very personal adsPersonal ads! They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.

Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.

Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.

And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!

Let’s do this it.

Thing 1: a sense of a good amount of compromise.

Here’s what I want:

To work on getting ready for my — extremely metaphoricalbaby (note: not a baby).

Trying to figure out what is the right … level? amount? relationship?… I don’t know, just trying to figure out how I navigate between two things.

On one side, I want and need to have certain level of privacy for my process. I want sovereignty. I want it to be my gestation period.

And I don’t want to be dealing with other people’s stuff (whether that’s things like jealousy or “constructive” criticism or just their growth period around my growth period).

On the other side, I want this to be a communal endeavor. I want cooperation, love, excitement, enthusiasm, support, help, caring, connection.

So I need to find a way to have the good parts of quiet and isolation along with the good parts of partnering and community.

Here’s how I want this to work:

I’m not sure.

But I do know that it’s what I want.

My commitment.

To pay attention to my stuff as it comes up.

To negotiate with my monsters.

To notice things.

To dance up a storm. To do Shiva Nata on it.

Thing 2: Movement, progress, flow on my Playground project.

Here’s what I want:

To be able to stay grounded and centered while I grow into this thing.

I mean, it’s one helluva big change, and this is a classic case of what got you here won’t get you there.

Ways this could work:

Inventing rituals.

Asking for help.

Bringing crazy amounts of conscious awareness into this so I know when I’m approaching something the way I might normally, and whether or not this is a useful approach this time.

Also, we might need another visit from Metaphor Mouse.

My commitment.

To stop.

To breathe.

To give it time. To take naps.

To notice what I need and then ask for it.

There is also something in here about marking time. Not sure what that’s about.

A lot of anniversaries have been going by (a year of email sabbatical, five years since I moved from Tel Aviv to Berlin, ten years without sugar/caffeine …) without that moment of stopping to say oh.

I think part of what needs to be different this time is how I relate to time. And how I relate to myself.

Thing 3: Costumes.

Here’s what I want:

It’s already practically Purim.

Which I know you’re excited about since you totally want to make these again.

And I kind of need something to wear to my meeting with the (cough — where is Metaphor Mouse?!) attorney that makes me look like a grown-up.

But not feel like one.

Ways this could work:

Playfulness!

Also, I will write a post about costumes. And play. Play!

And if you want to leave suggestions for things to dress up as (other than my go-to Roller Derby drag), that would be awesome.

My commitment.

To be silly.

To do Ironic Aerobics.

To laugh.

To give myself full permission to not want to act like a grown-up.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Outrageously great things.

Not such a fan of the word ‘miracle’ but I think I’m going to go with it.

So many amazing people showed up to help this week with my Love Letter to A Playground.

We’ve seen some terrific spaces. And, even better, I think I may have found the one.

We won’t know for a while whether there is any way to make this work, but wow. I am already in awe over all the support there is for this. Fairy godmothers everywhere. It’s out of control.

And I have been doing insane Dance of Shiva every day, and the epiphanies/ideas/inspiration/surprises are riding in on the waves.

Comments. Since I’m already asking …

I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.

Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):

  • Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

What I would rather not have:

  • Reality theories.
  • Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
  • To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
  • Advices.

My commitment.

I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.

Thanks for doing this with me!

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