very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

I write a Very Personal Ad each week to practice wanting, and get clarity about my desires. The point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), the point is learning about my relationship with what I want, and accessing the qualities. Wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…

I have three wishes this week.

Three wishes, and I suspect they are all related, except I don’t exactly know how yet.

Fairy godmother blessings.

Before my birthday, I asked the Secret S-Word Society to glow fairy-godmother wishes for me and for my incoming year. I liked how that felt, that desire.

It is a wish about knowing that I am held in a circle of pure qualities: joy, love, adoration, presence, and grace. And not needing anything more than the reminder that these qualities are available to me at all times.

It is a way of preparing for the voyage.

And then I was offline on my birthday, and when I came back to visit this world of links-and-pixels, there were so many wishes and blessings for me.

These are the qualities.

Here are the qualities and delights people wished for me, on the Book of Face, and on the Switch/Swoop:

Enjoyment. Health. Vitality. Adoration. All wishes come true.

Light. Laughter. Dance. Peace. Companionship. Stillness. Merriment. Joy.

Relaxation. Love. People who make you smile. Gwishes come true, today and all days.

Serenity. Sweetness. Calm. Wisdom. Beauty. The language of bridges.

Ease. Discovery. Possibility. Celebration. Recharging. Renewal. Refreshment. Secret delights.

Magic. Victuals. Vivacity. Bells. Invitations. Bubblicious Bubble Bubbles.

Panache. Happiness. A million glittering sparklepoints. All things wonderful.

And Bill Weasley, handsomely scruffy curse-breaking specialist. Amen to that.

I want to really feel the power of this. The power of these wishes.

Landing.

Rachel Naomi Remen describes blessings as airplanes waiting to land. As if there is this moment when you say YES, and then all the good wishes that have been hovering in your orbit, waiting to be received, can finally come in.

My wish is about saying a clear, warm, welcoming YES to these fairy godparent blessings, and for the just-right filter that takes in only the qualities, the beautiful essence, without any energy or stuff that might be attached to any of the wishes.

My wish is about being a bell of appreciation and gratitude, humming love, really allowing myself to receive all this beautiful goodness, and knowing how fortunate I am to have such loving people in my life, and to live in a time when we can share this love, instantaneously, in the form of words, from all over the world, it is amazing.

My second wish.

I am embarking this week on a six month voyage of discovery, in the form of a road trip in a small camper, with a boy I like and a lot of notebooks.

Well, I plan to be discovering for much longer than that, but the first half of my Shmita year will be on the road, or at least that is the plan right now.

My wish is for ease and delight on this trip, and for this embarking. To receive all the qualities and birthday wishes, and let them be the companions for voyaging. I wish for a peaceful and well-provisioned exit/entry. And to feel Wildly Confident while finishing up the last-minute packing.

And a big part of this wish has to do with planning, and the relationship between Joyful Spontaneity and Beautifully Prepared. The former is (for me) about FREEDOM, and the latter about SAFETY and feeling anchored.

Which leads me to the third wish, which is for an app, but really for a peaceful heart, because all wishes about things/solutions are never about that but always about the desire for safety, love, and peaceful kingdoms.

The third wish.

I am somewhat overwhelmed with keeping track of what we know about our voyage on the road.

New intel keeps coming in. My lover has racing days and track days and a canyoneering adventure with a friend. There are dance conventions we want to hit. I have my witchy retreats and my pole dancing classes (that’s a proxy, though I would also be down for actual pole dancing classes).

Anyway, there are a lot of constantly updating variables. I want to be able to see all the information, in one place, and to share this with my traveling companion so that we can both update. And something that is easy to use on a phone.

My ideal solution would be an app that has a calendar function or can sync with google calendar.

I have also looked at things like Trello and Wunderlist, except the language of these things tends to be so…I want to say it sounds like it comes from boy brain, which isn’t really nice, but what I mean is TASKS and To-Do Items, and these incredibly boring and stressful-sounding things are then ASSIGNED to people, with DEADLINES. Yuck.

It is all super depressing, since what I want, both in my life in general, and specifically for sabbatical mode aka clear head aka Rosh Tzalul, is not having any of those things.

Speaking of clarity, let me be very clear.

To be honest, I don’t even want to live in the same world where those things exist.

That whole make-it-happen get-things-done ass-in-chair mentality is the opposite of what I am interested in.

I want to let projects and desires be revealed, not to make them happen. To explore, not to dictate. To be wonderfully surprised by everything I discover while following trails, not bulldozing my way from predetermined Point A to predetermined Point B.

So I realize it may be hard to find something that on the one hand falls into the category of “project management” but is also not so finger-wagging about Doing Things.

If that is possible, I would like it.

If not, then I will take an app my traveling companion and I can use to plot our course, and share details about what we might want to be doing when.

Tell me if you have ideas! Recommendations and suggestions are welcome.

What do I know about what I want?

These wishes are all about trust, joy, delight, and order.

They are about taking active steps (sovereignty!) to make sure I am taken care of, and that my kingdom is taken care of, while at the same time knowing that no matter what happens, All Is Well and I will be okay.

Now.

I am at Svevo’s. Svevo is my uncle, and the most sovereign person I know.

He takes three naps before lunch.

He does what he wants when he wants, does not care at all what anyone else thinks about that, and manages to be kind, gentle and loving without going into caretaking mode. He never tries to change anyone. Animals and small children follow him around.

His house is just like him: peaceful, steady, quiet.

Everything is wood or metal or wool or woven from straw. Plastic doesn’t really have a place here. There are no curtains and you see green of trees in every direction.

I am sitting in his favorite rocking chair, eating hazelnuts from a wooden bowl, and I think, as I always do when I am here, who could possibly need more than this.

Me: Hey, slightly-wiser me, what do you have for me?

She: Isn’t it wonderful that you went through [all the things from the past few years] so that you could get here to this? Isn’t it marvelous that your big business venture/dream crashed and flailed-with-an-l, so that nothing is keeping us from committing to freedom and grand adventures.
Me: (smiles)
She: It seemed at the time like it was a disaster to receive a NO in the face of all your big goals and wishes, and yet those NOs brought you to this big YES. And now you realize that if you had those things, you’d now need to divest of them to be able to follow this yes. And if they were successful, you might have a hard time justifying letting them go. So much freedom. So much sweet, beautiful freedom. Every single NO was treasure. Not rejection, not about you, not about failure, not about anything. Just setting you up to be free in this moment to pursue this.

Clues?

A sign with an image of a BELL on it, then bells from a belltower ringing as I arrived at my uncle’s house.

And then a license plate that said YES.

The superpower of delighting in plenty

March - Receive More The quality for February on the 2015 Fluent Self calendar was APPRECIATE and the superpower was I See Beauty Everywhere.

Now we are in March, and the quality is RECEIVE, with the superpower of delight in plenty.

Hmm. It seems like this is so much easier for me to do when I am in a state of not-doing. So I think even though my Shmita year might means less coming in, it will be easier for me to discern and to delight. To recognize plenty and appreciate it.

Ongoing wishes.

Seeds planted without explanation, a mix of secret agent code and silent retreat. Things to play with someday.

Everything is easier than I thought, and look, miracles everywhere. Ha, this doesn’t require my input! My business is thriving happily without me. I think like a dancer. It’s so perfect it turned out like this. Past me is a GENIUS. I have what I need, and appreciate it. I am fearless and confident. I state my preferences clearly, calmly and easily, not a big deal. I am ready to come into my superpowers and receive.

Things I find helpful when working with intentions and wishes…

Nap, dance, write, play, labyrinths. Get quiet. Sweet pauses, yes to red lights and purple pills, thank you to the broken pots. Costume changes. Skip stones. Body first. Thank you in advance. Eight breaths in eight directions:

Adventure. Rest. Horizons. Security. Passion. Sweetness. Clarity. Presence.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka bell exits / exit bells…

My wish was to become a playground. I have been conducting and writing in notebooks, and generally bringing more playground into my life. And I quit three things that were keeping me from being in bell state, and this is new and exciting, and I hope it sticks.

Love more. Trust more. Release more. Receive more. Thank you, writing. Thank you, me who asked.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

If you want a Playground mug with a pack of stone skipping cards inside, I believe we have two mugs left: $30 + $12.65 shipping = $42.65

Just send a note and we’ll set it up. Not sure about international shipping but Richard might know.

Keep me company?

Consider this an open invitation to deposit wishes, gwishes, personal ads. In any size/form you like, there’s no right way. Updates on past experiments are welcome too, as is anything sparked for you.

Commenting culture: This is safe space for creative exploration. We are on permanent vacation from care-taking and advice-giving. We are here to play and throw things in the pot! With amnesty. Leave a wish any time you want.

Here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: Oh, wow. What beautiful wishes.

xox

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