Friday chicken

A look at the good and the hard in my week, a ritual of reflecting.

It is Friday and we are here.

{a breath for Friday.}

What worked this week?


We were planning to head out to Joshua Tree, and I really wanted this. The quiet, the beautiful, the not-working.

Except then Slightly Wiser Me stepped in and gave a no. Well, not so much a NO as a NOT YET, BABE.

She said, “Sweetie, tomorrow you are going to want to cry a lot and sit on the couch with a hot water bottle or hide in the bathtub. This is the cycle your body has, like it or not. This is not the time to be on the road or in a camper.”

And then I argued.

I pointed out that since quitting [gluten] back in March, our monthly time-out has gotten way less nightmarish and is actually perfectly manageable. Which is true. Except experience has shown that when Slightly Wiser Me makes a suggestion, I really want to follow it.

She said, “Do this for me, as a favor.”

So I listened.

Thank you thank you thank you thank you a thousand times thank you for this moment of listening. She was so completely right.

Next time I might…

Say yes to retreating.


If you feel drawn to leave comments on aspects of my week, I will take love, hearts, breaths, pebbles, I do not need advice or cheering up, though presence and sweetness are appreciated. Hearts or pebbles work great if you don’t know what to say, often I don’t know what to say either so we’re in the same boat.

Eight breaths for the hard, challenging and mysterious.

  1. This was a hard, challenging week for me. I was deep in my stuff. A breath for meeting myself where I am, with as much love as I can muster.
  2. Grief and pain. Realizations about loss, memories about loss, reflections of losses past. I am feeling rage about injustice in this country, about the helplessness of it. I am feeling astonishment at seeing the abusive things I have put up with in past relationships. I am seeing the interconnectedness of pain as I walk through the sadness around losing my mother. I danced the dance of the spirals in the desert, and wept about not being able to teach anymore. A breath for everything, for letting be and for letting go.
  3. A super depressing realization about next year, after crunching numbers in a hundred different ways. I don’t (yet) see how it’s possible to follow the road that is calling me, and to give myself the time off I so intensely want/need. A breath for asking for clear seeing, for surprise miracles.
  4. Radical Sovereignty: It is so hard to live like this. I mean, sure, it is so much harder to not live like this but my god. The vulnerability of saying to someone you care about that you don’t want the thing they want. The way I compromise my desires, neglect to state my preferences, avoid opportunities to treasure myself, pretend that what I want is not important, or act as if I don’t even know what that is. A breath for ease and comfort.
  5. A lot is in flux right now. Like, a lot a lot a lot. Body is freaking out about this, even though it’s good. A breath for trusting the process of life.
  6. Forgetting truth-love, forgetting to nourish myself first, forgetting to tend to body first, forgetting that this is my real job and only job. A breath for remembering, and for trust-more love-more release-more receive-more.
  7. I miss teaching [thing I used to teach]. I feel so much sadness and pain about that whole stupid, sad, obnoxious misunderstanding. A breath for smiling at the broken pots.
  8. Inhale, exhale. May all misunderstandings and distortions, internal and external, dissolve in love if not in laughter. Goodbye (and thank you), mysteries and hard moments of this week.

Eight breaths of good, reassuring, delight-filled.

  1. Operation Tranquility Recovery Magic: now on Day 30. It has been so amazing. A breath for receiving.
  2. Love. A breath for pure joy.
  3. Being in spectacularly beautiful places that are a healing. Thank you, Death Valley. Thank you, mountains and sky. A breath for deep quiet.
  4. Dancing spirals in the desert. A breath of thank you.
  5. I am having ideas and insights about all the things that aren’t working instead of just being in a mood about how frustrating it is that they aren’t working. A breath for hopefulness.
  6. I caught myself in the pattern of [trying to force myself to do the thing I don’t want and somehow make it work] instead of speaking the truth about what I do want, and I said what I wanted. A breath for how this breaks things, in a good way. A breath for sweet powerful necessary destruction/deconstruction.
  7. Warm hand on my cheek. Warm voice in my ear. A breath for this sweetness.
  8. Thankfulness. Heart full of love. Tiny miracles everywhere. Wise friends who remind me to forgive myself. So much sweetness in my life, so much kindness, so much generosity and permission. Everything is okay. Nothing is wrong. Now is not then. All Timing Is Right Timing. A full breath of deep appreciation in my thank-you heart.

WHAM BOOM! Operations completed.

The phrase Whoosh Ha Mastodon Boom is secret agent code that means: this thing is done! It is often shortened to wham-boom. You may also shout (or whisper) other joyous words if you like.

More editing done, more Sip Hint magic done, and a ton of planning for the next two years. Come on, fractal flowers! Wham Boom.

Revisiting some wise important words of truth from past-me.

This post: This may be slightly surreal.


Powers I had this week…

I had the power of Remarkably Calm And Sanguine.

I had this power to such an extent that it somehow prevailed even when we got lost in the Mojave desert in the dark, on foot, and couldn’t find the camper, and the moon was hidden by clouds and we were wandering back and forth on paths that might not have been paths, and it looked like we might have to give up and sleep in the sand and be cold and hungry until morning.

It was a very good superpower and also we found our way back and had a very delicious dinner, and slept like babies in a warm bed.

Superpowers I want.

Same same. The superpower of Joyful Full-Hearted Adventuring While Treasuring Myself. And trusting my instincts.

Other favorite superpowers: Permission slips everywhere. Calm Steady Trust Is Mine At All Times. I Take Care Of Myself Easily and Unapologetically. Loving No Is The Door To True Yes! Delighting in Plenty. Self-Ripening Wisdom. I see how beautiful everything is and I say thank you. Theatrical Spectaculars! Doing things in grand fashion, like a fairground stripper! I Boldly Glow. Ablaze With Fearless Intentional Choice-Making. I Have Everything I Need. Wildly Confident, Outrageously Beautiful, Wonderfully Tranquil. I Do Not Dim My Spark For Anyone.

The Salve of Remarkably Calm And Sanguine.

This salve contains many qualities, including:

Presence. Surrender. Comfort. Grace. Steadiness. Trust. Illuminating. Receiving.

I want to say that it is a salve that offers perspective, but really it is a salve that reveals perspective.

When it touches my skin, I remember that the thing I think is bad news might not be. In fact, it probably isn’t. For sure it isn’t.

That bus that just blew by without stopping for me was not my bus, even though I thought it was. I know that it isn’t, because I’m not on it.

That means that either another bus is my bus, or I am going to have a fabulous adventure walking, or something else is going to happen, but either way, this is not bad news. Everything is okay.

While I gradually soften into this remembering, my skin remembers truth, steady calm begins to circulate through my system, in my breath and in my blood…. and everything changes for the better.

Or maybe it doesn’t change. Maybe it already was good and I didn’t realize it.

But in this moment of steadiness, I can see new options and better possibilities. I am able to play.

It’s a secret clarity salve, because as you stop assuming that things are a disaster, all the little sparks of good begin to reveal themselves. And it starts to be the tiniest bit funny.

You can laugh your way into solutions with this salve. You can even trip over them, but it doesn’t hurt. You’re Remarkably Calm And Sanguine, as you giggle and pick up your next clue.

These salves can’t be seen, but the production factory delivers enough for distribution by way of the magic of the internet, so help yourself. There is enough.

If salve does not appeal, you can have this in tea form, as a bath, cocktail, whatever works for you. Not only is there enough salve, there are also enough ways to receive it.

Playing live at the meme beach house — the Fake Band of the Week!

My brother and I make up bands, which are all just one guy. The Meme Beach House is the venue.

This week’s band is an Australian group called You Can’t Fake That, they play lounge music and actually it’s just one guy.

Attenzione! Attention, AGENTS.

I am still recommending the Emergency Get Calm, Quiet And Steady techniques, since they are keeping things good around here for me.

So I want to seed a reminder that this is a thing, and it helps, a lot. Not just with calming down in the moment but with building the kind of habits that allow you to change your relationship with whatever is scary or uncomfortable.

I hardly ever recommend these because the page is already many years old and needs rewriting. However, copywriting aside, this is still one of the best things I have ever made, by a lot. I have two boxes in my office full of the sweetest thank you notes from people, and so many of them are for this.

Come play if you like…

Join me in the comments. Some of us share hard and good, some of us say hi, or maybe we’re feeling quiet. My ritual doesn’t have to be your ritual. Whatever works for you. We’ve been doing this every week for years now and there still isn’t a right way. Feel free to leave pebbles (or petals!), hearts, warmth, sweetness. Those always work.

Everyone belongs. We let people have their own experience. We’re supportive and welcoming. We don’t give advice.

Wishing you a glorrrrrrrrrrrrious day, a restful weekend and a happy week to come.

Shabbat shalom.

p.s. It’s fine if it’s not Friday anymore. There’s complete chicken amnesty — join in whenever you like, it’s no big deal. And I am blowing kisses to the Beloved Lurkers. I love that you are here too.

The Fluent Self