Friday chicken

A look at the good and the hard in my week, a ritual of reflecting.

It is Friday and we are here.

{a breath for Friday.}

And happy THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY weeks of Chickens!

What worked this week?

Letting my body run the decision-making.

Many decisions wanted my attention this week, for example, where I might want to be in May when my traveling companion and I part ways for a week.

Turns out that decisions get surprisingly simple if I let my body make them for me. It’s so much easier when I just say no as soon as I feel the no, instead of trying to figure which option is cheaper or more convenient. 

Boston: does that give me joy sparks right now? No? Fantastic. Thank you. What about San Diego? Yes to joy sparks but no to this adventure right now. Okay, done researching that!

Then I was offered a very fun sounding mission for those dates, to combine a secret dance op with a rendezvous in Brooklyn and possibly a trip to Montauk and a chance to see two beloved fellow Agents, and it was all very exciting, and I couldn’t decide what to do, except then my body said, “Sweetie, what are you even talking about, this can be so easy, we just want whichever option involves the least amount of effort and logistics, and the most amount of ease and sleep.

Ta da! Decided. Brooklyn will have to happen some other time. For now I am going to choose according to the Mission of Less, because of course my body is right.

Next time I might…

Notice when I go into researching mode.

Often when I am trying to figure something out, I just start gathering intel because that’s something I know how to do.

Research mode whooshes me into my head, and I forget about the point of what I’m researching, which is joy and delight and presence and desire.

Remember that tuition is just that: tuition.

On Tuesday I’d narrowed down the location for my secret op: either Connecticut or Texas, long story. The east coast op required a decision that day. Hm, it didn’t require, the price was going to go up by $20 the next day. Not a huge sum of money, it’s just a mental thing.

For a moment it seemed the $20 could work as a clue. As in, “Oh well, I didn’t decide in time so I guess I’ll do the other op instead!”

Except then the other op mysteriously went up in price without warning too, by the exact same amount. Apparently $20 just is the price of learning to get out of my head.

I need to stop trying to calculate yes, and get back in my body so I can feel my yes!

Tuition is tuition, and $20 is a screaming deal if it reminds me to stop focusing on Logistics and listen to my true yes, because that’s the real op behind this op anyway.

If you feel drawn to leave comments on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles, I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are appreciated. Hearts or pebbles are great if you don’t know what to say, often I don’t know what to say either so we’re in the same boat.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. The first day at the races and then the night of no sleep. A breath of easing and releasing.
  2. Today is Day 30 on the road, with a grand total of five showers, and I am really craving a long bath with bubbles right now. And clean hair. Then my favorite pants in the entire world acquired a weird white stain on the butt, a stain which not only did not come out at the laundromat, it is now permanently glued in. My traveling companion, who acquires clothing maybe once a decade, does not understand why walking around with a white blob on my butt means the pants are ruined, but they are. A breath for fresh, clean, crisp, new, better.
  3. The gigantic thunderstorm and accompanying tornado-warning (REMAIN INDOORS!), along with a few other things, kept us in Chico for most of the week instead of beautiful Yosemite as planned. A breath for acknowledgment, legitimacy and for remembering that if I’m not there, it was not my bus.
  4. Getting back to body stuff after two months of knee injury: I am in terrible shape and get tired easily and my body is cranky, and that’s just how things are and I don’t like it one bit. A breath for not having to like it.
  5. I am currently in a complicated and uncomfortable situation which requires allies for support and good counsel, and I do not know who my allies are in this yet, and this is very frustrating. A breath for trust, and for asking.
  6. The situation in the building where the Playground lived: still unresolved and increasingly irritating. A breath for loudly stating my No (and my Yes) on this, and for surprise exits.
  7. Hahahaha I was saying all day that I feel so POWERLESS about this [frustrating situation], and also about the fact that I am somehow still logging twelve hours a week on work stuff even though this is my sabbatical time, and then the next day we were in Chico and the city was literally without power for half the day. I got to take aerobics in the dark with no fans while we all listened to tinny music from someone’s phone! And then all of Chico basically just took the day off and headed to the diner. A breath for being able to laugh about Powerless.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week. May I choose to trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. Suddenly on Day 25 of Operation True Yes aka Six Month Road Trip, I got so much intel about Yes. Day 25 delivered in such a big way. Useful intel for in life in general and the current ops, and this is incredibly exciting. A breath for getting through all that no to get to yes.
  2. Yet again something which seemed to be an obstacle is in fact the opposite of an obstacle! A breath for joyful recognition.
  3. Knee is healing up well. Even when it’s unhappy, it’s still manageable. And it is much happier than not happy right now. A breath for healing.
  4. Making plans for the missing week was a fantastic exercise, because it required me to get much better at No vs Yes, which is the entire point of Operation True Yes! I’d been approaching this whole thing from the perspective of “yeah I could make this work”. Then I upgraded to “but this other thing would be nicer and I would prefer that”. And now I finally get it: I can approach EVERYTHING from Do I Want This. And if it doesn’t elicit that deep strong knowing of I Want This, then I don’t want it. Not just for the first week in May either. A breath for this.
  5. I really like traveling with the beautiful boy. I really like holding hands. I really like having a wild, hot, full-of-good-surprises affair with the beautiful boy. A breath for NARBAR (Not A Relationship: Better than A Relationship) and for these big happy smiles.
  6. I was brave and asked for help. A breath for the healing in that.
  7. I think I know what I want now. A breath for this.
  8. Thankfulness. So much is good. Breakfast dates at the diner. Roasted cauliflower in the camper. My amazing housemate tracked down a new pair of my favorite pants in the world, for $25, because he is magic, and will sending them to a secret drop where I can pick them up. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. Thankful for joy, presence, pleasure, Shmita and this grand adventure. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

Wham booms, wisdom, superpowers, salve and FBOTW!

Operations completed. Wham boom!

Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code meaning: this thing is done! Shortened to wham-boom.

I wrote so much this week! And I did obscene amounts of research for Operation Adventures In Reverberation. And had a very good idea which you will hear about later. Thank you fractal flowers, thank you Shmita, thank you Switch/Swoop. Wham Boom.

Superpowers I had this week…

I had the superpower of being excited about no!

And the superpower of crossing one street over. And the superpower of finding a bell when I needed one. And the superpower of putting out the bat signal and directing it towards Very Likely Suspects.

Powers I want.

The superpower of SUUTRAS (Sudden Unsolicited Upgrades of Treasure Radiance and Sweetness), something I adapted from Agent Annabelle.

I would also like the superpower of Seeing All The Best Exits and the superpower of It’s So Simple I Can’t Believe I Didn’t See It Before.

The Salve of Glowing Clarity.

These invisible salves are distributed here by way of internet magic. Help yourself! Take it in a bath, as tea, a cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

I said on Wednesday (a word which begins with W) that West in my compass is Glow. Right now I am using a double compass, so west is actually Glowing Clarity.

This salve heals scabs like they weren’t even there. It softens so tremendously that you don’t even notice the softening because it is so complete, you forget that these things even needed softening.

When you wear this salve, everything glows a little more clearly, because you are glowing clarity.

This salve is the perfect way to feel into your yes and your no, and to feel brave enough to stand up for them too, because why wouldn’t you: the clear path is glowing clearly, and so are you, with clarity.

This salve also has the hidden powers of its neighboring directions: Southwest (Crowned in Sweetness) and Northwest (Bold Presence).

I want to say that a little goes a long way, but I also want to say: slather it on, baby. Soak it in.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

This week’s band comes to us by way of a hilarious Adopt-A-Highway sign, and is called The Atheists of Butte County. The funniest part about this is that I’m pretty sure it actually IS just one guy.

And my upcoming Biopic…

Exfoliated: A Whole New Person. The Havi Brooks Story.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I am recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, aka the thing that keeps me from falling apart.

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re feeling quiet. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way. Feel free to leave pebbles (or petals!), hearts, warmth, sweetness. Those always work.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like. Blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers too!

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