I am following a pull towards something new in my ritual of paying attention to each month.
Instead of entering and exiting the month, I think I want to back off a little and just notice things about my relationship with it.
That means both July in general and also this July in particular.
Not a hello, not a goodbye. Not even necessarily an interaction. Just quietly observing from the side. Which I guess is its own kind of interaction. A quieter one.
Which is weirdly fitting, given that I’ve been living in silence for six months now. Everything else is getting quieter, why not this.
My relationship with July.
What do I know about July?
About me and July? Us. Together.
Last July I asked for things that begin and do not begin with P, and I do not remember how that went. I do remember that July had a lot of sad endings, and also that I learned how to play (and playdate) in an entirely new way, and that I embarked on the beginning of a coronation.
I am pleased to report backwards to me-of-one-year-ago that we are much more at home in both Passion and Perseverence (two of the P-words that I was working with), and that the thing that hurt so much then is okay now. Thinking about it, I smile a wistful loving smile at what was, but I do not feel the the “hurting shards of heart-truth” anymore.
That was July last year.
This July is new.
Experiences and wishes I bring with me from June into July…
- The roses and the rose gardens.
- Outdoors as much as possible.
- Dance every day.
- Operation Thrive A.M.
- Emptying and Replenishing.
- Operation Serenity: Serenity, Empty, Replenish, Ease, Newness, Insight (In Sight!), Trust, Yes.
- Trying on the costume of I Am Malibu Barbie, and discovering all kinds of things that I like that I did not think that I would like.
- I smile at doorways, flirt with fountains, delight in noticing the aliveness of being alive.
- The Spy Who Loved Me. Both as the exact right color of nail polish, and the actual spy, loving me.
What I want from this July.
Let this be the month of Openings.
The month of Apertures and Archways.
Pathways appearing where there were no visible pathways before.
If a new (and better) door opens when one closes, this is the time for the new doors to reveal themselves.
A month of sustenance and simplicity, archways and openings.
More specifically, I want…
- Writing time and yoga time: centerpiece of my day.
- Openings and archways.
- I see a path that I didn’t see before, and I love it!
- Ha, this can totally work.
- Undoing rules about what is possible.
- Joyful playtime in the sun.
- Wishcrafting and OOD-ing in companionship.
- Be Like Water, Havi Bell.
- There is time.
- Relief. Reprieve. Time out. Time off. Time in.
A compass of qualities for July.
Sustenance. Simplicity. Trust. Receiving. Firm footing. Calm. Possibility. Pathways and Openings.
Superpowers for July.
I trust harder, deeper, more powerfully and more easily than I have ever trusted before.
What I need is right here.
I can suddenly see the doorways and openings that are already available to me that for whatever reason I have not been able to see until now.
I am a bell.
Meeting everything with love. I remember how to do this. I remember that I can do this.
Checking the app.
What does the Stompopolis calendar hold?
This month’s quality: RESONANCE.
Of course, that will help me be a bell.
And the superpower of Steady Replenishing.
Naming the moon.
The Moon of Spirals.
What would I like to be new about my relationship with July.
I’m ready to be done with Summer Dread.
I’m ready to embark on the adventure of Summers Off, and finding out how that can happen. I’m also thinking about not being in Portal Land during the summer, we’ll see how that plays out.
Mainly I would like to be outdoors, with feet in the sand or on the ground. I want to be breathing, writing, rolling in the grass, stretching, exploring and napping.
I am slowly rewriting my history of summer as The Time When The Bad Stuff Happens, and I think the next step in this is more spaciousness, more room for play. Less tightness. And not teaching. That is important.
Also a big piece of July is the 4th of July, American Independence Day, and the fireworks that are so terrifying and traumatic for me. So part of what needs to change in July is REFUGE. I need to be somewhere else so that I can give myself shelter and refuge.
This is what I am planting, with curiosity, presence and love.
May it be so.
Want to play?
You can deposit notes, observations, wishes, or whatever you like for July or about your relationship with July.
We are not dogmatic here. There is no one right way. Play any way you like.
Something that gives me great pleasure and comfort is how we have managed to cultivate that incredibly rare thing that is safe space on the internet. It lives here, and it’s a really big deal. We achieve that safety through not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. Presence, legitimacy, room for everyone to experience what they’re experiencing as they’re experiencing it.
So thank you. Love, as always, to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers, and everyone who reads. You’re my community, and I treasure that.