My name is Billie. Well, this week it is.
I am in a band.
I live by a bay.
I live between a small brook and another brook. Some people call me Billie Brooks. Because of that.
I have a box. I have a bell.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong, but I also believe that is a lie.
I have recently been scheduled to appear in a reality TV show called Boring Existential Crises.
And, assuming I don’t get booted off, I will go on to compete in America’s Top Boring Existential Crises.
I ended up here because I have no idea what the show is about (other than the title), and I don’t know what it will require.
So I’m just going to learn stuff. Like how to salsa. Or speak Italian. And hope that helps.
Also I would like a book deal.
The superpower I want most is buoyancy of confidence, so that I feel all Electric Boogaloo about my life.
I have just learned something new about the reality TV show I’m going to be on.
On this show I will be expected to resolve my Boring Existential Crisis, or replace it with a more interesting one possibly. And … get this!… I’m supposed to do this by learning how to dance the WHISKEY RIVER JITTERBUG.
Four things about the Whiskey River Jitterbug.
- It is called the Whiskey River Jitterbug, which is seriously the best name in the entire world. For anything.
- It was originally called the Lake Charles Slide! Lake! Charles! Slide!
- It’s an east coast swing variety that moved cajun and I love it even though I don’t really know what it is.
- I have the hugest Ludicrous Fear Popcorn that if I do this I will become obsessed with Whiskey River Jitterbug and forego everything else in my life. Ohmygod.
An explanation. Or: Things, again, that start with B.
This week is Rally B, and I am thinking about things that start with B, and this is why I am being Billie.
And also my project is a little scary to me, and so it easier to learn things about Whiskey River Jitterbug than it is to try and solve my actual Boring Existential Crisis, but secretly learning about Whiskey River Jitterbug is solving my Boring Existential Crisis.
Through the magic of proxies and fractal flowers. And Rally.
Whatever I learn about Whiskey River Jitterbug is going to show me what I need in real life. And that’s why it’s a reality show. It is showing me reality.
And one of the things it has already shown me about reality is that my Boring Existential Crisis is a) not boring, b) not existential and c) not a crisis.
And that it can be solved, like most things, through dancing it out, whether literally or metaphorically.
Reality is full of good surprises today.
Keep me company?
You can call me Billie.
You can make up names for my band. Which, by the way, is probably just one guy.
You can use words that start with B.
You can share excitement for Whiskey River Jitterbug.
You can make things up about the fake reality show that I am going to be on.
Basically pretty much anything goes except for advice. ♡
Hi, Billie! It’s me, Bonnie Brae. 🙂
Let’s see…Billie and the Idle?
I think your reality show will be the one on which people didn’t come on to win, naturally make friends, and no one gets thrown under the metaphoric bus. Every reality show has the tag line they say when people are cut, but maybe this is a reality show where every week there are new contestants. You go home when you want. You can come back when you want.
Oh, all the Bs! Makes me think of the beautiful little bakery at Balthazar. If only we had that in Boston…
I would like to audition for your reality show! It will totally give boring the business.
Bippity-boppity-boo Billie! (aka Hello)
I’m blue as the moon (a proxy, sort of), that I’m hoping to write about as a poem.
I’ve had several Existential Crises, and none of them were Boring. Dealing with them via reality show sounds kinda genius. I would watch that, even though I don’t watch TV. I would also read about it, if that were available.
i hope this show has one cooking contest in it, those are always fun and cringe-able.
I got some bawdy b-words, Boo, because i’m learning burlesque–so balloons, boobs, bubbles, Bubbles Kierkegaarde the existential stripper (does a fan dance a 2volume annotated set of the Critique of Pure reason), bouncing, and biggified.
Maybe not your band’s name, but a band name from a news story: Spontaneous Goat Manure Fire. Funky, barnyard music.
Maybe the show involves cooperation and games. Maybe one segment is creating metaphors and then dressing up and acting them out. In the interactive voting, the audience can choose only “Silent Retreat” or tell what worked for them. Words and colors. Maybe a segment on using a magic compass. Shiva nata. Singing and humming. Improvisation. Maybe monster interviews. Dancing chicken revues. My Super Power of Extreme Metaphors is very active right now.
Bodacious begonias for your dance and play.
Billie’s Bog Bumpers – they would know songs for the Whiskey River Jitterbug.