine.
  4. While I feel very strongly that Not Everything Requires a Response (certainly the shoe-thrower doesn’t need a reaction), small-me has a lot of anxiety about being misunderstood. She has a very strong need to Set The Record Straight, and a lot of reminders were needed about how this isn’t where we need to spend our energy. A breath for comfort, may we all have as much of it as we need.
  5. So very overwhelmed by all the things. A breath for sweetness.
  6. [Silent retreat on things that are hard]. A breath for trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
  7. Still seeing all the ways I relinquish my sovereignty, compromise my desires, neglect to state my preferences, avoid opportunities to treasure myself. For example, a woman at a rumba class accused me of having stolen her seat, and instead of calmly pointing out that the ballroom is full of seats or that in an entire year of dancing there I’d never encountered a culture of saving seats, I immediately rushed off to vacate “her” seat for her, which she then didn’t use for the entire dance because she was dancing. There are so many intriguing things about the mystery of why I do this. May all this unsovereign distorted people-pleasing bullshit reveal the treasure that is here for me. A breath for trust and more trust and even more trust after that.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. Everything moves, eases, changes. The lethargy passed and my energy came back just in time for dancing! A breath for trusting the process.
  2. A couple of years ago this incident with the shoe-thrower would have thrown me into chaos. There would have been so much pain, hurt and anger to work through. I might even have conceded some of her points and agreed to turn down my glow. Not now. I don’t turn down my glow for anyone. Not anymore. I remembered what Bryan said about how what you don’t feed can’t grow. The part about perceiving that I have been deeply misunderstood is between me and me, the rest is between her and her. I got clear: I am not going to change how I act or how I dress based on someone else’s judgment. And really, this is only a test. I’ve made vocal wishes about living how I want, and glowing boldly. Now someone says they think I need to dial it down? That’s my wish being tested, and it’s up to me to choose something new in the video game. See also: the salve of I Do Not Dim My Spark For Anyone. A breath for clear knowing.
  3. I said this last week, and it is still true: So much sweetness, tenderness, so much wild ferocious intensity, so much aliveness, such a commitment to life. A breath of thank you for the sweet reminders of the truly vital things in life.
  4. Beautiful connecting. Adventures in sweetness. Also when I was in a mood and got a surprise hug delivery visit. It took all of five seconds to cheer me up, even though I’d been having Quite The Crappy Day. A breath for all the good.
  5. I ran an experiment this week that had to do with taking exquisite care of myself and pausing to seed intentions, to notice what I need. On the days when I did this, there was so much more ease and spaciousness, so much more getting things done, not to mention so much less staring into space on the couch. A breath for all the ways that I can bring ease and softening into my life, when I remember that this is an option.
  6. There was a day I was freaking out so hard, and then Richard did some acupressure on me, and suddenly I flashed on the thought, what if everything is okay? And then it was. A breath for everything being okay, and for remembering.
  7. Sometimes yoga is magic. One one of the hard days this week, two hours on the floor took me from a mess of tight-fear-anxious pain into feeling like a radiant glowing ball of love and wonder. A breath for the magic of sweet, conscious, intentional breathing.
  8. Thankfulness. Heart full of love. A sweet wedding reception Friday night. Sleepover in the bouncy castle. I’ve had a lot of great nicknames in my day, but “sweet unicorn” is my new favorite. Ran into old friend K, who gave me tea and made things beautiful. Danielle kidnapped me and took me to have oil rubbed all over my body, she is the best. Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic has been set into motion, and I need this so badly. So much sweetness in my life, so much kindness, so much generosity and permission. So many things are beautiful. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.

The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.

Operation Clear Bell is still in effect, I am working on The Sultry Speedy Chicken of Sanguine Secret Ops, and I am trusting the fractal flowers. Wham Boom.

Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.

This post from three years ago called Everything has a counterpart. This was helpful to me this week.


Powers I had this week…

I had the power of Haha This Is A Test This Is Only A Test (it’s just the emergency sovereignty broadcast systems being tested, all is fine), the power of knowing that what I don’t feed can’t grow, the powers of sexy red velvet curtains.

Superpowers I want.

The superpower of Shoes Miss Me By A Mile (thanks Annabelle) and the power of Radiant Glowing Boundaries.

Other favorite superpowers: Permission slips everywhere. Acting on guidance in addition to listening it. Trusting That the Loving No Is The Door To True Yes! Delighting in Plenty. I am allowed to enjoy being adored. As much sweetness as I want. I see how beautiful everything is and I say thank you.Theatrical Spectaculars! I get a parade! Self-Ripening Wisdom. Everything…in style! And in grand fashion, because that’s how I do things, baby, like a fairground stripper! I Boldly Glow. Ablaze With Fearless Intentional Choice-Making. I Have Everything I Need. Wildly Confident, Outrageously Beautiful, Wonderfully Tranquil. I Do Not Dim My Spark For Anyone.

The Salve of extra sweetness.

This salve softens all the things that need softening.

It shows me that tenderness doesn’t have to be raw and vulnerable, tenderness can be an opening into, a sweet releasing and receiving.

This salve renders so many of the false forms of sweetness useless, all the distortions, all the way I search for comfort and sweetness outside myself. With this salve, I can release the need to add sweetening, because I am connected to my own source of sweetness.

Rumi on this:

Find the sweetness in your own heart, then you may find the sweetness in every heart.

When I rub this into my skin, I begin to remember all the sweetness that is available to me in this moment, and then there is even more.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

This week’s band is called So Many Sparks. They play sultry lounge music versions of punk rock songs, and it’s actually just one guy.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I am still recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, since they are keeping things good around here for me.

So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with whatever is scary or uncomfortable.

I hardly ever recommend these because the page is already many years old and needs rewriting. However, copywriting aside, this is still one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two boxes in my office full of the sweetest thank you notes from people, and so many of them are for this.

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.

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