very personal ads

I write a Very Personal Ad (also known as a Vision of Possibility & Anticipation) each week to practice wanting, listening, getting clear on my desires

the point isn’t getting my wish (though cool things have emerged from wishing), it’s learning about my relationship with wanting, accessing the qualities

wanting can be hard, it is easy to feel conflicted about it, and the reasons for that make this a surprisingly subversive practice…

this is the 325th consecutive week of wishing, come play!

delicious space!

I found this tantalizing combination of words in a book about dance imagery, by Eric Franklin, is that not a gem of a phrase?

you imagine and feel, as you come up into relevé, you feel-imagine
that the space above you is delicious
you feel happy-peaceful-sweet-steady-powerful in this delicious space
of course you do: it’s delicious

whisper it

taste the way the s and the s slide-collide into each other and
then how the e at the end empties and echoes into endlessness

delicious space

what a luscious word-cluster

I want my space — my space — to feel delicious

the space inside my head and inside my heart
my bedroom and kitchen and the space of my life

a lot of times it doesn’t

too many conversations in my head, endless stew-stirring,
I forget that this doesn’t feed me, and it doesn’t support deliciousness

I forget to make loving containers-of-spaciousness for myself
and it is well known that I put up with things that are uncomfortable,
or barely-comfortable
and don’t want to let them go

what if [delicious space] is so much more than the space above my head

as I release and go deeper into Congruencing: DELICIOUS SPACE

as I breathe eight breaths in eight directions, forming a compass of qualities around me, suddenly the space around me is a force field of DELICIOUS SPACE

turning inward to listen to the quiet steady pulse of life, I am in DELICIOUS SPACE

gently blowing dust off of my copper bowl, my pelvic bowl, I feel how it wants to become DELICIOUS SPACE

when I tune into to my wishes and to sweet desire, each week, in this practice/ritual that both pulls me and terrifies me, because it reveals so much, I come here, into DELICIOUS SPACE

wise words about delicious space from Marie Kondo:

  • “the best way to find out what we really need is to get rid of what we don’t”
  • “if you [thank your house] repeatedly, you will start to feel your house respond when you come home, you will sense its pleasure passing through like a gentle breeze”
  • “things that are cherished shine”
  • “tidying is not the purpose of life”
  • “transform your closet into your own private space, one that gives you a thrill of pleasure”

delicious space actually hums

I can’t remember if Marie said this in words or if it’s just something I know so well that I imagine she agrees with me:

space that is loved and charged up with qualities starts to hum

for five years I [verb]ed the most astonishing retreat center called The Playground
where we practiced self-fluency and everything we play with here
and anyone who was there can tell you:

that space was charged up with magic
and it hummed

for the longest time

I wished my own space would do that, and now it does
my bedroom purrs like the most contented kitten

what else do I know about delicious space?

  1. bold-me lives in delicious space, the me who is not afraid to glow
  2. space is extra-delicious inside of a round house
  3. space is extra-delicious when it is approached with intention

what else?

spaces as in pauses, or red lights, waiting for a cup to fill

space between toes, walking the beach, warm sand

space between breaths, the kumbaka moment of effortless blank mind

the in-between spaces

like on a swing

it takes you up and up, to that moment of suspended in delicious space
before the pendulum motion pulls you back in the other direction

that’s the sexy -and-a- that comes before count 1 in swing dance,
the sweet gasp in waltz between the 3 and the 4

or really, hovering at the moment where 2 becomes 3, everything is a prelude to everything

moments heavy with pent-up anticipation, potential-before-kinetic,
the tingling electric almost

or calm like the eye of the storm
chaos everywhere and yet, my space is delicious
delicious and beautifully still

what am I avoiding talking about here?

of course, my uncomfortable realization about Supportive Environments

so many things I do, relationships, or frameworks I have agreed to
are not actually as supportive as I thought

it’s more like, aspects are supportive,
or these structures support me in SOME ways but not in all ways
what I want is True Yes environments that are just supportive, period
like my Playground used to be

none of the forms in my life are as supportive as I wish them to be,
how did that happen

what’s the solution?

  • turn inward, get quiet and listen
  • understand that I need to make this a priority, insist on supportive environments
  • take exquisite care of myself, follow the protocol

or as I said the other day, somewhere, my answer to everything is: [say no, pizza, sex]

BOUNDARIES, SUSTENANCE, PLEASURE… these make everything better

a sign in a shop window: help wanted — inquire within

this struck me as the wisest advice imaginable, I wish to choose this all the time, and then, conveniently, I saw an advertisement for premium gasoline which counseled, Choose It All The Time

I want to choose Inquire Inside all the time, whenever I want help
I want to choose Delicious Space all the time, in all things

nothing like a sign when you need one

my beloved friend Colleen the Sign Maker is a great appreciator of signs
so I texted her this one, and she lettered it beautifully, with bonus punctuation

I am not a signmaker, I am a bell, but I am good at shining light towards the signs, and I wish for more of that

anything else that needs to be revealed?

yes, this is about giving myself spaciousness and not rushing or agreeing to be rushed

I have a [secret mysterious project] with a very tight timeline, which does not feel like delicious space, so I need to make this clear to the other people involved

(noticing frustration because I think I have done this, and it hasn’t registered)

breathing spaciousness and trust

I want the delicious space inside of me to support delicious space outside of me, and I want the space around me to be so delicious that it supports my ability to get quiet and go inside

may it be so!

now

I am in bed — surprise! — speaking of space that is delicious
my view from the window: lush green leaves and rain

delicious space is external and internal
and both require fearless intentional choosing, how fortunate that this is the superpower of the month

superpower of fearless intentional choosing.

September - Stand in My Strength More now I am ready to stand in my strength more, as september (on the Fluent Self calendar) brings fearless intentional choosing

I am weaving this superpower into this week’s wish:

fearlessly delicious space, intentionally choosing deliciousness / deliciously choosing fearlessness, deliciously intentional space choices

last week’s wishes

aka edge recovery

oh yes, I am recovering, and also recovering my edges-and-edginess

there are new boundaries in my future as well as sexy-angry boots to wear when I am ready to acquire them, and I feel very glowy about both of these

thank you, process of writing about wishes, and thank you, me who asked

invitation: come play with me…

you are invited to share many !!!!!! about what is here (and the new icon!),
or share anything sparked for you while reading

deposit wishes, gwishes, superpowers, qualities, ingredients, intel, possibly in code

safe space for creative exploration asks us to let go of care-taking and advice-giving

wishes are never late because whenever you wish is the right time for wishing

here’s how we meet each other’s wishes: oh, wow what beautiful wishes