very personal adsPersonal ads! They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.

Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.

Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.

And now it’s my weekly ritual. Yay, ritual!

Let’s do it!

Apologies for the title.

Thing 1: Clarity and decision-making and momentum.

Here’s what I want:

I’ve been making all sorts of decisions related to my At The Kitchen Table With Havi & Selma program.

Like the quarterly themes. This past year we did crazy work on our relationship with Money, Space, Time & Love. Which were exactly the right things to spend time on.

My plan is that in 2010 we’ll still be talking about all those things, but with a new theme for each quarter.

Communication, Sovereignty, Systems and Play. AWESOME.

And there are other bits that I know for sure I’m doing or not doing this time around.

But there are so many other things I need to make final decisions on. How small I’m keeping it. How many people get in. If we’re changing the application process.

Anyway, I’m really needing some clear-headedness so that I can sit with these things and make some plans.

Here’s how I want this to work:

I don’t know.

Spaciousness. Deep breaths. Talking to Hiro. And Shiva Nata practice. Taking it on walks. Not taking it anywhere.

Going dancing. A lot.

My commitment.

To keep my attention on finding out what I need to stay grounded and focused.

To be (mostly) kind to myself when things aren’t in flow.

To practice patience (or to be easier on myself for being impatient).

To let the process be the process, and remember that good things will come out of it because that’s how these things work.

To give myself permission to grumble about the stupid stupid process.

Perspective. (Hey, Havi! Remember exactly a year ago when you were going through the exact same thing but you didn’t even have a glimmer yet of what an amazing place was about to be created?).

Thing 2: Posties!

Here’s what I want:

I have crazy amounts of traveling (“amounts” — is that the correct way to measure travel?) coming up.

And I am feeling the need/desire/intention to crank out some blog posts. In advance.

To bring a measure of ease into the travel stuff.

Ways this could work:

I don’t want guest posts. Not negotiable. And I don’t want to take a holiday from posting.

This is really about time and about spaciousness and about focus. And systems, of course!

Obviously I already have a million or so lists of posts-in-progress and ideas-in-progress and so on.

I could also dig up my dusty Ask Havi list.

But I need to first find the most helpful way to destressify around said lists, since they are ridiculously long and overwhelming.

I could come up with a list of Eight Things I want to write about and ignore all my other lists.

I could write some posts for the series on sovereignty.

Something else could solve this in a comfortable, non-stress-ey way.

My commitment.

Meeting myself where I am.

Consciously choosing options that release guilt rather than perpetuating it.

Choose what is easy. Choose what is available. Choose what fits whatever it is that I need most right now.

And I commit to paying attention to my stuff as I work on this.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

I wanted to come up with thirty-something goal-like-things for the upcoming year, without setting off my I-can’t-do-goals stuff. And to stay playful.

Feeling good about this.

For one thing, my gentleman friend took me to the roller rink where the old lady plays the organ! Though we got the times wrong and she wasn’t playing the organ.

But the fact that Thing #1 on my tiny list has already mostly happened totally made me feel better about the whole thing.

So I’m playing with it. It’s good.

The second thing was about being less stressed out at work. Progress: yes. More breaks. More tea. More goofing off. More dancing.

Still working more than I’d like. And still not always noticing when I’m giving myself a huge headache until it’s already there. This one needs to be renewed, I think!

The third thing was Marissa (my wonderful First Mate) finally having an opening for a new client or two. And I totally have not followed up with her on that, so I have no idea.

But will ask!

Comments. Since I’m already asking …

I am adding to my practice of asking for stuff by being more specific about what I would like to receive in the comments. And that way, if you feel like leaving one (you totally don’t have to), you get to be part of this experiment too. 🙂

Here’s what I want (just leave them in the comments):

  • Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

What I would rather not have:

  • Reality theories.
  • Shoulds. As in, “You should be doing it like this” or “That’s not the right way to ask for things — instead it should be like x, y and z”
  • To be judged or psychoanalyzed.

My commitment.

I am committing to getting better at asking for things even when asking feels weird. I commit to giving time and thought to the things that people say, and to interact with their ideas and with my own stuff as compassionately and honestly as is possible.

Thanks for doing this with me!

The Fluent Self