Friday chicken

Reflecting on both the hard and the good in the week that was…

Hello, week: we are here.

Wow what a week, what a time to be breathing, let’s breathe.

{a breath for being here when we get here}

Thank you, week!

This is the 413th week in a row we are chickening here together!

Or “checking in”, if you prefer to enunciate.

What’s been working?

Each day I have been taking a piece of paper and drawing a line down the middle. It looks a bit like a pros-and-cons list but it functions more like a ritual of introspection.

One side is NO / GOODBYE / ELIMINATED and the other is YES / WANT / ILLUMINATE.

Then I scribble whatever comes into my mind. This brought a surprising amount of ease, focus and clarity to my week, as well as some unexpected and enlightening intel, because sometimes (most of the time) my desires are not apparent to me until I ask….

I might try…

I like this part because asking what I might try seems like the least judgmental way of naming what isn’t working.

But I’m starting to see some secret magic here. I state what I want to try, then I forget about it, and then it comes true, if not always in the way you might expect.

Last week I wanted to try “remembering sooner that Shit Is Not About Me”, and I am pleased to report that despite the absolute flood of no that came my way this week, I did in fact remember each time that it was not about me.

Now I’d like to try treating any half-yes as a clue, and releasing any need to keep poking at it to see if it might turn into two-thirds yes.

Naming the days.

I name each day the night before and I love how names change things and also how they become incantations.

These were the days from the week of reveling in freedom and breathe more light

Choose ease more. Take time and luxuriate. Solstice stones. I treasure myself more. Start fresh. Extra light. Newness embodied.

Upcoming biopic if it were based on this week…

That’s Hilarious That You Think You Have A Plan

If you feel drawn to comment on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles — I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are always welcome

8 breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. This week was so full of no, ohmygod. It was just no, from all directions, everything was no for me and everything was saying no to me, and oh man, this giant funk of no. A breath for remembering that no is a beacon, and also for being able to laugh about this, because that helps keep it in perspective.
  2. Like a rat in a lab pushing for food pellets, I pushed at the lever of every partial-maybe-yes just in case there was a responding pellet, even though I didn’t want those pellets anyway, and then almost forgot not to take it personally when there was nothing there. A breath for the work of dismantling old patterns.
  3. Portland: It’s A Trap! Each day this week I planned to be at the coast by the end of the day, and each day something prevented this from happening, which of course worked out beautifully, but for a while I was wondering if I was actually in the movie Groundhog Day, or maybe that part of The Truman Show when the whole town conspires to keep our hero from exiting the island. A breath for wild trust and for interrupting the interruptions.
  4. I woke up this morning with the very clear knowing in my body that getting online was a terrible idea, more so than usual, a towering formation of fear energy that so clearly was not mine. I could feel it and see it, like a tornado in the distance that I could choose not to approach or interact with, but I still didn’t know what it was. So I texted friends to find out what happened, and they were like, yes you are correct do not go anywhere near social media, and that’s how I learned about Britain exiting the European Union. Let’s breathe. May both the great fear that led to this and the great fear resulting from this be met with something stronger. Something new can be channeled here, I don’t know how to name it yet but may we all have the necessary steadiness and grace to breathe. Breathing powerful peacefulness, powerful clarity, whatever is needed. Let us gracefully decline to contribute to the energy tornados of isolationism and panic (and worse) and in the world, and breathe. A breath for the world.
  5. Where do I want to live? How do I want to live? What do I believe in? What is supportive space for a Havi? What is yes? In what ways am I not in fact being true to myself? These are the questions that emerged from shmita, and no wonder I was so completely terrified for so many years to even face taking time off, because yes, these questions are intensely disruptive, they lead to uprooting. Not to mention all the monstering about ugh how can you be almost forty and seriously have no clue about what you’re doing or where to live. I mean, that’s the rigged game that wants us too busy working-and-striving to even hear the questions. I am aware of the enormous quantities of magic beans that allow me to investigate this. And I appreciate brave past-me who was so steadfast in her commitment to her own path; in addition to massive good fortune and privilege, I can also thank her that at almost-forty I am miraculously without obligations: not bound to people or location. I do not have to drive anyone to soccer practice, I don’t need to feed anyone but me, and so here I am with these big wild questions and the privilege to consider them. And it is scary. I am at home at this edge, I am grateful for my freedom, and also: nothing like facing the great echoing void to see the appeal of distraction (see: pellet-pushing), any distraction at all to not sit with these questions. A breath for listening with love.
  6. I have been dimming my spark. I have been compromising on things that are hugely important. This is very apparent right now, and it is useful intel, and it is also amazing how long it takes me to notice. A breath for rewriting old patterns.
  7. The eternal conundrum of I find the internet exhausting but it’s where my job is. I tried to solve that with moving into real space, first the Playground (my retreat center), then a larger experiment that was ahead of its time and became a metaphorical chocolate shop instead, and what I learned is that I don’t ever want to carry overhead again. A breath for a perfect simple solution that supports quiet receptive bell state.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. May peacefulness prevail. Trust-more love-more release-more receive-more. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

8 breaths for the good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. This was an absolutely magical week. Everything I asked for — luxuriating in taking time, releasing the worry patterns, finding joy in small pleasures, serendipitous encounters, reveling in freedom, all of it happened, and all the surprises were the good kind. A breath of delight in being alive.
  2. Thanks to last week’s wish, I understood that each no that came my way (and oh were there a lot of them, a constant barrage of no everywhere I turned) was secret treasure. This is the thing past me has been trying to explain for years about how I only get gifts and miracles, but I didn’t really get it before. No set me free this week, and that is in fact the job of a no, and I was able to see and feel this in action. A breath for this new understanding.
  3. Ever since the time in my life when I was [between homes] for many months and sometimes slept in the park and experienced huge terror, my biggest fear has been repeating this in any way or even being reminded of it. And now I am okay. I mean, it’s not just that I am okay, because I was okay before. It’s something much deeper than that. My body understands that I am safe now. So we are between homes and on the road and okay with it, because hello to this grand adventure, and it doesn’t bother me. The fear is gone, the deepest fear. A breath for the miracle of this. I’m not saying the fear won’t return, but if it does, it will be different and my relationship to it will be different, because now I know what life is like without it. Gratitude.
  4. What a wild week of wild gratitude and wild revelations. Just breathing it all in. Full heart. A breath for this breath, and everything I do to stay centered in this.
  5. Yes, there is still great joy in discovering that I know what I want and what I don’t. A breath of quiet trust.
  6. Enormous incoming sweetness from the beautiful faraway cowboy who is so good at glowing love for me in a way that I can feel without being overwhelmed by it. A breath for receiving and connection.
  7. I found a way to escape the fourth of July and remove myself from the triggers and the war zone of fireworks. A breath for being someone who practices self-treasuring more actively than ever before, I am learning to prioritize my well-being in a way that used to not be available to me because of fear and monsters. A breath for this new way.
  8. Thankfulness. Treasure in the form of a surprise miracle on the exact day it was needed most, a delicious Sunday night ritual that depends entirely on happy accidents, making it to the coast which is where my quiet is and where my words are. Everything is okay and so much is good. Nothing is wrong, even when I want to believe it is. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thank you for this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Superpowers I had this week…

Last week I asked for the powers of standing tall, deeply engaged with life, surprise ease, and taking exquisite care of myself for no reason at all, and amazingly (again!) I had all of that. I love how this simple practice of naming superpowers wows me each week and each time I forget all over again.

Powers I want.

More of the same please and also the powers of Actively Choosing Peace and Quiet, pre-emptively advocating for myself in all things, and deep healing through lusciousness.

The Salve of Healing Through Lusciousness.

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

Many many things in life are or can be healing, but a lot of them hurt. And sometimes our culture tends to value the ones that hurt. This is a salve for the kind of deep healing that happens with gentleness, permission, ease, softness-and-softening, and, yes, lusciousness.

This is salve that holds the magical qualities of the most perfect bath imaginable. It is reiki-infused everything, it is spells written on the body with light by someone who loves you unconditionally, it is immersion and releasing and being drizzled in oils, or whatever form is right for you to receive this.

Side effects include feeling absolutely incredible, at home in your body and in life

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.


This week’s band is, of course:

A Giant Funk Of No

Their latest album is That’s Probably A Terrible Idea, and this band is just one guy.

Photo taken just for us in Lubbock, TX by Jesse — thank you!

Announcement time….

More to come soon, but I left the monster manual in the place that used to be the the shop. So if you missed the closing of the shop, there is still something beautiful for you!

How was your week?

Come play in the comments. Share something from your week, take a breath, or just say hi! No rules, my format doesn’t have to be yours, we’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We lovingly refrain from giving advice.

And of course it’s always okay to comment under a made-up name, whether for play and delight, or in the interest of Safety First.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — jump in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

The Fluent Self