very personal adsPersonal ads. They’re … personal! Very.

Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

You know, some weeks I have massive VPA resistance, and even the thought of wanting or finding out about the wanting (or admitting to it) is already a really big deal.

This week I have lots of wants, but am not entirely sure how to formulate them. I guess because they seem so contradictory.

On the surface, at least.

But I know from having done this for … yes, a hundred and twenty five weeks in a row … it all kind of sorts itself out.

So maybe I’ll start with that.

Thing 1: An extra helping of clear knowing.

Here’s what I want:

I don’t have to know how all my asks fit together, but I want some perfect simple solutions to show up.

And I would like to remember that these seemingly contradictory things are actually harmonious.

That they support each other. Like fractal flowers. And they share the same basic elements.

Ways this could work:

I could do some Shiva Nata on it and have realizations and see how it could all work.

Actually, knowing Shiva Nata, I’ll come up with six or seven different ways that it could all work.

Which is fine by me!

My commitment.

To do my secret marathon training sessions (shhhh, this is a proxy and it’s actually relaxing and I like it — don’t tell the monsters!).

To reflect.

To ask curious and loving questions about the various things that I want right now, to find out how they’re all connected. To see if there are shared qualities and to spend time with those qualities.

Thing 2: A HAT!

Here’s what I want:

A HAT stands for Havi’s Announcing a Thing , and there is a thing that needs announcing.

This requires a HAT page and some administrative decision-making time.

Ways this could work:

My new experimental practice of Sceptering , which seems to speed things up.

I could use the extremely great Deguiltified Chicken Board from my Kitchen Table program, which does the magic every time.

And I can find out what is hiding inside this HAT and get to know it.

My commitment.

What if there is a restful, playful, fun, ease-filled way this could happen?

Here is my plan! I am going to find out which parts of me think this is even possible , and then ask them for advice about how to talk to the parts of me who think this is bullshit.

Thing 3: A Holiday for the Pirate Queen!

Here’s what I want:

This is embarrassing.

I promised myself a proper vacation after the Shivanautical training I ran in September.

But then there was the September Rally (Rally!) and then the eight day voyage of Crossing the Line and then teaching in Colorado and then the Great Ducking Out .

So basically I’ve been teaching non-stop for months, even though I have already (ahahahaaaaaa) learned the hard way that teaching requires SERIOUS time for assimilation, consolidation and recovery.

And that it’s not enough to just take a few days off but I need to immerse myself in being gone.

The time for this is now.

Before it becomes Emergency Vacation and before my body requires it of me.

Ways this could work:

I have December open.

Shiva Nata could show me some kind of creative, hilarious solution that wouldn’t require a ton of planning but would still be really restorative and awesome.

Oh! Barrington could help!

My commitment.

I am going to interview Barrington and interview Slightly Future Me, and together we are going to find a solution.

Thing 4: The Grand Enthusiastic

Here’s what I want:

As you might have guessed, there is nothing I love more than running Enthusiastics.

I want to do one with some colleagues about my vision for the business, and about 2011 and about 2012. But combined.

Ways this could work:

Maybe as a result of my Pirate Queen Absconding Holiday (which needs an even better name! or a secret agent code name?).

Like, maybe I’ll be so rested and restored and invigorated that the Enthusiastic will just need to happen! And it will be simple and fun.

My commitment.

To enthuse it up!

Thing 5: Ease-filled monster negotiations

Here’s what I want:

There is a thing I need to take care of, and the monsters are dead set against it.

So I want to find out what they need to feel safe, and what their secret mission is.

And I want to resolve this thing so that I can go ahead with my part.

Ways this could work:

Trust. Faith. Practicing.

I can call on some Negotiators.

Also I think metaphor mouse might like to sit in on these sessions as a possible translation assistant. Excellent!

My commitment.

To wear PINK. Because that’s part of the thing being negotiated.

To create shelter and safe rooms for the parts of me who are scared. To remember that now is not then. Now is now, and now is better.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Let’s see!

I wanted a stand for the PLUM (the Playground User Manual), and it turned out that Chuck had one. That was easy. Yay!

Then I wanted consolidation and that happened. Though yes, I could use some more.

I also wanted to make three scary things less scary. Two of them are totally not scary anymore. And I can’t remember what the third one is.

So either I’m the most repressed person in the world, or that got resolved too. Phew.

And then I wanted to practice playing with congruence, and that was most of my week. Oh, thank goodness for the Very Personal Ads because HAPPY SIGH I feel so much better now.

Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
  • You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
  • Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
  • Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
  • VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!


The Fluent Self