Background…? Yes, I should probably give you some.

Okay. When my internal monster collective is being too scary or mean for me to interact with, I call for a negotiator to do it for me.

The current situation: I want to purchase some clothing to help me practice for the necessary identity shift that’s part of something I’m working on right now. A secret costume!

Meanwhile, the monsters are up in arms about the EXTRAVAGANCE and DOOM. And that’s probably enough to go on. Let’s do this.

The setting.

A dark pub.

No, it’s a saloon.

And Clint Eastwood is sitting at a wooden table in the corner. The taciturn, sun-weathered, spaghetti western Clint Eastwood. The ambiguous anti-hero.

The man who single-handledly made poncho-wearing weirdly macho. And sexy.

Meanwhile, the representative of the Monstourage (thank you, Beth) is sitting across from him, looking agitated and angry.

Clint Eastwood looks like Clint Eastwood.

Possibly slightly more unavailable and broody than usual, but it’s kind of hard to tell.

The first round.

Monster rep: This. Is. Absurd.

{The Monster rep slams his fist down on the table menacingly.}

Absurd, I tell you! Don’t you know that Havi JUST SPENT money on things to wear — frivolous! Wasteful! Imprudent!

This is already well beyond what’s allowed. There cannot be talk of more. There can be no Sunday Very Personal Ad asks for things for her. Preposterous!

Absolutely NOT!

Clint Eastwood: ….

{Says nothing. Chews on a piece of straw. Looks at the monster rep.}

The second round.

Monster rep: Yes, okay, fine.

Fine. Yes. Everything she bought this month was on that big sale thing so yes, she saved us a lot of money.

And she would have bought all that over the course of the year anyway, so that was actually sensible. You’re right.

But but but! She might buy more! Extravagance! Danger! Doom! Being judged! Bad things!

There could be more. We CANNOT have more.

Clint Eastwood: ….

{Says nothing. Removes straw from mouth. Lights a cigarette. Exhales. Taps ash. Leans back.}

The third round.

Monster rep: Yes, alright! True, true.

This was stuff she needs. And it means less back and forth between the bolt holes.

And she can use this all for [upcoming conference]. Which is a really big deal.

That sale was a lucky thing — a secret wish come true at the exact right moment.

But please, no more!

What if she ends up with NO MORE money? Lack! Lack! Again! We can’t ever let that kind of suffering happen again! Look how much pain it brought our sweet girl. Please no more pain for her.

And also what if people judge her and think she’s EXTRAVAGANT?!

Clint Eastwood: ….

{Raises eyebrow.}

The fourth round.

Monster rep: Fine. Fine!

You’re going to say we’re just doing that same thing we always do when we try to create walls and force a state of stagnation, instead of allowing for flow.

And you’re probably right. It’s our trust issues! It’s our fear! It’s not in present time. It’s because of then!

We do have trouble trusting.

And yes, when she brought in the Scientists to observe and take notes, science has shown us that when she buys things consciously and with intention, everything is okay.

And yes, the things she is buying right now are congruent with her bigger vision, which is important.

But but! SLIPPER SLOPE! I mean, SLIPPERY! Yes.

What if we let up and she starts buying stuff ALL THE TIME?! Because you know what will happen then, don’t you, Clint Eastwood? Doom doom doom doom doom doom. Doom.

Clint Eastwood: ….

{Puts out cigarette. Looks at rep.}

The fifth round.

Monster rep: Okay, okay, okay.

No doom. We take back the doom. I don’t know why I said doom.

Just show us what’s on the table. What’s in this week’s Gwish Envelope?

Okay, fine. You can also show us the qualities.

And sure, yes. You can even show us the notes from Barrington about why Havi needs this now.

Clint Eastwood: ….

{Slowly pulls out an oilskin packet and pushes it across the table to the monster representative, without blinking or changing expression.}

And then what?

The monster representative looks at the Wish.

He touches the name of the Wish.

The qualities of the wish begin to be released. They float around the table and light up the saloon like little colored lights. Like stars.

It’s a weird little magical moment inside of this dark saloon.

No one else notices anything.

It’s just Clint and the monster rep and the floating sparkling qualities.

The secret essence comes out.

The Wish reveals its secret name and purpose: COVERAGE.

It reveals its secret identity, which I cannot share here.

It shares its secret message:

Sovereignty. Under. Things.

It shows its qualities:

Simplicity. Beauty. Harmony. Efficiency. Flow. Congruence.

It tells me about the secret core layer of strength and power that this costume gives me. It tells me about the superpowers that emerge from having acquired this costume in a harmonious way.

And then the monster rep nods and leaves through a mousehole. I’m not really sure how he got so small all of a sudden.

Clint Eastwood tips his hat to no one in particular and then he’s gone too.

It was a pretty good day.

I got my costume.

Without that stomach-clenching oh noooooo feeling coming out when I went to get my credit card.

It felt safe. The right version of me to be doing this was at the front of the V.

I want to tell you all these things about this! But I am going to take a page from the Clint Eastwood handbook and not say anything else for now.

The commenting blanket fort!

We all have our stuff. We’re all working on our stuff. It’s a process.

We play. We interact with our stuff in the safest ways we can.

We remember the principle of “people vary!”. Each of us gets to take loving responsibility for our stuff, and to separate out from other people’s stuff.

We create a supportive environment by not telling each other what to do or how to feel.

You can play here! Or suggest hilarious western villain names for monster representatives. Or draw things, if you have the Monster Coloring Book.

Besos.