very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.

Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.

Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.

And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!

Here’s the thing. I’ve been unwell for four days.

It’s the stupid time change, which means insomnia for me.

And I have a splitting headache.

So the VPA-ing it is especially hard today, because my brain is not generating ideas for what is possible.

Oh well.

So I’m just going to plant the asks and trust that there is a large variety of possible ways that these things could work out.

Thing 1: Oh, rhythm, routine, ritual, stuff like that.

Here’s what I want:

Between being sick and weak and cranky for four days, and being on the road …

All my normal routine is shot to hell.

And right now I can’t manage any of the usual things that make my life good.

Like my morning bath, because this hotel room doesn’t have a bathtub. Two televisions and eleven chairs, but no bath.

Or tramping on the trampoline (even though one of the incredibly awesome participants in my Week of Biggification program actually brought hers for me to use). Because I still feel weak and dizzy.

Or doing my morning and evening wishing/writing/journaling, because ow headache.

So. I don’t know yet exactly what this ask is about.

New routines for this week. Bits and pieces of the old ones. Something like that.

Ways this could work:

My brain is toast.

I do not know.

I do not want suggestions.

Just want something to come to me.

My commitment.

To find moments that are pleasurable.

Sitting by the window.

Realizing how refreshing apple juice is when you don’t feel well.

Sloooooooooow old Turkish lady yoga.

And to do more of them. And to turn them into rituals that will sustain me this week.

I’ll either get back to what was good before, or this will be the new good, or something else will happen.

Thing 2: The non-exam.

Here’s what I want:

I’ve been wanting to come up with that thing that is not actually a test.

But a collection of concepts and stuff I teach.

So that I can take this material deeper, which is what I keep trying to do. But it’s hard when you need everyone to be on board with the basics.

Ways this could work:

Maybe I’ll get Shiva Nata to break everything down into themes and then teach a course.

My commitment.

To take notes.

To be playful.

To remember that there is time.

Thing 3: Oh, right. Time.

Here’s what I want:

Time! I would like some.

To do some writing. Or some sleeping. Or some typing of things that need to be typed.

Ways this could work:

Look for the holes.

Look for the gaps.

My commitment.

I will pay attention.

Thing 4: Trust and faith.

Here’s what I want:

To remember what beautiful things people are capable of.

And give them space to remind me.

Ways this could work:

Patience. Patience. Patience.

My commitment.

To wait and see.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I put out the word for people for Lindsay’s program in Scotland. I’ll have to check in with her to find out what’s what.

The orange sweater. Nothing. Darcy sweetly offered to fix it for me (yay Darcy!) except my sweater is gigantic, so bringing it to North Carolina would have constituted my entire luggage.

Lots of kind suggestions of places to take it to be fixed helped me to realize that I hadn’t correctly stated my ask. My ask wasn’t really for the sweater to be fixed but for an easy-yet-unconventional way for it to be fixed.

Because I already knew where to take it to be fixed. Yarn shops in Portland are like nail salons in San Francisco. You kind of have to go out of your way to em>not run into one.

Really what I had been hoping for was this: that some neat connection would arise or I’d get to meet one of my people. But the ask did lead me to the discovery that a friend of a friend has a shop in town. So that’s cool.

Ease with travel. And Selma and I had BY FAR the easiest travel we have ever had. EVER! It was nothing short of miraculous. Just smoothness and smoothness and more smoothness.

Bloggery magic and elegance in problem-solving. Didn’t even slightly happen. I’m sure something else did instead, but my head is still not functioning so maybe that will show up later.

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

What I’d rather not have:

  • The word “manifest”.
  • To be told how I should be asking for things.
  • To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.

Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.

The Fluent Self