Friday chicken

A look at the good and the hard in my week, a ritual of reflecting.

It is Friday and we are here.

{a breath for Friday.}

What worked this week?

Sharing what was going on for me.

Even when I didn’t want to.

Being open, honest and vulnerable.

Being open, honest and vulnerable is hard. Really hard. No wonder everyone avoids it like the plague.

I was able to notice the tightness in my body, notice when I was contorting, and remember that nothing is more important than being connected to truth, my quiet internal knowing.

Next time I might…

Remember that my fear is always motivated by the desire for safety.

Hahaha my mind.

It loves me so much that it wanted to keep me from dealing with a painful thing, so it latched onto every possible Ludicrous Fear Popcorn scenario this week in an attempt to keep me being paranoid and panicky about the wrong things so I wouldn’t put my attention to the thing that actually hurt.

As Briana wisely said, it’s like an Accidental Proxy!

Well done, brain. I see what you’re doing there. Thanks for trying to protect me.

Go back to best practices sooner.

When times are tough, I know what works for me. Get on the floor. Breathe.

Slow steady old turkish lady yoga. Bath time. Napping. Taking exquisite care of myself.

This week held a lot of moments where I tried to power through instead, despite the (internally gathered) scientific evidence that this is not an effective strategy for me.

I get it. Small-me thought being busy was a good way to not feel the feelings. And of course there was lots of monster appeasement going on.

Anyway, floor. Get on the floor and breathe, Havi Bell. You will feel better.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. This week came with no shortage of challenge, as you might have gathered from my post about the painful things. That has all been eclipsed though because my mother died last night, and who can remember the rest now, so I’m just going to let all of my breaths be for that. A breath for breathing.
  2. If you feel drawn to leave comments on this, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles, I do not want advice or cheering up or any of the standard phrases, just presence and sweetness, thank you. Hearts or pebbles are great if you don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to say either so we’re in the same boat.
  3. A breath for releasing.
  4. A breath for love.
  5. A breath for trust and more trust.
  6. A breath for sweetness.
  7. A breath for comfort.
  8. A breath for letting things be as they are.
  9. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. I was able to write. A breath for the healing power of words.
  2. Even though I didn’t get to go to any dances this week due to all the hard stuff going on, there was one beautiful practice with Eric that took my mind off of all the pain for an entire beautiful hour. A breath for reprieve.
  3. A radiant weekend filled with breath and sweetness. A breath for being treasured, for allowing treasure, for being present.
  4. Saying the hard true things, even when it was scary. Experiencing what it is like when the hard true things can be received with love. A breath for honesty combined with sweetness.
  5. Doing things to take care of me. A breath of thank you.
  6. Declaring this week to be internally productive rather than externally. Haha, not just this week, more like the last couple years. Right now everything is about Internal Productivity, not necessarily the kind you can see from outside. I am making progress on processing stuff with heart and mind. That’s the work I’ve been doing. The external fruits of that will be apparent later, the main point is: I need to pay attention to where the work is happening instead of thinking that there’s no work happening. I need to stop looking critically at what isn’t happening on my projects and look at what is happening inside of me. A breath for clear seeing.
  7. My body, which gives me clear intel even when I don’t want to hear it. This whole week was basically my head saying “this is so hard and complicated” and my body saying “no this is so clear and simple” and my head saying “but but but all the fears and all the reasons” and my body saying, “listen, we know truth”. A breath for knowing, whether I am brave enough to act on it in that moment or not.
  8. Thankfulness. Wise loving friends who say all the right things and who also know when the only thing that needs to be said is “hey, I love you and you will be okay”. So much sweetness in my life and so much permission, and finally able to see it and appreciate it. Configurations and patterns that have changed. Being held and adored. The person I am missing is also missing me. So many things are beautiful. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.

The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.

This wasn’t much of a week for ops, like I said, it’s all internal right now, however we made some progress on Luscious Consonance, and I am going to trust that everything else is moving under the surface, with the magic of fractal flowers. Wham Boom.

Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.

This post called tiny bits of wisdom. Very relevant in times of grief, which for me is now.

Superpowers…

Powers I had this week…

I had the power of turning inward for guidance and getting it.

In fact, this week I got the same guidance over and over again:

1. You can choose to be in a story, or you can choose to breathe steadiness.

2. There is enough love for everyone. You are not the sole provider of love. There is enough love. Trust that love is available for everyone.

Superpowers I want.

The superpower of acting on guidance in addition to listening it. And same as last week: Trusting That the Loving No Is The Door To True Yes!

Other favorite superpowers: Delighting in Plenty. I am allowed to enjoy being adored. As much sweetness as I want. I see how beautiful everything is and I say thank you.Theatrical Spectaculars! I get a parade! Self-Ripening Wisdom. Everything…in style! And in grand fashion, because that’s how I do things, baby, like a fairground stripper! I Boldly Glow. Ablaze With Fearless Intentional Choice-Making. I Have Everything I Need. Wildly Confident, Outrageously Beautiful, Wonderfully Tranquil. I Do Not Dim My Spark For Anyone.

The Salve of There Is enough Love For Everyone.

When I rub this into my skin, all of me begins to soften, not just my skin.

This salve resolves disharmonious situations, it heals unsovereignty. When I wear this salve, I remember that I am not the source. Source is the source.

And then it’s simple. Might not be easy (though it might!), it’s just simple.

I can breathe love for everyone, I can breathe love for myself. I can love-more-trust-more, I just don’t have to labor under the distortion that if I don’t do X or Y, other people won’t get the love they need or won’t know that they are loved.

They can know it or not know it, trust it or not trust it. Either way, there is enough love for them because there is enough love for everyone. And taking care of myself to the best of my ability is not an interruption of that love, it is a living out of that love.

This salve smells delicious, because it is made of herbs, sweetness and truth.

For people like me who sometimes have trouble with Tenderness and with Receiving, this salve is a good way to sneak into that. So much grace in here.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

This week’s band comes via Briana, and it’s called Your Crazy Is Headed Off The Rails. They are loud and thumpy, and it’s just one guy.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I am still recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, since they are keeping things good around here for me.

So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with whatever is scary or uncomfortable.

I hardly ever recommend these because the page is already many years old and needs rewriting. However, copywriting aside, this is still one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two boxes in my office full of the sweetest thank you notes from people, and so many of them are for this.

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re on silent retreat. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. Almost three hundred weeks of this and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.