Oh no! I mean, hey! It’s that time again!

So it’s funny we were just talking about chickens (well, I was — read the last post if you don’t know what I’m talking about and hey, maybe you still won’t) because I’m kind of running around like one of them with its head cut off.

Yeah, yeah, you can have all that “Hi, I’m a calm, centered destressified expert” stuff nailed and still there are going to be some things that will set you off. As we say in the yoga world: “Baby, that’s how it is.”

Oh, how I wish we did say that. We don’t. Never mind, back to things that set you off. I mean, things that set me off.

For me it’s Rosh HaShana. Actually more the fact that despite it being on my calendar months in advance, it still sneaks up on me every single freaking year.

If you’re not Jewish or jew-ey or actively jew-positive or whatever, be warned. Because there will be heightened levels of jewiness on the blog in the next week or so as one holiday after another hits the shore.

Some of this will be beautiful and heart-warming and soul-nourishing. And some of it will be neurotic and scare you. Hey, it’s a package deal. Or something.

A little background, yes?

So Rosh HaShana is basically New Year’s, except if you imagine that New Year’s were meaningful and spiritual and scary … and happened several times a year.

Crap. Is there anyone who isn’t confused?

I’m starting over. Okay. We do like this:

Jews like distinctions and separations and divisions.

But also unity and connection.

And paradox. We love us a good paradox.

Celebrating a new year is all about stuff like that. The old that was, and the new that is coming. Standing on the line between past and future and being fully aware that it’s NOW.

And at the same time also being aware that this particular distinction is, on the one hand, arbitrary and ludicrous, while also being equally moving and powerful.

So for some screwed up reason (aside from, you know, the more the merrier!) we have four new year celebrations each year. This one is the big one. The head of the year.

And since I like a big, symbolic clean-slate new-beginning moment as much as the next person, I like baking raisin challah, and the liturgy is outrageously beautiful, it’s probably my favorite holiday. Well, definitely in the top three.

It’s Selma’s #1 favorite holiday, no question, but that’s only because I’ve never let her dress up for Purim. Anyway …

Why I’m going on about this.

So since my as-yet-unresolved life pattern involves forgetting (okay, fine, “repressing”) the fact that Rosh HaShana is sneaking up on me until the moment when it’s practically right there, a bunch of things always go a bit wonky.

One of these things is that my, um, “editorial calendar”, as it were, is going to be altered slightly. Because crap, I forgot all about this holiday thing again.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll write some stuff that generally relates to some of the holiday-themes … if I have some time this afternoon … and put those up for you.

Or maybe I’ll dig up some unpublished Ask Havi posts so you have something fun to read while I’m off with my duck tossing bread crumbs into moving bodies of water and eating pomegranates and dipping apples in honey, but then not eating them because honey makes me hyper and crazy.

Or maybe I’ll tell you a little bit about why I’m out there tossing bread crumbs. Or maybe I’ll just take a break for a couple days. We’ll see how it goes.

What I’m going through right now:

A lot of self-reflection. A lot of wanting to get certain things in order.

A lot of reviewing and reconsidering all sorts of things, including my position on what it means to be someone who practices rituals without necessarily always or ever believing in what is behind them.

Deciding who the people are I want around me at this time, and what activities I need to steer clear of.

Realizing that of course my parents are going to call and ask for forgiveness for anything they said or did this year that hurt me, which means I’m going to remember what all of those things are, and then ask for the same thing.

Because it’s tradition. And even traditions that sometimes kind of suck are grounding, as long as a. you choose them, and b. they aren’t unhealthy in and of themselves.

I guess this is all still a pretty incoherent description of what’s on my mind and why I probably won’t be answering much email this week.

But I’m glad you’re here. In fact, if you’re reading my blog, you’ve officially become a part of one of the very best things that happened in my year.

Thank you for that. I wish you a sweet, happy, healthy new year if you’re celebrating, and a sweet, happy, healthy year if you aren’t.

Still not clear on what Rosh HaShana is? This piece will totally clear that up for you. (Uh, no, it won’t actually, but it might at least make you laugh).

The Fluent Self