So. I’m using the last week of 2009 to get some things in order. Well, at least I did yesterday.
There’s the casual “hey, this is me accounting for things”. And the “looking at the books” sort of accounting. And some “cheshbon nefesh” — which is literally soul accounting, but more of a thoughtful taking stock of what is and how you got there.
Anyway, related to all this, I’m listing a bunch of things that are on my mind in this symbolic time-of-transitioning.
Please keep in mind that if I don’t mention you as someone fabulous, it’s not because I don’t think you’re fabulous, it’s just that you aren’t on this particular list that’s going up. Not personal.
More things I’m okay with saying goodbye to.
The kind of waiting that doesn’t nourish me and doesn’t help anyone else — like when I know what needs to be done but don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.
“Okay, guys. We’re going to have to put our heads down and power through” a la Arrested Development.
Sometimes being the person who sometimes thinks she can say completely ridiculous things like that — to herself.
The part of me who so wants to give people I like the benefit of the doubt … that common sense and equity go flying out that hole I just punched in the wall.
Structures that don’t work. Systems that don’t love me.
More things I’m committed to bringing in more of.
Creative and fun collaborative adventures combined with extra just-for-me time.
Relating to my inner introvert with a hell of a lot more respect than she has ever been given before.
Letting my dammit list call the shots.
Some extremely wise things I have learned from other people this year.
“What got you here won’t get you there.”
No, not that one book that I didn’t really like.
But the concept.
You know, the pattern of trying to use things that have worked for me in the past, and then wondering why it’s not working now.
It’s not working now because it can’t. It’s what got me here. Which is great. And now I need something else to help me move through the next bit.
This has taught me Useful Things about the value of being flexible: knowing what to drop when. And it’s been a good reminder of the importance of having all kinds of stuff in your toolbox.
Hiro is my shining star.
“Saying no can actually be an act of kindness — for me and my business”.
Oh, Charlie. I adore you for helping me make some peace with this one.
Here are some of my scribbled notes from the class he taught at my Kitchen Table program when we were spending three months working on our relationship with time.
Apologies if I have misquoted or mis-phrased any of Charlie’s bits of genius.
“When you say no, you’re reflecting the reality of the world.
Things are limited.
To do your things well requires committing to them: saying YES to the time and energy that you have for them.
Which means saying no to other things. It’s vital.
You can still allow yourself to feel sadness over what you have lost.
Saying no is like pruning roses. It helps them grow better and stronger. Really, the only way you can have beautiful roses is to say no. The pain of loss is still there, and the comfort is knowing you have done what is best for your roses.”
So helpful for me.
“You don’t want to show up at your desk and say ‘what am I doing today?'”.
Ha. Still working on this one too. Not very good at it yet. Possibly because I don’t have a desk.
Anyway. I got this from Michael Port and I can feel the truth of it.
Really ridiculously hard to practice though.
According to Michael, you want to show up at your desk (or your couch) knowing the following:
- What you’re working on.
- Why you’re working on it.
- When it’s going to be done.
Not sure if this is necessarily the exact formula for how I want to do things. Selma and I will probably end up altering the vocabulary to fit our wacky needs.
But I do know in my heart that the running around and putting out fires way of doing things is a classic example of what got me here and isn’t going to get me there.
And that bringing more mindfulness, more loving use of the word NO, and more positive constraints (another Michael-ism) is where I’m headed.
Another favorite word from 2009.
I got this from Cairene.
This year was about learning to respect my capacity.
To recognize that it is not infinite. And that it doesn’t have to be. And that the relationship between non-cheesy self-care and conscious not-doing is a big deal.
What I want more of in 2010.
Being on ships.
Looking at stars.
Spending time with the seasons.
Learning more about what a strong foundation for all that looks like, sounds like, feels like.
Talking to my resistance and finding out what it needs.
Comment zen. Again.
If you want to do any of these little contemplative exercise-things yourself, you’re more than welcome to.
Or if you want to reflect or not reflect or whatever, rock on.
We all have stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. We’re practicing. Which is why we do our best to not throw shoes.
Big love. And mad Itemizing tomorrow!