Personal ads. They’re … personal! Very.
Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.
Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.
And now it’s my weekly ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!
Hi! So. Today’s VPAs are happening on Toozday and not Sunday, because I spent the weekend running the Shiva Nata teacher training.
This week the very personal ads are also in the form of tiny love letters instead of the usual “What I want, how it could work and here’s my commitment.”
And everything is slightly different, because doing all that mad neuron-connecting flailing has changed what I know and how I know it. As it does.
Alright. Let’s do this.
I know things are a little off between us.
Like the fact that it’s Toozday out there in the world but not in my mind or in my body. Time is settling differently now. It’s landing differently. So we’re going to have to deal with that in some form that has not yet made itself known.
My wish for both of us is this:
Spaciousness. Ease. Support. Wonder. Appreciation.
I am going to take a breath — or maybe three — in each transition. I am going to ask you to hold me when I am scared.
The Rally (Rally!) begins tonight, and I am going to devote this rallying to learning more about my relationship with you. That is to say, with space and time, with divisions, transitions, boundaries and crossings.
You are not arbitrary.
Even if this thing of week-ing is in some ways an externally imposed structure, it is one that I have agreed to. And I am going to investigate what is there within you.
There is love in here, and I will find it.
Dear twenty new graduates of the Shiva Nata teacher training,
Spending the past few days with you has been such a very special thing.
I wish that you could see how bright and radiant and powerful you are. That it could somehow be reflected back to you in the mirror reflections of the dance.
But even if you can’t see it, maybe you can feel the spark of it.
Over the next weeks and years, so much of what we did and said will be absorbed in new ways. It will spiral through your life.
And that is a big and crazy thing.
My wish for you is:
Comfort. Reassurance. Knowing. Discernment. Trust. Play. Freedom.
You are loved. You are safe. You are supported.
The rest of the things I have to say do not have words, so just this:
You are teachers. You always have been.
My heart says that the most important thing I can do right now is to stay receptive to the idea that you care about fairness. My gut feeling says that you cannot possibly be telling the truth.
I am hoping that my heart is right and that we (my stomach and I) are wrong.
Since there is no way of knowing, I am practicing the practice of not making assumptions.
I’m trying to make room for the possibility that I am wrong. That 99% of this is a misunderstanding. That there is a logical, reasonable explanation that is hidden.
And that what appear to be gifts of poison are actually flowers.
I am willing to be wrong. I am willing to be surprised.
At the same time, I also am not afraid of what it means if I am not wrong. My respect for your boundaries is not going to lead me to compromise mine.
What I wish for me:
Trust. Trusting that I can be present with this situation and not confuse it with other situations. To trust that I can take care of myself. To trust that I can know what is needed.
And safety, so that I can keep working on this trust thing.
What I wish for you:
Safety. May you feel safe enough to recognize that no one is against you. And that there is room for all of us.
And trust, so that you know that I am speaking truth as well.
Let’s have a peaceful, ease-filled resolution to this.
Dear March Rally,
Oh, how I am looking forward to you!
And at the same time, I have not been telling people about you, because I need a vacation first.
Also, because I don’t really want to talk shit about how much I suffered through SXSW.
I’d rather talk about how fabulous it will be, and how it’s so amazing that Jillian will be there to do headshots for everyone who wants one.
So I am hoping that this week I find all the right words.
What I wish for me:
Patience. Silly, lighthearted play. Exploration. Practice. Support. Community.
What I wish for you:
Support. Love. Spaciousness. Grace. Excitement. Possibility. Appreciation.
And all the right people.
Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.
Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.
Let’s see. I wanted tools. Tools! That was a great ask, because I got to play with my crayons, and I also hired cleaning people for the Playground, and I wrote about what my tools are. Ohmygod. Did you read the comments on that? So inspiring.
I wanted to find people for the March Rally, and I did not do any of my commitments. So I am going to re-think and re-commit.
The next ask was for birthday rituals, and I have a couple of ideas. Nothing solid yet. But feeling more hopeful about the fact that it could actually happen.
We’ll see what comes out of this week of rallying the rally, and I will report back.
Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.
- Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!
Stuff I’d rather not have:
- The word “manifest”.
- To be told how I should be asking for things.
- To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given unsolicited advice.
Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! I’m so happy to have people doing this with me.