Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, week: we are here.

Thank you, week. Thank you, space to reflect.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

This is week 423 of this ritual, and so we chicken.

Or check-in, if you prefer to enunciate.

What’s been working?

Adding the superpower of “AND IT’S FUN!” to all the other superpowers I invent. For example…..

I am able to set clear expectations and it’s fun! I am effortlessly relaxed and it’s fun! Everything can be solved by the rule Just Add Water, and it’s fun!

I might try…

Going for more clue walks.

Naming the days.

I name each day the night before and I love how names change things and also how they become incantations.

Celebrating behind! Rainbow glow. These are my (job) requirements. Polaris/dipper. Clear and at ease. I am a STAR. Even more clear.

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. Sixteen trillion monster-number of things to be done before I leave town in a few days for however many months. Breathing.
  2. Have reached that uncomfortably familiar state of pre-trip packing-paralyis where not only are there monster-number of things to do, but I am not doing any of them, just staring into space or diving into any available form of escape. Breathing compassion for me. It’s just a pattern, it has [Reasons], it is legitimate and understandable, and it will change and shift as I notice that I’m in it and make room for it to exist. It is changing right now because noticing the pattern changes the pattern.
  3. Haha, last week I wrote something about “examining my relationship with uncertainty”, and what I meant was something like [me + Uncertainty, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g]. But now I see how this could also be read as [I am examining my relationship, and I am examining it while feeling uncertain], which, okay, there is something there. Being in a Relationship in any sort of formal way is not my yes. I am a wild adventurer and I value my independence. But/also the faraway cowboy and I love each other deeply, and our beautiful unique NARBAR connection has its own culture. (NARBAR = Not A Relationship Better Than A Relationship.) Anyway, this week I had a moment about this, and was visited by waves and waves of pain from Then. Breathing for presence: Now Is Not Then. Now is new. Now is better.
  4. Speaking of my-relationship-with-uncertainty, monsters are convinced this trip is going to be canceled, which makes it even harder to get motivated to get things ready to take off, since they keep reminding me not to get my hopes up and “how stupid will you feel when you find out you fell for this ruse again, you’ve been falling for this since you were five years old, grow up already”. AGAIN is such a favorite monster-word, and therefore a good clue which makes it easy to recognize when monsters are monstering. Thank you, monsters, for trying to make sure that I am safe and loved. I also want to be safe and loved, so we share the same mission. How about we remember that we are safe, and we are loved (always, unconditionally, by all the selves, incoming me and past me and all versions of me, a whole community of Havi Bells who all wish me joy and protection, I am always okay). This is not my childhood. And this is not Berlin. This trip will either happen or it won’t, life will happen as it does, but I don’t need to spend my life thinking that adventure is about to be canceled or indefinitely postponed. Breathing for trust in life.
  5. Ohmygod my neighbor who falls asleep while listening to loud action movies, between his snoring and the bombs and shouting overhead, I am losing my mind. Breathing.
  6. Many mysteries related to the theme of Crown On. Firing someone. Reconfiguring agreements. Letting things go. Telling people what is not okay for me. Breathing for the ability to be steady in my grace, certain in my power.
  7. Big stress related to a number of things turning out to be considerably more expensive and time-consuming than anticipated, from website relaunch to dentist to pretty much everything, actually. Monsters are monstering and need a safe house. Breathing for ease, steadiness and surprise simple solutions.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. The weather cooled and I’m fine now. Amazing. It never ceases to astound me how easy it is to fix a state of Havi-despair, given the right external conditions, and yet I consistently forget the intensity of the impact that weather, environment and [circumstances] have on me. Really, all I need is for it not to be a thousand degrees. Give me a cool breeze, maybe a light misting of rain, any reason to put on a thin sweater, and ta da! SOLVED. I am content again, at ease in the world. So apparently just need to move somewhere where there are no weather extremes to launch me into hopelessness? Hey, maybe that’s a plus to having no idea where I want to live or what I want to do. We can figure this out. Breathing joy.
  2. Mood shifted (see above), and I have energy again. The same things that were hard before are still hard — the migraines, the sleep deprivation, all of it, but I have energy now and a good mood, and they don’t get to me. Breathing pleasure.
  3. A vast sky of sweetness, sharing, passion and big wild love with the faraway cowboy. What an incredible thing to be able to let myself be this intensely vulnerable, honest and connected with someone. Breathing appreciation for the miracle of this.
  4. Had a secret Rally (Rally!) with some rally friends, and got SO MUCH DONE, like, months worth of things that have not been done just completed themselves elegantly. Breathing witchy magic and glow.
  5. I had a proxy mission of learning to be a star, and now I am a star, and all the clues about stars are landing. Stars and constellations and firmament and shining and all of it. Breathing star power and star magic
  6. Dance! Destroying it on the dance floor with new skills and superpowers, thanks to absolutely obscene amounts of practicing things that seem to be unrelated to dance but are actually very related to dance. It’s a very Karate Kid thing happening here. My dance teacher is a sneaky genius and so am I. Breathing fun because ohmygod this is fun.
  7. I was brave and did so many brave things, and all of them turned out fine and not scary. Handled the Department of Magical Voyages (the DMV) like a boss. Went to my eye exam and was very clear about what I want and do not want. Went line dancing at a country bar in Tualatin. Set clear expectations and boundaries in every part of my life. I am amazing. Breathing for brave me being brave.
  8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of proxies, stones, unexpected superpowers, unexpectedly running into favorite people, wild epiphanies, non-metaphorical grilled cheese sandwiches. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the power of not tolerating discomfort (physical, emotional, mental, energy), and insisting on adjustments, as well as the superpower of finding this Ridiculously Easy and Beautifully Simple.

I did not expect this to work, but actually it did, because this week I righted all the things that weren’t working or didn’t feel good.

Powers I want.

I have to tell you something so funny. For the past week or so, I have been writing about Clarity and Clear Seeing and Everything Gets Clear and I Am Clear About What I Want and Just Add Water.

Then I flipped the fluent self 2016 calendar to September, and guess what this month’s superpower is? The superpower of I Am So Very Clear.

The Salve of I Am So Very Clear.

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

This salve lets you see what you want without losing your ground. This salve lets you see your beautiful glow without wanting to collapse inward and hide from the world. And this salve lets you safely share what you want to be seen, because it is “clear” in the sense of invisible and hidden, and clear like a clean window that lets light through, and clear like a mirror that reflects back, and clear like water in that it clears things.

This is a great salve for boundaries because it is protective and reflective (and fractal!) and because it helps you get clear on what you need, and express it clearly to others.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.


This week’s band:

Let’s Go Steal That Bridge

Their latest album is This New Feeling About Pink, and this band is just one guy.

Photo taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!

Announcement time….

Quieting the monsters is one of the most useful self-fluency skills there is. You can buy the monster manual which is available here, and it is enormously useful if you would like to practice being Way Less Impressed with the horrible things that internal critical voices say. And it comes with a coloring book.

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

The Fluent Self