very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Mmmmmm. Hello, Today. Today I woke up with wants. Breadcrumb trails of wanting. Let’s find out.

One more thing: today I am pretending that VPA does not stand for Very Personal Ads but instead is not-very-secret acronym code for Visions of Possibility & Anticipation, which feels thrilling. I need that right now.

Visions! Possibilities! Anticipation! Wanting all the wants.

It also fits with my new plan to make Monday a writing day instead of a working day. My day of Wishes & Glowing Desires. Yes, well, I’m in kind of a mood and everything is hilariously dramatic right now.

Anyway. This feels more playful and congruent with the more intimate practice that is being born, it has to do with a certain dedication to me and my me-ness more than what I was doing before, it’s kind of hard to describe right now.

Thing 1: Updating the updates.

Here’s what I want:

To make the updates. This covers both super mundane stuff and some big important things.

Firefox-wise and in other ways. Lots of other ways.

Ways this could work:

I can call on the superpowers of consolidation, assimilation, integration.

And I can ask for help. Oh, and I can process this on the Floop! Yay!

I’ll play with…

Finding out what the secret desire is behind the updates.

I think this is about wanting more harmony and congruence, but there is also something about transitioning into Incoming Me. This will require a lot of presence and permission too.

Scary! But I am committing to finding ways to make this feel fun, playful and light-hearted. And if I can’t find those ways, I will back off until I can.

Thing 2: Two things about words.

Here’s what I want:

Right now I am loving the words Assignation and Tryst.

Especially I am enjoying the symbolic aspects of +forbidden, +secret, +under-the-radar, +arranging, +lovers, +anticipation, +looking-forward.

This sounds like way more fun than say, appointments. Or meetings. I want to think of ways that I can turn more things into trysts.

And I want to rethink checklists again.

Ways this could work:

Of course my old compatriot metaphor mouse will be helpful here.

I am not going to ask for suggestions from people because I need to find words that reflect my own personal associations. I want something that comes from the attributes that are meaningful for me.

But I can do some stone skipping about that and investigate the themes.

I’ll play with…

Wanting what I want, and letting that be okay.

Or really, having the hypothesis be: what if that were okay?!?!


Here’s what I want:

In this piece I wrote and shared at the Floop that was basically an essay on How To Be In Proximity To Havi, I said the following:

These are the things that are the most important to Havi in life! Independence, freedom, autonomy, playfulness, sanctuary, retreat, light-heartedness, possibility, agility, congruence, being the sovereign queen of her internal kingdom.

And that is true. That is a lot of independence.  I want to look at more of the ways that I would like this independence to be a thing. In my home, my business, my life, my everything.

Ways this could work:

I can unpack some of my associations with this word.

The fourth of July could be useful, possibly? I mean, it’s coming up and I made a choice to live in this country, at least for now, and maybe there is something there.

I’ll play with…

Noticing what I already know about this.

Adding things to the shared pool of knowledge, as they call it in Crucial Conversations.

Generally being investigative, curious, receptive to knowing what I know.

Thing 4: Alice sees under things!

Here’s what I want:

This is from a line in the Phantom Tollbooth which is, obviously, the best book in the entire world.

There is this boy called Alec who can see through things, and then he says, “… and my little sister Alice sees under things.”

I am seeing under things. I am also seeing underthings. These are not the same but they are connected in weird and important ways. They were in my dream.

And Alice is also alles, which has to do a number of things, but especially with ALL THE ROSES, which was my clew last week at Rally.

I apologize that this is so vague, but I’m just going to leave it like this for now.

Ways this could work:

This one is going to require some serious OODs.

And some talking to the monsters.

I am going to ask for the superpowers of grace, agility, permission and trust. Yes, please.

And who knows, what if this could be easier than I think it can? Planting THAT.

I’ll play with…

Doing ridiculously hard Shiva Nata on it until I get my loving moments of truth.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Potter (my mouse) wanted a hat, and he does not yet have a hat. But I really enjoyed asking for him, and I am going to trust that one day he will have just the right hat and that will be grand. Also I am taking him to a hat parade!

Then I wanted ease-filled sovereign announcing, and it totally happened! And it was about a thousand times less painful than I’d imagined. JOYOUSNESS.

Then I wanted the construction noise at the Playground to go away because it was driving me crazy. And it did! The First Mate called the owner of the building and she yelled at the electricians for not checking with us about when they could be in the crawl space over where I teach, and they rescheduled for when I am not teaching!


Then I wanted many small plumlets, and one is already almost written! That is huge.

There was an ask about [Boston/Astoria]. No physical progress yet but emotionally this feels way less impossible, so progress.

And I wanted quality time with Incoming Me, which I got but I still want more of. And I wanted to process sadness and it was processed in exactly the right way. Thank you. This practice has held me through so many things, and I am looking forward to these new visions of possibility and anticipation which is what I am going to think from now on when I say VPA.

Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
  • You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
  • Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
  • Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
  • VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!


The Fluent Self