I am following a pull towards something new in my ritual of paying attention to each month.
Instead of entering and exiting the month, I think I want to back off a little and just notice things about my relationship with it.
That means both July in general and also this July in particular.
Not a hello, not a goodbye. Not even necessarily an interaction. Just quietly observing from the side. Which I guess is its own kind of interaction. A quieter one.
Which is weirdly fitting, given that I’ve been living in silence for six months now. Everything else is getting quieter, why not this.
My relationship with July.
What do I know about July?
About me and July? Us. Together.
Last July I asked for things that begin and do not begin with P, and I do not remember how that went. I do remember that July had a lot of sad endings, and also that I learned how to play (and playdate) in an entirely new way, and that I embarked on the beginning of a coronation.
I am pleased to report backwards to me-of-one-year-ago that we are much more at home in both Passion and Perseverence (two of the P-words that I was working with), and that the thing that hurt so much then is okay now. Thinking about it, I smile a wistful loving smile at what was, but I do not feel the the “hurting shards of heart-truth” anymore.
That was July last year.
This July is new.
Experiences and wishes I bring with me from June into July…
- The roses and the rose gardens.
- Outdoors as much as possible.
- Dance every day.
- Operation Thrive A.M.
- Emptying and Replenishing.
- Operation Serenity: Serenity, Empty, Replenish, Ease, Newness, Insight (In Sight!), Trust, Yes.
- Trying on the costume of I Am Malibu Barbie, and discovering all kinds of things that I like that I did not think that I would like.
- I smile at doorways, flirt with fountains, delight in noticing the aliveness of being alive.
- The Spy Who Loved Me. Both as the exact right color of nail polish, and the actual spy, loving me.
What I want from this July.
Let this be the month of Openings.
The month of Apertures and Archways.
Pathways appearing where there were no visible pathways before.
If a new (and better) door opens when one closes, this is the time for the new doors to reveal themselves.
A month of sustenance and simplicity, archways and openings.
More specifically, I want…
- Writing time and yoga time: centerpiece of my day.
- Openings and archways.
- I see a path that I didn’t see before, and I love it!
- Ha, this can totally work.
- Undoing rules about what is possible.
- Joyful playtime in the sun.
- Wishcrafting and OOD-ing in companionship.
- Be Like Water, Havi Bell.
- There is time.
- Relief. Reprieve. Time out. Time off. Time in.
A compass of qualities for July.
Sustenance. Simplicity. Trust. Receiving. Firm footing. Calm. Possibility. Pathways and Openings.
Superpowers for July.
I trust harder, deeper, more powerfully and more easily than I have ever trusted before.
What I need is right here.
I can suddenly see the doorways and openings that are already available to me that for whatever reason I have not been able to see until now.
I am a bell.
Meeting everything with love. I remember how to do this. I remember that I can do this.
Checking the app.
What does the Stompopolis calendar hold?
This month’s quality: RESONANCE.
Of course, that will help me be a bell.
And the superpower of Steady Replenishing.
Naming the moon.
A tradition I borrowed from Waverly. More about how I do it.
The Moon of Spirals.
What would I like to be new about my relationship with July.
I’m ready to be done with Summer Dread.
I’m ready to embark on the adventure of Summers Off, and finding out how that can happen. I’m also thinking about not being in Portal Land during the summer, we’ll see how that plays out.
Mainly I would like to be outdoors, with feet in the sand or on the ground. I want to be breathing, writing, rolling in the grass, stretching, exploring and napping.
I am slowly rewriting my history of summer as The Time When The Bad Stuff Happens, and I think the next step in this is more spaciousness, more room for play. Less tightness. And not teaching. That is important.
Also a big piece of July is the 4th of July, American Independence Day, and the fireworks that are so terrifying and traumatic for me. So part of what needs to change in July is REFUGE. I need to be somewhere else so that I can give myself shelter and refuge.
This is what I am planting, with curiosity, presence and love.
May it be so.
Want to play?
You can deposit notes, observations, wishes, or whatever you like for July or about your relationship with July.
We are not dogmatic here. There is no one right way. Play any way you like.
Something that gives me great pleasure and comfort is how we have managed to cultivate that incredibly rare thing that is safe space on the internet. It lives here, and it’s a really big deal. We achieve that safety through not telling each other what to do, how to be or how to feel. Presence, legitimacy, room for everyone to experience what they’re experiencing as they’re experiencing it.
So thank you. Love, as always, to the commenter mice, the Beloved Lurkers, and everyone who reads. You’re my community, and I treasure that.
I’m thinking about bells and being a bell.
There are those tiny ones that tinkle delicately when anything in the near environment moves.
There are those big ones that only move when great effort is exerted.
There are bells that are suspended, bells that are supported on some kind of structure, and bells that are stationary and sound only when something — like the clapper — makes contact with them.
My favorite bell memories:
1. Church bells playing hymns on Sunday morning while I was at work.
2. Carillon bells playing and us — MrB, his mother and aunt, and one of his brothers — sitting in a rose garden listening.
3. Old-fashioned school bell with a rope that I sometimes got to pull, when I was in grades three and four.
4. A ceramic angel bell seen in El Museo Sagrado in Caracas.
“Bells” that have different shapes: traditional bell shapes, rounded bell shapes, sleigh bells, cylindrical bells, those round ones that are alternately hammered on alarm clocks.
Bells that are elaborate, and bells that are simple.
Bells that have uses, like the school bell and the door bell and OMG alarm bells. Bells that simply add delight, like wind chimes. And no matter what its use, the *purpose* of a bell is clear: it is to make sound.
Purpose and movement. Yes.
July is the month of Bells.
Here is my compass of the bells.
Creative Dissolving Steady Replenishing
Shelter of Mystery Smooth Release
Joyful Respite Congruent Resonance
Wishes for July and all the Julys to come.
I am ready to be warm, to be provisioned, to have enough, to be surrounded by pleasure, to find all the pleasure that is here already.
I am ready for my systems to be working and my unhurried blissflow to have the support and structures it requires to flow within.
I am ready to feel juiced up and glowhumming, attuned to my bodyhome and willing to put myself at its service.
I welcome a sense of welcome and belonging, of enmeshment and participation, of activity and activation.
I am ready to be peaceful with my age and to release my attachment to the meanings I have made about my lifestory and achievements, attainments and mortality. I am ready to celebrate my birthday with excitement and adventure for the path ahead, rather than thinking so much about the road behind. If it is indicated.
<3 <3 <3
Archways and openings — that sounds about right. This is the most transitional July I can ever remember having.
I’m feeling a little raw just at the moment. It helps to have this space. Oh, and resonance! Resonance helps. I am humming now.
This July, I have noticed that I do not get enough sleep when I travel, even when I don’t have a deadline on my neck. And that my skin is thinner when I have not had enough sleep.
I went to a funeral and a wake. I dreamt last night that another friend had died. I just learned that an acquaintance passed away two months ago.
But this month I also prepared noshes for a 50th wedding anniversary celebration. I bought birthday gifts for people ranging from age 6 to 70-something. I introduced a high school pal to the second-best cheeseburger he’s ever eaten.
I have been itemizing these things to stay on an even keel. (Because, dang, those monsters do get stompy.) What I would like to be new about the rest of this July, and about July next: less mold. less weight. more of that wonderful feeling of reward after effort — of, for instance, cool, lavender-scented facecloths and spinning ceiling fans and long sips of water after hot yoga.
It is the Dot on the Question Mark Moon. What an un-simple thing staying balanced for just a few seconds can be.
Wishing (for those who want it) cool moss on the north side of trees.
Love this. That is all.
(Or so I thought.)
Typically, I LOVE July. It’s hot and humid and slow. I go on vacation, and I seem to be able to bring the expansion and ease of “living on vacation” back to living. Not this year. July started that way. But it does not feel that way now.
July, I would like your nurturing and ease back, please. Thank you.
Superpower for July: I live on a GIANT ICEBERG. When I get too hot sitting on my giant iceberg porch, I take a dip in the deliciously cold waters. Then I get back on my GIANT ICEBERG, refreshed.
My other superpower for July is I DELIGHT in putting on sunscreen. Especially in the decolletage area. Just… delight.
Oh July, you are the Moon of White Flowers. even when I did not follow the white flower prctices, i learned so much more about you during this part of the investigation.
You were full of Adventure and New Shiny Things! You helld imnportant clews about desire and engagement.
There was a lot more water in you too, for which i am grateful, but the lawn still got crunchy.
You held rest and softness and downtime. LOts of alingment in the Fractal Garden.
The past few days, wow you brought drama and pain.
You’ve been sweet and exciting, and I hope to exit you as i would like to continue, with sweetness and congruencing and the Holy Wells.
What sparked for me was Delight. This week I pretended to be a critic reviewing something delightful. Listing details of delight was so fun!
I wanted to say that Doorways are not my thing yet. And Hallways are just Doorways that go on and on. Then I remembered that this morning (!) I dreamed vividly about a long mauve hallway that trapped me and yet taught me wonder and patience while taking me where I needed to go! Interesting.
Mostly I am borrowing the idea of a centerpiece for the day (a delightful one, of course). It’s nice that I do lots of good things in a day. But I am not satisfied; I am not choosing the best thing, the centerpiece. Because sometimes the choice is not between a good thing and a bad thing, but a good thing and a better thing.
What do I know about centerpieces: sweet smelling, what everyone gathers around, what adds to the elegance of nourishing myself, what sets and matches with the bigger theme, maybe a little surprising and unique, creative, maybe a little bit in the way when you want to talk to someone across the table, still full of beauty and grace and gravitas, not necessary but something I want, pricier than I would have guessed, somewhat out of my control i.e. a collaboration between what is there and what I had envisioned and what I can really expect of myself in bringing all the pieces together.
July, I want you to be about establishing a centerpiece. I am noticing that you resisted the centerpiece I wanted for you. Noticing. Noticing the need to enjoy the sun, which does not come from a sense of abundance. Sweet tenuous summer. But maybe fall is not too late for feeling abundant! I notice lots of *sweetness* in July nonetheless, so maybe that was the centerpiece, after all.
P.S. I am delighted that my ability to recognize popcorn verifies my “real” existence! 🙂