Funny story. I started this post several weeks ago, and then put it aside but I wasn’t sure why. Then last week I wrote a wish about a new remembering, and then I remembered that I had been in the middle of a post about how everything is new again, and now I am ready for this.
Everything is new again.
Everything is new again.
The new Bell and the Nu bell.
So my middle name is Bell, and I am a new Bell, in the sense that being a bell is new to me, and in the sense that I am constantly working at being a better bell for the qualities I want to ring.
My father has a bell in his car. It’s called a nu bell, and people generally remark that it looks like an old bell, which it does. The purpose of the bell is to ring when you hit a small bump, to say nu, and remind you to pay attention.
Nu? This is Yiddish for many things but mainly: “So? What’s happening?”
And: “Are you paying attention?”
The Nu Bell (and the New bell) are about presence, awareness, curiosity: This moment is new. I should pay attention.
Solving for N.
N is the mystery letter.
Solve for N.
N is for newness. N is for nu-ness. Asking: am I here?
I want to be right here, right now. Paying attention, lovingly. Meeting this moment with curiosity and compassion.
I want to be here now.
Like I said in this week’s wish:
“Clarity, getting clear, being willing to see what is. Eliminating as part of illuminating. Also, trusting that seeing can’t hurt me.”
I want to be here now, and see.
Being N is new again.
A few weeks ago at Rally N, I was Agent N, but I went by the name of Nell. Nell Nielsen of the Nome Nielsens. It was a cover.
I love having a cover.
I was solving for N, but I said I was there to remember to learn how to rollerskate. And I did. Or, at least, I remembered how much I used to love rollerskating once upon a time. I solved for N.
N is a noble letter, and there are so many N words to play with, we are in the richest part of the alphabet, so instead of naming all the N words, I will share my compass of N.
It starts with North. N is for North. And north is for newness, because everything is new again.
Everything ends, and everything is new again.
Everything ends, dies, dissolves, reconfigures. And sometimes it hurts, a lot.
Then you get to build whatever you want and need from the pieces, if you’re paying attention. Your choice.
Reconfiguring is a beautiful thing.
I am ready to let things be new.
I spent most of my life trying to avoid saying no and hearing no.
It has only recently started to land for me that NO is a gift. There is treasure in NO. Each red light is treasure. Treasuring myself: saying no to everything that does not support me.
There might not be anything I admire more than glowingly beautiful, healthy loving boundaries, established with a warm smile.
I used to think that all NOs had to be shouted, and I didn’t want to shout. There is a time and a place for shouting NO, and I believe in practicing. And I am also learning that there are many, many situations in which I can say NO with love, sweetness and permission.
This requires practice too.
This NO of northeast is the no of “my love, I need to take some time for myself now…”
It is the no of setting up more peacefulness in my life. It is the no that allows for deep quiet, another form of treasure.
Now is presence.
Now is grace.
Now is the moment of pausing.
Naming things is part of what makes them new.
Anagrams are like the east wind that blows in newness. Proof that everything reconfigures to something new.
That’s how Operation Kaleidoscope became Operation Cloak Episode! Do you see?
Naming brings ease, play and magic. When it isn’t working, rename it.
This is why I name my missions.
Nests are safety, nests are shelter, nests are sanctuary.
I once wrote an entire post about nests, called Things I didn’t know that I knew about nests. And then I forgot about it.
Nested is what it feels like to be inside a canopy of peace.
Nests are homes, and everything is a home, there are tiny homes inside of other homes.
This is the superpower of knowing that everything is new again.
Onward. This moment is its own thing. Now is not then. I want to be here now. Next!
This has to do with my favorite qualities and superpowers: Agility and Adaptability.
This is also why I can’t stop watching clips from American Ninja Warrior, because watching people be nimble is one of the most exciting things in the world for me.
Nimble means it doesn’t matter how much something changes, I can work with it. Oh, we’re over here now? Got it. I am NIMBLE.
This is what I want.
For a long time I thought that Nothing was the scary emptiness, the darkest depression, the thing that would take over if I let it.
It turns out that Nothing is the void, and the void is the sweet place where I can rest and breathe when something ends, to wait and see what beautiful new thing is going to emerge, it is where I wait for direction. What is indicated? If I sit with the void, I will find out.
I used to avoid the void, but now the void and I have hot dates. I make time for the void. A warm mug and a blanket, me and the void. I smile at it and breathe-breathe-breathe.
Hello, beautiful space where once there was something. Hello, ashes: this is the moment when I get to watch the phoenix do its cool thing.
And the moments when there is nothing, that nothing means something. It is a sexy, dramatic pause.
The nothing can’t hurt me. The nothing is the pause before the newness.
Now for other N words.
Nearness: close and closer, also: connection.
Noting. Nuance. Necessity. Numinosity. Neverending. Nonsensical. Nooks, they’re even better than crannies.
Nectarine. That one is for Nick.
Nestled. Neatly. Neck. Norway. Nova Scotia. Nailed it. Nonetheless.
I have to thank Lira (I think), who nudged me over to this noteworthy gathering of N words: Nainsook! Narthex! Nasicornous! That whole page is treasure.
Everything is new.
Everything is new again. Again and again and again.
Right now. Look, it just happened again!
May it be so! And come play with me.
Thank you, letter N.
If you want to whisper words or sound effects that start with N, go for it.
If you want to share in any of the qualities and magical words I named here, you can.
They work like the salves in the Friday Chicken: just take some, there is always more.
Whispering loving spells that begin with N, for myself, and for anyone who wants…