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Each week I write these VPAs to practice asking for what I want. And to get clarity on what that really is, even when asking feels conflicted.

I always get useful information about my relationship with various aspects of the ask. Join in if you like!

Happy Sunday, you guys!

You can VPA all week, if you like.

Let’s do it.

Thing 1: Zombie! Thriller!

Here’s what I want:

So I’ve never participated in Thrill the World, which is weird since it was pretty much invented for me.

And this year: YES!

I have some friends who do it. This could work.

I need to re-learn the Thriller dance. And practice.

And get someone who can do zombie make-up for me, since I can barely put on lipstick.

Ooh, actually I should just put on lipstick my normal way because then at least I’ll have red gunk smeared all over my face, which is totally zombie-appropriate. Right on.

And something to wear.

(Note! I am aware of the existence of a million instructional videos but I still want someone to do it for me.)

Ways this could work:

There are two types of classes happening over the next two weeks. Of course, it’s not like I really need additional things to schlep to.

But maybe through some magical fractal-flower sort of way… this could be working on other stuff for me at the same time. Combinations and multi-directional work.

I could practice at the Playground. If I remember to get the song.

It’s happening October 29th. Which is our day off during Crossing the Line (password: haulaway). Maybe I could convince some of the crossing-the-liners to zombie it up with me too?

That would be so awesome.

Plus it’s early prep for Zombie Yule. Just saying.

Oh and if you’re in Portland and you want to join us, oh please please please! Let me know in the comments?

I could put something up on the Frolicsome Bar?

Come on! Especially Jesse and Danielle — you guys have to do this, right?

My commitment.

To not go crazy.

To just have fun.

To talk to past me about maybe releasing some old childhood dance-class-trauma related to the perception of being-the-one-who’s-behind-on-the-count.

Additional motivation: to also heal some residual related threads that hold the last bits and pieces of my perfectionist tendencies.

Thing 2: love notes from shivanauts who do roller derby.

Here’s what I want:

I’m trying to rewrite the Shiva Nata & Roller Derby page on the Shiva Nata site.

This needs to happen before we go to Denver for Championships because our giant full page ad in the program is going to be sending people there, and right now it kind of sucks.

And what I would really love is tiny sweet stories from shivanauts who do derby and skaters who have done Shiva Nata.

Ways this could work:

There’s Laura in Ireland and @shimmergeek in Scotland.

I could interview Juno and Jess and Havana and Juvie and Sugar.

What else?

I don’t know.

Please raise your hands.

I want everyone to tell me their stories. Maybe add in some other athlete success stories since there are a ton of those too.

And I would like some pics of the team skating. Could be that Grant has some.

I really just want this to come together gracefully and easily, and be INSPIRING.

People will see our gorgeous ad and they will have to go to the page, and then the page will be a spark of shivanautical joy for filling the world with people who are actively rewriting their patterns and taking stuff apart.


My commitment.

To keep wanting the want and asking the ask.

To pay attention to where I get shy.

To find out how I can make this easy on everyone.

To write an OOD (and use my notes).

To flail and then flail some more. Dance dance dance!

Thing 3: Going dark

Here’s what I want:

Going Dark is my metaphor for retreating, hiding, running away.

Sometimes it’s part of preparing for the voyage as a way to practice conscious entry.

Sometimes it’s part of recovery time. Sometimes both.

I want this week to be like that. Pool time, massage time, bath time, nap time.

This is going to be hard because there’s a lot to do to get the Playground ready, but it needs to happen.

Ways this could work:

I could really truly deeply commit to it.

I could interview Slightly Future Me about what I did for her that helped her feel happy and cared for.

And I can set things up.

My commitment.

To call W. And H. To rendezvous with them.

To sleep lots. To dance and flail. To do lots and lots of stone skippings.

To break out the flannel sheets in the pirate queen quarters.

To blanket-fort it up.

To play.

Thing 4: Related! Planting secret surprises for slightly future me.

Here’s what I want:

I want me-of-three-weeks-from-now to look back at now and say, “Wow. Thank you.”

Not to just practice self-forgiveness for all the ways I have not been able to take care of myself and her.

But to feel really and truly appreciative for the things I did do.

Ways this could work:

It’s like being a secret admirer! Or a secret santa (something I only know about from television).

I can be sneaky and silly and have fun!

Let’s see.

I can make sure there are flowers in her dressing room. I can do laundry for her and fold up her clothes. I can hide presents and snacks, wrapped in pretty paper.

I can buy her a beautiful journal. She’ll love that!

What else? Not sure. This will require some more processing. Maybe I can work through this on the blog this week…

My commitment.

To pay attention.

To ask smart, loving, curious questions.

To detach from what I think she wants and discover what she knows she wants.

To be receptive to learning about her and what she needs.

Thing 4: The Art of Embarking

Here’s what I want:

Related to conscious entry…

I’m teaching this class on how to enter experiences so that you can change the experience by changing how you are present in it.

It’s on Monday, and it’s going to be great fun.

Let’s have some more people! Let’s have excitement! Let’s have it be amazing!

Ways this could work:

I could remind the Havi’s Announcing A Thing list. And tell the Frolicsome Bar.

And interview slightly wiser me.

And, of course, practice ENTRY for the class so that I am living by the teachings.

Which I can document for the people there as well.

My commitment.

To play. To laugh. To ring the bell. To take ten breaths. To recite Ounce, Dice, Trice.

Progress report on past Very Personal Ads.

Just to update you on what’s happened since last time.

Hmmm. I wanted chinook book dates and had a few. Still wanting more! Maybe that can happen as part of Going Dark? Planting the wish…

Then I wanted to do some seasonal updating for the Book of Me, which happened in a very unlikely way. Now I need to type up some of those notes — the stuff I learned was surprisingly useful.

I asked for tiny mini snack-sized Drunk Pirate Councils. And we had three. Drunkette Councilettes! Very happy with this new development.

There was an ask about Sixteen Days Inward, and I have been practicing in fits and starts, but it’s happening.

And I wanted an early and celebratory end to Plum Duff (password: extraraisins).

Which did and didn’t happen. Crossing the Line sold out, as expected. The available rallies are close to sold out.

We still have a few calendars, and I never got around to sending out an email. Whoops! So I want to rethink how I do the plum duff days. Will meditate on it and see what comes up.

Play-filled comment zen. Here’s what I’d love today.

  • Wanted: Your own personal ads, small or large. Updates on past ones if you like.
  • You can also do these on your own or in your head. You can always call silent retreat!
  • Leave your gwishes! Throw things in the pot!
  • Things we try to keep away from: the word “manifest”, telling people how they should be asking for things, unsolicited advice.
  • VPA amnesty applies, of course. Leave yours any time between now and next Sunday (or whenever, really) — it’s all fine by us!


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