Mood

Not sure exactly what is behind the grumpy mood I woke up in.

The usual suspects of course include the moon, hormones, perceived boundary violations, the poor air quality, the memories of last spring in lockdown and the terrible fires, a post-celebration energy hangover, the long list of things that I do not want to deal with, the endless logistical strategizing of these past nine months on the move, the question of where I might be going next and where after that, because I’m moving again on Saturday and what’s the plan, not knowing if/when/how a vaccine is going to show up in my future, not sure what else exactly. All I know is that everything feels groggy, foggy, elusive.

However I know from experience that while it helps to list Contributing Factors as a form of applying Acknowledgment & Legitimacy, this is also not a mystery I need to solve.

We can shift the mood and the energy without ever figuring out the backstory if there is one. No matter how disconnected I feel from my wishes of Wild Clarity & Joyful Agility, that’s really just neutral information.

Me: Okay, I feel disconnected. Got it. Okay, I don’t like it. That’s fair, that’s reasonable and legitimate, of course we don’t enjoy feeling disconnected babe. We’ve got this.

Gleaming for Congruence

Something I play with sometimes on a day like this when seemingly nothing is working is putting aside my list and calling in a Gleaming day, sometimes known as a Congruencing day. Declaring it.

The idea is to see if we can bring in some playfulness and some order or harmony, maybe we make some things slightly shinier or slightly less foggy, maybe literally, maybe figuratively, maybe some combination of these, and then see how that changes things if it does.

Sometimes clearing space physically helps when I can’t clear internally. That might mean polishing something with intention, and it might mean moving things around strategically or intuitively.

Or maybe I want to throw a small dance party and then do something (haha something?) with that giant pile of dishes, who knows.

And will it make everything better?

Maybe, or, as my Grandma Sarah would have said, it couldn’t hurt.

The point is interrupting the habit-patterns of my mind, the story of This Bad Day, the looping cycle of trying to get things done and giving up and feeling terrible about myself, all of which is a boring tool of capitalism. We want to skip around that and do things differently.

Maybe our Gleaming Day will just make one or two things better, but maybe that’s a lot because everything is connected. Maybe it won’t make things better so much as it will make them different, which is kind of a form of better because contrast is a form of healing in its own way.

Our Gleaming Day doesn’t need to make everything better (though it might), we are just trying to get the energy moving in a new way.

And because everything is connected and fractal, shifting the energy in one place/plane/project will shift things under the surface for all other projects, or at least that’s our working hypothesis. We’re just doing a science.

Starting Points

You probably know already how much I love the practice of Entry, aka first steps, symbolic forms of approach.

And so these are the things I do for entry. You might want different entry practices entirely, that part is up to you.

Mine look like this:

STEP ZERO: RGW. Replenishing Glass of Water, begin with hydration
STEP ONE: ANTHEM. What song puts me in a better mood? Is there a playlist for this?
STEP TWO: TENDERNESS. Lip balm? Hand cream? A symbolic way to be loving towards myself?
STEP THREE: SENSATION. Change sensory state. Open a window, light a candle, deep breath of cinnamon.
STEP FOUR: NAME & RENAME. What three things can I do to change the feel of my space? And can I rename them to make them seem more appealing? Taking out the recycling is now Operation Clear Field Of Vision.

I have so many fun methods for renaming, however I promised myself and my inner monster chorus of No Time that I would only give half an hour to this post including editing, and that was some hilarious underestimating because I don’t understand time, so we will save those fun methods for another time because there is one more thing I want to mention!

Let’s play!

You are invited to use the comments to play along if you like.

I am going to begin with a song, my favorite candle, and I’m going to put the rest of my chai in the blender with oat milk and add some freshly grated nutmeg.

And my secret ops for now are:

  • Operation Clear Field of Vision (take out recycling)
  • Gleefully Demolishing The J. U. M. B. L. E. (the chaos in the sink)
  • And possibly I will also heroically Told Some Fowels, who can say.

Bon Courage

I wish you courage & luck in your secret ops and your playful entry, and I want to just add one more thing, something I learned from the amazing Dori Midnight, and that is the practice of challenging ourselves every day to do at least one thing in the most ludicrous inefficient way possible, as a middle finger to capitalism and all oppressive systems.

We live in a culture that obsesses over productivity and elevates it above joy, but when we are Joyfully Inefficient, when we REBELLIOUSLY REVEL IN OUR INEFFICIENCY, this is not only a subversive practice that changes culture, it is a way of reclaiming joy, pleasure and our own access to creative innovative self-expression.

That’s a helluva concept so you might just want to drop it into consciousness like a pebble into water and let it do its work in its own time. In the meantime, you are welcome to play along, I’m here! Happy Gleaming Day or Gleaming Hour or Gleaming Moment, whenever it comes.

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