very personal adsPersonal ads! They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.

Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.

Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.

And now it’s my Sunday ritual. Yay, ritual!

Let’s do it.

Thing 1: Things to start falling into place for my new crazy idea.

Here’s what I want:

I had some seriously huge epiphanies from all the Shiva Nata we were doing at the Destuckification Retreat last week.

Like, huge does not even begin to describe the earth-shatteringness of it all.

And one of my ideas is so completely insane and so completely brilliant that my toes start to wiggle whenever I think about it.

I want progress on this. Movement! Stuff happening! Fireworks! Sparkles!

Here’s how I want this to work:

Okay. So I can’t tell you what this is about yet so I’m just going to ask that you be really, really excited for me.

In the meantime, I need to find the thing I need to find and connect with the person I need to connect with. Soon.

Maybe even as soon as I get back to Portland. And it needs to be affordable, and it needs to happen with smoothness and ease.

Maybe I can write a VPA just for me with more details, or maybe I’ll feel more comfortable spelling it out more fully here over the next couple of weeks.

My commitment.

I will appreciate my brain for zapping me with bits of genius.

And I will appreciate Dance of Shiva for zapping my brain with the ability to make unexpected connections and provide these moments of bing.

And I will do ridiculous Dork Dancing and there will be much flailing around joyfully as this starts to become an actual thing.


Thing 2: Smooth transitioning.

Here’s what I want:

So another one of the gigantic Shiva Nata epiphanies this week (which I’ll totally tell you about later) was about ways my business needs to change.

And I got all kinds of clarity around how that might work and what my options are.

Now I know what I want, but a bunch of things need to happen in order to get the pirate ship headed in that direction.

Ways this could work:

Hmmm. Not entirely sure.

I could have courage to have possibly scary conversations in supportive non-scary ways.

And the process could be playful and loving and full of appreciation for what has been up until now as well as excitements for what is coming.

My commitment.

To not have to get everything right.

And to be patient with myself when I really, really want to anyway.

Thing 3: trust in a challenging situation (and maintaining sovereignty when the shoes are flying).

Here’s what’s going on:

So I had an excruciatingly difficult conversation the other day. It involved a lot of shoes being thrown my way, and some tough, angry words.

It left me feeling shaken and also kind of bewildered since it came completely out of nowhere.

There was definitely some stuff that worked. I was able to remain calm and centered, and — more importantly — rational and curious in the face of judgment and blame.

I was able to know and trust and remember that this person’s view of the world is not necessarily the only correct one, just as mine is not necessarily the only correct one.

And I was able to allow for misunderstandings. And to see where some people in my life think they have the right to come into my space and have control over my life.

And to remember that hey, guess what, actually they don’t because sovereignty rocks.

So that was a really big deal, because this is new territory. Still completely hard.

Here’s what I want:

To figure out what it feels like to not be shaken.

More of that lovely sovereignty thing. More trust. More safety. More support.

Also, cheers and recognition for having made this much progress and not falling apart completely which is harder than it sounds.

All this forward movement is totally a combination of Hiro wisdom and crazy Shivanautical epiphanies.

Here’s how this could work:

I can schedule a session with my lovely Hiro. I can meditate on it. I can do Shiva Nata on it.

The situation could magically not suck as much as it does right now.

My commitment.

To make my sense of safety top priority. To not allow other people’s shoulds to dictate my life. To be patient and hope that things will resolve themselves.

To recognize that there is pain on all sides. To be open to having some ease around this pain. To stay grounded.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted help with the what happens with the blog when I’m on retreat thing.

And what happened was that I didn’t. And also I didn’t feel bad about it (most of the time), which was awesome. Though I missed you guys and am super happy to be back.

My gentleman friend put up one unpublished post. And also set up the Items! for me. So it worked. Not necessarily the way I’d thought or hoped but in the way that really worked for me.

So thanks for all of your support with that. Appreciated!

I wanted to record the smartnesses I said while teaching, and my destuckifiers were great about reminding me to turn stuff on and turn stuff off.

And things are working there.

My last ask was about the business running smoothly while I was gone. And I have no idea if it did but I do know that my pirate crew have been taking care of things and being lovely enough not to tell me about anything.

Not really looking forward to finding out what’s waiting for me tomorrow (uh oh, should that be its own VPA?) but appreciating that I didn’t have to do Fluent Self work this week while I was teaching in Monterey.

Comments. Since I’m already asking …

I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments.

Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):

  • Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

What I would rather not have:

  • Reality theories.
  • Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
  • To be judged or psychoanalyzed.
  • Advices.

My commitment.

I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird.

Thanks for doing this with me!

The Fluent Self