Everything is practice and today my practice is review, but the celebratory kind devoid of judgment, a review that is really a revue, with fabulous choreography and spangly dresses.
A Month of Sweetness, let us recall, what was sweet in August, where is the sweetness to be found, what glowed sweetly? And: what worked, both in terms of this grand experiment in sweetening, and in general?
And what might I do differently next time, calling on my favorite superpower of Do-Overs Forever? If I want to bring even more sweetness into my life, where do we go from here…
What was sweet in August?
+ unexpected tears of joy in new beloved yoga spaces (time-and-space of heart and breath, in community) in Moab and Durnango and Baker City, places I did not expect to be, both literally and metaphorically
+ a renewed commitment to Vixen Mode, aka embodying Incoming Me the Glamorous Assassin who is fierce & fearless, powerful & striking, of the earth & wild, glowing & alive, fully committed to living life louder
+ healing, which is a big word and an ongoing process, and what I am here (also: here) to do, and which does not always get my full attention
+ hot sweet texts / long-distance love
+ selfies galore because it was Leo season and I am trying hard to learn how to be wildly unabashedly in love with myself at Leo levels of everything
+ very red toenails (Hey Sailor and Catwalk as the reddest of reds and the best color names)
+ sleeping in an earthship and laughing under the stars
+ embodying vixen mode so powerfully and glowing so hard that three ex-lovers suddenly resurfaced in my life all at once, from many many miles (and years) away like HEY GIRL MANY INTENSE DECLARATIONS OF LOVE, and I am at this point of sweetness and certainty with myself in life where I can easily say hahahahaha nope, instead of collapsing into the endless wondering about the many ifs and maybes of past/future/timing, and that itself, that clear knowing of NO I DESERVE WAY THE FUCK BETTER THAN THIS is really its own delicious form of sweetness, yes the sweetness of goodbye to old stories
+ the WILD MIRACLE of yes the air quality in Portland was a disaster all month but on the day of my return from New Mexico, it magically returned to healthy levels of breathability in time for my arrival, let us call this the superpower of I bring my breath with me
+ the words MOBILIZE & MEANING served me well
+ holy goddess the peach slices, the berries plucked from the vine, delight
+ I was the life of the party (at an actual party, I know, WHAT) instead of introvert-hiding in the bedroom which I only did a little, and also won a pair of boots in a raffle, so hey, maybe not-hiding is a thing I will do the tiniest bit more because I like boots
What else worked?
Compasses of Doing!
This is when I remember to not get overwhelmed by my list of things, and instead just choose EIGHT ITEMS to place in a compass, and let them be fractal flowers for the qualities I want in my life, secretly working under the surface to support all the other secret ops and missions. Here is an example….
North = Mission ready = make sure garments for a Bond girl are clean and folded aka laundry
Northeast = Release = sort recycling, empty out
East = Freshness, clean and refill all water bottles and food containers
Southeast = Tough Cookie, resew button on pants, repack
South = Plenty, refill Dopp kit
Southwest = Freedom, get ready for a week of yoga-ing
West = Sweetness, what can be most sweet today, how do I set up today so that tonight-me and tomorrow-morning me feel loved and appreciated
Northwest = WILD CARD aka always leave room to be surprised by whatever asks for my love and attention today
What do I want to remember and take with me from the month of Sweetness?
I discovered where I want to live and not-live, how I want to live and not-live.
I set better boundaries and pre-emptively yelled at strangers, and yes, the phrase “can I fucking help you or are you staring like that because you’re an actual serial killer” came in handy in a gas station in western New Mexico.
Taking care of myself is sweet. Not needing anyone is sweet. Knowing that my friends are better at loving me and reminding me to love myself than anyone I have ever been in Relationship with, and letting these friendships be the most important thing in my life, this was extremely sweet, and also new.
Movement and breath, and time for both of these when I can, and patience with myself when I can’t, these are forms of sweetness.
So many things did not go as I wished/hoped/planned this month, and meeting my frustration with Acknowledgment & Legitimacy was a form of Sweetness too.
What else about this month?
I wanted to write here, every day, and share things with you. I wish very much for a way to figure that out, I can’t really do any more unpaid jobs but there is so much I want to put here.
Placing this in a labyrinth-compass with love, maybe something will spark and shift.
This coming/incoming/entering month (September) is the month of Contentment, and I am curious to see how these sweet learnings of sweetness (and also the attendant frustrations of-and-with sweetness) move and change in Contentment.
I will be on the road a lot this month again, and not psyched about that.
Maybe I can bring some sweetness with me into trusting that the not-knowing where or when I will be or for how-long is also okay, and that this can co-exist with Contentment even if I don’t know how yet.
What if I can be sweet with not-knowing? What if there is something sweet about not needing to know?
Do you want to wish some wishes with me?
You are invited to be here with me, in whatever form you like.
You can list/name any noticings from the month of Sweetness, or call in any desired superpowers, or share anything sparked for you from what I placed here. Love and [!!!] always welcome.
As always, we are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. Each of us is in our own process, and process is unique. Sparks of sweetness for everyone in this orbit, doing the work of self-fluency or letting it brew under the surface which also counts, it all counts, xoxo