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Each week I write these Visions of Possibility and Anticipation to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

What do I want.

So many things, and I do not believe that they are possible.

So really my wish is to believe that they are possible?

Or maybe my wish is to release the monster-rules that say Seemingly Impossible Can’t Be Wished For, and to make space for LEGITIMACY: all wishes are valid.

Maybe both of those things. And maybe the actual wishes themselves.

I am just going to name some of these wishes, and I am going to call them the Impossible Possibilities. Not because they are necessarily impossible (though they feel impossible), but to placate the monsters who want to make sure that I know they are impossible. Yup. I know it. It’s right in the name.

And then I am going to connect to the qualities inside of the wished-for Impossible Possibilities, to see what I can learn.

Wish: A reverse hearing aid!

People who are hard of hearing can wear hearing aids that help them hear better.

I am super-HSP, and I hear too much: everything is too loud for me to the point of being unbearable. I want a hearing aid that makes the world quieter so that I can function in it more easily.

Soft of hearing. The opposite of hard.

Monsters: That’s called ear plugs, you idiot, and you already have them.
Me: Just let me name my wish, please. Remember? We are in the wishing world now.

I want to be able to turn down the sounds around me. Not just with noise-canceling headphones. Not by moving to a tiny farm in Idaho. I want something that makes the world quieter. That’s what I want.

Qualities: Quiet. Steadiness. Comfort. Ableness.

Wish: The Best Lip Things In The World.

I used to have the Best Lip Balm In The World.

It was made by Alchemilla, and it cost what felt like an insane amount of money, but it was so substantially better than any lip balm ever that I didn’t mind. They went out of business with no warning, and now I am panicking.

I also used to have the best lip color in the world, made by Sephora, something in between a gloss and a stain, now discontinued.

I want new lip balm and new lip color and I want them to be AMAZING. Life-changingly amazing, the way my previous ones were.

(You are welcome to leave suggestions in the comments, however I will continue to believe for now that these other things do not hold a candle to my lost lip loves.)

I want to believe that there is something that can replace this perfect-to-me thing.

Qualities: Comfort. Support. Lusciousness. Rightness. Welcome Surprises.


This is about the chocolate shop (proxy!), and being an Accidental Chocolatier.

If I must be a chocolatier, I would prefer to make pretty much only one particular type of chocolates. It can come in a variety of flavors but it is a type.

I would like us to be a chocolate shop that has no marzipan, and hardly ever makes pralines. For example. Okay, those aren’t chocolates but pretend that they are because I don’t know how this metaphor works because I don’t eat chocolate because I quit sugar nearly fourteen years ago, and this is partly why I am not that invested in being a chocolatier, but due to [complicated reasons] I have to be a chocolatier for the next year to five years. Exhale.

I am not sure if it is possible to make money as a chocolate shop that is so narrow in its definition of what it wants to sell but this is what I want. I want 90% of our business to be about this hazelnut dark chocolate laced-with-caramel thing that just about everyone ADORES. And I want this to be profitable.

I do not want advice on this. I want to believe that we can be a chocolate shop that does not appear to be a specialty-chocolate shop but actually we make all or most of our money on one particular type of chocolate that is pleasurable for us to make.

Qualities: Enoughness. Resilience. Miracles. Luck. Playfulenss. Expansiveness. Welcome Surprises.

What else do I know about this?

Impossible wishes scare me. But I also kind of like them because something about the impossibility is freeing.

I would like so many impossible things, and I would like them not to be impossible. Like, for people to read contracts.

And here are the questions I want to ask myself:

  • What impossible things have already come true?
  • What have I been wrong about (in a good way)?
  • What if I am wrong right now?
  • What can I do to get more of these qualities in my life?
  • What if there are solutions that I can’t see yet?

In my experience, there is always another way. And, in my experience, I am usually not going to notice it and I have to remember that it is there.

Show yourselves, beautiful alternative paths. I am ready.

The qualities inside of the wants:

Last’s weeks work for me!

Possibility. Play. Presence. Pleasure. Plenty. Prosperity. Purpose. Palpable.

And the superpower of Really Good Surprises.

Quelle Surprise!

What might help?

Throwing it all into the pot. Wearing a costume.

More things that starts with an a.

What I want.

Some of these are secret agent code or silent retreat. Some are qualities and some are dreams. Some are re-asks and some are pre-wishes: tiny seeds for future processing.

  • Progress on the ops!
  • Miracles everywhere.
  • The ballroom has its own magic, just like the Spiegelsaal.
  • This doesn’t require my input!
  • Ha, it’s so perfect that it turned out like this.
  • Past me is a GENIUS.
  • I sleep like the happiest baby.
  • I have what I need, and I appreciate it.
  • Hawaii.
  • People are signing up for Rally (RALLY!), and planning the rallies is super fun and exciting.
  • I can see why this moment is good.
  • Trust and steadiness.

This week’s ops?

  • The life of a Chocolatier, part deux
  • If C is not just for Chocolate, then….
  • Operation 19-1-75
  • Operation A Loved Little Thing, take 4
  • Mission: I Have A Vision!
  • Mission Alimanator
  • Operation BECKON II (Boring Existential Crisis in the Key of N)

I’m playing with…

Trusting the seeds.


Can you help support our magical Red Rose Ballroom by liking it on Facebook? And spreading the word about the Red Rose Ballroom to anyone you know who might want to run events or programs or parties in Portland?


Do you want to be on the STANDBY list for Rally?

There is a STANDBY list for Rally (Rally!)

If you have the availability to come at the last minute, we occasionally have super deals so get on the list.

Rally B is full, but get on the list so we can sneak you into a November Rally at a VERY discounted rate. Also, I was supposed to miss one of the November Rallies but things moved around, and I will be rallying it up for ALL of them!

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

So. Last week, aka yes, I would like to accidentally win some things…

It is hilarious that I asked to accidentally win things. I was thinking about things like marathons. But then I accidentally won a free night at a swanky hotel that day. And I accidentally won an eBay bid. And I accidentally won an understanding. So now I am giggling, and I want to notice more things that I am winning without realizing it.

And, again: big love to me-of-last-week for knowing what to ask.

Playing. Shelter for the comments.

What’s welcome: Your own wishes, gwishes, visions and personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like. Things sparked for your own process.

I’m receptive to warm wishes for the things I’m working on and playing with.

We ask for what we need, and we give each other space and spaciousness for the process.

This is a place of safety for creative play and exploration, with a very non-dogmatic approach. We don’t tell each other how to ask for things and we don’t give unsolicited advice. We play.

That’s it. Let’s throw a bunch of things in the pot!

As always, amnesty applies. Leave a wish here any time you want.


The Fluent Self