What’s in a red box?
I have been busy emptying and releasing, letting go of [a wide variety of things], and part of that has involved unpacking three red boxes I hadn’t wanted to look at.
These boxes are full of things I’ve written. Though, really, to be more exact, these boxes are full of notes to myself about other things I’m writing? Yeah, okay.
These are the boxes of a writer, and therefore they hold treasure. Both of those realizations are also treasure.
And it will not surprise anyone who hangs out here that these boxes had also become a temporary home for iguanas.
Iguanas are what I call things I dread-avoid dealing with, and this is why the boxes hadn’t been opened, because I half-remembered there might be iguanas inside. A breath for the legitimacy of avoiding.
And yes, there were iguanas. A breath for this.
There was lots of processing about the painful breakup with my mentor.
Much strategic planning about the business venture that had been my big dream, and which Flailed Spectacularly. Yes, Flailed. It was a Flailure of epic proportions, and this experience also treasure, but/and it also hurt like hell. A breath for releasing.
And maybe ten love letters from the jealous ex, as well as a number of notebooks filled with conversations that were mostly me trying to untangle his misunderstandings for him, forgetting that this is not actually my job. A breath for remembering sovereignty.
There was also unexpected treasure. A breath for the delight of unexpected treasure!
It was good to notice how many things I hold onto that do not spark joy, to use the wonderful phrase of Marie Kondo. It was useful to see old, unsovereign patterns, documented. It was wonderful to say “goodbye and thank you”, and fill up the recycling bin.
Also, going through the boxes was like an accidental clue hunt!
I found so many beautiful clues in the red box, mostly scribbled on post-it notes, and I want to share some of them with you.
Clues about me.
- What I do, in my life, is transform spaces. This is why I’m here.
- Oh! I try to block provision because I am afraid I will exhaust myself with it.
- My friend A: “You’re like a beautiful walking shavasana dispenser, your energy is so healing. Your energy is going, Come to me bubbaleh you’ll feel good…“
- Huh. Often I don’t let myself write because I’m afraid of what I will discover when I do, except it is already there, and discovering it actually helps.
- I have a small green praying mantis who feeds off of panic. My job is to learn to never feed him panic, so his only choices are a) going away, or b) transforming into an entirely different kind of creature who contributes to good in the world.
- Ugh, I feel strongly that grief over exes/break-ups should be societally legitimate. There should be a designated week or two to cry, and then a day every month that is like national wallowing day.
- Person: “How do you survive without speaking?” Me: “Happily.” Person: “But doesn’t it drive you crazy?” Me: “Why would peacefulness drive me crazy?”
Clues that are wise.
- My friend Alon says, “Be allergic to vagueness.”
- Welcome to the Thanking Hour. It is okay though if first we need to have a Grumping Hour.
- You can’t hurt anyone by choosing what is truly good for you. Ruffled feathers doesn’t change the rightness of what you’re doing.
- Let’s ask Assertive Me about this.
- How you approach a dance changes the dance.
Clues that are just very mysterious.
- Do you ever think, “Good lord, we’re surrounded by vegans!”? Oh, yes. They can smell us, you know.
- The best part of Agency and being a spy is no one knows we just saved the world.
- Clue! A Stakeout is really S Takeout!
- How does an alligator solve a packing problem? It doesn’t care!
- My brother: “Remember the buttery Hare Krishnas?” Me: “So much butter!”
- On Yawning: Welcome to the Land of Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahs!
Clues I want to remember.
- [Famous dance coach] practices tripping, every day, in front of a mirror, so that he can dress it up. That way his body knows how to trip beautifully, and he doesn’t need to fear tripping in a competition. Applicable to everything!
- M: “Some people just don’t dance well together, and that needs to be okay.”
- Trying to please/placate/calm monsters is actually impossible. Today I finished an enormous project, and I wasn’t calm or pleased for a second. Monsters went straight to, “Fine, but what about all the other projects? What about the things you abandoned while you were working on this?” Screw that. Rally is magic! I finished this gigantic project that had been completely stuck. I am going to be happy about this, dammit.
- Incoming me: “My love. All you get are blessings now. So if it doesn’t look like a blessing, get quiet and find out how. Or trust and say thank you. Or let go of it and say thank you, because letting go might be the blessing. It is all for your good. Smile at all the broken pots.”
Clues that made me laugh with delight.
- I have some truth bombs. Haha, truth balms! It’s true. Truth illuminates, truth soothes, truth reveals beauty and spaciousness. Not that truth doesn’t destroy because sometimes it does, like shiva destroying so things can be rebuilt. Truth deconstructs.
- The superpower of being Slightly Scandalous!
- I skipped the stone “what needs to be illuminated?”, and the answer was SILENCE. This puts a whole new twist on the phrase “silence is golden”. It is golden because it is shining with light!
- “I respect a good obsession.”
- What if urgency is just a mispronunciation of AGENCY?! If I feel urgency, that means slow down and adjust crown.
Clues I love right now.
- “I was born very far from where I was supposed to be. So I’m on my way home.” — Bob Dylan
- Whoa, I think I just figured out what remembering how to roller skate (my proxy project) means! It has to do with my habit of thinking, “Ugh, I hate this project, how can I make it fun?” Instead I need to remember that these things are fun. If I have forgotten that a project I chose for myself is fun, then I need to re-see it. Oh right, I can roller skate! Oh right, this is fun! I have made it not-fun by stressing out and panicking. The project itself is just something past-me thought would be a good adventure.
- Clue from a dance movie. They dance way better when they dress up and have hair and make-up done. Costumes change presence, attentiveness and glow. Dress like it’s opening night, babe.
- “The Playground is like methodone for the internet. It has everything I like about the internet, none of the bad things, and it’s not addictive in a bad way.” — Agent Anna.
- I now invoke the superpower of I Only Have Good Options.
Since these clues have now been released through the emptying of the red box, you are welcome to enjoy any of them that speak to you.
If a clue doesn’t resonate, no worries. It’s probably someone else’s clue.
You are invited to leave joy and appreciation, share things that are sparked for you, or deposit clues of your own.
The way we keep this safe space is through the intentional practice of Not Giving Each Other Advice, and remembering that everyone has their stuff.
Feeling love in my thank-you heart for everyone who reads.