very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

So my itty bitty personal ads made me realize that it’s time to make a regular practice of trying to feel okay asking for stuff.

Even when the asking thing feels weird and conflicted.

Ever since I posted the first one asking my perfect house to find me, which united me with Hoppy House, I have been a fan of the madness that is personal ads.

And now it’s my Sunday ritual for clarity and remembering and stuff like that. Yay, ritual!

Let us dooo eeeet.

Thing 1: Seeking a new Tech Pirate!

Here’s what I want:

My business, The Fluent Self, Inc, pirate ship at large, needs a new Tech Pirate.

Oh my dear potential new Tech Pirate!

You are a patient explainer. You laugh at gremlins. You have a good heart. You are an independent contractor.

You will monitor, backup, and provide “Oh my god everything just exploded” service for our dedicated web server slice (hosted at

Basically, if one of our sites vanishes or breaks, we want you to be on call to diagnose/fix the server problem, and (if necessary) reinstall our sites from the backed-up files.

You know how to work with MySQL databases, and PHP doesn’t scare you.

You know how to install, modify and upgrade Moodle (very important) and WordPress (less important) installations.

You care about the work we do here. You care about clear communication with us. You are familiar — at least conceptually — with NVC and compassionate communication. You respect our trust.

Ways this could work:

I’m really hoping that one of my lovely blog readers will know who this person is (or maybe even will be this person).

Open to recommendations.

If this is you, please get in touch with the First Mate by sending an email or filling out a form and let him know what you can do for us.

My commitment.

Same as the last time I asked for this (wow, fourteen months ago) — just more specific.

I am patient. I am fair. I am appreciative of work well-done. Also of trying. And of communicating honestly and openly.

Thing 2: Trust.

Here’s what I want:

So I’m really noticing how hard for me it is to ask for support in the business.

And also those contracted places of heartbreak. Of once burned twice shy.

That place where you’re ready for the new but the old still shows up occasionally when you don’t expect it.

Noticing how much I wanted to jump in and over-emphasize. To say no really the “honestly and openly” part is so important to me.

Noticing the pockets of regret about how long I’ve allowed a state of not good and not loving to exist in my business in various places.

So I don’t know what my ask is but it has to do with trust and faith, and experiences that are peaceful and supportive.

Ways this could work:

I can ask.

I can do Dance of Shiva on this in order to find out what is tangled and how it needs untangling.

I can write and walk and meditate and breathe and color in my monsters.

My commitment.

One thing I am certain of. My company is a truly beautiful place.

And it’s time that I changed my approach: I am going to care for it. Actively, not passively.

Walking the grounds. Removing everything that is not harmonious or that doesn’t match the culture that I love so much. Not from frustration but from love.

And if this means taking my time to find capable, strong, kind, caring people to sail with me, then so be it.

Thing 3: Oof. Facebook.

Here’s what I want:

So I have been avoiding having a Facebook page for the company.

For various reasons.

And now Maryann and Jacquelyn are teaching a class and I adore both of them and want to take it.

But first we should probably put something up on that stupid page.

Or, alternately, figure out why so much resistance.

Ways this could work:

This could get worked on at Drunk Pirate Council on Thursday.

Again, more Shiva Nata to destuckify.

Maybe if I write about this some more and process the process, I’ll figure out where the resistance lives and what kind of reassurances it wants.

My commitment.

To pay attention.

To forgive myself for having so little interest in doing things that I think I’m “supposed to”.

To release as many “supposed to” rules as I can.

To blow bubbles and laugh and wear a silly hat and dance with my duck and twirl my invisible mustaches whenever I start to take any of this too seriously.

To find out when I’m using worry as a distraction. To find out when I am making mountains out of … things that are not mountains.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Let’s see. I wanted insights on evening rituals. And yes. The fact that I fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow does seem to imply that they need to happen before I get into bed.

It’s actually pretty hilarious that I hadn’t factored that into things. So. Slowly slowly. But I have some ideas, and we’re practicing.

Then I wanted to tell people about my bohemian salon of a yearly freebie class. Which I forgot about. But a ton of people signed up anyway. And I am almost decided on the theme. Will say for sure tomorrow.

I wanted progress with my office-that-is-not-an-office (and in the process of becoming a Wish Room, whatever that is).

And my gentleman friend found me the most perfect shelves ever — at the Rebuilding Center, and also picked up some other gorgeous things at a vintage furniture store. Progress!

No idea about Dana’s house yet, but I am still wishing good things for her too.

Comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Your own personal ads, small or large. Things you’ve asked for. Or are asking for. Or would like to ask for. Or updates on last time!

What I’d rather not have:

  • The word “manifest”.
  • To be told how I should be asking for things.
  • To be judged, psychoanalyzed or given advices.

Wishing love and good things for your Very Personal Ads! So glad for everyone doing this with me.

The Fluent Self