I feel a Congruencing brewing

I feel it wanting to come in like a sweet dusting of rain
not a storm

A sea change, a new season of whooshing away any stale or stagant energy
in small ways, tiny sweet shifts

This is me demonstrating both to myself and my space that I am
inhabiting my life more fully —
taking up space and saying I am here

Congruencing means

All the small moments of noticing that something is disharmonious
in my life or in my space
and then making small adjustments

I am laughing a little right now to myself because
past me put Fearless Intentional Choosing on the calendar —
literally, that’s what she chose for this year’s Fluent Self calendar,
a September superpower to help us stand in our strength more
and this is also the superpower of Congruencing

Congruencing time is not for big overhauls

No dismantling necessary, no taking things apart
though you might hear whisper-hints of future movement

Any point in the process might be a moment of conception for newness
a launching or a gestating of seeds

Little shiva-seeds of the pulsing kaleidoscopic destruction-creation cycle
which comes in its own time with its own unlikely rhythm

I think of Congruencing less as big shifting and more as lovingly clearing cobwebs

When I start congruencing, I go gently

Starting with the little things, often from the physical, the things I can see:

dead flowers
empty water glass
forgotten leftovers whose time has passed
haha whoops I never folded the laundry from last week


Forgiveness forgiveness forgiveness absolution always, internally directed

Last-week me and all versions of past-me were doing the best they could
with the tools and skills they had at the time
in the conditions they had to work with
probably functioning under too little sleep and way too much stress
and neglecting their crown, forgetting truth, totally understandably,
they wanted what was best for me-now, and sometimes made choices that
me-now might choose differently, and it’s okay

Remembering this (or trying to)
is an integral part of the culture of Congruencing

And of course I am not talking about laundry here
though yes, I am also talking about laundry

Congruencing happens in tiny deletions

It isn’t about inbox zero or whatever
just noticing: oh okay these three things need to go
the easier ones
making space for more pauses and breaths of sweetness


If I meet an iguana (a thing I really don’t want to do)
I choose Safety First and put the iguana in a safe house for later

To avoid ambushing future me, I might put the iguana in a folder or box
with a metaphorical comfy blanket so it doesn’t get cold
and a note on top:

hey my love, there is an iguana in here,
I trust that all timing is right timing and that you now have the superpowers
to know what is best here, and to meet it with tenderness, presence and a strong force field, thank you for letting me trust you with this

Clearing cobwebs is both good and hard, like so many things

It stirs up dust

Metaphorical dust and energy dust are just as uncomfortable as the physical kind
if not more so

Sometimes while sweeping and clearing out
it seems like I’m generating more mess than there was to begin with
all that stagnation and guilt-residue give me a headache and make me cough
but that is just the process of exiting
it will get better

An endless fountaining of sparklepoints for us
for even thinking about interacting with things that have gone stale

Things that help (for me!)

Scent: sage or incense or diffusing oil

If you don’t have sage, internet sage works surprisingly well
I am lighting some right now, can you feel it
you just have to pause for a moment and feel how your spine naturally gets longer and wider
as you breathe in expansiveness

If you land on a website with sticky energy (ha, okay, most websites),
internet sage is useful
though so is exiting as swiftly as possible
whoosh goodbye goodbye
shaking it off with your body

What else?

Chamomile extract and Headache Ease potion from Sundial Medicinals
(if you order some, say hi to Emily from me! I like her a lot)

If things get stuck or I find myself deep in self-recrimination
I reach for the monster coloring book and spend ten minutes coloring

You can also deposit monsters at daycare for a while

Getting down on the floor for ten minutes and closing my eyes and breathing
is a form of internal Congruencing
as is breathing eight breaths, one in each direction
and naming qualities

A secret.

Internal congruencing supports external congruencing and vice versa

This truth is really at the very core of self-fluency:

We can change internal space through consciously lovingly adjusting
our relationship to external space
or the other way around

(Whichever feels most accessible in a given moment is where I start)

Today I might play with Congruencing

Through ordering a new checkbook
though that actually might be an iguana
(maybe I just ask you guys where you acquired checks that you love)

And through closing tabs
Oh and making notes about small changes I want to make on the website

You guys, I missed the birthday of my site

This beautiful space is TEN YEARS OLD as of the last weekend of August!

I feel — unexpectedly — intensely guilty for not marking this,
like a mother who forgot her child’s birthday

Which is why amnesty and absolution are so vital to congruencing
because it’s very easy to get sucked into remorse
when you start to really look at what is, and you see just how much dust has piled up

Oh god there are 18,567 comments in the spam folder and I never checked for real ones hiding there and now I have Ludicrous Fear Popcorn about that!

So we activate the superpower of Nothing Is Wrong

And All Timing Is Right Timing
and I Am Okay
all the good things

And we move towards harmony in tiny steps, breathing with intention

Because congruencing is really about steps towards, not about achieving or
accomplishing or finishing, whatever that even means

Small changes and updates made with love, from love
sweet reconfigurings, may it be so

Would you like to join me? Or keep me company while I play…

Join me in congruencing small things of your own or just naming them in the comments, or you can share appreciation or anything sparked for you here…

Naming them in code can sometimes be very helpful — for example, I do not like to return packages so I call this Many Happy Returns! Or I use anagrams to rename things

Companionship helps and we are all in this together

So here is a space for that, if we want

We don’t tell anyone what to do, we meet each other (and ourselves) with love

And if now is not the right moment for Congruencing for you, and you just want to take some brisk fall breaths with me — or if you are in the southern hemisphere, warm sunshine breaths, that works too

Come share in this feeling of fresh and movement and time for newness
there is enough to go around


The Fluent Self