I sincerely hope not.

That would suck.

Especially since I’m a vegetarian. Especially since tomorrow is the Friday Chicken and I’m certainly not sacrificing that one.

Okay. This is not really a post.

This is really more just a sustained kvetching session about how wrong everything is going.

Normally I would save that for Friday but this week has been so completely challenging that I really can’t wait that long. Yes, I am aware that Friday is tomorrow.

Anyway, I’m not sure that complaining is going to help. But it’s less bloody than the animal sacrifice solution. And if it doesn’t appease the gods, at least it might make me feel better.

So. The Catalogue of Woes. Yes, woes. Woes that are not fair not fair not fair!

Also known as the list of things that are making me cry and run to the Angel Refueling Station.

Also known as …

The list of things going horribly wrong in my business this week.

One word leads to complicated, expensive, hair-tearing mix-up.

One. Word.

A one-word mistake made months ago by someone who doesn’t work for me anymore pretty much took over my entire week.

The person coordinating my workshops accidentally wrote one person’s name instead of another person’s name in my itinerary. But we didn’t realize that this had been the mistake because there was already so much confusion.

So first there was a conversation like this:

Famous person who I totally admire: “So … are you staying with me at my hotel in Santa Fe?”
Me (looking at my itinerary): “Uh … it looks like I’m staying with [another famous person who I totally admire] in Albuquerque.
First admired famous person: “Oh, so you changed the original plans and didn’t tell me?”
Me: “Ohmygod! I didn’t even know there were original plans. All I know is what my assistants put into my itinerary. Uh-oh?”

Note: I mention the famous thing not so you will be all impressed, but because it’s somehow scarier to have people I want to work with and biggify with feel upset with me.

Anyway, eventually we got it sorted. But it took a crazy amount of time to have my people figure out what happened and of course I am the one who pays for that time.

Which sets off my internal “you know, if I’m going to have an emotional breakdown anyway, I could do this myself and be just as stressed out but at least not be throwing money away” stuff. Pattern. Ugh.

Hosting mix-up.

My hosting for a bunch of sites almost didn’t get renewed because of a ridiculous internal misunderstanding.


Impossibly complicated tech problems.

I’m pretty sure Mount Hood is in retrograde again.

Or, as my gentleman friend theorized:

Maybe Hoppy House is directly in the center of some kind of technology-snarling vortex?

Quite possible.

About a hundred things going wrong with my Kitchen Table forum environment. All at the same time.

None of which the tech person can solve. Heads are so going to roll.

And of course the whole thing is made infinitely more complicated by various (and nefarious) communication problems.

Too many people working for me. Systems need work.

Looking at this week, it kind of seems like this:

I pay person one to bring a problem to person two who takes it to person three who shrugs his shoulders and says he can’t do anything about it.

Then I wonder why my staff costs are so high.

Yes, you are right. This is a stupid way to do things.

Not even sure how to describe this one.

My new phone has a built-in answering machine.

Keep in mind that I never answer phones and I don’t even know the number of my office line.

I give everyone my Google Voice number (the one on my contact page) and that forwards to my cell, which I also never answer. Genius, I know.

Then one of my assistants lets me know if there’s a message that’s important that she can’t take care of on her own. That — may it never happen — never happens.

The only time I turn on the volume on my office phone and set it to actually receive calls is when I’m expecting a call related to an appointment.

Anyway …

This particular phone with its stupid built-in answering machine takes messages from random people calling wrong numbers. And then it blinks red which drives me crazy because I am highly sensitive.

And then I have to put things on it so I don’t have to see the flashing.

And now? It randomly spits out messages. As in, I am sitting at my desk (which is a chaise lounge, so I’m actually on it) and out of flipping nowhere it starts playing my messages.

My irrelevant, pointless, spamtastic, not-for-me-anyway wrong number messages.

At inappropriate times. Of course.



I’m almost positive the chicken-sacrificing thing definitely doesn’t help with this one.

But the hormones? Not. Helping.

Okay. I’m done with my list. For now. I think.

I will just say (because Selma is very clear about wanting me to mention this) that no ducks were harmed in the writing of this extra-complain-ey post.

Also no chickens.

Finding the re-set button?

Some days you (and yes, when I say you, I mean me) are just kind of out of synch with the world yourself.

And pretty much all you (we) can do is to stop doing, and — as my friend Michael says — wait until you can catch the next wave.

Some things I try to make the wave-catching happen a little sooner:

  • take a nap (big, crazy resistance to this one, but it pretty much always helps).
  • ten minutes of Shiva Nata wackiness.
  • forty-five minutes of Non-Sucky Yoga (the first fifteen are iffy).
  • remind myself that I’m allowed to feel upset, frustrated, annoyed and anxious.
  • write a long list of everything that’s going horribly wrong.*

*I’m not sure that posting it on your blog is what you’re supposed to do with it, but oh well — I definitely feel better now.

Extra-special Comment Zen

You know what I would LOVE today?

Some empathy.
Some tut-tut-ing.
Some “ohmygosh that sucks!”

That would be pure bliss.

“Poor you” is also acceptable, as are internet hugs.

Here’s what I really cannot handle right now:
Please please please do not tell me that things aren’t really “wrong” and that they are exactly as they should be.**

**That may or may not be true, but right now they feel wrong and that’s where I am, so if you could just meet me there please.

And definitely no implying that I should be feeling grateful for all the stuff that is good in my life. Oh, and you know what? Let’s just say no advice at all and leave it at that. Thanks!

Also, using the word “learning experience” in a way that does not express understanding of the awful irony involved? Noooooooooooo! Hmmm. Maybe I am getting better at this being specific thing.

Thanks for being with me today.

The Fluent Self