Unconditional love is such a weird concept.

It’s both crazy hard and incredibly simple.

Hard to remember. Especially when I feel overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, unsure, disconnected.

Sometimes I have to remind myself from the outside when I forget how to access it on the inside. Or the other way around. But sometimes jumpstarting is involved.

What I’m thinking about when I’m thinking about unconditional love.

I think about Tapuzonet, the neighborhood cat I hang out with every Tuesday (that’s not really her name — just what I call her), and how my heart melts when I see her.

I think about what it means to be a super fan.
How the Timbers Army sings louder when the team isn’t doing well. What it feels like to wave, yell, sing, stomp and cheer through and after a loss. That rush of appreciation without expectation.

As if thousands of people are following the same silent internal call: Love harder! Love harder!

I think about how when you’re falling in love
with someone, all their character flaws are adorable and charming.

And physical weirdness just makes them hotter. Unconditional lust! How is that not a phrase?

I think about trees.

How they don’t ask anything of you. I remember the redwoods. Like giant humming love machines. They really do hum.

I think about my gentleman friend doing the hilarious Egg Dance to cheer me up, even though he doesn’t dance ever.

I think about the deep, powerful, full-body happy
that can come after a session of Old Turkish Lady yoga.

Or even after an endorphin-packed aerobic workout. How your body is singing to you and you are singing back and it’s this joyful chorus of I am here.

I think about the shivanautical epiphanies and how sometimes you start to feel the new patterns landing, and there is so much excitement for everything that is now possible.

Possibility rushes through your veins and then there is just love.

I feel into all of these, and I begin to remember.

And even in those moments when I can’t feel loving towards myself or anyone else, I can remember aspects of the feeling.

I can find the tiny places inside of me that remember what it is like to fill up with love. And we can start from there.

And comment zen for today.

This stuff is hard. We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.

We let other people have their own experience, which is why we don’t give advice or try to make things better for people. We give each other spaciousness and appreciation.

If you want to share things that remind you of unconditional love, that would be beautiful. And of course you don’t have to.

The Fluent Self