very personal adsPersonal ads! They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.

Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.

Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.

And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!

Doing things slightly (okay, very) differently.

Not the usual way of two or three things I’m working on, broken down into what I want, ways it might work, and whatever I’m committing to.

But more like my ask for a place to live. Or that awkward love letter to a possible retreat space. Or my somewhat less awkward love letter to the Kitchen Table.

I also wrote a bunch of stuff that was crazy-meta, because I have been musing about the relationship between internal and external asks, and didn’t do a very good job of clarifying with Claire’s question last week.

So I’ve been trying to document some of the components of the ask … as I ask it. That will have to be its own post, though. Because this one is long. For now, just assume that the purpose of this ask is me getting clarity on what is needed, so that the next steps can happen in whatever way they need to happen.

Dear Destuckification Playground,

My love.

You do not know that you exist yet.

Or maybe you do know.

But I dream of you at night. And I dream of you during the day. And I am so ready for us to meet.

What I know about you.

You are a space.

A space for me and my duck to have some of our wacky events and workshops. To do magic in. To hold things that are strange and transformative and beautiful.

You are special.

You are more than special. You are kooky and strange and marvelous in every way.

You live in a building that is unique. Nothing strip-mall-ey about you. You are one of a kind. And you know it.

More about what you are like and what it is like to be with you.

Your floor is either wood or carpeted. It is easily cleaned.

We can do Old Turkish Lady yoga and non-sucky yoga and unbelievable Shiva Nata madness.

You are — or contain — a wide open space of at least 875 square feet (bigger = yay), without obstruction.

You have the perfect spot for our stage.

You have a lovely bathroom, that is easy to take care of.

The light is beautiful. It is pleasant to be near you.

You are infused with good.

Where you are.

So. You live in Portland, Oregon. Preferably in Northeast.

You are either right near the Kennedy School (Concordia = ideal), so we can put people up … or you are somehow huge enough that we can house people onsite.

You are on a quiet street. Quiet is good. But we still need to be able to stomp around and play music and stuff without getting on anyone’s nerves.

Pluses. We don’t have to have these things but we’d really like them.

You know what would be great?

A closet. That we could use as the Angel Refueling Station (which is kind of like a place to hide or to practice not being seen, or at least having an invisibility cloak).


Light. Safety.

Comfort. Possibility.

Welcoming. Grounding.

Playful. And silly.

Joyful. And wondrous.


A place where I feel like I belong.

Important things.

You are a space that is all about possibility.

Which means that I have a lot of room to do creative, interesting, unexpected things.

This is not about being a studio. You won’t be a yoga studio or a Dance of Shiva space. This isn’t meant to be a place that has regular classes.

It’s meant to be magical. And special things will happen there when they happen.

You are private. You are for my people. You are not visible to anyone who isn’t invited.

You can move between identities but you are always about play. Sometimes you will be a Biggification Playground. Sometimes you will be a Right People playground. Sometimes you will be a Shivanautical playground. A Writing Letters to Elephants playground.

It will all be awesome.

How this could work.

I don’t know. I don’t even know if you are for lease or for sale.

Nor do I know exactly how we’re going to work this.

Luck? Magic? Crazy coincidence?

Maybe someone who reads this blog knows about you. Maybe you are a space that can no longer be what it used to be (a church? a community center?) and there is now an opening.

Maybe one of our friends or connections has a something.

We can either afford you or something cool happens so the necessary money shows up … or something else entirely.

I’m going to focus on what it’s going to be like to be connected to you, and figure out the rest as things begin to move.

My commitment.

To love you.

To be patient. To appreciate everything about you.

We will fill this space with fabulousness. We will dance up a storm. We will do silly games and non-silly rituals.

You will be a place where the air is different. Where the accumulated effects of yoga and sound and meditation and quality goofing off will create a resonance of everything is better here.

We will never take ourselves too seriously, but we will always treat you with respect and love.

We will hang the pirate wheel. We will toast you with pirate-ey drinks.

We will keep the energy clear. We will de-gunk regularly. And infuse you with belonging.

You are loved and adored already. Just for existing. Even if right now you only exist in my head. I love you.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

More information about my Big Crazy Idea (see above), despite some frustration. And having a better relationship with the frustration.

More movement — the good kind — on the furniture thing. I actually bought things that totally count as furnishings. And then we rearranged some stuff.

And now our couch is in the kitchen and that makes me very happy.

I also asked for a peaceful solution to the problem that doesn’t seem to have a solution, and it totally resolved itself for the meantime. Awesome and unexpected.

Comment Zen. Since I’m already asking …

I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.

Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):

  • Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
  • If you live in Portland and you think you might have met my Playground space, please let me know!
  • Celebrating with me for this wonderful thing that I want!

What I would really rather not have:

  • Reasons why this might not work. This is not the time or the place for that one.
  • Practical concerns (“you realize you need X type of insurance because –“). Again, there will be a time. This isn’t it.
  • Anything that is going to be a downer.
  • Reality theories. I don’t like words like “manifestating”. For me, this is a clarity practice and an asking practice and a “hey, what am I learning about my relationship to wanting things?” practice.
  • Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
  • To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
  • Advices.

Oh, and I’ll add to that: If you happen to be related to me: as with everything else on this blog but more so, this isn’t open for discussion unless I specifically bring it up and ask what you think. Thanks.

My commitment.

I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking is uncomfortable and hard. Whenever I ask, I learn more about what I need and where I get stuckified. It’s all useful information.

Thanks for doing this with me!

The Fluent Self