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Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

What do I want.

I want pop-up shops in the Ballroom.

I want people to rent out the Red Rose Ballroom for holiday pop-up shops.

Is this really what I want?

I don’t know. Yes and no.

I want fun, creative endeavors. Daytime activities. Things that run zero risk of getting a noise citation from the city. I want a thriving, happy ballroom. And lots of people coming to see it, and maybe they will want to hold their event or class or workshop in the ballroom too!

I want that feeling of POP!

And I want to know that my ballroom is helping. That this space I built is the perfect simple solution for someone else’s problem.

What else do I know about popping?

Snap, crackle, pop! Excitement!

Mushrooms pop up! Good surprises pop up! As does popcorn. Pop-up books pop up, and they are the best.

When popping, what kind of popping is this?


This is about thriving.

It is also about possibility.

And fractal flowers. And ease.

What will help?

Having a talk with Hopeless Me who only sees all the ways everything can go wrong.

Making a safe room for the me who lost the magical bookshop.

Playing with the process this week at Rally (Rally!).

Taking lots of baths. Waiting on decisions. Letting more information reveal itself.

Doing things that POP.

Enjoying things that POP. Including bright fall colors. Crunching leaves. Eating popcorn. Wearing costumes.

And I will talk with my friend Mary about doing a pop-up shop in the Ballroom, since she is losing her shop next week.

Anything else?

This is definitely related to my current bout of Feeling Numb About The Chocolate Shop, which is related to Feeling Numb About Portal Land.

I am also noticing all the moments where I do not feel numb. Like when I think about Mary’s shop.

I feel very passionately about Mary’s shop. Actually, I wish I felt that passion for my chocolate shop.

And I feel very upset about her eviction, and about the way the city is changing.

Also I am noticing that I think that closing the shop will be good for her. So I am feeling upset and hopeful simultaneously, and these are not mutually exclusive.

It is interesting to feel This Is Wrong and also This Is Right at the same time, and to have them both be true.

This is also how I feel about my (proxy!) magical bookshop that I lost. So many tears. But/and: That was a good thing too.

Is there anything I’m not saying that I want to say?

POP! POP! POP! Up! Up! Up!

Popping is a beautiful vision.

I want the Ballroom to thrive. I want it to be filled with aliveness and vitality. I want this quality of vitality to be a reflection of everything in my life.

I want to be a bell of VITALITY and ALIVENESS.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Let’s see.

Possibility. Play. Vitality. Aliveness. Thriving. Delight. Flow. Popping Up.

And the superpower of Suddenly This Is True!

Also I just noticed that popularity, a word that I normally am not drawn to, has POP inside of it.

POP! I would like this for the Ballroom too.

What else do I want….

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

  • Progress on the ops!
  • Miracles everywhere.
  • The ballroom gets bookings left and right, and this is a healing for the Spiegelsaal.
  • This doesn’t require my input!
  • Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
  • Past me is a GENIUS.
  • I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
  • Hawaii.
  • The Thanksgiving Rally (RALLY!) gets two more people, and this is right.
  • I can see why this moment is good.
  • Trust and steadiness.
  • Ten weeks of wishes.
  • A foundation of foundations.

This week’s ops?

This week is all about Operation Beckon — Boring Existential Crisis in the Key of N.

I will also look at the following:

  • The life of a Chocolatier, part deux
  • If C is not just for Chocolate, then….
  • Operation 19-1-75
  • Mission: I Have A Vision!

I’m playing with…

Trust. Trust. Trust. Napping. More trust.


Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?


There are two spots in the Thanksgiving Rally, which is my favorite Rally, and we are offering a crazy deal.

Get on the STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka soft of hearing and other impossible possibilities…

I didn’t find a reverse-hearing-aid, but Sarah mentioned hyperacusis, and that was incredibly helpful. It brought up lots of memories of the inner ear infection that messed up my life in so many different ways. And it turned out that having A Demonstrable Medical Thing was enough to convince the monsters that really powerful headphones and pink noise are a reasonable investment.

Though we had to rename headphones because monsters think headphones are Frivolous and Indulgent, so now we have Headspace Protectors. To protect our headspace.

I tried Maryann’s lip thing, and it is Not Horrible (thanks, Maryann!).

And everything else is ticking along. I will let it percolate and see what happens.

Big love to me-of-last-week, as always, for knowing what to ask.

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.


The Fluent Self